Morning Offtopiclys!
Wednesday brings grey skies - the absolute definition of this years' British summer. I must admit this weather is starting to drag me down.

What do you do to brighten your day?

And how are we all?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 7:59, 376 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Morning Sunshine!
How goes it? Been up since 5... on Stoopid early shift. Its depressing to go to work when its still dark!

In answer to your question... Why I come on here! :)


-edit- Failing that, like when no-one is about, and i'm all alone... I like to bake stuff, or listen to music and dance like a tit :)
(weekirst23 Is broken! Silly ice. Silly High heels!, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 8:03, Reply)

Morning kirst!
I'm good, if a little grey. A slight hangover isn't helping things!

You're right though, this place does brighten my day :)

But real sunshine is the key. I'm camping by a lake with a bunch of wakeboarders this weekend... cross your fingers for good weather!

Edit: calling me "Sunshine" helps too :)
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 8:15, Reply)

@no31
Lol, my fingers are crossed. I'm positivly radiating good vibes for you :) (possibly thats just many cups of tea this morning though...)
(weekirst23 Is broken! Silly ice. Silly High heels!, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 8:17, Reply)

Morning both
It's a nice sunny day here. Scotland's east coast gets loads of sun, according to the statistics, but it's been hiding for the last couple of years. Unless it's been coming out at night...no, wait...
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 8:19, Reply)

Ooh tea!
That's a bloody good idea... sunshine in a cup! And your vibes are appreciated :)

What do you do to have to work such shifts?

My excuse is, taxis won't direct themselves if I'm not here... despite the fact I've only passed nine jobs since 7am. Gives me more time here tho so I shouldn't complain!

Edit: Morning K2k6, you jammy, sun-having git. How's you?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 8:22, Reply)

@no 31
I work in a doctors office, but its in the middle of the business district, so we open at 7 so people can come in before work, and once a week everyone has a turn at covering reception until the actual receptionist comes in at 9:30.


I blooming love tea :)

edit @k2k6 Where on the east coast? My hometowns been pretty nice, in the northeast but I suspect were in some sort of sun trap...
(weekirst23 Is broken! Silly ice. Silly High heels!, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 8:26, Reply)

I'm not that jammy, No3l
It may be sunny outside, but I'm in an office with a window which is at ground level with bushes outside it.

Still, it could be worse. My boss isn't in yet!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 8:27, Reply)

I wasn't brought up on tea
and all my mates used to go "What? You don't drink tea?" like I was some kind of beverage outcast.

I'm partial to the occasional cup now and then. Or a massive mugfull with two bags, three sugars and half a pint of warm milk for hangovers :)
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 8:34, Reply)

morning folks
I stopped drinking tea partly to help me sleep better (need all the help I can get) and partly as a protest against a countrywide addiction.

mainly though it was due to the inability of some of my friends to do anything before they've had a cup of tea.

if I've gone camping and got up at 7am to go surfing then I fucking well want to leave immediately and get in the water, not wait around for an hour for people to fanny about drinking tea.

apologies for early morning ranting :-)

how are you all?

Mrs Vipros is having extreme dental pain at the moment so I've had the full complement of tears to deal with this morning
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 8:41, Reply)

Me too
Probably the three most popular drinks in the world are tea, coffee and Coca Cola. I drink none of them, because I don't like hot drinks, and to me Coke tastes awful.

My gran used to go on at me about not drinking tea. "It's a social thing", she'd say. "You should take it. What happens if you're in company and you're offered a cup of tea?"

"I refuse politely, and drink water or milk or whatever instead", was my reply.

"But that's rude. You should drink tea". Etc etc.

So I countered with my own argument. She and my grandad were teetotal (the typical old-fashioned Presbyterian 'evil drink' attitude) so I said, "Well, what would you do if you were in a pub with friends and they were all drinking beer and wine and the like?"

"I'd just have a glass of orange juice", she replied.

"I rest my case".
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 8:42, Reply)

Morning Vipros!
It was the same with football. "What team do you support?"

"I don't follow a team..."

"What!?"

"Sigh."

God I sound low today!

*bounces*

I'm actually in quite a good mood... honestly! :)
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 8:48, Reply)

oddly enough
Before I came to uni I never touched the stuff. Never at all, but its just something I 'do' now. Can't break my habit :) I like the idea of a really big mug with two tea bags, three sugars and halfa pint of hot milk though! :) Like a hug for my insides mmmm
(weekirst23 Is broken! Silly ice. Silly High heels!, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 8:51, Reply)

I used to drink cups and cups of filter coffee at work because it used to help with the early morning hash haze I had. I quit because I knew I was addicted... I couldn't function without my first cup of coffee and I wasn't down with that. Now I just shoot up smack, which really gets me going in the morning*

* mostly lies
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 8:56, Reply)

I'm currently drinking some Irn Bru
but not because I need the caffeine. Just because I'm thirsty!

My only addiction is to b3ta.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 8:57, Reply)

Morning everybody
I my case, I book the afternoon off work. That brings a certain amount of sunshine into my morning.
( DarkSon a time and date will follow this username on, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 8:58, Reply)

Hmm addictions?
I know I have a medium-sized alcohol problem... I smoke cigs at work but not otherwise, and I certainly have a penchant for furious masturbation... but I think that's just healthy :)

Edit... morning Al, DarkSon! How are we today?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 9:02, Reply)

if I had ever been able to drink coffee I would've given that up too
but unfortunately, despite loving the taste, it made me feel sick, every time without fail.

I have the occasional coke these days, because it is delicious, but I'd rather have it without caffeine.

I've never understood why they only make the caffeine free one in diet form, which tastes nasty

my reefer habit is my vice. I should cut back, but I don't want to :-)
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 9:04, Reply)

Morning all
When Mr Inabin's dad died we discovered what an English minute was. He died at home and it was the time between him dying and the kettle going on. Sorry to start on a downer.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Wed 27 Aug 2008, 9:05, Reply)

Good morning.
To brighten my day I chat on B3ta and I think about sex.

Always works!
( girlinthehole, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 9:07, Reply)

@vipros
in the early 90's they did make a full fat caffene free version. As A tiny weekirst Any form of caffene and most artificial colours, flavours and preservatives gave me a three day migrane. Then, one day it just dissapeared... Thankfully I appear to have grown out of that :)
(weekirst23 Is broken! Silly ice. Silly High heels!, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 9:08, Reply)

Caffiene addiction
is a terrible thing. I'm currently draining my second and last absurdly strong coffee of the day. I used to drink more, but I've cut down a lot recently. I'd quit entirely, but no coffee means headaches, which lead to migraines, which put me off work for a week. It's easier just to stay a junkie.

In other news, I'm fine. Just counting the seconds 'till 12:20.
( DarkSon a time and date will follow this username on, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 9:09, Reply)

kirst
that's interesting. I'm going to track it down
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 9:09, Reply)

Morning Al
No problem, I hope it helps. I really must get up now. Lying in bed posting from a phone is far too lazy.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Wed 27 Aug 2008, 9:09, Reply)

Morning, all you 9am people
BGB - I forgot last night to look out a photo of me in a kilt. So you'll just have to wait, I'm afraid! (It was you who was talking about that yesterday, wasn't it?)
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 9:09, Reply)

Morning Mrs Bin, BGB
b3ta and thinking about sex... at the same time? That would explain a lot :p

Edit: DarkSon... ever thought it might be caffeine withdrawl causing the headaches? Just a thought.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 9:09, Reply)

@vipros
never ever saw it again, but I'm pretty sure My mum used to buy it. After years of not being allowed any juice type things, I can't drink em now at all. can't stand coke n stuff... (but i'll choke it down if you stick a vodka in it :) )
not diet though. I'd rather choke on my own vomit :(
(weekirst23 Is broken! Silly ice. Silly High heels!, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 9:15, Reply)

no31
I know the headaches are caffiene withdrawal... it's just that the migraines they trigger are so horrible I'd rather just carry on with the coffee.
( DarkSon a time and date will follow this username on, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 9:18, Reply)

Mmmm diet coke
I used to drink loads of the stuff, especially when late night gaming with friends. Not so much any more though, it just tastes so synthetic.

Edit: fair enough DarkSon. I've only ever had one headache I'd define as a migrane, and I'd have drunk bleach to get rid of it, such was the pain.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 9:18, Reply)

@No31
Considering the smut that bandied about on here, it's very difficult not to read B3ta and think about sex.

@K2K6 - I would never say no to a pic of a man in a kilt.
( girlinthehole, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 9:23, Reply)

I am sitting here about to start work with my raspberry and cranberry tea
I gave up proper tea years ago when I gave up coffee (but the coffee only went for a short while) - it was when I was teaching full time and I was downing around eight cups a day and constantly suffering from cystitis.

It could have been the tea and coffee or it could have been too much sex....

It was the drink.

And it looks like it's going to piss down here.

This weather is depressing. Add that to all the excitement being over now after the weekend.

It's miserable here.

:(
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 9:25, Reply)

BGB
I would point you in the direction of my QOTW post... no linky cos I'm using my phone :(

Warning: Not Suitable For Taking Your Mind Off Sex.

Edit: morning chickenlady... I used to drink hot orange or blackcurrant squash... poor man's herbal tea :)
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 9:26, Reply)

Today
I am wobbly of leg and grim of stomach. One is not impressed or amused.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 9:30, Reply)

Morning
Good to see you back here Mr. K.

EDIT: Ms. JSBX, I was also grim or stomach this morning, that was what woke me up, not my bloody alarm.
*twitches*
( Cawl, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 9:31, Reply)

@ No3l
Hot squash reminds me of being poorly as a kid.

My herbal teas were often referred to as my Lesbian tea by my ex's brother. Strangely none of my lesbian friends drink them...but I do have a couple of straight male friends who do...
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 9:33, Reply)

Morning!
How are we all today?

EDIT to brighten up my day me and guys in work play "Log your log". I'm sure you've heard of it but it occasionally throws up some wonderful comments.

Other than I tend to sit out the back of the shop and catch some of the infamous eastcoast sunshine/seagull shit.
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 9:33, Reply)

We're miserable and drinking tea
Good morning Batman. Nice kilt you have there.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 9:36, Reply)

Woo, new people!
Hello to all of you new people.
Were any of you lurkers?
( Cawl, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 9:37, Reply)

Morning becky, Kaol, Holy
Today I'm mostly enjoying my brand new sander and thinking about writing a snotty letter to Wickes head office.

No... wait...

Edit: I've been lurking for about a year... this Off Topic lark was a great idea :)
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 9:37, Reply)

Good morning all
Hope everyone's good this morning? It may be grey and mild, but the folks here are anything but!

Nice to meet you at the weekend Kaol, must meet for another pint soon.

Anyone heard how DiT is doing with his medical complaint?
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 27 Aug 2008, 9:41, Reply)

Morning chickenlady
I would sympathise with you over the grey skys but unfortunately it's absolutely glorious up here, sorry. And thanks, glad you liked it :)

@ Koal; yeah long time lurker, thought I should get my arse in gear and make more of an effort.

EDIT plus I have the creative writing abilities of a 2 year old so could never post anything decent on QOTW. People on /talk are just mean so this seemed the best place to spend time.
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 9:41, Reply)

Right I'm going to do some work now
I may return in an hour once I've churned 1 or 2k of words.

I'll catch you lovely people later.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 9:41, Reply)

Morning PJM
I think DiT said yesterday he had to register at the docs so won't be seen for a couple of days.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 9:46, Reply)

Well if you don't know
then how are we supposed to?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 9:50, Reply)

PJM
It was indeed lovely to meet you!
My sig is a tribute to you...

Anyway, the problem with Lurkers is that as soon as they post something, they're no longer a lurker.
For that reason lurkers exhibit a degree of Schrödinger's cat.
If you can observe them, they aren't lurkers. But if they're lurking, they can't be observed.
( Cawl, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 9:50, Reply)

Wait a minute...
If you're him and he's him, and you're him and he's him, am I still me? And if not, who's eating this chicken?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 9:50, Reply)

Ah, No3l
Didn't you reply to the retro computing post the other day?

Morning Al!
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 27 Aug 2008, 9:51, Reply)

Get off my chicken
You thieving bastard!
*smacks*
( Cawl, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 9:52, Reply)

PJM
Yeah that was me. Spec 48k FTW!

Edit: Kaol, I like your quantumesque stylings. I am glad to be part of the universe! So, what am I if I'm no longer a lurker?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 9:55, Reply)

No3l
You're a QOTW-based b3tard, grade 4.

For clarification, you gain one grade for:

Coming first in a QOTW. (EDIT FOR CLARIFICATION: First as in top of the Best Of)
Getting into the Newsletter.
Getting your QOTW suggestion chosen.
( Cawl, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:00, Reply)

I managed it by
Writing in to comment on one of the "Top Tips", about ants, then I got featured the next week.

I'm grade 1, by the way.
*smug grin*
( Cawl, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:04, Reply)

Well that's me buggered.
I'll only ever be a grade 4 : (
( girlinthehole, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:06, Reply)

What happens
if you just post mindless shite on off-topic?
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:06, Reply)

I'm only grade three, I think
Can you get marginal grade increases for being on the first page of QOTW? I've done that a few times but only once have I managed to get in the newsletter because of it. But I did once get a mention for sending in something else, pre links board.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:06, Reply)

Grade 4 eh?
I assume that's only one step above Lurker... does coming absolute bottom on last week's QOTW Best page count for anything? :)
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:07, Reply)

Being on the Best Of page
Is a duty. You should aspire to make it there with every QOTW answer that you post.

Coming top takes a special kind of fantasticness, worthy of gaining a grade.
( Cawl, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:09, Reply)

hmmm
Kaol: there was a qotw topic chosen that you suggested, but you came up with it in conversation with me. do I get any points for that?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:09, Reply)

Vipros...
No.
( Cawl, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:11, Reply)

Hmm
I think scratching "b3ta" into my chest with a compass and chaining myself naked to the gates of Buckingham Palace might get me in the newsletter... or at least, in the news.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:11, Reply)

Ahh but
there must be allowances made as I was second on the best of page and that week there wasn't a QOTW section in the newsletter. I'd have made it otherwise.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:11, Reply)

Morning all!
Hello my lovelies, how have you all been?
All this talk of tea is making me think I should get up and put the kettle on in a minute.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:12, Reply)

didn't think so
:-(

edit: I just came up with a great answer to the QOTW, only to find out that I had forgotten which question it was, and my answer was for last weeks :-(
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:13, Reply)

Becky...
It doesn't work like that.
The time I won the QOTW, it wasn't newslettered.
I've been near the top of the Best Of many a time, but they tend to pick random short, funny stories to put in, rather than pay much attention to the rankings.
( Cawl, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:14, Reply)

Well then that's just not fair
and I'm not playing anymore.

*stomps off in a frilly flouncing skirt*
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:18, Reply)

Morning everybody.
How are you lovely lot today? Well except for the folks with dodgy tummies, beacause you are all not well :(

Gods it took me forever to recover from the bash.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:19, Reply)

Right...
So I've come first once and been newslettered 3 times... What grade does that make me then, O Mighty One? :)

(You should also get points for hat tricks!)

Morning everyone. I have forced myself in to the office today, regardless of the fact I feel like shit on toast. Still, the week is halfway done! HOORAY!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:20, Reply)

Morning Lucy
We haven't met. I'm No3l, and I'm a Grade 4 QOTW ex-lurker :)

Is that a zombie taking your picture in your profile?

Edit: morning Dok, DiT. How's the maracas?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:20, Reply)

I might make badges tonight.
Wonderfully, I can't think of any other Grade 1's...

*grins*
( Cawl, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:20, Reply)

hmm
I don't understand... i've been first on a QOTW once, but in general my answers are a bit crap, so i'm highly unlikely to make the best of page... Do i get a grade at all?

P.S i was a lurker for years, i only signed up a few months ago though...
(weekirst23 Is broken! Silly ice. Silly High heels!, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:21, Reply)

Mornin' DiT, Herr Dr.
Good seein' you on Saturday!

Mr. Devil, that makes you a Grade Two, you just need a QOTW suggestion chosen and you'll be one of the ruling-class elite. I'll save you a seat...

Edit: Weekirst, you're Grade 3 then.
EDIT TO EDIT: Sorry, you misunderstood. First on the QOTW as in not first post, best answer. Grade 4, I'm afraid.
( Cawl, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:22, Reply)

Kaol
Badges are a good idea. As are badgers... my phone wants badgers. Gotta love predictive text!
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:27, Reply)

Hey No3l...
They're fine, thanks! Still haven't had anyone feel 'em up for me though. I'm going to a walk in centre tonight.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:28, Reply)

Yeah Kaol
It was great meeting you as well. And I also thought you'd be shorter!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:28, Reply)

Reading was ACE
And I did indeed meet up with Wanderlust, she's as lovely as you'd think she is and we danced like knobs. It was such good fun.
Yes I have a pet zombie that takes all pictures of me, it discourages people from walking in front of the camera.
How was the bash? I was just looking at the photos, looked ace.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:29, Reply)

Welcome to
Nutwatch.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:30, Reply)

This grading malarkey
Is far too complicated for me. I suggest the following:

Lurker
Ranter
Uber Ranter
Dribbler
Drunken Late-Night Dribbler
Flirter
Genuinely Strange
'Nurse! Increase the Dosage!'

I think I qualify for at least half of the above.

On the bright side, while the weather is greyer than a Management Consultants soul, I have at last been paid for my last contract, so will toddle off to the bank with a couple of cheques clutched in my grubby mitt.
(osok Rebel without a clue, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:30, Reply)

Presented by Bill Oddie and Kate Humble?
With Ben Fogle doing location reports?


No thanks. But Kate Humble can stay.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:31, Reply)

Herr Dr...
You also said "I thought you'd be less corporate"...

How a simple suit jacket can cloud judgement :p

EDIT: Osok, which of those do I get?
( Cawl, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:33, Reply)

Kaol
You probably qualify for the full set, however a gracious sovereign is considering investing you with The Order Of Kaol (Second Class).
(osok Rebel without a clue, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:37, Reply)

Oh yes... Kate Humble
Man alive that girl floats my boat. And I've no idea why.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:38, Reply)

Bugger all that grading malarky.
Were all as speshul and important and talented as each other, just in different ways.


SO THERE!
( girlinthehole, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:40, Reply)

I vote we go back to
Deviltania and declare war on Kaoltown. I was ministery of defence or some such fun things then.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:45, Reply)

Yes Ma'am, Your Worshipful BGBness
*Salutes*

*Scurries off in chastened manner*
(osok Rebel without a clue, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:45, Reply)

Why don't we get QOTW stats like the boarders and talk ppl do?
That's just mean :(
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:45, Reply)

Ungrateful creatures!
Think of all I've done for you!

You're just jealous that nobody else is Grade 1.
( Cawl, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:47, Reply)

Devilavian war
To be fair, Kaol does brighten up this board with his dictatorial style!

BTW - Kate Humble FTW.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:53, Reply)

Actually, my mummy
Refers to me as a complete bastard. I have no idea if that is a comment on my paternity or personality, and I think I'll keep it that way.
(osok Rebel without a clue, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:53, Reply)

No3l
And everyone else.
Get clicking this...
www.b3ta.com/questions/bugs_and_feature_requests/post219587

Also, Al, A lot of people have said that they thought I'd be smaller...
Do I give off small-man-internet-vibes?
( Cawl, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:53, Reply)

@BGB
You need not fear having your photo taken. I was looking at RWH's photos from the bash, and many of the pics of you are much more flattering than that earless one in your profile!

All of us QOTWers are special (although it does depend on your definition of 'special')
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:55, Reply)

QOTW Stats
I'm back from writing, btw - approx 1k today.

What about just relying on how many friends/fans we have?


*stands back and gloats*

*falls over due to size of inflated head*
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:55, Reply)

Duly clicked, Kaol. Nice one.
Now if we can get a reply button/link at the bottom of the page, my life will be as complete as it can be as a Grade 4 who isn't getting any :)

Edit: chickenlady... do you write for a living?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:57, Reply)

100?
?

a reply button at the bottom of the page would be so good

it would make my life complete also

edit: have been meaning to ask for a while...

what has happened to Bert?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:58, Reply)

Morning you lovely people.
I'm back at work today, it doesn't feel like I've been away. Boooooo!

Is it home time yet?!
( wanderlust, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 11:02, Reply)

Burt is on holiday
And I hope he gets back soon, I miss him.

'Lo Wanderlust! Did you have fun?
Were Rage any good?
( Cawl, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 11:04, Reply)

@ No3l
I write for money - I wouldn't call it making a living.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 11:04, Reply)

I didn't see all of rage
as I've seen them before. Plus they started to get a little bit too political for my liking.
Instead LvP and I went dancing with my friend Vicky and I spun around lots and generally made a tit of myself. Good times!
( wanderlust, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 11:06, Reply)

did you say you didn't watch Metallica lusty?
I'd be curious to hear a review of their new stuff

I listened to their new single yesterday

it was better than the whole of their pile of shit last album, but not great. somewhat lacklustre and had a cobbled together feel about it.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 11:09, Reply)

^Well done you!
and may I say, chickenlady, it was an honour and a pleasure to meet you on Saturday!

*was a bit starstruck*
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 11:09, Reply)

*perks up ears*
Did someone mention dancing like a tit? hello lusty, how are you?! I'm still applying for bloody jobs, reminiscing about Reading.
Fun times.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 11:09, Reply)

Morning wanderlust
chickenlady... I wish I could sit still for long enough to write. I barely get round to blogging any more, and I used to love that... so relaxing. I really should start again.

What kind of stuff do you write?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 11:10, Reply)

*sits up and takes notice*
Did someone mention tits?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 11:13, Reply)

I didn't see Metallica either!
Again as I've seen them before and well, to be honest they're not really my cup of tea.
I don't know enough of their songs to watch them for 2 hours so I stayed for a bit then went to dance my socks off to css and cover myself in glowsticks.
( wanderlust, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 11:13, Reply)

No3l
Even writing QOTW answers can really help with getting in the writing-mood.

I'm about to start writing a new film, having shot our last one just over a week ago.
Writing a good long QOTW answer will help my brain get into "Writing Mode".
( Cawl, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 11:14, Reply)

Metallica
I watched an hour of Metallica. They were good I suppose but I had no idea when one song stopped and another began. But other people seemed to be having fun.
But I thought I should give em a go. Glad I did although I probably wouldn't see them again.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 11:15, Reply)

@ No3l
I get paid to write about my opinions (I bet that's a surprise to you all) for a magazine but I've been making myself write short stories in order to build up more of a publishing profile so I can eventually get my novella in print.

I also teach it too.

But in fairness, this is all recent stuff - up until less than two years ago I was a full time slave farmer/farmer's wife.

In true romantic style I gave it all up to pursue my dreams and maintain my mental health.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 11:17, Reply)

I always have ideas for stories, screenplays etc
but I tend to flit from making a start to starting something else. I have problems finishing things :)
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 11:18, Reply)

It would be good
if we could have a QOTW that we could really sink our teeth into.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 11:21, Reply)

Herr Dr...
"Tales of Cannibalism"?
( Cawl, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 11:22, Reply)

Write them down and put them away
It doesn't matter if you don't finish things - put them away and then in months or years you'll have loads of stuff which you may feel like finishing.

And even when we think we've finished something once we look at it again after a period of time it often isn't really finished at all.

Mind you I often look at stuff I wrote ages ago and think, 'Dear god, what a pile of crap!' generally it's the stuff I thought was brilliant at the time.

Sometimes though it's really nice to come across a piece and find a couple of sentences that are real gems - mostly I'll think that I didn't write that bit - that's when I know it's good because it's not obviously mine.


*EDIT* Right folks, off to be a mother for a bit and take the kids out to see their friends for the afternoon. Don't be too exciting while I'm away please!
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 11:22, Reply)

How I picture Chickenlady

( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Wed 27 Aug 2008, 11:25, Reply)

Chickenlady
I have a similar kinda thing when I'm writing songs, I'll get a couple of lines that work really well, then end up taking them out of their original song and putting them in something better.
( Cawl, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 11:26, Reply)

Oh Hell Kaol
That would be better than the crap we've had recently.

Far more fun and entertaining!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 11:29, Reply)

Thanks for the advice folks
I'll start doing that. Putting my ideas to paper and filing them away has gotta be better than letting them fade in my brain.

What are we all having for lunch today? I've just had two slices of loverly granary toast. Looking for inspiration on the snack front.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 11:36, Reply)

Herr Dr,
Fear ye not, I'm writing a story as we speak!
( Cawl, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 11:37, Reply)

@Al
No! your getting her mixed up with Tourettes.
( girlinthehole, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 11:37, Reply)

I'll be having
nothing for lunch, as my employers seem to think that paying me on a regular day every month is a bit too corporate for them, they prefer the avante garde approach.

I love working here, but that is blady annoying.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 11:39, Reply)

@ No3l
I'm having the left overs of last nights chicken fajitas . Forgot the cheese though so using cheesey doritos instead. Mmmmmm crunchy.

D_I_T the folk I work for are exactly the same. Some months it's a really short month which is great at the time...but then that's usually followed up by an extra long month which is never good at any time. Bastards.
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 11:41, Reply)

Posted!
www.b3ta.com/questions/gullible/post228921

There you go.

Lunch? Still an hour and twenty minutes away.
I'll be having a coffee, a meat sandwich and an orange.
( Cawl, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 11:42, Reply)

On wages...
I get paid weekly.
That means I always have money, but it's terrible for saving.
( Cawl, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 11:45, Reply)

Lunch hmmm
I have to pop to the supermarket so the world is my oyster really. I should have something healthy as I have lived off of crap the past week but ideally I'd like some salt and vinegar pringles and a hoi sin duck wrap for lunch.
nom nom nom.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 11:48, Reply)

I've been having a chat by the water cooloer
and now I have drink too much super chilled water, dangerously lowering my core temperature....

I'm shivering like a bastard

edit: lunch = leftover pancetta and leek cannelloni. and a marmite sandwich.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 11:49, Reply)

Vipros...
I read that as "leftover placenta"...

EDIT: Where the fuck has everyone gone? Bastards!
( Cawl, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 11:50, Reply)

Heh
I employed a guy a while back who used to work in a large office and was used to having a water cooler. I couldn't afford/be arsed to get one so he spent an entire afternoon in the basement making a cardboard cut out of one just so he and the 2 other people who work here could have a chat around it.

He also made cut outs potted plants to brighten the place up. Nutter.
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 11:54, Reply)

that's quite mental
I have totally frozen myself

just had to go and use the hand driers to warm up

hasn't worked....
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 11:57, Reply)

Batman
I assume that you didn't keep him for long?

Vipros
The opposite of cold water is coffee... Go!
( Cawl, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 11:58, Reply)

Yo yo yo
Big it up Dawg stylee innit.

Pow.

Ning all
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 11:59, Reply)

Kaol
Actually he still works here but he moved to our Glasgow branch. He tried the same trick there and the manager went mental which I thought was a bit harsh.

He apparently spends most of his shivering in the corner in fear of being judged to be a crazy person. He did make a kick ass cut out Crimbo tree one year though. Poor little bugger.
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 12:03, Reply)

@HCFB
Does this guy have a life size* cardboard cut out of Kylie in his bedroom too?

*small
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 12:05, Reply)

@holy
you know, if he was in my office, he'd probably be my friend :) (my office thinks i'm a bit odd. not helped by the frequent giggling to myself in the corner readong B3ta )
(weekirst23 Is broken! Silly ice. Silly High heels!, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 12:06, Reply)

*makes cardboard cutout of Kate Humble to brighten up the office*
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 12:07, Reply)

Kaol
I don't drink coffee or tea

hot cannelloni will save me!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 12:07, Reply)

@HCFB
He sounds like my kind of nutter!

I love people who are a bit odd, probably why I like B3ta so much! :p
( wanderlust, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 12:07, Reply)

He actually
asked me to go round to his one night but I politely declined in case he turned out to be a cardboard axe murderer. I didn't fancy working the next with a series of nasty paper cuts on me nogen.

I like to think he had a load of cardboard friends and pets around him when he went home though so he had some company.

EDIT I actually really miss him. He was a genuinely nice bloke he was just a bit odd. And really intense as well. But good guy!

Johnny if you're reading this...can you make me a cardboard Holly Willoughby please?
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 12:08, Reply)

Ah...
Hot, creamy goodness for the win, Mr. V.

In other news, I want a cigarette.
*smashes desk*

I'm not having one though.

*clenches fist*
( Cawl, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 12:08, Reply)

@kaol
quitting or cutting down??
(weekirst23 Is broken! Silly ice. Silly High heels!, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 12:10, Reply)

Quitting.
I don't even smoke properly.
I've just smoked a lot since Friday.

And I've got a deal with someone that we'll both stop.
( Cawl, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 12:12, Reply)

Kate Humble
Actually, a cardboard Kate Humble would certainly brighten up the office. I just did a Google image search for said lady, and turned up something odd. Try it. Go to Google images, make sure safe search is turned off, type in "kate humble" (with the quotes) and select 'extra large images'.

Observe the first result. Most odd, I thought.

Well, I did until further research revealed she likes getting her kit off outdoors, and actually did so when doing a holiday programme report from a nude beach.

The thought of which has been preoccupying me since then!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 12:13, Reply)

What do you reckon
the guy on the right of the group is saying?


"Pssst big man...honestly it's not always that small...it's just really cold."

That is odd though.
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 12:18, Reply)

Am I missing something?
Where is 'extra large images' on google?

Anyway, I can't see what you're on about!

EDIT: Got it! Hehehe
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 12:20, Reply)

@DiT
You have to click on the Images tag first, which takes you to Google images. Then there's a drop down menu which allows you to refine your search by image size.

Anyway, the picture is here. May be marginally NSFW, but it's only a drawing, so it's 99% likely to be fine.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 12:24, Reply)

me either
but my computer always wants to use google.ie anyway
(weekirst23 Is broken! Silly ice. Silly High heels!, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 12:27, Reply)

K2k6
You have just brought sunshine to my day. You win the internet.

Roll on three of the clock!
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 12:29, Reply)

Well, thank you No3l.
Although I'd have made my own day had that picture actually been of Kate Humble!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 12:33, Reply)

Congratulations K2k6
Winner of the Internet.

New post up on QOTW...
*pimps shamelessly*
( Cawl, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 12:35, Reply)

Kate Humble
I just read a comment on some forum about Kate Humble

"Is Kate Humble the new thinking mans bird or is she just some bint with crazy hair"

Discuss!
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 12:36, Reply)

I'll be rampantly searching Youtube later
for that footage. Yes, I'm sad and lonely. I need some proper porn probably :)

Edit: Actually, on that note, if any of you lovely people fancy gazzing me in the direction of your favourite filth sites, I'd be endlessly grateful. And I'm aware this could be open to abuse... I don't love horses :)
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 12:37, Reply)

No3l
I'm sorry to hear that you're sad and lonely.

What would a hooker cost there?
( Cawl, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 12:38, Reply)

She is...
A thinking man's girl. She has wonderful hair.

Having said that, she's no Fiona Bruce.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 12:41, Reply)

@No3l
I'd doubt you'd find it on YouTube. They don't tend to allow nudity. Anyway, my friend looked earlier and told me he couldn't find the footage.

*coughs*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 12:42, Reply)

Fiona Bruce FTW!
Kaplinskys a bit of a stonker too. Dirty ballroom dancing minx that she is.

EDIT Just found this on wikipedia

In September 2001 Kate and her fellow presenters appeared naked in a report from Wreck Beach in Vancouver as part of the audience suggestions in the BBC's Holiday - "You Call The Shots" . Sadly, as of 2008, this series has not been repeated on UK television.
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 12:47, Reply)

It's also a grey rainy morning over here, for the first time in months
but what really has me sad is that no one commented on the story I posted last night! Come on, folks, I need feedback! My frail ego is taking a beating here...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 27 Aug 2008, 12:49, Reply)

mmmmm
Kate Humble

a mere naked shot of someone like that is better than porn

because you want it more :-)
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 12:50, Reply)

^Absatively.
I'll never forget the day that Holly Willoughby made a 'bid for freedom' on Ministry of Mayhem.

Gold, it was. :)
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 12:51, Reply)

@TRL
Sorry, but in a competition between a (probably excellent) story written by a bloke from Virginia, and thoughts of Kate Humble in the nude, I'm afraid the story takes second place!

That said, I will go and read it properly later on. I skimmed it earlier when I didn't have time to read it all.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 12:53, Reply)

1 gaz already, result! :)
Erm yeah, paying for sex is too expensive on my measly wage... plus I'd be all wanting to save them from a life of sexual slavery etc

Edit: TRL... I started to read it but got distracted... I'll read it when I get to my laptop later *massages ego*
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 12:54, Reply)

No3l...
It's like getting a book from the library...

You don't have to take them back afterwards, you could keep them and read them over and over, at your leisure...
( Cawl, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 12:56, Reply)

Thanks, K2k6.
Meanwhile, the request for pr0n: go to www.sensibleerection.com and search- Chop Logik in particular tends to post a hell of a lot of whackin' material there. (There are also loads of other very interesting things posted there, so take a look around while you're on the site.)
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 27 Aug 2008, 12:57, Reply)

Holly Willoughby
Woah woah woah she made a bit for freedom?! My word man I must see it.

I've actually started watching th Xtra factor purely to watch her in revealing dresses. Simon Cowell went up in my estimation somewhat as he clearly has no gripes about her wearing low cut dresses. Athank you Mr Cowell


@ TRL I hope you you don't mind but I printed it off and the last one (about walking at night). I plan to read them when I'm on the train for 3 hours tomorrow night!
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 12:57, Reply)

What's so great about Kate.
I think you all want someone to look like the girl next door but behave like the girl next door's milf.
( girlinthehole, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 13:07, Reply)

Good afternoon...
...all!
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 13:09, Reply)

@BGB
Your point being...?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 13:09, Reply)

BGB
Is that a personal ad?
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 13:10, Reply)

Afternoon Edmund
How's it going?

and BGB that's the dream. Gotta have a dream.
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 13:18, Reply)

Kate Humble
We did go off on one a bit eh? :)

For me, I wouldn't say she was super stunning, but she's got a cracking smile and a bubbly personality and that really works for me.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 13:18, Reply)

kate humble.
She has kindo of dominated the chat today guys... :( yopur forgetting your very own lovely B3ta girls!
(weekirst23 Is broken! Silly ice. Silly High heels!, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 13:21, Reply)

Well
It's been a relatively male-dominated chat :)

We'd never forget about the b3ta ladies... especially as the image of Tourette's backside is burnt into my retinas!

Edit: what's a cooliris..? it's suddenly appeared as a feed in my browser.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 13:23, Reply)

sorry kirst
you're right. I'm sorry. I'll go away and eat some humble pie....ahem.
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 13:24, Reply)

@kirst
Don't feel left out, take it as a plus that we aren't all perving over you lot! Could be quite scary.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 13:24, Reply)

@weekirst
Yeah you're right. We should consider the b3tagirls too.

Especially if they follow Kate's example and appear in the buff. :)

(Who started this Kate Humble thing anyway? Bloody hell)
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 13:25, Reply)

I think laughter is a fantastic aphrodisiac for women.
You really can laugh a women into bed.

Fact!


Or I might just be easy.....I'm not sure : )
( girlinthehole, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 13:25, Reply)

@BGB
What if women laugh at a bloke's cock though? That's hardly going to work.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 13:27, Reply)

hmmm
i think i'm beggining to regret that...

-(I need at least dinner and a pint before i'll appear in the buff ;)
(weekirst23 Is broken! Silly ice. Silly High heels!, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 13:27, Reply)

@ BGB
By making them laugh or laughing at them? I'm a bit simple with the ladies.
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 13:28, Reply)

So...
what're you drinking, weekirst....?

*passes dinner menu*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 13:28, Reply)

@K2K6
The laughter has to come before the nakedness and that way a small cock can be glossed over as a minor problem.


Years ago I had a crush on Woody Allen.

Nuff said!
( girlinthehole, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 13:29, Reply)

Apologies, B3taladies
I think it was I who started the Kate Humble thing.

If you were here, we'd have been talking to you instead! *fawns*
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 13:29, Reply)

Laughter and sex
go well together, as long as the laughter isn't directed in a hurtful way toward either partner.

I think the reason that women are willing to sleep with men who make them laugh is that laughter makes one relax and feel comfortable. If you can make a woman feel comfortable and happy, she's yours. Bonus points if you can do so without getting her intoxicated.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 27 Aug 2008, 13:31, Reply)

laughter
it may work sometimes

but I've never had that much luck with it.

at least not with the girls that I was interested in :-(
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 13:31, Reply)

Laughter
during sex is another thing entirely though.

Garrumphing loudly at a fanny fart does kill the moment somewhat!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 13:32, Reply)

@k2k6
pint of stella please chum

*surreptiously checks for hairy legs... see's takes pint and runs*


he hehe

*edit * Sometimes you have to laugh when you're having sex...
(weekirst23 Is broken! Silly ice. Silly High heels!, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 13:32, Reply)

@k2k6
Or smiling during such moments (even when I was smiling at the situation, not that particular event) tends to put them off too :(
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 13:34, Reply)

Edmund!
I was thinking about you in the bath today!!
I was wondering where you had got to.

Apropos of nothing, I've got a sherbet Dip Dab.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Wed 27 Aug 2008, 13:34, Reply)

@weekirst
Don't run - you'll spill it!

Whose legs were you checking - mine or yours? :)
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 13:34, Reply)

Vipros
yeah I agree. Never seems to work for me either.

Neither does getting them intoxicated on cheap cider and vodka. All about the class.

@weekirst Stella? Does that mean you'd beat us up? (Don't know if it's a Scottish thing but Stella is called Wife Beater up here...)
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 13:37, Reply)

Laughter during sex
isn't always bad either. I was once in mid-stroke with a woman when she let loose with a sizable blast. Her eyes opened wide in horror when I stopped, having been startled by a sudden vibration in my balls, until I chuckled. She gave a very nervous laugh and I kissed her, then carried on as though nothing happened.

In that case laughter defused a very embarrassing moment, so it was a good thing.

I find that using laughter in that way during sex is very helpful.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 27 Aug 2008, 13:41, Reply)

@ TRL
Beats a cock ring vibe I guess!
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 13:42, Reply)

Batman
I found that becoming roguishly charming and devilishly handsome has a much better effect on the ladies.

then being funny :-)

and it is called Wife Beater down here too (or my favourite Stella Actatwat) but it's good, so I'm not going to let that stop me drinking it!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 13:42, Reply)

Vipros
Like the Actatwat. That's a new one on me!.

I'll try my best to become charming but handsome?If I concentrate enough and apply cucumber slices to my eyes at night will that help?

TRL I actually quite like that sensation on my balls.
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 13:49, Reply)

@Vipros
Looks and charm are good but if they have no sense of humour then they can kiss my middle aged white woman's ass goodbye.

@Male B3tans....handsome guys get old and wrinkly but funny guys just get funnier.

*not including George Clooney who just seems to get more handsome, charming and funny*


Edit - there's also a number of plain young men who grow into handsomeness. This doesn't seem to happen with women, just guys.
( girlinthehole, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 13:49, Reply)

BGB...
That's a relief...

*assumes he's funny*

I've got a good few years before I prune up though... Yay to being young!
( Cawl, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 13:57, Reply)

BGB
laughter is good, and I don't consider myself much of a looker particularly, but witty charm (as opposed to sleaze) is the way forward!

@Batman: I also recommend growing a beard, this will eliminate potential beard-hating undesirables

edit: another beardy-bonus - it hides the signs of aging.

apart from grey hair.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 13:58, Reply)

Yeah
Is he really THAT good looking? He seems like a cool guy (judging by all the time I've clearly spent with him...) but I don't get it.

Once again I would like to point out I'm a bit simple when it comes to women.

EDIT @ Vipros I've tried growing one. I get a bit of stubble which reaches a certain length but then just stops growing. I did spend an hour one night rubbing boot polish on my face to make me look bearded right enough.... but I just looked like one of those black and white minstrels.
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 13:59, Reply)

*waves*
Goooooood morning vietnam! afternoon B3ta!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 13:59, Reply)

*hugs TGB*
afternoon!

where've you been?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 14:00, Reply)

Hi Grammy
Hows it going?
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 14:00, Reply)

@Batman
Are you talking about George.


He is without doubt....one of the most handsome guys in the universe.
( girlinthehole, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 14:02, Reply)

@BGB
Two things - as HCFB says, what's the deal with George Clooney? I mean, to my eyes, he's just another bloke. Yes, reasonably good looking I suppose, but I honestly don't understand what he has that makes women drool over him. (That said, I wouldn't mind some of whatever it is!)

And the second thing - you're wrong about the positive change in appearance with ageing only happening to men. Some girls who were quite plain at high school have turned out to be really attractive women. Not stunning in a classically beautiful way, just desirable. And vice versa for the pretty ones. Some of them haven't aged well at all. One never can tell!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 14:05, Reply)

Yay hugs *hugs Vipros*
I've been driving in my car *boop boop boop boop boop boop boop* it's not quite a Jaguar

Hey Ethelred *hugs*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 14:05, Reply)

wifebeater
Sorry was having a spot of lunch...

I'm not going to beat anyone up, but I do like stella, even though its not really a ladylike drink :)
(weekirst23 Is broken! Silly ice. Silly High heels!, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 14:05, Reply)

Hey GB
I showed the pictures of the Marinas to Mr Inabin. There was one there just the same as one of the 3 his folks had. (one after the other, not at the same time).
He agrees that 400 mile in a Marina is 800 miles in any other car. He said the trips from the Midlands to Cornwall each summer used to be about 2000 miles and take three days.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Wed 27 Aug 2008, 14:06, Reply)

Word up, TGB!
*does secret handshake*

Y'alright?

I look forward to being old and wrinkly with a bit of funniness thrown in. As long as I can still have a wee bit o' charm. And hints that I used to be a bit of a looker in my day.

Pfft! What am I saying? I'll have surgery.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 14:07, Reply)

hehe I believe it Mrs L!
I am selling one of them though to finance the work that needs doing on the other. May be worth more in scrap though!

Hey DiT *tries to remember secret handshake* Thought you had a mask to hide your devilish good looks as they were making women swoon all over the place ;)
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 14:08, Reply)

What Vipros said!
Yeah I was talking about George. Don't get me wrong I don't think he's the worst looking man ever I just don't think he's gorgeous (I'm not that way inclined so that may have something to do with it). He does have cool clothes though (again I'm not that way inclined)

And agree Vipros, I went to a school reunion a while ago and a lot of the girls who were stunners then aren't so great now and the ones that were pretty plain have grown up to be a lot nicer. Plus they seem to be nicer people too.
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 14:09, Reply)

not me talking about george!
I get that he is good looking, but not quite how women can swoon over him so much.

someone needs to explain this to us.

*looks pointedly at the ladies*
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 14:12, Reply)

@GB
Surely there must be another Marina fancier who would take it off you hands rather than see it go for scrap?
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Wed 27 Aug 2008, 14:13, Reply)

@DiT
One thing I did notice about you is that you have the most wonderful skin. Milky it was, like a young pre-pubescent maiden.

*jealouses*

Guys - Mr Cloony has the old fashioned looks and charm that Cary Grant had. It's the full package, not just the face. I don't usually go for looks or obviously good looking guys but he seems to rock my world. Dunno why!

Oh! he's self-effacing and has a twinkle in his eye as well.
( girlinthehole, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 14:13, Reply)

Vipros
It's not so much his looks, his voice, any of that...

He's got Hypno-Eyes.
Don't meet his gaze...
( Cawl, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 14:14, Reply)

@Mrs L
I have offered it to the other Marina Nuts first but it needs a hell of a lot of parts and I can't afford to see it go for less than scrap value. I am offering the two decent panels and the engine etc or whatever people need to keep any other cars on the road. Can't save them all though
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 14:15, Reply)

No, not Vipros
'twas I who was talking about Mr Clooney. But no matter.

@TGB - Your mention of the Marina brought back memories of when I was at high school and my pal Andrew, who was a year older than I, used to occasionally give me a lift in his dad's Morris Ital.

As you'll know, this was a BL-reworked Marina, and possibly a worse car than the original. He was a sensible enough driver, but we still almost managed to get killed passing a lorry when the engine started to cough a bit!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 14:16, Reply)

Sadly, TGB...
I lied. That's not a mask, that's my real face.

Thanks, BGB. That's exactly the look I was going for! ;) Would you believe I don't use any spot creams or moisturisers? Because I don't!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 14:16, Reply)

Kaol:
is he like Hypno-toad?

that would explain a lot.

I do like his work I must admit. he does have charisma too. like Hitler.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 14:17, Reply)

The Itals
Are nicer to drive as they have more "mod"cons but they look worse than Jade Goody.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 14:18, Reply)

Vipros...
He IS Hypno-Toad.
That's the problem.
( Cawl, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 14:18, Reply)

george clooney IS hypno-toad?
sweet zombie christ on a bike!

what are we going to do?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 14:19, Reply)

*coughs loudly*
Oh hi Kaol!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 14:19, Reply)

I think we need to get
Some poisoned slugs.
Leave them near the "swimming pool" of his Hollywood mansion.

Er... TGB, was I meant to say hi or something?
*offers Milky Way*
( Cawl, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 14:21, Reply)

Everyone else did :(
*eats milky way*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 14:22, Reply)

my garden is full of slugs, we can collect those
*sighs with relief*

I was beginning to panic
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 14:23, Reply)

Sorry Vipros & K2k6
Got confused by the sheep icons.
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 14:25, Reply)

*goes off on a tangent*
Kaol's Milky Way just made me realise how many confections are named after cosmic themes:

Milky Way
Galaxy
Starburst
Mars Planets

to name but four.

OK, there are probably only four in total

*returns from tangent*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 14:26, Reply)

they are all made by Mars too
shock!

hehe

(Note: Mars is also planetary)
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 14:29, Reply)

You missed out Astrobelts
I miss them
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 14:29, Reply)

Oh... TGB
And you think you're special?

Hmmm... For a Grade 4 b3tan you're ok.
( Cawl, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 14:29, Reply)

I am special!
I made you a robot! And what's grade 4?

Mars also makes Pedigree Chum!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 14:31, Reply)

Mrs Vipros just got back from the dentist
one of her wisdom teeth had been growing at a funny angle (they have all surfaced) and as such couldn't get brushed properly.

basically, the tooth is entirely fucked. no root left at all, and the start of an abcess, hence the excruciating pain.

poor girl.

but they've numbed her face, so no pain, and much hilarity for me :-)

Edit: Mars make Pedigree Chum? no wonder it is so delicious!


what?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 14:31, Reply)

Mars
Oh, yeah. Right enough.

That'll be why, then.

*slaps forehead*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 14:32, Reply)

Grades...
You're a QOTW-based b3tard, grade 4.

For clarification, you gain one grade for:

Coming first in a QOTW. (EDIT FOR CLARIFICATION: First as in top of the Best Of)
Getting into the Newsletter.
Getting your QOTW suggestion chosen.
( Cawl, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 14:32, Reply)

It is of course purely coincidental
That on Kaol's self-devised grading system, he is on Grade 1.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 14:34, Reply)

^These are suspiciously geared
towards making you a grade one, Kaol. ;)

I think I shall remain a lowly grade 2 forever!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 14:35, Reply)

*shrugs*
Someone's gotta be top of the pile.
Just happens to be me.
( Cawl, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 14:37, Reply)

What grade do you start on then?
Because it sounds like you start on grade 4 which would make me grade three as I was in the newsletter ;)
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 14:37, Reply)

@ DiT
You'll always be a grade 1 to me *swoons*
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 14:38, Reply)

Lurkers are Grade 5
You gain a grade for posting.

Also, certain epic and selfless acts gain you a grade.

Like Axai creating a proxy so hundreds of b3tans can browse at work.
( Cawl, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 14:41, Reply)

@Kaol
I am not not a number.....arrrrgggghhhhhhh!


I think you should go up a grade for shagging another B3tan.


*looks around at male B3tan totty*

*makes note*
( girlinthehole, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 14:41, Reply)

Unfortunately, BGB
You are number 53273.

This is of course only worth worrying about when someone tattoos you with it.

Edit - Your suggestion would make Kaol a Grade 0!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 14:43, Reply)

Hmm well I have to go and deliever cake
So I will see y'all later :)
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 14:44, Reply)

BGB
That a challenge or an offer?
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 14:44, Reply)

I can't be bothered to look
but who has the best number?

mine is 41058

I don't necessarily mean lowest or highest. just best.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 14:45, Reply)

@Ethel
La, sir, you say the nicest things!

*notes, with some disappointment, it took a man to say that. Must be BGB talking about my complexion*

My number is 50811. 8 days til my 2nd B3taday!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 14:45, Reply)

As interesting as your idea is BGB,
I don't think it'd be appropriate for me to be a Grade Zero.

Also, that would make the system open to abuse, as all you'd need to do would be get your partner to sign up...
( Cawl, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 14:46, Reply)

I'm 18030
which is relatively low, but not notable in any other way :(
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 14:47, Reply)

*waves to TGB*
it's 11 days till my 3rd b3taday!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 14:47, Reply)

Oooh Oooh
Its my B3ta birthday! 4 happy years of dossing! woo!

My number is 29139
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 14:47, Reply)

@Ethelred
I'm just thinking aloud of ways to get up the B3tan ladder. My posts aren't going to do it so I may as well shag my way to the top.

*I feel cheap*
( girlinthehole, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 14:47, Reply)

Happy b3taday, Ethel!
Woo!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 14:49, Reply)

happy b3taday Ethel!
I thought it was supposed to show a candle by your username?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 14:50, Reply)

Aren't b3ta birthdays
normally denoted by little candle icons next to your username?

Or is that only for those of us who donated?

@Kaol - you could put in a proviso that you had to have met your partner through b3ta.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 14:50, Reply)

*dances*
Who is hiding my cake and candles?

It shows one in my profile. I haven't donated as I'm stingy.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 14:51, Reply)

4 years?
Crikey!
I've not even had my first B3taday.

Imagine how awesome I'll be after three years here...
I'll not just be King Of QOTW and Off Topic, I'll've taken over /Talk too.

EDIT: K2k6 - I guess so. But I'd still be a Grade Zero. That's a bit much.
( Cawl, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 14:51, Reply)

Hurrah!
Fate determined I should log on today from sunny DC and be able to wish Ethel happy birthday!

I miss you people, but it sure is fun over here.
( thealternativefact, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 14:51, Reply)

I could just get my act together and learn to photoshop......
Yay! Clendrix....how is life among the merkins?
( girlinthehole, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 14:52, Reply)

Yey Clenny
Fate brought us together once more!

@ Kaol

Some of us signed up, then lurked before looking smug at our age of wisdom.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 14:52, Reply)

you've done well little grasshopper.... umm Kaol
for your next mission you must destroy Jam Master Geordie
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 14:54, Reply)

Hahaha!
Sounds easy enough...

I've got to win an Image Challenge first...
At least I'm decent at photoshop.
( Cawl, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 14:56, Reply)

Hello Clendrix
Hope you're enjoying DC, and the USA in general.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 14:57, Reply)

@Ethel
It did indeed! Enjoy the attention!

@K2k6 - long time no chat! It's fab here; I've had a great time and I'm off to Detroit tomorrow. Hope you enjoyed your hols too.
( thealternativefact, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 14:59, Reply)

I've been looking at interesting* user numbers
and most of the good ones (20000, etc) are people who've signed up but never posted.

However, 55555 is spikeypickle, who I have heard of round these parts. So good on him.

*well, as interesting as 5 digit numbers get.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 14:59, Reply)

So Kaol
What grade am I?
Is there a position for the official QOTW housewife?
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Wed 27 Aug 2008, 15:02, Reply)

*tries to resist*
I've got a position for you Mrs L

*sniggers*
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 15:03, Reply)

My number is interesting
62193

2+9 = 11 = K
3-2 = 1 = A
6+9 = 15 = O
6+2+1+3 = 12 = L
( Cawl, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 15:04, Reply)

@Kaol
You need to get out more.




Although I did add all my numbers up to see what they came to. *smile*
( girlinthehole, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 15:07, Reply)

As mine is 29139
29 + 1 + 39 = 69, woo!
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 15:08, Reply)

bah
I can't do anything with my number....

hmm, that makes it most special!

you will all by pleased to hear that my modelling has gone very well today. and I am in a good and enthusiastic mood at work for a change
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 15:10, Reply)

Vipros
You're just jealous of my numerical awesomeness.
( Cawl, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 15:12, Reply)

22807
Let's see what you can come up with out of that.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 27 Aug 2008, 15:13, Reply)

Kaol: I dunno
yours seems pretty tenuous....


I'm just sad at being mediocre :-/



not really, my ego won't allow it
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 15:13, Reply)

Rob changed my B3ta number...

To '1' as he sent me a personal note saying I was his favourite...

Beat that Kaol!
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 27 Aug 2008, 15:17, Reply)

I guess you're right
If you replace tenuous with "awesome".

I'm also a bit sad that nobody has commented on either of my QOTW stories. A very unusual state of affairs, OT has a lot to answer for...

Poof, that's bollocks, and you know it!
( Cawl, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 15:17, Reply)

Modelling, Vipros?
Have you been sitting in front of a class of art students with your willy out?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 15:18, Reply)

@ K2K6
Sounds like a dodgy chatup line to me!
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 15:19, Reply)

@Kaol...

You checked though didn't you?...and you're not the only one...

I checked my counter before I put that reply...it was on 4022...within 2 minutes it had shot up to 4039.

What was the QOTW again?
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 27 Aug 2008, 15:22, Reply)

@ Al
Could be a mistyped "LOLZZ"
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 15:24, Reply)

Poof...
You sir, are a bastard...

Yes I looked. More to see what it actually was, but yes, I looked.
( Cawl, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 15:24, Reply)

Not quite
this is an example of what I do

the flood animations are slightly more interesting, but they are massive and I can't show you them
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 15:25, Reply)

@Kaol...

Just for the fact that you owned up like a man...(granted, a very gullible man) I will spare posting about your experience on the QotW

Who says gayponds don't show mercy?
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 27 Aug 2008, 15:30, Reply)

Jizz lobbing?
Do I want to know what that is?

Randal Graves: [reading a magazine] You know how much money the average jizz-mopper makes per hour?
Dante Hicks: What's a jizz-mopper?
Randal Graves: He's the guy that cleans up the nudie booths after each guy jerks off.
Dante Hicks: Nudie booth?
Randal Graves: Yeah, nudie booth. You've never been in a nudie booth?
Dante Hicks: Guess not.
Randal Graves: Oh man, it's great. You go into this booth and there's this glass between you and these chicks, and they put on a show for you for like 10 bucks.
Dante Hicks: What kind of a show?
[Customer walks up to counter with a bottle of glass cleaner and a roll of paper towels]
Randal Graves: Think of the weirdest, craziest shit you'd like to see chicks do. I mean, these chicks do it all. They insert things into any opening on their body - *any* opening.
Dante Hicks: Can we not talk about this now?
Randal Graves: The jizz-mopper's job is to clean it up after each guy shoots a load, 'cause practically everybody does it right on the window. I don't know if you know this or not, but cum leaves streaks if you don't clean it right away.
Offended Customer: I will never come to this place again!
Dante Hicks: Excuse me?
Offended Customer: Using filthy language in front of the customers, you both should be fired!
Dante Hicks: Oh, I-I'm sorry, I-I guess we kinda got carried away.
Offended Customer: Well, I-I don't know if sorry can make up for it. You've highly offended me.
Randal Graves: Well, if you thinks that's offensive, check this out!
[Shows him graphic picture from porn mag]
Randal Graves: I think you can see her kidneys!
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 27 Aug 2008, 15:30, Reply)

Poof
That's very noble of you.

Er... Yeah.
( Cawl, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 15:34, Reply)

Back!
I scan-read the thread... and I got:

Sex and laughter, HypnoClooney (this needs shopping NOW! :), Marinas, space-based chocolate, I'm number 52849, Happy b3taday Ethelred, Clerks...

and I've got porn in my gazbox. Yum!

Did I miss anything?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 15:37, Reply)

I have just realised that I had a gullible moment.
Read it on QOTW.

Oh dear I do feel daft now!
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Wed 27 Aug 2008, 15:39, Reply)

@ no3l
yey! Thanks!

I hope you missed me!
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 15:39, Reply)

No3l
Porn in your gaz-box?
Care to elaborate?
( Cawl, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 15:40, Reply)

Like the desert missed the rain.
*dances*

@ Kaol... someone recommended a site for me, sad and lonely that I am.

And horny. Perpetually horny.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 15:40, Reply)

@ no3l
I found that group ironic, "Everything but the Girl" when the lead vocalist looked like a bloke...
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 15:45, Reply)

@Mrs L
Classic tale on the QOTW. It contains tits, so it's good.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 15:47, Reply)

@ MrsL
You know the rule- pics or it didn't happen.

We'll accept pics taken ten years after the fact, of course...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 27 Aug 2008, 15:48, Reply)

She was funny-looking huh?
Thusly: www.kalamu.com/bol/wp-content/content/images/everything%20but%20the%20girl.jpg
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 15:48, Reply)

Hehe
Nice work, Mrs. L. ;)

And that is why I love the Theatre!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 15:50, Reply)

I used to love working on pantos
I did scenery work too and it was just such fun. People cocking-up, changing lines, being blatantly innuendous (is that a word?!) etc. Great memories.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 15:51, Reply)

Heh heh
HLT works in a theatre, doesn't she?

*thinks*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 15:51, Reply)

Will someone please tell
the decorator who's in my bathroom to fuck off as I need to go for a piss and he wont let me in. Cunt.

From what I've missed...Happy b3tabirthday Ethel

Kate Humble...seen better

Edit: Kaol, if you pimp your own QOTW story it doesn't count if you make it into best of or the newsletter as that's cheating.
My number...I have 666 in it, so that's good enough for me
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 15:52, Reply)

@ beckyboo
Thanky doodles!

*dances*
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 15:53, Reply)

Anything to oblige...

Oi, The decorator in beckyjsbx' bathroom...

FUCK OFF!

your servant, madam
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 27 Aug 2008, 15:54, Reply)

Afternoon, Becks
Re Kate Humble. You are not seeing her from a man's viewpoint. Just like us blokes on here with George Clooney (see above).

Edit - feeling better yet?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 15:54, Reply)

Katy Perry
What do the B3ta-men think of her?

I was strangely attracted to her until I noticed her official page links to bebo :\
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 15:58, Reply)

So K2k6
are you saying it's not possible for a straight woman to appreciate another woman's beauty? I based most of my dissertation around fangirl adoration of Angelina Jolie - have since grown out of it as it was some time ago before she became mother earth. I don't really get women who go for George Clooney anyway.

Yay, bathroom guy has gone and I have a non peeling ceiling now :)

*hope this doesn't mean the landlord's about to put the rent up*

Edit: Was asleep for quite some time after watching more of House and feeling a bit better now thanks :)
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 15:58, Reply)

@Becks...

My pleasure.
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 27 Aug 2008, 15:59, Reply)

So boys it's women called Kate for you lot then?
*remembers that is not really called Mrs Liveinabin but has a real first name*

I love when the children at school ask me what my 'real' name is.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Wed 27 Aug 2008, 16:01, Reply)

Is she the one that did that song about kissing a girl?
She could be the most beautiful woman in the world, and I'd hate her just for that.

EDIT: Noon Becks! *smooshes*
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 16:03, Reply)

DiT
Shes allowed to kiss other girls if she likes, its all about equality.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 16:04, Reply)

Afternoon all
good lord, this is a big one, eh?

So, I've missed a discussion about Kate Humble (not my type), George Clooney (oh, yes please) and some numbering system.. of grades. I've never won the QOTW, but I've made the best of page - and the newsletter twice.

So what am I, then? Apart from devoid of a social life, that is.
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Wed 27 Aug 2008, 16:05, Reply)

Re: Katy Perry
I would, but I'm a sucker for dark hair and curves

plus, the video for that song has nice lingerie in it.

another thing I am a sucker for
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 16:05, Reply)

@ Vippy
Yep, me too. give me dark hair and curves and I'm yours :(

*not an offer to just Vipros, its a relatively open ended offer.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 16:06, Reply)

Afternoon peeps
You know how I didn't get to put the bash pics up until Monday PM because I was away up in Derby for Sunday night....

in 2 days my Flickr has been hit 14,000 times for pictures (this is people clicking on the photostream of thumbnails to get a proper good look).

This somewhat makes a mockery of the other boards saying 'why would we want to look at pics of a QOTW bash' because- well, 14,000 reasons why. Fluffles got 380 hits all on her own for just the 1 mugshot pic FFS! That's a bucketload more bash stalkers for her right there....
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Wed 27 Aug 2008, 16:08, Reply)

I've not heard this song yet.
I'll have to find it on youtube when I get home.


Kissing girls is nice *grin*


Edit - I should say women...I'm a bit old for girls *shudders*
( girlinthehole, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 16:09, Reply)

I thought gentlemen preferred blondes?
*is dark haired*

Hah - eat that Marilyn Monroe-alikes!

*may or may not be curvy as well*
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Wed 27 Aug 2008, 16:09, Reply)

@becky
No, it's not impossible, but you will have a different perspective on female beauty. Women can also appreciate female beauty far more than men can with other men (I'm talking about straight men and women here - obviously the situation is different for homosexuality).

Of course, men's preference varies with the individual. I for one find pouting FHM-style models far less attractive than the Kate Humbles of this world, to use today's example.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 16:10, Reply)

BGB
enjoy the video!

unfortunately, Mrs Vipros has lost about 2 stone recently, so most her lingerie doesn't actually fit any more.

a shame. I will have to buy her more

Edit: k2k6: I'm with you there
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 16:10, Reply)

That song just came on the radio
But yeah definitely dark hair and curves. She is stunning. Although she's the spitting image of the girl in Almost Famous if you ask me.
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 16:12, Reply)

@TWW
These days, gentlemen prefer or at least will settle for anything...

(a) female
(b) roughly mammalian
(c) with a pulse. Or at least still warm.
(osok Rebel without a clue, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 16:13, Reply)

@ TWW
Credit where credit is due, I know a good few attractive blondes, but I have a personal preference to dark hair. Not sure why, just find them more attractive.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 16:13, Reply)

@Osok
and thank christ for that.

Dark hair FTW. Never fancied a blonde in my life.
( girlinthehole, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 16:14, Reply)

*prefers darker hair*
I've a real soft spot for redheads too.

Well... a hard spot.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 16:15, Reply)

**WARNING** Gooey alert
This subject came up the other week and I asked MrWitch what his "type" is.

He said


You.


Now isn't that nice. Isn't that sweet. Doesn't that tell you that the man lives in deathly fear of saying the wrong thing ......


Edit: al, a photie would prove nothing. You'll just have to A) take my word, boyo, and B) come to the Edinburgh bash next spring.
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Wed 27 Aug 2008, 16:16, Reply)

Batman
do you mean Kate Hudson?

edit: ah no, the guy's sister right?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 16:16, Reply)

I'm off home.
Will probably be back.....

No surprise there then.
( girlinthehole, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 16:16, Reply)

@ TWW
Thats the automatic "Don't hit me" answer.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 16:17, Reply)

I agree
Dark hair.
Well, not blonde.

Curves are always good, I'm not a fan of twiglets.
And none of this "I used wood-preserver on myself" look.

Obviously all of the above are bonuses, because the key features are:

Great personality.
Compatible sense of humour.
Intelligence.
Interested in me.
( Cawl, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 16:18, Reply)

*smooches DiT back*
k2k6, fair enough. When I was in college we had lists of top five men and women, which would change throughout the year according to moods and films we'd seen etc...

I can't actually remember who my top 5 women were now, but I have a photo of the board somewhere and feel the urge to find out.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 16:18, Reply)

TWW
that is gooey, sweet and a sign of him living in fear

but my other half has everything I look for in a woman. a happy coincidence more than anything else
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 16:18, Reply)

In typical fashion
owing to my usual lack of popular culture knowledge, I had to google Katy Perry.

Yeah, quite nice. But she's got that pouting thing going on. And the song is pretty crap.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 16:19, Reply)

Vipros
Nope the on that plays his sister, this one:

www.imdb.com/media/rm345741056/nm0221046

and here's Katy Perry:

promodirect.biz/katy-perry.jpg
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 16:19, Reply)

Ethelred
yes, he's a coward. Despite being 9 inches taller than me and outweighing me by half my body weight.

I think he's just grateful I've never asked "does my bum look big in this"


Edit: Kaol, you failed to mention a pulse being a necessary attribute?
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Wed 27 Aug 2008, 16:20, Reply)

My lady is Blonde...
But she is dying her hair brown.

I don't care really. Ladies are lovely whatevr colour their hair is!

*sidles up to ladies*
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 16:21, Reply)

Have just had a look
*sadly I have no magnifying glass or I'd be able to see better*
I can read as far as Angelina Jolie, Drew Barrymore and Kate Hudson (scarily enough as she's just been mentioned, but Almost famous had just come out, so not surprising).

Edit: Oi, I'm a blonde.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 16:23, Reply)

Tell you what though..
I've never watched the programme, but that lass with the odd name which I forget who plays Kate in Lost - she's nice.

As is Kym Valentine, who plays Libby in Neighbours. I caught a bit of that a while back and was impressed. With her, not the programme!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 16:23, Reply)

TWW
That's what warm baths are for.

EDIT: Becky, you're the exception that proves the rule. *smiles*
( Cawl, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 16:23, Reply)

*smooshes DiT*
oh, you are sweet, honey.

Kaol, I've decided you're all talk. I've seen your picture, you look fairly harmless. I could take you

*rolls up sleeves, assumes boxing stance*
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Wed 27 Aug 2008, 16:24, Reply)

Kate in Lost
is too thin for my liking

@Becky: I have a bit of a soft spot for Drew Barrymore for some reason.

also, Winona Ryder, despite her being very thin...might be because I love a load of the films she's been in
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 16:25, Reply)

*cracks knuckles*
*takes off mask*

*grins*
( Cawl, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 16:26, Reply)

Ha!
*loads gun*

*cocks gun*

*takes aim*



*grins evilly*
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Wed 27 Aug 2008, 16:28, Reply)

*laughs at mention of "cocks" *
*coughs*

*laughs again*
( Cawl, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 16:29, Reply)

OhOhOh
Can't believe nobody has said it yet but Nigella Lawson. Yummy yummy.
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 16:31, Reply)

What you should really be looking for in a partner
Is, schpookily enough, the subject of this week's QOTW! Ta Daaaaah. 300 odd posts and we come full circle.

"Of course I won't......."
"Of course I like your hair"
"Porn? Why would I need that?"
"It only cost £10"
"I bought it for you"
"Why should I be feeling guilty?"
"The scratches were from the cat"
"Of course I like your mother"
"Mmmmmmmmm, that meal was lovely"
"What secret bank account?"
"What second mobile?"
"What second family?"



I would like to point out at this point that absolutely none of the above, or at least some of the above do not apply to the marriage of the fragrant, jackbooted and frankly menacing Mrs Osok and your correspondent.
(osok Rebel without a clue, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 16:32, Reply)

COCKS
*distracts Kaol with rude words*

*slides out of sight*

*sends in MrWitch with the chainsaw*


Now, why would I fight my own battles, eh? You don't keep a dog and bark yourself ....

Edit: al, help yourself to another one. Rude word that is. I'm not offering anything else (unless the money's really really good)
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Wed 27 Aug 2008, 16:32, Reply)

why buy the cow
when you get the sex for free!


where do I know that from?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 16:34, Reply)

Vipros
Farmyard Secrets Volume 4.

12 min 36 seconds in.

0.8 seconds before penetration is achieved.
( Cawl, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 16:35, Reply)

Au revoir mes amis
I'm off home in a minute.

I may well return this evening.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 16:38, Reply)

See ya.
I'm off at 5.
Thank fuck.
( Cawl, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 16:39, Reply)

Bye K2k6
*waves*
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Wed 27 Aug 2008, 16:39, Reply)

ciao
contrary to what you say Kaol, it is actually from Mallrats :-P

I'm off in 10
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 16:40, Reply)

Have fun
you lucky lucky things.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 16:40, Reply)

Cheeryho
I've got an hour left :(

Anyone up to anything exciting tonight?
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 16:41, Reply)

I'm drinking Grolsch
and reading posts on b3ta. Might go and sit in front of the Discovery channel for a couple of hours though. What're you up to tonight?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 16:43, Reply)

I'm off now...
Parents need picking up from the airport...

Bye!
( Cawl, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 16:44, Reply)

*punches al*
*steals tickets*

AHAHAHA! NO-ONE EXPECTS THE TIGHTLY THEFT!

*falls over*

*drops tickets*

Buggeration! Foiled again!

(Have a great one matey. You been to the Emirates before?)
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 16:47, Reply)

I'm
out mountain biking (sans mountains) tonight.

I shall be wearing my skin-tight lycra and stroke my kittums before pedalling into the sunset.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 16:47, Reply)

Going to footie is fun
Watched Oxford Utd play from the VIP area a few times... that was ace. Amazing how quickly the game goes when you're wathcing it in a stadium. And the crowd is fantastic.

Can't stand watching it on TV though unless it's internationals or cup finals etc.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 16:48, Reply)

@ al
I'm a Rangers and Scotland fan. I could never pass judgement on another mans football team. Incidentally have you seen the video of Steve McLaren being interviewed for Dutch TV? Brilliant!

@ No3l probably watch the Arsenal game on TVand play Age of Empires as I have nothing else to do! Need to pack for going to Glasgow tomorrow actually. So that'll be a needle proof suit then.
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 16:49, Reply)

aiming to get all of phase 2 of my grouting finished tonight
then I will be able to have a shower at home at the weekend!

I'm off

have fun you crazy kids
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 16:49, Reply)

Have fun times kids
I'll be mostly drinking lots of water and hopefully eating proper food as I'm getting hungry again.

Ooh, I think Winona was in my list as well ;)
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 16:49, Reply)

I'm off too
Gonna get some dindins and sit in front of a documentary or two. Have fun! *waves*

Edit: Feel better becky... and Winona... *purrrr*

Re-edit: Holy... 100+ posts three days in a row... wooyayetc =o]
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 16:49, Reply)

Cheerio!
Speak to you tomorrow no doubt...

EDIT: I was just thinking that mate...I'm impressed. It's rapidly approaching 400 today...
Anyway yeah good luck for 4 days in a row. Make it a week and I'll send you a free kilt
(No I won't)
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 16:51, Reply)

What?
Everyone's going? :(

Tonight I'll be watching Who Do You Think You Are?, repeatedly saying 'How interesting would it be to do your family tree'.

I may also risk a beer.

Rock and Roll!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 16:55, Reply)

Just
been able to get my lunch going. Not FTW it being 5 hours late.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 16:57, Reply)

Please!
You'd be one of my heroes!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 16:57, Reply)

I went to the Emirates
a few months ago to see Bruce Springste...some really cool band. Excellent stadium I thought.
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 17:01, Reply)

I'm going to watch ONE more episode of House
and not five like it usually is, damn programme is too damn addictive, and then eat and resume studying.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 17:11, Reply)

I like House,
what season are you watching? And what are you studying?

20 minutes until home time, wooooo
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 17:12, Reply)

Re-watching season one
and will then be working my way through the seasons in chronological order again. New season starts Sept 16th *happies*

I'm studying to become a veterinary nurse.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 17:17, Reply)

CoolCool
I'm offski but good luck with your studying. Hope you feel better soon too.
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 17:23, Reply)

Nighty night all!
See you later on maybe!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 17:30, Reply)

ah crap
you've all gone, haven't you.

*tumbleweeds*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 17:35, Reply)

Hi hlt
*waves*

I had gone, but I have returned!

*snogs*

Are you well? Happy?
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Wed 27 Aug 2008, 17:38, Reply)

HLT TWW
I have you all to myself mwhahaha
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 17:41, Reply)

looks like
my charm has worked wonders again :(
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 17:48, Reply)

Red
can you cope with both of us, though

*grins*

*slips on latex gloves*
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Wed 27 Aug 2008, 17:49, Reply)

reaches for
the lube.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 17:51, Reply)

Eeeek
*runs away with girly scream*


*realises that no-one is chasing*

*shuffles feet*


I've just been filling in a form for my youngest's school. We have a choice of 18 languages as first/other "used in the home". One of them is Hakka. I have no idea what that is. I thought it was something to do with NZ rugby......

We can also choose from 7 religions but none of them are "Jedi". I may complain ....

Better yet, the ethnic origin part - 14 choices, among them 3, yes 3, types of "traveller". It's weird. 14 ethnic origins available, but only 6 nationalities to pick from.

I'm tempted to make something up, just to confuse them.


Edit: Hakka is a version of Chinese, according to Google. You live and learn.
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Wed 27 Aug 2008, 17:55, Reply)

I'm back again
Lube? Aaargh!

*runs away*

*bumps into WW*

ooh, hello poppet!
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 18:16, Reply)

hiya tulip
I think I've scared red away.

*shrugs*

Now, give me an opinion: should I put our first language down as Cantonese or Spanish? I'm leaning towards Cantonese at the moment .... my little'un could end up a Cantonese-speaking Jewish Occupational Traveller who is currently an asylum seeker.
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Wed 27 Aug 2008, 18:20, Reply)

'lo WW!
Definitely Cantonese. That'll scare them.

Who makes these forms anyway?

*shakes head in disbelief*

edit: wassa asylum speaker? do you mean asylum seeker?
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 18:21, Reply)

Ooops
I've just noticed that the accompanying letter says the form is to be completed by a "responsible adult".

Better get her dad to do it then.

It's a fine example of a council trying to cover every eventuality. But they've missed out Polish, and we have a sizable Polish community here now.


edit: ninja'd
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Wed 27 Aug 2008, 18:23, Reply)

it's all so depressingly right-on
I've just been reading everyone's "I was at the bash and everyone else at the bash is really lovely/fluffy/funny/handsome etc" posts. Can we fast-forward time to next April please please pleaaaaaaaaase?
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 18:28, Reply)

I agree
Mind you, part of me is very nervous about it ... I'm a scaredy cat deep down inside.

Still looking forward to it though.

*presses fast forward button*

*shakes remote control*

Mmmm, must need new batteries.
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Wed 27 Aug 2008, 18:32, Reply)

@TWW
Is "Scots' an option on the form? I'd imagine that's the first language of many households in these parts.

Evening HLT. How goes it?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 18:34, Reply)

Evening all the Scots
My computer isn't coping well with all the posts. Actually, it's more accurately my internet that isn't coping. So I started another thread here.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 18:37, Reply)

@K2k6
shockingly, Scots isn't an option for language. But then we're all bi-lingual really.

Scottish is an option for "National Identity", but I think I've made our status pretty clear. I was rather upset to find that "Pikey" is not one of the traveller options.
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Wed 27 Aug 2008, 18:38, Reply)