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Who would play you in a film of your life?
What certificate would it be and what is the soundtrack?

alt. Fave horror film

altalt. if you could swap lives with a B3tan for a day, who would it be and why.


altaltalt. Shit in your cunt.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 30 Oct 2013, 14:42, 82 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

And to answer my questions...
I'd have a slightly less butch Jason Statham, it would be kind of like Human Traffic descending into Driving Miss Daisy and the theme would be Rank 1 - Airwave. Which is possibly my fave trance song.

alt. The Exorcist

altalt. Possibly Dr frog to see what he is like. Or maybe Dozer to see if he really is a cunt.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 30 Oct 2013, 14:44, Reply)

I am *lovely*, true story.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 30 Oct 2013, 14:45, Reply)

FINE!
STAY IN THAT OTHER THREAD AND TALK ABOUT WONGA!!!
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 30 Oct 2013, 14:53, Reply)

A film of my life would be right up there with Andy Warhol's "Empire".
Alt: Shining, Dead Man's Shoes, 28 Days Later, Ghostbusters II

Altalt: a lady b3tan so that I could go through their underwear drawer without being caught this time.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 30 Oct 2013, 14:56, Reply)

Michael Douglas as his character in "Falling Down"
Soundtrack by a mix of death metal bands and Hans Zimmer.

alt: Poltergeist, or Evil Dead 2

altalt: gotta be Rory, for the lolz

altaltalt: YM wouldn't let me.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 30 Oct 2013, 14:58, Reply)

Robert De Niro because he looks like me. It would be an 18 because of all the shagging I do with all your mums and sisters, and the soundtrack would be that typical porn music, but with Jools Holland playing 'boogie woogie' piano over the top.
Alt: Don't like horror, it does nothing for me, I don't find it scary as I am nails mate.
Altalt: I'd be Battered to see what it's like being angry and bitter constantly. And to feel tall when I returned to my normal body the next day.
Altaltalt: No, that's unhygienic.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 30 Oct 2013, 15:01, Reply)

"normal body"
ha.

ha.

ha.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 30 Oct 2013, 15:02, Reply)

What's that supposed to mean you 'oribble cow?

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 30 Oct 2013, 15:03, Reply)

nothing

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 30 Oct 2013, 15:04, Reply)

You look like a less sexually attractive wheelie bin.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 30 Oct 2013, 15:07, Reply)

click

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 30 Oct 2013, 15:13, Reply)

lol+ click

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 30 Oct 2013, 15:15, Reply)

megan fox
although it's not really fair to her, given what she'd have to live up to. definitely 18 rated. the soundtrack would be cool with a strong undertone of stilton.

alt: the strangers

altalt: rory. i'd have some fun with his balance sheet.

altaltalt: NO.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 30 Oct 2013, 15:02, Reply)

She'd have to put on a fuck load of weight, and a lot of prosthetics to achieve your, er, ahem, 'unique' look.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 30 Oct 2013, 15:04, Reply)

yeah yeah yeah
get in the Q
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 30 Oct 2013, 15:05, Reply)

No thanks. The thick bints down the boozer come with less baggage and less flab. :(

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 30 Oct 2013, 15:06, Reply)

Don't say you haven't tried it.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 30 Oct 2013, 15:05, Reply)

where did i say that?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 30 Oct 2013, 15:06, Reply)

Just here:
"Honestly I have never tried it honest I fucking HAVEN'T OK?! Signed: rachelswipe"
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 30 Oct 2013, 15:10, Reply)

seems legit

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 30 Oct 2013, 15:18, Reply)

The Strangers was so good at the cinema.
You could feel everyone's tension.

I got threw out shortly after that.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 30 Oct 2013, 15:06, Reply)

altalt: that is a fairly niche euphemism.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 30 Oct 2013, 15:08, Reply)

It's to make cleaning up easier later

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 30 Oct 2013, 15:10, Reply)

Just because her surname is fox doesn't mean her hair is the same colour as one.

( Peej, Wed 30 Oct 2013, 15:30, Reply)

This was a fucking hilarious joke and deserved recognition.

( Peej, Wed 30 Oct 2013, 15:52, Reply)

I was just gonna click, then you got all needy. Shame.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 30 Oct 2013, 15:54, Reply)

took too fucking long anyway

( Peej, Wed 30 Oct 2013, 15:56, Reply)

^upset^

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 30 Oct 2013, 15:57, Reply)

Totes

( Peej, Wed 30 Oct 2013, 16:01, Reply)

Kevin Costner.
it would be an 18, the soundtrack would be a cross between a heavy metal show and a stoner rock show.

alt: Alien Abduction, incident in lake county

altalt: Stunned. He has all the money and the booze and gout sounds like fun.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 30 Oct 2013, 15:06, Reply)

Vin Diesel, as apparently I used to look like him. Can't see it really, bar the skinhead.
it would be a U and full of fwuffy kittyums...not really. 18. obvs. The soundtrack would be by Billy Franks.

alt: I can't watch horror films as I am a screaming whoopsy.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 30 Oct 2013, 15:07, Reply)

Donald Sutherland or Tim Curry
Because they pretty much are me.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 30 Oct 2013, 15:09, Reply)

TIMJIM

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 30 Oct 2013, 15:11, Reply)

Tim Curry is brilliant in everything he has ever been in.
I watched Legend the other night and that Devil is amazing still.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 30 Oct 2013, 15:11, Reply)

you do a fucking good impression
but how on earth did you find that out?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 30 Oct 2013, 15:13, Reply)

The second is pretty much true.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 30 Oct 2013, 15:28, Reply)

tim curry
the only man on the planet to look hot in a basque and suspenders
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 30 Oct 2013, 15:29, Reply)

I dunno,
you looked ok.
( Peej, Wed 30 Oct 2013, 16:00, Reply)

A young De Niro. Taxi Driver era. 18 certificate and the soundtrack by Burial.
Alt: Don't Look Now or The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

Alt alt: AA.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 30 Oct 2013, 15:10, Reply)

Joe Pesci
It'd be a certificate PG Disney film. There'd be scenes of mild peril.
( Kroney, Wed 30 Oct 2013, 15:18, Reply)

Alexander Armstrong, as apparently I am his stunt double
Certificate 18, probably some Radiohead, Faith No More and occasional bouts of Metallica.

alt: not really into them, but probably 28 Days Later.

altalt: Al. I've always wanted to know what it was like to be a cunt right all the time.

altaltalt: Well, really.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 30 Oct 2013, 15:20, Reply)

Ryan Reynolds
18 with a full funky slap bass sound track

Alt Not really a fan but The Shining is pure art.

AltAlt I'd swap places with that GrandmasterFluffles lass because I read somewhere on B3ta that she was attractive. Then I'd walk about in front of the mirror naked or something creepy and pervy. Failing that i'd be ch*mpy and get swipey to nosh me off about from the bins.

altaltalt I have no cunt Im afraid
( Peej, Wed 30 Oct 2013, 15:29, Reply)

SUB THREAD:
It's All Hallows Eve, Eve.

What do you do when the costumed bastards knock on your door?
Do you have sweets, money, a shotgun?

Do you ignore them?

I'll be tucked up in bed watching films with some headphones, so good luck to em!
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 30 Oct 2013, 15:39, Reply)

Ignore them.
I won't let micro do trick or treat when she's older - it's americanised begging.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 30 Oct 2013, 15:43, Reply)

I hate it.

( Kroney, Wed 30 Oct 2013, 15:43, Reply)

Its not so bad round here, local police have banned teenagers from doing it so its always just young kids
(calm down bartleby they're always with their parents) so I don't mind giving them a few sweets as they're usually in bed before 7.
( Peej, Wed 30 Oct 2013, 15:46, Reply)

I'd like to see them try that in Manchester

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 30 Oct 2013, 15:54, Reply)

Anyone who lives in Manchester deserves everything they get
see also Liverpool.
( Peej, Wed 30 Oct 2013, 15:57, Reply)

Have you ever considered putting small pieces of glass in to each sweet before handing them out?
Or maybe coating them in rat poison?
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 30 Oct 2013, 15:57, Reply)

Nah but I do tell them they aren't having any sweets if their costumes are shit
When I get carol singers I stand there and make them sing the whole carol. If they make it all the way through the carol I give them 50p. If they sing a shitty Christmas song like Jingle Bells or We Wish You a Merry Christmas they get the door slammed. I have principles, carol singers should sing carols. Or be called carol, either way, I'm not that fussy.
( Peej, Wed 30 Oct 2013, 15:59, Reply)

Have you ever considered running for Parliament?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 30 Oct 2013, 15:59, Reply)

With principles?
I'd be drummed out.
( Peej, Wed 30 Oct 2013, 16:00, Reply)

Last year my wife stopped me from connecting the pressure washer to the kitchen taps to get the cunts through the letterbox.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 30 Oct 2013, 15:47, Reply)

Modern children wouldn't be capable of dragging their huffing fat carcasses up the five flights of stairs to mine
even if they did have a key to the block door.
( Kroney, Wed 30 Oct 2013, 15:49, Reply)

I'm borrowing swipeys face for halloween
should send the little fuckers running
( Peej, Wed 30 Oct 2013, 15:51, Reply)

Ha ha

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 30 Oct 2013, 15:54, Reply)

Hope your house gets egged misery guts!

( Peej, Wed 30 Oct 2013, 15:45, Reply)

It must be a genuine horror story down your neck of the woods
with doors getting pawed at by six fingered country folk.
( Kroney, Wed 30 Oct 2013, 15:47, Reply)

Need more than a shotgun put it that way.

( Peej, Wed 30 Oct 2013, 15:49, Reply)

I'll be in the pub.
I can't be bothered staying in and ignoring the doorbell.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 30 Oct 2013, 15:51, Reply)

Hope your house gets burned to the ground misery guts!

( Peej, Wed 30 Oct 2013, 15:52, Reply)

But, but!
I have no restraint so even if I did buy sweets for the trick or treaters I would invariably have shovelled them in to my horrid mouth whilst crying before they'd even started doing the rounds so I'd be back to square one.

Plus: beer.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 30 Oct 2013, 15:55, Reply)

Always by sweets you like
then you get to cram the leftovers in your gob. This is why Swipey always buys cocks.
( Peej, Wed 30 Oct 2013, 16:02, Reply)

What are always by sweets you like?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 30 Oct 2013, 16:26, Reply)

other sweets

( Peej, Wed 30 Oct 2013, 17:09, Reply)

I just tell 'em to fuck off, if they don't I spit at them. Then it usually kicks off.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 30 Oct 2013, 15:56, Reply)

My film would be an dark comedy
but I don't know who'd play me since no one famous looks like me except some old blues guy only Monty knows. I think Nick Cave could probably soundtrack it, but it'd need some odd indie music for the happy/stupid bits. I like Tame Impala at the moment, I'll let them do it.

altalt: probably whoever has enough of a life these days that they no longer post.
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 30 Oct 2013, 16:24, Reply)