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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
Pages: Latest, 836, 835, 834, 833, 832, ... 1

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Ok Tuesdays are generally shit
What else is generally shit (My threads normally)

Alt You have a 10 minute amnesty to punch/ kick any one person in the world, who would you like to give a quick guilt free kicking to

Alt alt, DLT likes to grope, have you ever been groped or have you groped anyone, I used to work in a night club where there were often hen nights and I can safely say that my cock would be bruised by the end of the evening without seeing daylight.
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:31, 134 replies, latest was 11 years ago)
Not listening to your mum is shit
Froggles didn't listen to Rachel and he's got a cold. Poor lad.
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:36, Reply)
How dare you insult my dead mum
I am > < this close to DMAALM
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:37, Reply)
My actual Mum told me never to wear a coat, but she does hate me so that would make sense.

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:38, Reply)
YM told me to leave her face like a plasterers radio
and she then went to give you a night night kiss that's how much she hates you
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:39, Reply)
YM didn't say anything because she died ages ago and you are old.

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:41, Reply)
Yep
But on the plus side I have feeling in all my toes and I don't shake,
So who is the winner here
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:48, Reply)
Probably YM

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:48, Reply)
i bet mrs B wouldn't turn down vibrator fingers

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:48, Reply)
Nah
I would just get in the way...
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:55, Reply)
Alt: Bonzodog29

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:36, Reply)
Hot diggidy dog

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:37, Reply)
Christ the list of people I'd kick in is nearly as long as my cock.
Altalt: I once went to a girl's 18th birthday party, which consisted of 17 girls, and me.

It was hell.
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:37, Reply)
so about 1 cm then?

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:41, Reply)
2.

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:57, Reply)
Work, bills, new films, new music, the internet.
Alt: A Chinese or a baby or a Chinese baby
Altalt: My maths teacher was a paedo but he never touched me :(
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:38, Reply)
Altalt: Birds love it when you give them a bit of a grope
Makes them feel special, don't it?
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:40, Reply)
It was normal back then, everyone did it.

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:40, Reply)
This morning, on the train, do you mean?

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:43, Reply)
Yeah, sometimes I just go up and down on the busy packed tube lines, because it's easier to get away with.

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:44, Reply)
sleeveless t-shirts, tattoos, facial piercings, men in built-up shoes, the district line, red wine, "the sun", people who read "the sun"
those ringlets that Hassidic jews have, meat or meat based products, sweet stuff anywhere near savoury food, and ketchup.

alt: tony blair

altalt: of course. I've come back from nights out with my arse black and blue. and I've had my tits "wahey'd".
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:44, Reply)
You know what to expect when you meet Stunned for a drink

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:45, Reply)
he was surprisingly restrained on friday
I think he didn't want to cheat on monty
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:48, Reply)
He needs to move on, Monty is dead now.

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:51, Reply)
i'm surprised he isn't, after our "civilised" friday night

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:52, Reply)
^LIGHT.WEIGHT.^

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:53, Reply)
ssssh
you'll ruin the tubbo meme
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:53, Reply)
:(

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:45, Reply)
only one of yours is shit
the other one's alright
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:47, Reply)
:'(

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:47, Reply)
ANGRY SUN JUDGES YOU

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:48, Reply)
You are on about his Hassidic ringlets arent you

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:48, Reply)
IT'S JUST A WET PERM

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:49, Reply)
The Keegan
Hey if it worked in the 80's it can come back
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:54, Reply)
Just look at Brian May (he has very dry hair usually)

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:57, Reply)
I have never groped a lady though
I bet you have groped a bloke
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:49, Reply)
not since i was about 17
I was the past master of the subtle bum pinch, until one evening on my 17th birthday, when I groped a pert arse of a dude in jeans.

which turned out to be a woman.

I retched. never again.
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:50, Reply)
hahaha
Your secret tuppenny lust is revealed,
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:54, Reply)
Sleeveless t-shirts are vests? yes?

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:56, Reply)
yer
it's not really the vests to be fair, it's the association with someone in the past. yeuch.
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:58, Reply)
Did greggshat wear one?

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:59, Reply)
They are a must in hot summers.
Obviously I have several different cuts, looks and colours in my vest collection.
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 12:00, Reply)
+ but they all make me look like a fat poof

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 12:01, Reply)
+ are all slightly too short

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 12:02, Reply)
You boys!
Who did you pick on while I was away?
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 12:10, Reply)
Have you been away?

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 12:11, Reply)
Which one are you again?

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 12:17, Reply)
Some prick's sock account

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 12:18, Reply)
Some tattoos are ace.
Red wine is delicious, and The Sun is the most popular paper in Britain, and therefore - whatever you think of the content - very important.

Ketchup is also delicious. Sometimes with red wine.
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 12:02, Reply)
Sorry you cant defend The Sun on the fact that lots of people buy it

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 12:13, Reply)
Who said I'm defending it?
I'm just pointing out that it's very important - whether or not you like it.

It's a reflection of a significant portion of the population.
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 12:15, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post2023808
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 12:18, Reply)
Alt:
The pope.
Peter Tatchell.
Sandi Toksvig.
George W Bush.
Paddy Ashdown.
Peter Andre.
Keith Chegwin.
Nick Clegg.
Arthur Scargill.
Piers Morgan.
Dozer.
My former father-in-law.
Julia Donaldson.
J. K. Rowling.
Carol Thatcher.
Alan Carr.
Nick Griffin.
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:45, Reply)
too many choices

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:46, Reply)
Dozer is the stand out though.

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:48, Reply)
Why Julia Donaldson?

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:48, Reply)
She wrote the Tiger That Came to Tea.

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:49, Reply)
No she didn't, that was Judith Kerr.

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:50, Reply)
Ah well, they're both cunts.

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:52, Reply)
wasn't that judith kerr?
Julia Donaldson is more modern than that?

I remember half loving, half being disturbed by the "when hitler stole pink rabbit" trilogy as a kid. good reading.
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:50, Reply)
that was Judith Kerr

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:51, Reply)
See how quickly the internet corrects you

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:51, Reply)
I though Judith Kerr wrote that?

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:51, Reply)
you only know her cousin
ewan
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:52, Reply)
I don't know anything, I was just joining in

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:54, Reply)
She looks set to overtake Andrew Marr here

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:55, Reply)
Cor! The beginning of a new 'thing'!

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:56, Reply)
Kerr.... could be

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 12:11, Reply)
Swipe has just 'kerr'd me on QOTW

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 12:12, Reply)
She will *ahem* Forget about you soon enough...

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 12:14, Reply)
*golf claps*

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 12:14, Reply)
* Doffs Kerr-ap*

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 12:18, Reply)
I am betting Batts has had to listen to the Gruffalo song once too often

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:49, Reply)
Most fucking days in the car.

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:55, Reply)
hahaha
*makes joke about you being in the back in a safety seat*
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 12:11, Reply)
Why don't you do what Monty did, then
and introduce her to Bagpuss, the Flumps, Mr Benn, and some of that good stuff?
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 12:13, Reply)
+ Wagner, The food of Vichy France

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 12:15, Reply)
Why, don't you know?

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:50, Reply)
edgy

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:51, Reply)
Why Nick Griffin?

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 12:02, Reply)
People.
People are generally shit. Especially the ones that aren't me.
Alt: Michael Gove. Or Piers Morgan. Or George Osborne.

AltAlt: I had my arse groped once while getting on a bus in Glasgow. I was so shocked I didn't even say anything. Then again, he obviously had serious mental issues, so probably couldn't help it.
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:53, Reply)
+ reader, I married him

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:54, Reply)
hahahaha

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 12:09, Reply)
Hahahahaha

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 12:27, Reply)
My boss
Alt My Boss
AltAlt I was groped by a girl at school, repeatedly to the point where I eventually reported it. Nothing happened. Same girl did it to a guy called Dan and in response he grabbed her tits. He was expelled.
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:55, Reply)
Bit risky groping your boss, isn't it?
Edit: Well this makes no sense since you edited your post
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:56, Reply)
Colour me surprised

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 12:18, Reply)
Hello! did you miss me OT?
I bet you did!
Tuesdays are shit, but Wednesdays are shitter.

All them new reality shows are shit. Splash! The Jump, et al. event the addition of Kylie to The Voice hasn't brought it back from the Jessie J infested depths.
Saturday night telly generally. It's turned into a dvd night.

Alt. Vladimir Putin at the minute, but anyone in Politics, really. Obama seems alright.

altalt. Used to get my arse felt all the time as a barman. I'm not a piece of meat! hen nights are horrid things. "I'm getting married, let's celebrate this by being a drunk slag in pink feathers!"
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:55, Reply)
^UPSET^

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:55, Reply)
BLOOBLOOBLOO

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:59, Reply)
Did you have a nice time in potatowogland?

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 12:00, Reply)
I did. it was a bit cold to be all waling round and that.
Got the Guinness Museum and apparently the Smallest Bar in Europe (possibly) in, stayed round Temple Bar, Trinity College, Grafton Street.

Nice :)
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 12:12, Reply)
Waling round
Is this some gay slang?
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 12:15, Reply)
Mincing was, like , sooooooo 2013

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 12:16, Reply)
I meant to put walking
or wailing, depending on how UPSET I was at the time.
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 12:16, Reply)
Waling = selling your bot bot for a pint guiness

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 12:17, Reply)
The Guinness was free...
if you count 16.50 euros a reasonable entry price.

(to the museum, not my arse)
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 12:26, Reply)
Hen nights are an embarrassment.
When I had mine, I vetoed any 'comedy' t-shirts, 'hilarious' props, and drunken shenanigans.
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:58, Reply)
What did you do then?

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:59, Reply)
warcraft and dog walking

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 12:00, Reply)

walk finger
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 12:01, Reply)
About twenty of us, ages ranging from 13 (granddaughter No. 2) to 63 (sister in law)
booked the local pub, and had a dance teacher teach us a routine to pop hits of the day. As we got merrier, the dancing got more complicated.

I was the shittest dancer there : (
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 12:01, Reply)
I think I've missed my calling...

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 12:02, Reply)
That sounds well shit, no offence.

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 12:02, Reply)
We enjoyed ourselves, which is what counts.
I don't do big crowds, or heavy drinking, or screeching harpies, so a traditional hen night would have been my idea of hell.
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 12:06, Reply)
Apart from the drinking I did this for my stag do
I just wanted a day out boozing with my mates
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 12:01, Reply)
When I worked at the airport, we had hen and stag parties coming through all the time.
The blokes were almost always way more inventive with their 'themes'.
My particular favourite was the dozen or so guys who all arrived at separate times, wearing full country tweed, followed by the stag dressed as a fox.

The women usually just had t-shirts saying 'Sandra sucks cock' and 'Slaggy Sarah'.
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 12:04, Reply)
Ditto
Just took over one corner of a good pub, full steak dinner, much beer and spirits consumed. Why waste half a night staggering between pubs?
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 12:05, Reply)
Yep
Just went out with a smallish group of mates, went drinking
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 12:10, Reply)
does pink not suit you, then?

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:59, Reply)
I ent no hen!
I'm a big cock.
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 12:02, Reply)
Hen dos are horrid.
Women hunt in packs, men hunt solo.

Thus a pretty girl with more than half a brain can pick apart a group of lads, simply by flirting with each one in turn, but a guy approaching a hen do will be torn apart.

Ugh.

I organised my mate's stag do, in which we went to a comedy club in Bristol (yeah, yeah). There was a hen do in front of us, with the obligatory camp gay male friend. Five words: pink, cock-shaped deely-boppers.

Ugh.
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 12:13, Reply)
This is one of the many reasons I have no female friends.
Well, no common ones, anyway.
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 12:15, Reply)
I have never met a woman over 20 that has liked hen dos.
Stag dos can be great, though - mine was. My brief was simply that I enjoy getting drunk in the company of my friends. Considering what pricks my friends are, I suggested we do it a relatively good distance from civilisation.

Cue us going to a nice house on the outskirts of a nice little village in Devon for a weekend, where we went fishing in the morning, and sat by the swimming pool in the afternoon and evening, chatting, playing, and drinking our own bodyweight in booze.
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 12:24, Reply)
Why were you wearing "pink cock shaped deely boopers"
On a stag do?
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 12:17, Reply)
Because we are SERIOUSLY wacky.
100% LOOOOONEY, that's us!
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 12:20, Reply)
Kerr- azzzzy

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 12:24, Reply)
Lunch!
Lunch is not shit. Got given some green tomato chutney by a patient, will have with some crackers and cheese. Highlight of the bloody day so far.
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 12:16, Reply)
Are you sure that its not a stool sample?

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 12:32, Reply)
Lunch is not shit

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 12:35, Reply)
If so, it has sultanas and lemon peel in it.

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 12:36, Reply)
That sounds like a whole lot of wrong

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 12:37, Reply)
There is a MASSIVE list of customers who need a good shoeing today
I have been groped but have not groped
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 12:35, Reply)

today
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 12:37, Reply)
THIS^
IN CAPITAL LETTERS
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 12:37, Reply)

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