Good Morning
I had to sit next to a Somalian on the tube this morning. Not content with brandishing a forehead to put Herman Munster to shame, and wafting the odour of mysterious North African spices, the lazy pseudo-black cunt also required me to lean on whilst he constantly fell asleep and I spent 25 minutes trying to avoid contact.
I fucking hate physical contact with strangers, especially ethnics.
But what do you fucking hate?
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 4 Jun 2014, 8:02, 146 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

I hate you.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 4 Jun 2014, 8:06, Reply)

THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 4 Jun 2014, 8:08, Reply)

Yeah, I don't really hate you.
Also, was he definitely Somali?
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 4 Jun 2014, 8:28, Reply)

Yes, I checked his passport as I do all suspicious looking people

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 4 Jun 2014, 8:29, Reply)

You're a hero.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 4 Jun 2014, 8:38, Reply)

Just doing my bit innit

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 4 Jun 2014, 8:38, Reply)

Morning frog. Those Chinese are a bit dodgy tbh.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Wed 4 Jun 2014, 8:07, Reply)

Woah steady on doc, bit racist there. uncool.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 4 Jun 2014, 8:08, Reply)

Feathers

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 Jun 2014, 8:12, Reply)

That's because you neglected your job yesterday

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 4 Jun 2014, 8:15, Reply)

Are you going to have an online domestic? Cool .

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Wed 4 Jun 2014, 8:24, Reply)

No, it just means I get to use the new mini-hoover later
COOL STORY BRO
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 4 Jun 2014, 8:25, Reply)

Rasicts

( Peej, Wed 4 Jun 2014, 8:14, Reply)

No tinwogs

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 4 Jun 2014, 8:15, Reply)

people who stand on the left on the escalator

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 4 Jun 2014, 8:15, Reply)

People who stand on the right and put their huge suitcases on the left

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 4 Jun 2014, 8:16, Reply)

Fat cunts who stand in the middle.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Wed 4 Jun 2014, 8:23, Reply)

I'm bored already, I hope Tangles hurries up so I can ask him if I should delete this thread or not.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 4 Jun 2014, 8:24, Reply)

You have my blessing

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 4 Jun 2014, 8:25, Reply)

dO YOU THINK i SHOULD DO IT?

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 4 Jun 2014, 8:25, Reply)

Ha ha I had caps lock on! you couldn't make it up!!

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 4 Jun 2014, 8:26, Reply)

Oh!
How embarrassing!
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 4 Jun 2014, 8:26, Reply)

I do feel silly now

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 4 Jun 2014, 8:27, Reply)

It's ok, I don't think anyone noticed

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 4 Jun 2014, 8:27, Reply)

I love you frog. Not in a bent way.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Wed 4 Jun 2014, 8:25, Reply)

^ bender

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 4 Jun 2014, 8:25, Reply)

Sounds pretty bent

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 4 Jun 2014, 8:26, Reply)

Man love, like Top Gun, or Lethal Weapon.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Wed 4 Jun 2014, 8:28, Reply)

errr yeah okay mate

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 4 Jun 2014, 8:31, Reply)

People barging in while you're trying to crack one out in the first aid room just because they've severed an artery.
HELLO? OCCUPADO!
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 4 Jun 2014, 8:31, Reply)

haha! that made me chuckle

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 4 Jun 2014, 8:33, Reply)

It's all going to be downhill from here then

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 4 Jun 2014, 8:34, Reply)

I started the day with casual 'comedy' racism, it could only get better from there.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 4 Jun 2014, 8:35, Reply)

I've just re-read it
Which bit was 'comic'?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 4 Jun 2014, 8:37, Reply)

I can't remember now, probably when I did some swearing?

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 4 Jun 2014, 8:37, Reply)

Haha yeah swears
Poo panda!
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 4 Jun 2014, 8:38, Reply)

Ha ha sperm whale

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 4 Jun 2014, 8:38, Reply)

Alright, there's no need for that sort of language.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 4 Jun 2014, 8:43, Reply)

ha ha blue tit

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 4 Jun 2014, 8:44, Reply)

ok putting you on ignore now, if you're going to be so rude

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 4 Jun 2014, 8:46, Reply)

I'm not going in the bogs, they smell of poo
and I'm not German so that doesn't do it for me.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 4 Jun 2014, 8:34, Reply)

Lots of things. Today however I have a particular hatred, yet again, for Gregg Wallace.
The slapheaded cunt.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 4 Jun 2014, 8:31, Reply)

I hate it when he tastes things and slowly removes the spoon from his wanker mouth. It isn't sexy if that's what he's going for.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 4 Jun 2014, 8:34, Reply)

Monty's new gaff looks alright, doesn't it?
www.theguardian.com/money/2014/jun/03/shoebox-studio-flat-london-renters-hours
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 4 Jun 2014, 8:44, Reply)

Its bigger than his old place
They haven't even had to stretch the photo
( Peej, Wed 4 Jun 2014, 8:46, Reply)

That's what I have to look forward to if I move \o/

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 4 Jun 2014, 8:46, Reply)

It's good the way it costs about four times what you are currently paying for a three bedroom house

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 4 Jun 2014, 8:47, Reply)

If I let my house I can afford that lovely living space

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 4 Jun 2014, 8:49, Reply)

Nick one of Swipes places

( Peej, Wed 4 Jun 2014, 8:49, Reply)

1/4 flat FTW

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 4 Jun 2014, 8:50, Reply)

Looks OK to me.
Dunno what you're all whinging about. If you want to be poor and live in London, this is just how it's going to be. If you were smart you'd buy a shitty car and get a nice place in maybe slough and commute, spending a good 2 hours a day listening to a radio 2 as you sit in the queue and dream of death.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 4 Jun 2014, 8:52, Reply)

Stupid cunts driving Minis causing me to almost shat myself this morning
by pulling out almost into the side of me (pfft pulling out)
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 4 Jun 2014, 9:04, Reply)

Yeah! Either drive so badly and dangerously that I DO shit myself, or not at all.
What kind of PRICK leaves you at the almost stage? Broken Britain.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 4 Jun 2014, 9:07, Reply)

I just had to put my foot down and hope he didn't drive into the side of me
Not a good start
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 4 Jun 2014, 9:09, Reply)

It's people like that that make me keep a hammer in the car,
Apart from the fact my car is dead now, so all I have is a big metal toolbox.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 4 Jun 2014, 9:11, Reply)

Perhaps if you drove at a more sensible pace these sort of incidents wouldn't occur

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 4 Jun 2014, 9:12, Reply)

Good point
Except I was doing about 10 mph at the time
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 4 Jun 2014, 9:14, Reply)

Kerb crawling or driving outside a school YOU NONCE!!

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 4 Jun 2014, 9:16, Reply)

Exactly - too bloody slow.

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 4 Jun 2014, 9:16, Reply)

It must be Drive Like A Dickhead Day
Had at least three this morning who despite there being a space behind my car big enough to fit a 42 ton artic in, insisted that their car should occupy the road space my car was currently occupying.
What is it with these people, does it make their penis feel small if they don't get in front of every car on the road or sumtin?
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 4 Jun 2014, 9:10, Reply)

We just do it for the lols

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 4 Jun 2014, 9:11, Reply)

I drive the van like a cunt because I feel it's part of the territory.
I like to get up beside lorries and slow down so I'm just edging past and see how many people I can get flashing their lights.


*I don't really do this.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 4 Jun 2014, 9:16, Reply)

Yes, it makes my penis feel small.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 4 Jun 2014, 9:17, Reply)

I shouted at a cyclist riding on the pavement this morning.
He rode into the arm I was gesticulating at him with and he jumped off his bike and threatened to "pound my fucking face in".

I give up, cyclists are on their own now. Bunch of fucking stupid cunts.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 4 Jun 2014, 9:15, Reply)

You do have a punchable face, it's possible the incidents were unrelated.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 4 Jun 2014, 9:17, Reply)

I'm not sure if it was the large number of passers by or the fact that I was pushing pram which caused him to only smack his fist into his hand rather than my face.

(Bazongaloid, Wed 4 Jun 2014, 9:28, Reply)

He should have punched your kid, that would have showed you who's boss

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 4 Jun 2014, 9:31, Reply)

Were you waggling your fist and going 'Grrrr' ?

(Captain Give-A-Fuck #internetpals4eva, Wed 4 Jun 2014, 9:26, Reply)

yesssss!
we'll have you voting tory in no time...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 Jun 2014, 9:27, Reply)

I bet most cyclists are Tories

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 4 Jun 2014, 9:28, Reply)

How do you know he was Somalian?

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 4 Jun 2014, 9:20, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post2295985
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 4 Jun 2014, 9:23, Reply)

Facken diabolical liberties!
Coming over here, not being content with their foreheads!

#doesmenutin
(Captain Give-A-Fuck #internetpals4eva, Wed 4 Jun 2014, 9:25, Reply)

Bit highbrow for this place innit?

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 4 Jun 2014, 9:27, Reply)

Somalian? #SOMALIOUT

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 4 Jun 2014, 9:28, Reply)

Potty training my daughter.
/fucks off back to mumsnet.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 4 Jun 2014, 9:26, Reply)

maybe she can teach you next

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 Jun 2014, 9:30, Reply)

YMs anal fissures
The pus stinks and puts me right off my stroke
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 4 Jun 2014, 9:32, Reply)

I blame the benefits scroungers taking money away from the NHS

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 4 Jun 2014, 9:33, Reply)

On the plus side, no need for lube....

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 4 Jun 2014, 9:37, Reply)