Morning innit, I will do a thread which you are quite free to treat with contempt, with minimum replies and little interest.
Soooooo...
Hull has been named the UK's next City of Culture, I dunno, nominate somewhere for something, or tell us about places in the UK that you like yeah?
Alt: Erm, errr, favourite pick'n'mix sweets, I like foam bananas but fizzy cherry cola bottles are good too, aren't they? You tell me. No, I'm telling you, they are good.
Altalt: Alright? I am. I think.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 8:08, 107 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Hull? Fucking hell, we're doomed.
Alt. I like aniseed balls.
AltAlt. Nope, feel like shite.

Skived off work yesterday and took the Mrs to Mrs Palms sex shop in Truro. Now you city types are probably used to grot shops everywhere but down in sleepy west Cornwall they don't usually tolerate such things so shes always in the papers because its next door to a school uniform shop. The Christian institute took the council to court over the granting of the licence and lost £8000 hahahahah. Latest was she refused to put up 4 CCTV cameras in the shop because lets be honest, who wants to be film browsing vibrating buttplugs and porn? So they took her to court and she won that case as well. So I told the Mrs "Right we are going, if only to say we have been there, no pressure to buy anything, I just want to look round" so we go and she starts picking stuff up, "wayhey!" I thought as I handed over £80 to the lovely lady behind the counter. Got home and she says "You're shit out of luck though" turns out shes still a raging, mensies freak, dripping rag juice wherever she goes.
( Peej, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 8:21, Reply)

"When the river runs red, use the dirt track instead"
True story.
EDIT: This has reminded me, a mate of mine was out and about in London, doing his thing, drinking, flange hounding and being a lad about town. After seeing 'Rock of Ages' (Yeah, I dunno either) He and his boss went to a strip club, £40 a 'dance' all well and good, and apparently if you spend over £200 on 'dances' you can take one of the birds out the back AND BUM HER. No standard boring vaginal sex first, hardcore backdoor action from the get-go. Cor!
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 8:25, Reply)

Classy joint.
I can imagine the beauties they employ for mid week fuckery.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 8:48, Reply)

You'd love it!

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 8:53, Reply)

Probs they were trannies
learned that one the hard way.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 9:20, Reply)

You get into a Newtons Cradle situation?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 9:21, Reply)

Newton's Cradle Situation are opening Bestival this year, I heard.


I'll be honest, even I'm losing heart on this one.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 9:25, Reply)

lol

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 9:34, Reply)

Morning Frog
I guess there is culture most places, if you look hard enough - Larkin wrote The High Windows when he was living in Pearson Park in Hull.
It does smell funny there, mind.

Alt: Sweets are for children and fat birds.

Altalt: alright
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 8:36, Reply)

Jimi Hendrix wrote 'Fire' in Folkestone
Alt: You're the sort of difficult bastard who doesn't like banana milkshakes either I'll bet.
+ Morning the LOVELY Tangles
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 8:40, Reply)

Shed Seven wrote 'She Left Me on Friday' in York, so fuck you.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 8:44, Reply)

NO SHED CHAT

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 8:52, Reply)

*has ruined weekend*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 9:04, Reply)

I like this.
*likes this*
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 9:29, Reply)

I love me a bit of Shed

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 9:40, Reply)

Even worse, the fuckers wrote it on a Tuesday. IMAGINE.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 9:27, Reply)

Kevin Rowland wrote Come on Eileen in a brothel in Kent after a particularly energetic session.

( Peej, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 8:45, Reply)

I met his brother Pete a few times when he used to manage shit bands around Cov.
/coolstory
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 8:49, Reply)

Spell check always wants to correct my surname to another name for a brothel :(
Another true story
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 8:53, Reply)

Alright Frog Knickingshop

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 8:54, Reply)

your surname is Borrell?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 8:55, Reply)

No it's Horehaise.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 8:57, Reply)

Is your first name Jorge?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 9:08, Reply)

No, it's George.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 9:10, Reply)

*pudding and pies*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 9:10, Reply)

^Greedy^

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 9:11, Reply)

Great tune
www.youtube.com/watch?v=_oU8VJp2xQI
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 9:13, Reply)

That is fucking bizarre!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 9:15, Reply)

In Noel Redding's mum's house, while her dog was hogging the fireplace
Morning Froggy, have you been a-courting again, mm-hmm?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 8:47, Reply)

I have been in that house. Cos I know Noel Reddings nephew.
Other than that I have no idea what you're talking about.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 8:51, Reply)

D'you think Folkestone might be in with a chance for 2017?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 8:53, Reply)

FINGERS CROSSED

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 8:53, Reply)

I like Percy Pigs
Placewise, Whitby is nice. Bleak in the winter though. I can see why Dracula chose to start his UK tour there.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 8:41, Reply)

I like bleak places. That's why I like Dungeness.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 8:42, Reply)

Merthyr Tydfil is pretty bleak

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 8:44, Reply)

pretty
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 9:31, Reply)

OK Josef Frogtzl

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 9:05, Reply)

Nice.
Will remember that for a name change
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 9:07, Reply)

they are just desperate to regenerate it. should try nuking it.
ALL teh pic n mix. except those horrible coconut mushrooms. and cunt chocolate raisins.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 8:44, Reply)

rape raisins

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 8:45, Reply)

Chocolate raisins iz da bezt

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 8:54, Reply)

Agreed choc brazils also.

(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 8:55, Reply)

Hull?!
Fucking hell. They always pick vile places. I'm sure Gateshead and Liverpool have had a look in. All they do is sandblast a few buildings and stick some flowers about the bins.

alt. Them blue and pink bottles, laces, cola cubes.

altalt. Got woke up by Royal Mail, but he brought shoes so I forgave him.
I didn't blow him.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 8:46, Reply)

I'm pretty sure they just pick a shithole that's trying not to be a shithole by installing some 'art' and lighting up stuff at night.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 8:55, Reply)

The idea is that they are supposed to host cultural events, such as the Turner Prize
I don't think this ever happens though, as all cultured people can only remain in London.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 9:02, Reply)

This is true. that's why I'm not allowed to live in London, because I'm a thick and uneducated.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 9:04, Reply)

It's just that London can't handle the Frog.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 9:35, Reply)

TRUDAT
But also, 'spensive innit.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 9:36, Reply)

Stay about from Gatehead's bins

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 9:06, Reply)

Hull is so pretentious.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 8:52, Reply)

Morning Frogcock. Hull may do well, Glasgow was one a while back as was Scouseland.
I like yoghurt coated stuff ba ana chips, peanuts ym etc.
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 8:54, Reply)

I coated your mum's face with my yoghurt

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 8:55, Reply)

You still owe her you cunt.

(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 8:57, Reply)

I coated my banana with YM's bum bum.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 8:56, Reply)

It was a good night, wasn't it?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 8:57, Reply)

Spit roasted bear. Delicious!

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 8:58, Reply)

My brother-in-law works in Hull
He "tags" offenders. I rofled when his company tagged the bloke with the wooden leg

Alt:
I fucking love all that kind of stuff. Fizzy cherry cola bottles are the business but I like the REALLY sour ones the best. You know, the kind that turn your face inside-out
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 9:08, Reply)

TANGFASTICS FTW

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 9:08, Reply)

*high-fives*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 9:09, Reply)

What's your favourite tangfastic though?
THIS IS IMPORTANT
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 9:11, Reply)

Cherries
Those new watermelon ones are weird
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 9:16, Reply)

Correct!

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 9:20, Reply)

\o/

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 9:21, Reply)

no way
they were lush. stupid limited editions.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 9:28, Reply)

^ foodwrong ^

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 9:35, Reply)

It's not like we don't already know this.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 9:44, Reply)

Fizzy dummys or keys or whatever they are,

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 9:20, Reply)

No, the answer was cherries. Hard luck!

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 9:21, Reply)

I'm just glad to have been here...

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 9:28, Reply)

'I came here with nothing, I don't mind going home with nothing, I've had a great day...'

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 9:31, Reply)

"share, or shaft"

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 9:32, Reply)

You DAMN right

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 9:40, Reply)

does fisty gesture

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 9:47, Reply)

One of the few good things about Woolworths was theor pi k 'n' mix.
Foam bananas are good.
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 9:20, Reply)

I'm afraid this thread does not cater for my interests in general, Froggers
But I'm nonetheless happy that it is here.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 9:30, Reply)

Hit me with something you DO like and I'll do an Altaltalt: just 4 U hun xx

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 9:32, Reply)

I dunno, puppies noses or some shizzle.
I'll be honest frogmeister, today's not been good so far. FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS all over the shop.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 9:33, Reply)

Share your problems pal, we can help!

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 9:35, Reply)

My Asda delivery last night didn't have enough chicken legs in it
Asked for 1.2kg and got 0.45kg. NOT ENOUGH CHICKEN!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 9:39, Reply)

That 'Asda' be a mistake!

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 9:40, Reply)

No use Sainsburying my head about it

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 9:41, Reply)

More reasons to have chicken
or something
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 9:43, Reply)

Tesco somewhere else and I'll bet you find it cheaper

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 9:44, Reply)

Maybe, but if it's there are queues he'll have to wait, Rose.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 9:45, Reply)

Pansy

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 9:46, Reply)

A killing spree is the only answer.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 9:41, Reply)

*sharpens hammer*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 9:42, Reply)

There was no fucking milk in the staffroom this morning, imagine.
and the coffee place was chock full of pricks ordering toffee mochachinos. and the centre console touchscreen thing in my car jammed on the reversing camera so I had no music all the way into work AND I had to take the fuse out to turn it off just to stop the battery going flat. 1st world problems, man.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 9:41, Reply)

We had to have an emergency coffee run this morning

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 9:44, Reply)

I'm SOOOO sorry! You should have said something earlier.
I wanted to get an xmas special edition coffee from Starbucks but there was a queue of three people and I couldn't face it.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 9:44, Reply)

Our "internal" coffee shop is a Starbucks franchise.
It makes me want to break out my killing hammer.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 9:45, Reply)

This is why I like the chap that does coffee out the back of a converted tuk-tuk at my home train station.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 9:46, Reply)

I now have a vision of a grinning gentlemen up to the back wheels in a pot of coffee.
Thanks, frog. Thog.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 9:48, Reply)

Im not even out of bed yet.
... Now I am.

See you pricks again at 11.30.

Man up, Badger!
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 9:46, Reply)

It's having "men up" that has got me the reputation so succinctly summarised in my signature, GJ.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 9:47, Reply)

officelol

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 9:49, Reply)

Preaching to the choir.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 9:49, Reply)

+ boys

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 9:52, Reply)

It's ok
The only ingredients needed to make a perfect cup of coffee are ground coffee beans and hot (but not boiling) water.

Anyone who orders a toffeecaramelvanillafuckiato can fuck the fuck off
( Peej, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 9:50, Reply)

That might be entirely true.
But I don't really drink coffee, I just wanted tea, and that needs milk.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 9:51, Reply)

I have had a hazelnut latte and a cappucino this morning
*taunts*
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 9:51, Reply)

does he live in taunton?
this might be even wittier than you thought.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 9:52, Reply)

ZOMERZET

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 9:52, Reply)

Taunton isn't in Cornwall
You fucking Northern retard!
( Peej, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 10:58, Reply)