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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
Pages: Latest, 836, 835, 834, 833, 832, ... 1

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What would be your ideal job/worst job?
Alt:
Pick a best/worst job for a b3tan
(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 9:53, 156 replies, latest was 11 years ago)
Before anyone else says it - I should be a window cleaner in a model village.
Cunts.
(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 9:54, Reply)
haha!
I like it
(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 9:57, Reply)
Test pilot for Airfix
Scalextric test driver
etc.
/dadjokes
(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:03, Reply)
I would like to be a multi billionaire heiress
Alt: you should be a goat impersonator
(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 9:55, Reply)
you must be kidding
/dadjokes
(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 9:56, Reply)
yes!

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 9:57, Reply)
You finally had your stump chopped off then?

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 9:57, Reply)
When I grow up I want to be a muthafuckin hustla
Or work in a paper shop
(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 9:55, Reply)
Free sweets!!!

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 9:56, Reply)
I used to live in a sweet shop, fact fans

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 9:57, Reply)
No wonder you're so fat

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 9:57, Reply)
My lifelong love of shit sweets comes from this
Haribo 4LYF
(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 9:58, Reply)
They don't sound very nice

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 9:58, Reply)
maoam stripes are quite nice

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 9:59, Reply)
Calm down AA
You're still on probation from your last crime spree
(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 9:57, Reply)
Oh, the candy man CAN
and almost certainly will
(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:02, Reply)
*bo diddleys*
youtu.be/G6Vw9RGm1tM
(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:08, Reply)
nice

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:15, Reply)


(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 9:59, Reply)
Ah, that's the life
Sitting down all day, drinking tea...oh wait a minute.
(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:02, Reply)
I'd like to be a field sales representative called Paul, employed by a large biscuit manufacturer.

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 9:57, Reply)
Is that a manufacturer of large biscuits or a large manufacturer of biscuits?

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 9:58, Reply)
second one, large biscuits are a gimmick, i'm into serious biscuits

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 9:59, Reply)


(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:02, Reply)
Is that a normal sized biscuit next to Battered's big mug of tea?

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:03, Reply)
That cup of tea just ain't gonna do it.

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:04, Reply)
Cant dunk, wont dunk

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:05, Reply)
I used to like youcow, I really did

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:09, Reply)
It really was too specialist to compete effectively against youtube

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:10, Reply)
:o(

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:11, Reply)
awhat is your take on dunking biscuits
Right or wrong, techniques, best biscuit etc?
(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:02, Reply)
Bite both ends off a twix, then suck your coffee through it until it feels warm
Then scoff the lot. Also works with kit kat (chunky or regular), topic, toffee crips and (for the carfeul professional) Penguin.
(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:04, Reply)
Twirl wins here
although I'm aware that isnt a biscuit
(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:05, Reply)
Ooh yes
Although a little messy
(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:10, Reply)
I have heard you like to suck a chocolate stick or two

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:16, Reply)
Once you go choc, you never go bock!

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:23, Reply)
can.....open......worms......everywhere......

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:04, Reply)
As usual, everyone thinks they know better than the professional

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:05, Reply)
I court controversery.

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:08, Reply)
Not least with your atrocious spelling

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:09, Reply)
only a sick toothless headwrong would ever dunk a biscuit
see also bread in soup. urrrrrrrrgh.

why make something nice and crunchy all soggy and mushy? why?
(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:07, Reply)
*shakes head slowly*

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:08, Reply)
and then you fill your soup full of mushy crumbs
gross
(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:09, Reply)
"No double dipping!!"

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:10, Reply)
see above
Dunking bread into soup is one of life's simple pleasures

A McVities dark chocolate Homewheat into a brew is also fucking perfection
(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:10, Reply)
no no no
the only thing here that's simple... is YOU!
(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:11, Reply)
Vote time
Team cow or team swipe
(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:13, Reply)
Team Cow.

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:15, Reply)
I don't want to choose! why can't we all live together anymore?

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:15, Reply)
There can be only one

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:15, Reply)
GO COWS!!!!!!

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:16, Reply)
Coalition cow!

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:18, Reply)
Dont mention Coal in the NE

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:20, Reply)
TEAM COW!

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:15, Reply)
Team Cow
But to be fair that could apply to both camps...
(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:17, Reply)
ouch

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:17, Reply)
What I aint done nuffink I werent even there

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:19, Reply)
Cow
and choc Hob Nob ftw
(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:19, Reply)
I like you again.
xxx
(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:13, Reply)
\o/

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:15, Reply)
Are you talking about sex?

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:12, Reply)
If you like, gaz me yeah? xx

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:17, Reply)
You are a fucking idiot.

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:10, Reply)
^this^

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:11, Reply)
Oh, Swipe.
You are missing out on some simple pleasures in life.

HobNobs can be a bit iffy mind.
(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 11:16, Reply)
Wow!

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 9:58, Reply)
Alt: Nakers - Catholic priest

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 9:57, Reply)
hahaha!

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 9:58, Reply)
I'd like to be a real doctor.
Like Diagnosis Murder. Solvingcrimes and stuf. Or a biscuit salesman.
(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 9:59, Reply)
Prosthetic limb salesman.
Or biscuits.
(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:03, Reply)


(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:07, Reply)
Cadburys Hands

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:08, Reply)
Sugary dessert hands.
Oh the irony.
(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:11, Reply)


(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:15, Reply)
HAHAHAHA

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:16, Reply)
(Not so) Happy Feet.

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:16, Reply)

ee oo
(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:17, Reply)
kate middleton's got a pretty cushy one, talk about money for nothing
for a serious job, i'd like to be an rspca lawyer, pushing for hard sentences and fines for cunts who mistreat animals.

alt:

rory: grief counsellor
gonz: chef (although i'd let him write the menus, he'd improve them no end)
battered: ballet teacher
stunned: bra-fitter or shoe salesman
monty: bank manager
ape: rocket scientist
(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:06, Reply)
RSPCA Lawyers are fucking idiots
*you fit right in*

PDSA are much better in that respect
(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:24, Reply)
For serious, making bespoke wooden furniture
for lolz, beer or whisky quality control tester.
(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:08, Reply)
my friend's cunthusband does that
every time they come round, he tries to flog me a fucking £800 wooden chair
(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:09, Reply)
I think that making stuff would be cool
the only issue being I have no talent
(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:10, Reply)
I already do joinery round the house
just would like the time, money and space (big workshop and lots of expensive tools) to do it properly.
(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:22, Reply)
I'll be doing some basic joinery at the weekend
Building my 2nd raised bed so bricklaying then joinery
(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:23, Reply)
many years ago I saw a programme about a bloke that
makes replacement heraldry things for churchs and the like, lived next to a wood and had a workshop out the back. the carving was superb, and he soled each one for 30k (odd) I thought that would be cool
(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:25, Reply)
They needed shoes too?

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:28, Reply)
Nice
Not sure I'd be good at carving, hence the furniture idea. Welsh dressers, expanding tables and that kind of thing.

This kind of thing www.dudeiwantthat.com/household/furniture/fletcher-capstan-worlds-coolest-expandable-table.asp
(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:30, Reply)
Thats cool

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:38, Reply)
Serious answer:
A prison governor.
(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:13, Reply)
Really?
Shitty politics and typical civil service bullshit in the Prison Service.
(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:14, Reply)
Cell Block H?

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:15, Reply)
I think it rather suits you

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:15, Reply)
I don't understand this.

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:15, Reply)
Its from the Walking Dead

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:16, Reply)
Is that what David Morrisey was supposed to look like?

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:17, Reply)
No, they made him less cartoony
The Governer in the comics looks like a crazy Mexican
(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:18, Reply)
I have a feeling I love the show too much to be able to read the comics.
Plus, no Daryl.
(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:21, Reply)
Its like two different things TBH
No Merle either
(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:22, Reply)
Never seen it.

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:19, Reply)
My brother in law did that job.

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:16, Reply)
Lesbian tester.

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:16, Reply)
Lesbian Fixer.

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:17, Reply)
Lesbian

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:18, Reply)
Lesbian fister.

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:24, Reply)
I want to be a star wars

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:18, Reply)
THATS NO HAT

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:18, Reply)
THESE ARENT THE HATS YOURE LOOKING FOR

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:19, Reply)
THE HAT IS STRONG IN THIS ONE

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:20, Reply)
R2HATS-D2

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:20, Reply)
But I was going to go to the tosche station to pick up some hats!

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:21, Reply)
I used to bullseye wamp-rats in my T-16 back home, they're not much bigger than two hats

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:23, Reply)
WAMP-HATS

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:24, Reply)
Many bothans died to bring us this hat :(

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:24, Reply)
The dark side of the Force is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be
unhatural
(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:28, Reply)
Fear leads to Anger
Anger leads Two Hats......
(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:31, Reply)
IT'S A CAP!!!

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:34, Reply)
brilliant

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:35, Reply)
I find your lack of fez disturbing

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:39, Reply)
I have felt his presence

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:40, Reply)
Only at the end do you realise the power of the Deerstalker

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:42, Reply)
You are a member of the rebel alliance, and a trilby.

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:46, Reply)
I love hats
I know
(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:21, Reply)
I felt a disturbance in the fez, as if a milliner's voice cried out in terror

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:22, Reply)
lol

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:23, Reply)
Oh yes!

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:24, Reply)
officechuckle

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:25, Reply)
POTD.

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:36, Reply)
I AM YOUR FEDORA!!

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:26, Reply)
haha!

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:28, Reply)
Worst job is anything where you get micromanaged.
If you don't trust your staff to do the job they're hired for, why don't you do it yourself?

Best dream job would be getting paid to go shopping. Or dick about on the internet. Or watch telly.
(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:20, Reply)
Sian Williams's personal podiatrist

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:22, Reply)

odiatr essar
(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:24, Reply)
even better

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:28, Reply)
I saw this and thought of you

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:34, Reply)
cor!

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 11:15, Reply)
Horrid shade of nail varnish

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 11:15, Reply)
Serious
I did want to be an actor, but then I met lots of actors (mid level rep ones) and they were without exception a bunch of half witted self absorbed cunts.
(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:23, Reply)
You weren't self-absorbed enough then?

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:24, Reply)
as crazy as it sounds
I had the cunt bit down pat though
(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:27, Reply)
Don't forget half-witted

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:28, Reply)
*is that half witted that he forgot*

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:29, Reply)
The missus tried itfor years.
Months without work,
(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:26, Reply)
yeah she was on the game though so the pennies kept rolling in for the pimp doc

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:27, Reply)
as a kid, i desperately wanted to be an actor
now, if there is one thing I have learned from writing shitcom scripts, it is that I really really really cannot act for shit.
(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:29, Reply)
Unless the script called for....
....a fucking idiot!
(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:31, Reply)
Separate beds on this break of yours then?

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:37, Reply)
separate breaks

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:38, Reply)
Horrible on the internet, lovely in real life, thats the rule
i just made up
(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:41, Reply)
COULD BE A DIFFERENT KIND OF BREAK, IF HE KEEPS CALLING ME A FUCKING IDIOT

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 11:00, Reply)
Do a new thread please

(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 11:03, Reply)
I once saw a guy wearing a hat that said 'Boob Inspector' on it
I reckon that'd be a pretty good job, but you just don't see it advertised anywhere.
(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:32, Reply)
and they have federal funding too
job for life, that
(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:37, Reply)
Robot would be good.
www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-26418358
(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 10:48, Reply)
I wouldn't mind running a B&B so I could go on Four In A Bed.
But I fear the title is misleading
Worst job would probably be at McDonalds and that. not for the actual work and free Big Macs, but working with all them spotty youths and having a superior who can't even be served for alcohol.

I think Rory should work for Samaritans, with the amount of suicide rates he could save the country a lot of money.
(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 11:14, Reply)
I liked the couple who definitely weren't shagging because they were in separate marriages
Who, on their turn, gave a course on how to run a B&B, and then lost.
(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 11:17, Reply)
I do watch it quite a bit but can't differentiate people.
That rich, pissed couple from Gogglebox were on. I love them.
(, Tue 4 Mar 2014, 11:33, Reply)

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