Good Morning 'The Internet'
Alright?
Alt: SHOCK! HORROR! Gary Lineker called someone a 'rotter'! What non-sweary insults do you appreciate? I like ninnyhammer and oaf.
www.bbc.co.uk/news/blogs-magazine-monitor-25185725
Altalt: I dunno, tell us something interesting about yourself, or a cool fact or some shizzle yeah?
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 7:49, 130 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

silly sausage.
YOUN A SILLY SAUSAGE.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 8:18, Reply)

SO IS YOUR FACE

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 8:21, Reply)

We used to have a right laugh on here.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 8:24, Reply)

I'm sorry I have ruined everything for you.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 8:25, Reply)

Apology accepted.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 8:33, Reply)

I'm glad we are still friends.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 8:33, Reply)

Good morning
I have just had a bacon sandwich for breakfast, today is a good day.

Alt: Always been a fan of 'pillock'

AltAlt: One of the lads that beat me up is going to court on January 7th, does that count?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 8:30, Reply)

Altalt: Yes that counts.
I hope he gets life.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 8:31, Reply)

He'll get a medal.
And rightly so.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 8:32, Reply)

'You fat mess'
is a favourite, as is 'window licker'.

AltAlt: The Mona Lisa has no eyebrows.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 8:33, Reply)

Fat mess is a classic here innit.
Altalt: Interesting
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 8:35, Reply)

Altalt: the peanut is not a nut. It's a legume.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 8:35, Reply)

I think the banana is also a legume, not a fruit

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 8:38, Reply)

Bananas are a herb.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 8:40, Reply)

chompypedia disagrees
It's an edible fruit produced by a herbaceous plant.

So half correct.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 8:43, Reply)

Banana plants
also walk across the field
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 9:46, Reply)

Not according to wiki.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 8:41, Reply)

God, I said 'I think'! Stop having a go at me!

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 8:43, Reply)

Did you know that an ostrich's eye is bigger than it's brain?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 8:45, Reply)

The same can be said of me.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 8:45, Reply)

is bigger than it is brain

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 8:47, Reply)

eggsactly

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 8:48, Reply)

With it been a dog.

( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Tue 3 Dec 2013, 8:54, Reply)

I also like 'oaf'
Also; nincompoop; pranny; pilchard; prat; twallie; wally; cretin and buffoon.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 8:33, Reply)

Does gut cunt count? (said in a strong cockney accent)

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 8:34, Reply)

you wanna watch it mate or you'll get a dry slap right in ya fackin' boat or saink!

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 8:36, Reply)

alt alt:
William S Burroughs accidentally shot his wife in the head while playing a game of William Tell with a pistol and a tumbler.

She died.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 8:35, Reply)

alt alt
My yoghurt rifle accidentally went off in YM's mouth.

She died.

Sorry to be the bearer etc....
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 8:36, Reply)

Textbook.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 8:38, Reply)

You dilly.

The Sahara Desert is larger than mainland USA.
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Tue 3 Dec 2013, 8:38, Reply)

the largest desert in the world is Antarctica

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 8:39, Reply)

Dungeness in KENT is Britain's only desert.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 8:45, Reply)

SWAMPY!

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 8:48, Reply)

Jet from Gladiators
Was, technically, a Gladiatrix.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 8:40, Reply)

Fact of the day!

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 8:44, Reply)

it's a click from me!

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 8:46, Reply)

bent spastic : (
Alt: black people don't float
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 8:46, Reply)

But the do have an extra leg bone so they can run fast.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 8:46, Reply)

posh people are pricks

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 8:48, Reply)

reverse snobbery^
Sad really
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 9:02, Reply)

Why don't black people go on cruises?

They're not falling for that one again.
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Tue 3 Dec 2013, 8:55, Reply)

the great grandfather of someone I went to school with was responsible for filling a boat with oirish foik
On the promise of passage to america. They sailed out to sea and then scuttled the boat.

Lol
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 9:01, Reply)

How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman?

None
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Tue 3 Dec 2013, 9:04, Reply)

In 1938, Time Magazine chose Adolf Hitler for man of the year.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 8:51, Reply)

As did Monty (RIP) from I'd guess about 1987 onwards.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 8:53, Reply)

Heinz Ketchup exits the iconic glass bottle at .028 miles per hour. If the viscosity of the ketchup is greater than this speed, the ketchup is rejected for sale.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 8:55, Reply)

I really hope this is true.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 9:04, Reply)

It's on their website so it *must* be.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 9:10, Reply)

mine comes in a squeezy bottle so I'm not sure how this is relevant to my interests

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 9:05, Reply)

It's just a fact pricklord, you aren't relevant to my interests.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 9:09, Reply)

With sarcastic enunciation, any word, phrase or name can be used as an insult.
"Sure - why don't you do that, your worship?"

"So tell us how it's done, professor ... "

"Yes, dear ... "

Etc.

There's absolutely nothing cool about me, but my dad spilled soup on Francis Crick, once.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 8:55, Reply)

Great post cunt

Like that?
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 8:57, Reply)

That's right! Now you're getting it!

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 9:03, Reply)

alright vaginasaurus rex

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 8:59, Reply)

Good morning, Field Marshall Doington-Smythe (Ret.), Sir.
All well?
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 9:03, Reply)

alright dozer?
I was reading that bastion of mens style GQ at the weekend and they concluded that cuff lkinks should be reserved for evening wear and daytime usage smacked of arrogant bankers and office comedians.

Hth xx
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 9:08, Reply)

Weddings. Funerals. Baptisms.
Generally wandering about being well-presented.

These are all situations in which one is forced - FORCED, mark you - to wear cufflinks during the day.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 9:11, Reply)

when it comes to fashion, I'm a leader.
Not a follower.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 9:17, Reply)

^ This.
Abercrombie & Fitch from the high street all the way.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 9:23, Reply)

Altalt.
I have 9 1/2 fingers.
(DBT became a fruitarian on, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 9:09, Reply)

Did you snap off the missing half fingering kids?

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 9:10, Reply)

A car boot lid ate it.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 9:20, Reply)

*sadfives*
fives four and a halfs
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 9:23, Reply)

lol

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 9:41, Reply)

Alright
Alt: I am trying to convert to using non-offensive insults when driving my car, so that the little tangles aren't subjected to a barrage of filth every time we go somewhere, but I'm not very good at it.
Altalt: All bummers are deaf.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 9:09, Reply)

When my nephew first started talking I accidentally shouted 'WHORE' at someone whilst driving, which he started repeating,
but I saved the day by making him say 'HORSE' instead.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 9:12, Reply)

My daughter shouted 'wanker' a couple of times as a result of having been in a car with me.
I ignored it & she seems to have forgotten it. Thankfully.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 9:14, Reply)

Why does she think that you are a wanker?

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 9:21, Reply)

Most people do.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 9:25, Reply)

Most
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 9:30, Reply)

This is often the only way to save the situation
Or, if you are quick enough, I was about to shout FUCK OFF at another driver, when I caught myself and mangled it into FUC..oodness sake!
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 9:20, Reply)

Altalt: Only the best ones here start threads and contribute throughout.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 9:14, Reply)

Cunt is a good Anglo Saxon non swear word.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 9:18, Reply)

During the chariot scene in 'Ben Hur' a small red car can be seen in the distance

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 9:18, Reply)

Is that not an urban?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 9:19, Reply)

You iz well urban blud fo' reelz

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 9:25, Reply)

THEY'RE ALL WEARING DIGITAL LCD WATCHES!
EVEN THOUGH THE FILM WAS MADE IN 1959 A FULL 14 YEARS BEFORE THE LCD WATCH WAS INVENTED!
( Peej, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 9:25, Reply)

LCD is alien technology though. TRUFAX.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 9:31, Reply)

www.totalfilm.com/features/6-ben-hur-legends-debunked
(Xav loves PhillieJoe, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 9:24, Reply)

In 1939 & 1942, Time Magazine chose Joseph Stalin for man of the year.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 9:18, Reply)

In 2013 well know magazine 'Diabetic Pissheads Monthly' voted Stunned as their Man of The Year.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 9:21, Reply)

alt: speedwalker etc etc

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 9:19, Reply)

Speedwalker?

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 9:48, Reply)

Yes, speed walker, what of it?

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 9:49, Reply)

Altalt: James while John had had had had had had had had had had had a better effect on the teacher

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 9:20, Reply)

Alright Frogtopus
Alt: doughhead, jellyhead, putz

Altalt: There's some crazy chrimblemass quizzes and games planned for chrimblypops eve at my workplace with a signup sheet in the lunchroom for it but they've printed a picture of santy claus and his reindeers flying through the night sky and left a red biro to sign your name with and it just doesn't show up so I just don't know what to do.
(Xav loves PhillieJoe, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 9:21, Reply)

Jizz on it and leave a Home DNA kit for identification.
Obviously.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 9:25, Reply)

This is an excellent plan

(Xav loves PhillieJoe, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 9:27, Reply)

Don't forget to cover it in jam first

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 9:28, Reply)

What, my cock?

(Xav loves PhillieJoe, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 9:29, Reply)

If you call that a cock, then yes.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 9:30, Reply)

"smartwater"

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 9:39, Reply)

"smartwater"

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 9:39, Reply)

smar er
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 9:48, Reply)

Excellent work

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 9:49, Reply)

"smartwater"

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 9:41, Reply)

"smartwater"

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 9:41, Reply)

bluewater
NO HOODIES ALLOWED
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 9:50, Reply)

I've found out what has happened to Monty
www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2210747/21st-century-Gypsies-New-Age-Travellers-adopt-horse-drawn-caravans-love-Facebook-long-solar-powered.html
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 9:38, Reply)

that url is mental

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 9:40, Reply)

It was nice of you to welcome him into the community.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 9:40, Reply)

Good mornig Frog
I am on a VMWare course this week in Sunderland

Alt:
Oaf and thicket

AltAlt:
I will be 39 tomorrow
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 9:39, Reply)

almost dead^

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 9:40, Reply)

I feel it

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 9:41, Reply)

Oh good, The Jacksons finally have their answer

(Xav loves PhillieJoe, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 10:03, Reply)

DAMN YOU BOOGIE!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 10:03, Reply)

Hello Sportscow!
Altalt: I'm am sorry you are now very old. Any plans?
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 9:41, Reply)

I shall be dining with Mrs Cow at a nice restaurant in Cullercoats

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 9:41, Reply)

In many strange lands o'er the ocean I've been,
And countless the beautiful sights I have seen,
But I'm a Sportscow, and proudly must say,
I've been to a diner in Cullercoats Bay
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 9:44, Reply)

\o/
It better be nice
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 9:49, Reply)

Yes I hope your 39th and probably last birthday is a good one.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 9:50, Reply)

Thank you kind sir

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 9:57, Reply)

its good to be eating out with the missus

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 9:56, Reply)

12/13 oyster lols

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 9:57, Reply)

I like:
Dingus
Eejit
Fool
Sucker
Mong
(SculptureOfMan Mmhmm, this IS a tasty burger!, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 10:03, Reply)

Ooh! More new blood.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 10:07, Reply)