I'm not reading all that shit
Hey you guys! Do you count calories? I might be reading it all wrong but it looks like I'll need to go for an hour run tonight to burn off the tin of low fat soup I'm about to have for lunch. Boo hoo woes, etc. Luckily for me they don't put the calories for tonight's dinner on the side of the kebab carton. YAY!

What do you do to 'feel the burn' ?

Alt: Someone at work was telling me about the 'top banter' he had with a girl in a nightclub the other week. When was the last time you had 'top banter' ?

Altalt: What the fuck is 'top banter'?

ALtaltalt: Have you ever taken advice from a celebrity? I have, cheers Pele.
(Xav loves PhillieJoe, Mon 6 Jan 2014, 14:26, 120 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

YM. But I only feel the burn when I pee.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 6 Jan 2014, 14:27, Reply)

Oh yeah, she said to say hi and that she hasn't been able to shit right for a week

(Xav loves PhillieJoe, Mon 6 Jan 2014, 14:29, Reply)

officelol

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 6 Jan 2014, 14:30, Reply)

^TOP BANTER^

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 6 Jan 2014, 14:35, Reply)

I dont ever count calories in food
Common sense diet is the best way. Also, how fucking big was your soup? An hour's running will allegedly burn about 1300

Off for a run tonight
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 6 Jan 2014, 14:31, Reply)

Drink whisky
alts: no idea, no, no.


Edit: only one diet works. Move more, eat less. All others are some bullshit variation on this.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 6 Jan 2014, 14:32, Reply)

As I understand it, and please bear in mind that I'm not a native speaker, "banter" is a term used by Londoners
when they mean friendly conversation, jokes and jibes. However, the chap from Acton next to me uses the term "top banter" whenever I call him a cunt, which is frequently. I think perhaps my understanding is a little shaky.
( Kroney, Mon 6 Jan 2014, 14:34, Reply)

Can somebody furnish me with an idea of how Acton places in the London villages pecking order?
I need to know whether I can treat him as an equal, or whether he's only deserving of the sort of patronising praise you'd deliver to one of your cotton picking indentured sambos out on the plantation.
( Kroney, Mon 6 Jan 2014, 14:36, Reply)

Acton means "oak farm" or "farm by oak trees", and is derived from the Anglo-Saxon ac (oak) and tun (farm).

So he's probably a bit of a plank.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 6 Jan 2014, 14:48, Reply)

Must be, I haven't seen a farm within miles of Acton.

( Kroney, Mon 6 Jan 2014, 14:50, Reply)

South Acton is the site of actual housing estate featured in long running BBC sitcom Only Fools and Horses - although the script described the Trotters as living in Peckham. The tower block where Rodney and Delboy were supposed to be living is the real life Harlech Tower
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 6 Jan 2014, 14:53, Reply)

Acton was the birthplace of The Who, of which all members except Keith Moon went to Acton High School (then named Acton County Grammar School).
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 6 Jan 2014, 15:00, Reply)

Wow you know so much about Acton, Stunned!

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 6 Jan 2014, 15:01, Reply)

Calm down wikipediaboy.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 6 Jan 2014, 15:01, Reply)

Hahahaha.
I am moving to Acton!
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 6 Jan 2014, 15:02, Reply)

this can never be true
you're sarf lundun born and bred
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 6 Jan 2014, 15:07, Reply)

I used to live in Hammersmith and I lived in Hounslow for a bit.
Hampstead for a year.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 6 Jan 2014, 15:08, Reply)

this is all a bit close for comfort

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 6 Jan 2014, 15:22, Reply)

it was when you moved in that he fled across the river

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 6 Jan 2014, 15:58, Reply)

On a playground he spent most of his days

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Mon 6 Jan 2014, 15:19, Reply)

Enjoy the A40
It's murder round there.
( Kroney, Mon 6 Jan 2014, 15:14, Reply)

Bit racist.
Pete Townshend's 1982 solo album, All the Best Cowboys Have Chinese Eyes, contained the track "Stardom in Acton" in reference to his home town, while the accompanying video was filmed on and around Acton High Street.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 6 Jan 2014, 15:00, Reply)

Bit racist
In the episode of Alan Partridge Towering Alan, the character Mike Sampson is from Acton. He is a socially inept character who describes Acton as having "a few too many blacks."
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 6 Jan 2014, 15:01, Reply)

Keeping the riff raff out.
The first Waitrose store in the UK was in Acton. Originally called "Waite, Rose and Taylor", it opened in 1904, at number 263 Acton Hill.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 6 Jan 2014, 15:11, Reply)

I never feel the burn, just dish it.
Though I am starting an exercise regime tonight so watch this space.

altaltalt. I try to live my daily life like the Dalai Llama Del Ray
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 6 Jan 2014, 14:34, Reply)

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 6 Jan 2014, 14:36, Reply)

Alright Xav
I don't do anything to feel the burn. Feeling the burn is bullshit. I actively don't feel the burn.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 6 Jan 2014, 14:34, Reply)

not even chinese or carpet ones?

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 6 Jan 2014, 14:36, Reply)

You heartless bitch
He has no arms
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 6 Jan 2014, 14:37, Reply)

I wanked too much and they fell off :(

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 6 Jan 2014, 14:38, Reply)

They can do that?
*looks around nervously*
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 6 Jan 2014, 14:38, Reply)

I'm living proof
STRIKETHROUGH R SO IT SAYS POOF LOLOLOLOL
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 6 Jan 2014, 14:40, Reply)

r f
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 6 Jan 2014, 14:41, Reply)

Haha POO!

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 6 Jan 2014, 14:42, Reply)

OH YOU!!!!!!

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 6 Jan 2014, 14:42, Reply)

It's just a basic friction burn, not limited to appendages.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 6 Jan 2014, 14:40, Reply)

I don't have any appendages
Why are you bullying me Jason? :'(
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 6 Jan 2014, 14:41, Reply)

Poor Swipe

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 6 Jan 2014, 14:43, Reply)

She has appendages.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 6 Jan 2014, 14:44, Reply)

Micro has started calling the woman on CBeebies that only has one arm 'Stumpy'.
Oops.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 6 Jan 2014, 14:50, Reply)

hahahaha!!
Top parenting
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 6 Jan 2014, 14:52, Reply)

PSSST
she's talking to you, short-stuff
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 6 Jan 2014, 14:54, Reply)

fuck off you fat cunt.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 6 Jan 2014, 14:55, Reply)

hahahahahahahaha
admit even you had to smile, go on...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 6 Jan 2014, 14:55, Reply)

Well I get the carpet ones when I'm being buggered against my will, but I don't seek out the burn. I actively discourage it.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 6 Jan 2014, 14:37, Reply)

try putting a cushion down

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 6 Jan 2014, 14:53, Reply)

+as some kind of contraceptive?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 6 Jan 2014, 14:54, Reply)

I'm not reading all those questions

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 6 Jan 2014, 14:37, Reply)

In interests of answering your primary question
I am attempting to limit my intake to equal to or less than that which I spend. I don't want to feel anything burning as I consider it to be a singularly unpleasant sensation.
( Kroney, Mon 6 Jan 2014, 14:38, Reply)

I started that 5:2 thing again at the weekend
Then went for a gigantic Full English on Sunday followed by an evening of drinking, so I may have negated the benefit. Still, it seemed to work last time.

Alt: something like this?

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 6 Jan 2014, 14:41, Reply)

Altalt: YM

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 6 Jan 2014, 14:53, Reply)

Top batter

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 6 Jan 2014, 14:55, Reply)

highway to the danger gunt

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 6 Jan 2014, 14:56, Reply)

she likes to make an officer dribble

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 6 Jan 2014, 14:57, Reply)

pole dancer in a reasonably priced bar

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 6 Jan 2014, 14:58, Reply)

and other 'top' things

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 6 Jan 2014, 14:59, Reply)

i count them for common sense
if you binge on more than 2,000 calories, it ain't been a good day. but only as a rough guide, because let's face it, 8 mars bars would be under 2,000 calories, but it wouldn't be a good day.

I go to the gym. sometimes I love it. sometimes I hate it.

alt: on here, daily, innit.

altalt: on here, daily, innit.

altaltalt: on here, daily, innit.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 6 Jan 2014, 14:55, Reply)

Only fat people count calories
Just sayin'
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 6 Jan 2014, 15:01, Reply)

only ugly people need to cover their features with egregious hair
just sayin'
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 6 Jan 2014, 15:02, Reply)

You want to see it without the hair
Or rather, you don't.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 6 Jan 2014, 15:04, Reply)

Your tache is showing

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 6 Jan 2014, 15:04, Reply)

Only fat ugly people etc
Jus' sayin'.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 6 Jan 2014, 15:04, Reply)

WHAT'S YOUR EXCUSE, EH??

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 6 Jan 2014, 15:06, Reply)

Oi. Jus' Sayin'.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 6 Jan 2014, 15:09, Reply)

JUST CHECKING

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 6 Jan 2014, 15:13, Reply)

I get nuff #LEDGE_BANTZ on here

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 6 Jan 2014, 15:12, Reply)

Dull innit
Just sayin
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 6 Jan 2014, 15:14, Reply)

yer
I just read an article about Sennheiser headphones.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 6 Jan 2014, 15:17, Reply)

I'm going to do some work then go home.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 6 Jan 2014, 15:17, Reply)

Dearest F
Do continue with the epistolatory updates pertaining to your working day. The excitement is the very fuel of my happiness.

Yours, with eternal fondness,


FMD-S (Ret.)
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 6 Jan 2014, 15:19, Reply)

^^The home of witty banter.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 6 Jan 2014, 15:25, Reply)

NO REAL NAMES

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 6 Jan 2014, 15:25, Reply)

You've met Pele?

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Mon 6 Jan 2014, 15:30, Reply)

new thread innit.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 6 Jan 2014, 15:41, Reply)