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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Possibly my first morning thread!
Definitely not my first moaning thread.
Think my cat is gonna be a vet job tomorrow. He's been very lethargic lately, eating and grooming habits have changed and his purring is intermittent. Poor thing.

It's FRIDAY!! Weekend plans? Aside from Eurovision of course.

alt.Fave news story of the minute?
(I helped save b3ta! GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 9 May 2014, 8:10, 116 replies, latest was 11 years ago)
alright jaysums
im playing with the budgie tonight, cool eh???? also i have to work tomorrow morning which is 'fucking shit'
(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 9 May 2014, 8:16, Reply)
Can it talk yet?

(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Fri 9 May 2014, 8:17, Reply)
yes it says 'alright yer' and 'innit'

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 9 May 2014, 8:20, Reply)
Classic Stilton!

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 9 May 2014, 8:20, Reply)
Oh man I have some rebluchon stuffed chicken breast last night
It might be the best melted cheese in the world
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 9 May 2014, 8:38, Reply)
The French are 'pretty good' at cheese.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 9 May 2014, 8:40, Reply)
Truly they are
I would be a fat man if I lived in france
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 9 May 2014, 8:43, Reply)
I like France

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 9 May 2014, 8:45, Reply)
Moi aussi

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 9 May 2014, 8:47, Reply)
Pisse d'esprit

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 9 May 2014, 8:50, Reply)
Moi aussi

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 9 May 2014, 8:49, Reply)
oui n'est-ce pas d'accord

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 9 May 2014, 8:51, Reply)
Je vais là dans deux semaines

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 9 May 2014, 8:53, Reply)
Moi Farah

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 9 May 2014, 8:50, Reply)
lets hope that's not the only bird you play with
AMIRITE LADS?!?!

Just booked my cat into Yewtree vets. Those paedos have to spoil everything
(I helped save b3ta! GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 9 May 2014, 8:56, Reply)
im too old for all that nonsense

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 9 May 2014, 8:57, Reply)
Your going to take him the the vet because he's fussy, tired and pissed off?
So basically you're going to take him to the vet for being a cat?
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Fri 9 May 2014, 8:17, Reply)
not just that. he has stopped grooming and is very lethargic
You know your kittys behaviour and this is a big change
(I helped save b3ta! GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 9 May 2014, 8:57, Reply)
How old is he?

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 9 May 2014, 9:05, Reply)
Jason is about 42

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 9 May 2014, 9:05, Reply)
Definitely off the list then

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 9 May 2014, 9:07, Reply)
You don't like younger blokes?

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 9 May 2014, 9:17, Reply)
Why do you think I keep turning you down?

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 9 May 2014, 9:36, Reply)
I read your blog earlier.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 9 May 2014, 9:38, Reply)
Oh shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit
I mean, thank you, appreciate it, but please don't invite this lot to do the same
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 9 May 2014, 9:40, Reply)
*googles*

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 9 May 2014, 9:42, Reply)
Sticking "Internet bender blog" into Google will yield some terrifying results
Er, I assume
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 9 May 2014, 9:47, Reply)
Yeah, your name isn't really a secret

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 9 May 2014, 9:49, Reply)
Has my cunning attempt at misdirection somehow failed?

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 9 May 2014, 9:54, Reply)
FRIDAY CANS!!!
Buying a new jacket and looking at mixers. I fancy getting an Allen & Heath. I''ve always had Pioneer before.

Zzzzzzzzzzz

Alright
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 9 May 2014, 8:17, Reply)
Allen & Heath are made by Tinwogs
#factfans
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Fri 9 May 2014, 8:19, Reply)
I know.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 9 May 2014, 8:20, Reply)
With Carrots

(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Fri 9 May 2014, 8:23, Reply)
payday again today, you know what that means!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 9 May 2014, 8:26, Reply)
luxury £1 a can 'craft ale' in your bedsit?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 9 May 2014, 8:28, Reply)
aldi do some nice lager apparently

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 9 May 2014, 8:28, Reply)
I heard all of their meat has been marinaded in misery and suffering

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 9 May 2014, 8:33, Reply)
i went in an aldi once, it was just cardboard boxes of miscellaneous shite piled in the aisles and zombie skag heads fighting over it

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 9 May 2014, 8:34, Reply)
Carling is the best lager.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 9 May 2014, 8:38, Reply)
Reassuringly expensive

(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Fri 9 May 2014, 8:39, Reply)
with miller light a close second

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 9 May 2014, 8:40, Reply)
Miller Light?
You pretentious cunt.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 9 May 2014, 8:41, Reply)
soz i meant carling 'zest'

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 9 May 2014, 8:47, Reply)
the payday can of kings

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 9 May 2014, 8:49, Reply)
I like it warm and flat in a paper cup

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 9 May 2014, 8:43, Reply)
I like it with a dash of lemonade

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 9 May 2014, 8:48, Reply)
Alright Stunned

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 9 May 2014, 8:50, Reply)
FYI it's probably dying
In better news it's Friday!
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 9 May 2014, 8:31, Reply)
CATS ARE SHIT AND SO IS YOU ARE FACE

(I helped save b3ta! drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 9 May 2014, 8:47, Reply)
YEAH

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 9 May 2014, 8:47, Reply)
Stick it in a sack with a couple of bricks and throw it in the canal
I'm going to a wedding here tomorrow and going out in Royal Leamington Spa this evening to drink away the groom's last night of freedom.
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 9 May 2014, 8:47, Reply)
are you still moany moanerson?
Cheer up dear xx
(I helped save b3ta! GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 9 May 2014, 8:58, Reply)
I'm not sure I have been any more or less moany than usual

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 9 May 2014, 9:02, Reply)
It's Friday! Let's get racist!

(I helped save b3ta! Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 9 May 2014, 8:50, Reply)
Every Day Is Like Friday

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 9 May 2014, 9:00, Reply)
Eurovision is bent. I' fakef a migraine yesterday to sboid my sister in law. sad eh! home tomorrow.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Fri 9 May 2014, 8:52, Reply)
No one was fooled; no one was bothered

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 9 May 2014, 8:53, Reply)
as long as you offended her by belittling her in her own home, that's all that matters!

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 9 May 2014, 8:58, Reply)
youn a sboid

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 9 May 2014, 8:58, Reply)
You are a terrible husband, father and doctor

(I helped save b3ta! GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 9 May 2014, 8:58, Reply)
I bet she was delighted to have a break from you.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 9 May 2014, 9:01, Reply)
It shocks me that you don't know how to handle a pussy
Morning all. I had the sleep of coma last night and am still struggling to wake up properly. Its great!

This weekend I will be mostly doing overtime from home (type something, wait three hours, type something) and hopefully finishing my patio, which has been delayed due to rain
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 9 May 2014, 9:02, Reply)
Oh YOU'RE the cunt that stole my sleep
It's unfortunate for your wife, children and tenants that you must die.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 9 May 2014, 9:06, Reply)
I can die rested then

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 9 May 2014, 9:07, Reply)
Also, my tenants have been fucked off with advance payment of rents

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 9 May 2014, 9:07, Reply)
In other sleep news mini ape V 2.0 slept through for the first time last night

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 9 May 2014, 9:10, Reply)
\o/
Daughter took 6 months to sleep through and son 7 weeks. Typical woman
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 9 May 2014, 9:10, Reply)
11:30 to 6:30, I awoke very confused that it was light

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 9 May 2014, 9:12, Reply)
If my kids sleep in I always wake up with a start

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 9 May 2014, 9:17, Reply)
OH GOD EVERYONE'S DEAD/BEEN KIDNAPPED/RUNAWAY
oh, they're asleep
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 9 May 2014, 9:22, Reply)
this^

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 9 May 2014, 9:23, Reply)
^ this

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 9 May 2014, 9:24, Reply)
in your case it was just your wife leaving in the night

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 9 May 2014, 9:25, Reply)
I feel bad aboput this post

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 9 May 2014, 9:25, Reply)
i feel better now

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 9 May 2014, 9:25, Reply)
I don't.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 9 May 2014, 9:27, Reply)
Hahahaha

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 9 May 2014, 9:27, Reply)
I remember this historic moment. The optimism that it would happen every night, that my wife and I might get to have sex, we could enjoy a full night of sleep.
It took about another 4 months before she slept through again.
(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 9 May 2014, 9:13, Reply)
And you never did get to have sex with your wife again

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 9 May 2014, 9:14, Reply)
I did

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 9 May 2014, 9:14, Reply)
We all did, sporters
Some of us at the same time
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 9 May 2014, 9:15, Reply)
I knew I'd seen you before!

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 9 May 2014, 9:15, Reply)
You'd recognise his glans if you saw it
Magnificent!
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 9 May 2014, 9:17, Reply)
Its the pit(uitary)s

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 9 May 2014, 9:19, Reply)
Her hand eye coordination is truly something to behold

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 9 May 2014, 9:16, Reply)
I did. Had to get her drunk though.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 9 May 2014, 9:16, Reply)
Yeah I know, but she only wakes once normally so it's not too bad

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 9 May 2014, 9:14, Reply)
It's a pity chcb isn't still here to read how to parent properly
She had a two year old that was still keeping her up half the night.
Also, fuck off back to mumsnet.
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 9 May 2014, 9:16, Reply)
Ferber method.
/mumsnet.
(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 9 May 2014, 9:17, Reply)
Dunno what that is soz

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 9 May 2014, 9:17, Reply)
Your kids are too old for you to need to concern yourself with it.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 9 May 2014, 9:18, Reply)


(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 9 May 2014, 9:18, Reply)
This^

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 9 May 2014, 9:19, Reply)
Horrible to go through but worth it in the end.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 9 May 2014, 9:19, Reply)
Just like YM

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 9 May 2014, 9:21, Reply)
Careful, that's what Gerry and Kate did.

(I helped save b3ta! Muns, Fri 9 May 2014, 9:23, Reply)
They should lighten up
for the sake of the grandkids they've probably got
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 9 May 2014, 9:48, Reply)
Imagine if Eurovision was presented by someone like Vernon Kay
No amount of alcohol could make that cunt entertaining.

Am well excited for the bitch-fest as usual although slightly worried I might miss the end to go catch a plane
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 9 May 2014, 9:07, Reply)
Berlton's finest

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 9 May 2014, 9:08, Reply)
No amount of alcohol or drugs could make it entertaining full stop

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 9 May 2014, 9:10, Reply)
^^this

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 9 May 2014, 9:22, Reply)
even in an "ironic way" it's fucking shit

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 9 May 2014, 9:23, Reply)
Eurovision only exists so that countries can use viewing figures as a gay barometer

(I helped save b3ta! Muns, Fri 9 May 2014, 9:25, Reply)
it's all part of the fabulous solution

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 9 May 2014, 9:26, Reply)
They'd make a fortune if they got sponsorship.
I'd suggest that they approach Amyl Nitrate producers and ARV manufacturers.
(I helped save b3ta! Muns, Fri 9 May 2014, 9:32, Reply)
what's an ARV?

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 9 May 2014, 9:37, Reply)
Like a OLE but in two bits

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 9 May 2014, 9:38, Reply)

www.wikipedia.org/wiki/Antiretroviral_drug
(I helped save b3ta! Muns, Fri 9 May 2014, 9:39, Reply)
Vets are too fucking expensive.
A pillowcase, a few bricks and a nice early morning walk by the canal is the ticket.

Edit: I really should have read the other replies first. Just get the fucking thing to choke on a budgie.

Alt: Not going to watch Eurovision, what with me being heterosexual and all.
(I helped save b3ta! Muns, Fri 9 May 2014, 9:13, Reply)
too right they're expensive
it cost £60 just to have the dog put down....never mind the x-rays, exams, etc etc.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 9 May 2014, 9:28, Reply)
I had to take our old dog to be put down as she developed a tumour behind her eye
:o(
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 9 May 2014, 9:30, Reply)
yer, ours was similar, back legs gone. Not a fun day.

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 9 May 2014, 9:31, Reply)
Can of petrol, box of matches, trebuchet.
No need for a vet.
(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 9 May 2014, 9:31, Reply)
If only I'd thought of this

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 9 May 2014, 9:32, Reply)
The moment you light it, your dog will go 'woof' one last time.

(I helped save b3ta! Muns, Fri 9 May 2014, 9:35, Reply)
haha!

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 9 May 2014, 9:38, Reply)

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