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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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My candy crush progress is not syncing to my phone, so I am still stuck on level 350.
The email help are repetitive and not helpful at all AKSHULLY.
What WOES are you facing today?

Alt. I'm mixing up my foods tonight, I have beef marinating in both tandoori and harissa spices. Nom.
What did you last mix up?

AltAlt. Give us the title of your autobiography.
Mine's "too busy dancing" or "late to the party"
(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 13:42, 168 replies, latest was 11 years ago)
Candy Crush on the phone?
Fuck sake I hope this is ironic or something.
(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 13:45, Reply)
don't you think?

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 13:50, Reply)
Jesus.

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 13:48, Reply)
You mean this sin;t making your sick day more memorable?

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 13:51, Reply)
i was feeling a bit better and decided to leave suicide for another day,
but this might just be the thing that pushes me over the edge.
(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 13:56, Reply)
Want me to help with the noose?
*ruffles hair*

Come on Winders. It's fun here? Right?
We have a right laugh on here.
(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 13:57, Reply)
we do jason, we do, but Candy Crush? syncing to phone? is this a thing that bothers you?

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:05, Reply)
Not seriously...
When are we serious on here?
(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:16, Reply)
IT'S SERIOUS TO ME JASON, WHY ARE YOU SO SELFISH!!?

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:24, Reply)
Only child syndrome

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:28, Reply)
ok.

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:29, Reply)
Well, it's a syndrome jase, not sure you have identified the right one though

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:33, Reply)
are you down with that?

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:34, Reply)
It's just my unique look

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:40, Reply)
I don't have a chilli scotch egg
or a turret

Altalt: If indeed it is his real name and if indeed this is the autobiography of 'Bill Clay' then indeed it is the autobiography of 'Bill Clay'. By 'Bill Clay' (IITIHRN)
(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 13:49, Reply)
hahahaha!
I'd buy that for a dollar
(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 13:52, Reply)
AltAlt: what a load of BS

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 13:50, Reply)
What is candy crush? Some strange homosexual practice?

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 13:51, Reply)
I believe it is the practise
Of using a pestle and mortar to grind up some boiled sweets, These are then blown into your partners rectum to add sweetness to the felching
(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 13:54, Reply)
When will these deviants stop? Is nothing sacred to them?

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 13:55, Reply)
If my Russian friends are to be believed
All gaybos are also after children, it sickens me it really does
(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:01, Reply)
Tell that to all the straight paedo's convicted in the media here on a seemingly weekly basis

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:10, Reply)
Do you wilfully ignore the news?

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:15, Reply)
Mostly.
I have started to read The Independent. Then the same articles on The Daily Mail to see how they can be sensationalised.

It's all doom and gloom innit.
(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:16, Reply)
There was a big thing about anti gay laws in Russia
Saying that all gays are paedophiles.
(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:18, Reply)
Oh I seen that.
I wrote to number 10 after watching that documentary.
It's been passed to the relevant department for a reply (the bin)
(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:21, Reply)
Rhubarb and monkey custard.

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 15:02, Reply)
It's a stupid phone game that seems to go on forever where you swap candies :(

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 13:58, Reply)
That sounds an incredibly sad thing for an adult to spend time on.

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:07, Reply)
Couldn't give a fck M8

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:09, Reply)
Let it (Glas)gow

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:15, Reply)
There arent many motorway jokes in the world
and I am sorry but you have failed to add to them...



*I did like the Bicycles one though*
(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:16, Reply)
Middle aged women and kids play it HTH

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:18, Reply)
I am due menopause

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:21, Reply)
alt alt: Quender's Revenge

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 13:51, Reply)
'My Empire'
By Mr Brittas
(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 13:55, Reply)
I have Type 1 to Type 2 data conversion woes*
Alt:
Easy pink and difficult brown

AltAlt:
MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 13:53, Reply)
Insulin is your friend

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 13:54, Reply)
"Everyone else in the world being an absolute prick" woes.

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 13:59, Reply)
^ this on a daily basis ^

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:03, Reply)
"to cut a long story short"

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:02, Reply)
A Rabbis guide to child mutilation

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:04, Reply)
'I lost my mind'

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:15, Reply)
"leave the crusts about the bins"

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:17, Reply)
It won't suck itself

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:20, Reply)
"The Lone Ranga"

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:20, Reply)
click

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:22, Reply)
Hi Ho Ginger, away!

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:24, Reply)
Loreal's new ad campaign

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:29, Reply)
Not worth it

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:30, Reply)
i hate you all

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:35, Reply)
Altalt: A better title for yours would be "Mr Strangelove or: How I Stopped Worrying and Learned to Love the Bum"

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:06, Reply)

Stran e Rubber
(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:08, Reply)
gRubber?

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:23, Reply)
Hans

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:24, Reply)
Who's worrying?

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:09, Reply)
Bummers?

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:13, Reply)
Or maybe their child victims?

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:13, Reply)
They are welcome to come to Russia
But only if they leave our kids alone
(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:15, Reply)
Pink Floyd's new material was shit.

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:17, Reply)
EDGY
new
(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:27, Reply)
Oh Jaysum, I despair of you.
My only woe today is Gill being mean to me.
Alt: I mixed up John Fashnu and Kris Akabussi AWOOGA
Altalt: "I dunno lol: Being Frog"
(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:16, Reply)
Being mean to you, on Valentine's eve?
A lump of coal for her!
(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:18, Reply)
She ent getting anything anyway as it is a made up bullshit commercial day for mugs and wankers

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:19, Reply)
If i got a mug for Valentines it would be smashed over his head.

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:22, Reply)
Mrs Cow has 6 creme eggs for her present

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:23, Reply)
Are you supposed to get a present?

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:25, Reply)
Dunno
Just being nice innit
(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:26, Reply)
I don't like being nice. I hope you aren't supposed to.......

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:26, Reply)
Dunno
I have MOAR pie for dinner too
(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:27, Reply)
As I understand it, valentines day is where I get a nice meal cooked for me and I produce a handmade card. That's it, right?

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:28, Reply)
this^
With more fingers up bums
(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:30, Reply)
I almost forgot the most important, and traditional part!

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:31, Reply)
Sanchez or GTF

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:32, Reply)
See what happens on Steak and Blowjob day,

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:34, Reply)

www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2558436/The-depressing-Valentines-gift-EVER-Kissing-pillow-lets-lonely-singletons-practice-snogging-skills.html
(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:35, Reply)
I aint thinking of kissing... Dat Dare is the BJ pillow

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:46, Reply)
I believe that was every man's immediate thought

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:48, Reply)
We are just getting small stupid nonsense. Heart shaped bollocks or something

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:31, Reply)
Why?

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:31, Reply)
Tight underwear

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:32, Reply)
hahahahaha

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:34, Reply)
I say, Athers, he's struck that one right over the clubhouse

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:36, Reply)

♥ - fronts?
(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:38, Reply)
Dunno.
It's just nice.
We get each other silly gifts all the time.

Instead of cooking, which we always do, it's takeaway time :)
(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:36, Reply)
Sounds a bit gay to me.

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:42, Reply)
I creamed on Mrs Cow's eggs for her present

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:28, Reply)
Is this a jaysonism or are you being funny?

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:24, Reply)
bit of both

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:31, Reply)
^ luckily i know this isn't true ^

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:34, Reply)
SURPRISE!!!!!
You're getting nuffink
(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:39, Reply)
It's not rape if you shout...

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:39, Reply)
i will look forward to receiving my flowers
you're getting a present AND a meal cooked, so there.
(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:42, Reply)
Can we meet near a garage forecourt?

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:43, Reply)
House of Fraser
Used to be Binns
(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:51, Reply)
Oddbins is more likely

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:54, Reply)
no
we can meet in covent garden, because it's on the right tubeline for you, and because I need to pick something up. then we can have a drink, then we can go back for tasty scran.
(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 15:09, Reply)
As it is a very busy station, it may be advisable to use the nearby Leicester Square, Charing Cross, Embankment or Holborn stations.

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 15:12, Reply)
fuck that nasty shit

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 15:17, Reply)
/ac
www.youtube.com/watch?v=xLuaqNoxjro
(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:22, Reply)
That makes me lol evry tiem

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:24, Reply)
Wife woes, work woes, life woes
Alt, Coke and Heroin
AltAlt Mind your own fucking business
(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:17, Reply)
Catchy
to all three
(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:18, Reply)
What worrying whispers was wife woeing?

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:21, Reply)
Did you convince her to take that shit car back, or was that a joke?

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:49, Reply)
I've not bothered even trying to talk about it

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 15:28, Reply)
I think that I have just cracked one of my wisdom teeth
I was enjoying a wine gum and it made a horrible cracking sound
(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:23, Reply)
That'll be the glass

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:23, Reply)
Was it a frozen wine gum?

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:32, Reply)
They are looking into it via my facebook account. Phew!!!!!

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:41, Reply)
I've also just been told I'm taking on a new role and getting a rise this year. Nice :)

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:43, Reply)

r h
(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:44, Reply)
you're not getting a rise out of me!

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:52, Reply)
or a hise

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 15:09, Reply)
You'll be swallowing instead of spitting then.
Congratulations!
(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 15:11, Reply)

#first world problems #yolo
(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:52, Reply)
^tggi
I'll snapchat you the deets.
(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:56, Reply)
This has made me do a proper IRL lol
www.chroniclelive.co.uk/news/north-east-news/newcastle-uniteds-asktayls-twitter-session-6691423
(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:41, Reply)
James Arthur did one too and was just basically slagged off.
The lovely Katie Hopkins is in the news about one too...

www.mirror.co.uk/3am/celebrity-news/katie-hopkins-invites-twitter-askkatie-3138364

VALIDATE ME! VALIDATE ME!
(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:47, Reply)
A lot of the James Arthur ones were recycled for this but there are a few corkers on Twitter that didn't make it onto here
including the phrase "24 carat spunk trumpet"
(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:53, Reply)
The perfect valentines gift!

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:56, Reply)
YOU'VE ALREADY GOT ONE
IT'S DIAMOND STUDDED
(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 15:12, Reply)
#vajazzle

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 15:18, Reply)
no, they are real piercings
because piercings are EDGY
(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 15:21, Reply)
I like the oompa loompa one

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 15:20, Reply)
All the love for that Sonic one :)

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:49, Reply)
I really liked the crying down your back one

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:51, Reply)
Altalt: "The Old Backhand Slap: A Guide to Understanding Modern Women"

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:45, Reply)
Looks like The Chuckle Brothers got DLT off

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:58, Reply)
When they were kids though.

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 14:59, Reply)
To me to Yew

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 15:05, Reply)
alright

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 15:06, Reply)
^

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 15:09, Reply)
god, you're just so....................... edgy

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 15:10, Reply)
look, I realise that as a tubbo you lack defined edges, but there's no need to get hysterical about innocuous posts on a public messageboard.

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 15:13, Reply)
^upsad^

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 15:13, Reply)
^feeder^

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 15:14, Reply)
^bottom feeder^

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 15:14, Reply)
I do love a good rim.

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 15:15, Reply)
NO CAR CHAT

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 15:15, Reply)

instantrimshot.com/
(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 15:21, Reply)
Dubs

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 15:13, Reply)
oh dear oh dear, imaginadozerette will never be realdozerette at this rate
you are normally boring, but you are most boring of all when your little spastic brain jumps aboard someone else's spastic wagon.
(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 15:17, Reply)
^ upset and rotund ^

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 15:19, Reply)
^ desperate and alone, so so alone ^

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 15:20, Reply)
I'm deeply traumatised because of the incessant cyber bullying.

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 15:21, Reply)
try posting something normal, then
go on...
(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 15:21, Reply)
what do you mean by 'normal'?

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 15:22, Reply)
anything that you would not usually post
or wear
or read
or eat
or drink
or do
(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 15:24, Reply)
right, so something beakerish and boring then?

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 15:25, Reply)
You do boring quite well already HTH xx

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 15:26, Reply)
the only person on here I'm trying to entertain is me
Alright.
(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 15:27, Reply)
Okay that's awesome.

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 15:36, Reply)
innit mein bruder

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 15:37, Reply)
4 REELZ

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 15:38, Reply)
Oi
He agreed with me earlier, so that makes him ok in my book.
(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 15:35, Reply)
Hey! He's 'alright' in my book too!

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 15:37, Reply)
Yeah but your book is See Spot Run

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 15:39, Reply)
GORDAN CLOWN CAUSED TEH RECESSIUN!!!!!!*

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 15:37, Reply)
he should piss off back to scotland
there's a loch up there missing its monster
(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 15:42, Reply)
you should piss off back to SeaWorld

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 15:43, Reply)
or Borneo, I don't really care either way

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 15:44, Reply)
gosh, how terribly...... edgy

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 15:48, Reply)
/EndThread

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 15:39, Reply)
^

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 15:41, Reply)
line 20 print

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 15:41, Reply)
hey, dead threads should be deleted

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 15:42, Reply)
NO DELETION

(, Thu 13 Feb 2014, 15:43, Reply)

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