Woodpecker
What a refreshing change

Its hot as fuck and stuffy too so I've just treated myself to a freezing can of proper full fat Coke. What are your treats? What have you recently tried that you realise you've been missing out on?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:03, 149 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

YM hahahahha!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:04, Reply)

Absolutely no-one here has been missing out on yours.

( Muns, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:09, Reply)

no- every
i e
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:12, Reply)

Diet coke in glass bottles!
Frozen Ribena!
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:09, Reply)

I cannot abide Diet Coke
though bizarrely the one with lime in is drinkable
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:11, Reply)

I prefer it to the other one. I suppose we can't be pals now :(

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:12, Reply)

You see, thats where you are wrong
I'll never drink your last pop and vice versa
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:13, Reply)

WE WERE MADE FOR EACH OTHER!!!

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:13, Reply)

I greater than three you

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:13, Reply)

I '4 and above' you too

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:16, Reply)

I love those mini dime bars, got a bag in the van for snacking on.
I'm feeling a bit put out by this pub talk. I'm the pub guy on this forum, not doc. Does this mean I have to be a doctor now?
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:10, Reply)

I do like a Daaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiim bar

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:13, Reply)

Can you take a look at this rash on my leg?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:15, Reply)

Just leave it, it'll clear up if you scratch it enough.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:24, Reply)

Thanks doc

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:31, Reply)

You gave up the right to be "Pub Guy" when you decided to be "Spark Man"
In the same way as the Doc will have to stop fisting pensioners
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:16, Reply)

+ without obtaining consent obtained from lying about medical testing.
( Muns, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:18, Reply)

I'm gonna stop being spark man soon too.
I just can't settle. Maybe I'll go travelling to find myself.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:20, Reply)

Homeless Man
Remember when money is tight... toothless blow jobs £5
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:21, Reply)

I will remember.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:23, Reply)

How come?

( Kroney, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:25, Reply)

I might have been naive as to how easy it would be to break in to the industry properly, and what I'm doing now the money is not there.
The company has backed out of the offer of further training to get me where I wanted to go and to be honest, I miss managing a business, and the stuff involved in that. So I'm thinking of applying for this job as a manager of an electrical factors place. Management skills and electrical knowledge together, and then consider doing college part time to fully qualify as a spark if I want to.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:28, Reply)

Coke Zero. All the taste. No sugar!

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:14, Reply)

Just a shame that all of the taste is rancid.

( Muns, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:16, Reply)

It just tastes like coke to me.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:21, Reply)

*sighs*
ke ck
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:37, Reply)

I don't really like coke.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:15, Reply)

10 CC's follow up didnt hit the same high notes

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:20, Reply)

Just treated myself to a lukewarm shower
to lower fever and remove the sweat. It was very pleasant. I shall probably order a takeaway curry for tea, too.

I was startled by how low my balls were hanging but the internet assures me that's normal with a fever. I just wish I didn't keep bouncing them off my knee.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:15, Reply)

+golden

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:17, Reply)

Doooooo your balls hang low?
Can you tie them in a bow?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:17, Reply)

Almost
I won't though, that sounds painful.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:20, Reply)

I know it as
Do your balls hang low,
Can you swing them too a fro,
Can you tie then in a knot,
can you tie them in a bow?
Can you swing them over your shoulder,
Like a regimentary soldier,
Do your balls. Hang. Low!
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:22, Reply)

i thought that poem referred to tits

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:22, Reply)

I think it is multi purpose

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:23, Reply)

Tits or gtfo

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:24, Reply)

It was originally ears

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:25, Reply)

They were simpler times

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:25, Reply)

also last three lines I had at school were
Do you get a funny feeling
when your hanging from the ceiling
Oh you will never be a sailor if your balls hang low...


Which with hindsight is a bit gay
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:28, Reply)

ours was "when you bounce them off the ceiling"

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:32, Reply)

That doesnt sound any straighter though does it

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:35, Reply)

all the sperms need to be kept at a certain temp.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:21, Reply)

meatsnake was moaning about being hot last night
i offered to run him a lukewarm jacuzzi bath to chill out in.

he was MOST ungrateful in his response, i thought.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:22, Reply)

that sounds lovely
he's a terrible ingrate.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:25, Reply)

yes
he tried to get me to get off my fat arse and run him one later on, but THE MOMENT HAD GONE.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:25, Reply)

I am. I regret it now :(

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:28, Reply)

Quit yer blobbing!

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:29, Reply)

when we had our house in spain, i was desperate for my dad to instal a hot tub in the back garden
to fill with cold water. i think that would be amazing on a really hot day.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:34, Reply)

I'd like a hot tub in the garden on a really cold day. I think my idea is better.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:35, Reply)

Ive been in an outdoor hot tub in the snow. it's amazing

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:37, Reply)

soooooooo unoriginal

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:37, Reply)

Well Jaspn agrees so nerrr

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:38, Reply)

YEAH 'JASPN'
DEAL WITH IT
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:42, Reply)

yes boss

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:50, Reply)

i think he wants to get in a hot tub with you

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:51, Reply)

I do, we're pals. Not everything has to be sordid. What's wrong with you?

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:52, Reply)

So a tub then?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:35, Reply)

no, a jacuzzi!!! with pato banton!!

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:37, Reply)

I used his to get my baby cum back

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:43, Reply)

i went past hotel chocolat and they were giving out salted caramelised nuts covered in chocolate
might have to walk past again in a minute.

they've filled the square with deckchairs, which are full of people. why aren't they working???
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:20, Reply)

Unemployment is at it's lowest level for years apparently, so I have no idea.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:21, Reply)

This government really are turning the economy around, aren't they?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:30, Reply)

*sounds the ALarm*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:32, Reply)

i went past hotel chocolat and they were giving out salted caramelised nuts covered in chocolate
might have to walk past again in a minute.

they've filled the square with deckchairs
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:21, Reply)

humph

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:22, Reply)

Samantha the Scorer^

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:24, Reply)

Free food + deckchair + sunshine = fuck work

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:26, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=lnNYXgV7L-c
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:23, Reply)

WeEEEEoooOOooOOwEEEeeeOooOOOO
LINKSPAZ LINKSPAZ
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:24, Reply)

I cant even edit it
this is why I DONT WORK IN IT
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:26, Reply)

Not since you got fired for not being able to post a link

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:27, Reply)

Blow Job boss £5

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:34, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=lnNYXgV7L-c
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:30, Reply)

you're fucking welcome.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:30, Reply)

I think everyone had guessed what it was anyway

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:32, Reply)

work scream

/Larkin
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:27, Reply)

THERES A FUCKING GREAT BIG WASP IN MY VAN. WHAT DO I DO??

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:25, Reply)

UPDATE YOUR FACEBOOK STATUS

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:25, Reply)

It's alright, he's gone now.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:30, Reply)

Update it anyway, people love an anecdote. My newsfeed is all about flying ants, and some Christians being upset with me.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:31, Reply)

I want to know what you had to say about flying ants

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:40, Reply)

I want to know if he has trained an army of flying ants to attack Christians

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:42, Reply)

I haven't commented yet, but it appears people find it absolutely unbelievable to see some flying ants.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:43, Reply)

they are nasty little cunts
they get wings just in time for bbq season. ugh.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:46, Reply)

Is that true, or is it redbullshit?

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:47, Reply)

We had an ants nest last year
They start flying about now. Its horrible. They have been doused this year, as has the fucking wasps nest I found in the roof
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:49, Reply)

it's true. Not all of them but certain types. Big ones too.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:50, Reply)

totally true
big shiny black fuckers they are.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:50, Reply)

FFS I WAS JUST MAKING A 'GIVES YOU WINGS' JOKE

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:51, Reply)

Between you and me, mate, I think your bird is a bit thick

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:53, Reply)

*thick bird fives*

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:53, Reply)

:(
rubbish
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:56, Reply)

Well I am sorry you confused it with the popular and common phrase 'redbullshit'

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:58, Reply)

EAT THE DAIM BARS!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:26, Reply)

Stop being such a tart and drive off,
If you keep the window open it wont be able to fly against the air flow
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:26, Reply)

Swat it with one of the 50 Suns on the dashboard

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:28, Reply)

I just cleared them out.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:29, Reply)

Speed up, thus forcing it towards the back of the van.
Then slam on the brakes and it will come crashing into the windscreen
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:29, Reply)

Poor Diana

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:31, Reply)

UB4.............

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:34, Reply)

NO, IBNOT

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:44, Reply)

Mmmm. Beers and deep fried pigs ears.
It's the future.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:45, Reply)

the future an elizabethan time warp
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:46, Reply)

They were lush.
As were the rabbit "sausage" rolls.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:46, Reply)

have you been stealing animals from the farm?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:51, Reply)

what the dog eats.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:49, Reply)

Leave it out, mate.
You put blokes cocks in your mouth.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:56, Reply)

Not deep fried and not to eat!

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 15:08, Reply)

No. All raw and full of spunk.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 15:09, Reply)

*dabs corner of mouth with a hanky*

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 15:21, Reply)

Someone start a new thread please

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 15:08, Reply)

I just treated myself to some 6n2 lights for my 6n

( Peej, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 15:12, Reply)

Thats very nice
WTF are they?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 15:15, Reply)

lights

( Peej, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 15:16, Reply)

Oh

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 15:16, Reply)

Careful it seems very close to CAR CHAT

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 15:20, Reply)

I'm guessing BIKE CHAT

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 15:21, Reply)

^Jelly of my bike skillz

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 15:23, Reply)

Nah Peej doesnt have lights on his fixie

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 15:30, Reply)

Lights are for queers

( Peej, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 15:46, Reply)

Haha sad as I am, I understand this.

( Kroney, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 15:21, Reply)

Thought you might!
I'm de-rangaing it
( Peej, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 15:25, Reply)