well, this is good
confess something here. a secret, a crime (not a big one), a crush... go on!

alt: who did it, russia or ukraine?

altalt: lunch?????
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 21 Jul 2014, 11:42, 75 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

I have 7 insect bites on my legs

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 21 Jul 2014, 11:44, Reply)

i told you about that bike

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 21 Jul 2014, 11:50, Reply)

it was from the park, the outdoors is full of minibeasts

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 21 Jul 2014, 11:51, Reply)

what is this 'outdoors' you speak of?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 21 Jul 2014, 11:55, Reply)

its when you leave the house but arent going to work

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 21 Jul 2014, 11:58, Reply)

I once got given a tenner too much change in a pub
and didn't tell the barman!

Alt: Russia

Alt alt: liquid lunch.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 21 Jul 2014, 11:46, Reply)

Is Doc here? I haz a medical question

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Jul 2014, 11:47, Reply)

Just pose it anyway - there are enough bright people here to crowd-source a solution to your embarrassing problem.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 21 Jul 2014, 11:58, Reply)

Lolariously I want to know about BNP test

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Jul 2014, 12:06, Reply)

As I teenager I fancied Cuban pop-midget Gloria Estefan
Alt:
Russia

AltAlt:
Cowboy hat+haircut
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Jul 2014, 11:49, Reply)

I think it was her who was in a car crash and was told she'd not walk again, so climbed a mountain just to piss off the docs.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 21 Jul 2014, 11:57, Reply)

Yer
I think her bus crashed
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Jul 2014, 12:06, Reply)

About 5 years ago The crabs that my brother got from Mary that used to work for me,
Were actually my fault as I'd given them to her after getting them from a girl at a festival. I have never told him it was my fault.

Alt: ruskraine

Altalt: sausage bap.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 21 Jul 2014, 11:50, Reply)

that's what happens when you buy seafood from non sustainable sources

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 21 Jul 2014, 11:51, Reply)

Hahaha.
One of my mates got crabs and phoned his Mum asking her what to do. She said just shave your pubes off. It'll be fine.

A quarter of an hour later she phoned him back and told him it wouldn't work and it 'serves you right for being a dirty bastard'.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 21 Jul 2014, 11:53, Reply)

haha!

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 21 Jul 2014, 11:54, Reply)

Harsh.
Although it does remind me of the time we joked to a friend that people in porn used immac cream to achieve smoothness, because he couldn't understand how they got it all off with a razor.

He didn't talk to us for a while.
( Muns, Mon 21 Jul 2014, 11:56, Reply)

Another friends flatmate decided to impress his missus by shaving it all off.
Without realising that he was a really hairy bloke. Apparently when he'd finished there was just a bald window around it all.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 21 Jul 2014, 11:58, Reply)

haha
I knew a guy who did the 'going bald for charity' thing. Someone offered to donate £30 if he had his eyebrows waxed, which he did. One of them doesn't grow any more!
( Muns, Mon 21 Jul 2014, 12:01, Reply)

haha.
What does he do? Shave the other one off? draw it on? Wander about with one eyebrow?
( Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 21 Jul 2014, 12:15, Reply)

He just shaves it, but does the rest of his head too 'so he doesn't look stupid'.

( Muns, Mon 21 Jul 2014, 12:42, Reply)

I think that ship has sailed

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 21 Jul 2014, 12:50, Reply)

haahaa

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Mon 21 Jul 2014, 12:03, Reply)

i suppose i should say
i stopped frog from eating his fruit salad because it looked tasty. he generously donated it to me and i then forgot about it and had to throw it away.

alt: russia. and they've made a nice free-for-all of the site to cover it up too.

altalt: probably a £10 brown rice salad day.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 21 Jul 2014, 11:51, Reply)

then you lied about it you liar

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 21 Jul 2014, 11:52, Reply)

I WAS TRYING TO SPARE YOUR FEELINGS

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 21 Jul 2014, 11:58, Reply)

I think that would've been best achieved by eating the salad.
Had you run out of toothpicks to eat it with?
( Muns, Mon 21 Jul 2014, 11:59, Reply)

no, he refused to spear the melon rings on his cock and let me throw coconuts at it

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 21 Jul 2014, 12:01, Reply)

Why on earth not?
That's standard practice!
( Muns, Mon 21 Jul 2014, 12:04, Reply)

I once slept with a ginger girl. :-(
Alt: London! Nuke the fuckers!
Altalt: Thanks for the offer, but I'll have to decline.
( Muns, Mon 21 Jul 2014, 11:52, Reply)

She's been around quite a few of the posters on b3ta

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 21 Jul 2014, 11:54, Reply)

^ nobody would go near him ^

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 21 Jul 2014, 12:02, Reply)

I have been in breach of The Misuse of Drugs Act 1971 on more than one occasion.
Alt: He who smelt it, dealt it.
Altalt: Not yet, but the familiar growling of my stomach has already begun.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 21 Jul 2014, 11:57, Reply)

My mate worked in a supermarket one of the big ones
and he never scanned our alcohol.

Alt. North Korea

AltAlt No
( Peej, Mon 21 Jul 2014, 11:58, Reply)

I once stole a packet of Polos from our local Post Office when I was about six years old.
I felt really guilty so I went to return them, got busted when I did so, and got a bollocking off the owner, who was an ex-copper. That didn't help.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 21 Jul 2014, 11:59, Reply)

both my brother and i tried to nick stuff once, when we were about 6
my mum made us take it back and explain to the shop manager in very loud voices what we had done. the shame was so horrific that to this day i have a terror and hatred of theft, and will point out to restaurants when they have forgotten to bill things etc.

my brother was smarter than me, though. i nicked the shitty tester lipstick. it was gross, mostly worn away, and must have had a million billion germs. my brother nicked a packet of "nerds" and ate them all before getting caught.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 21 Jul 2014, 12:01, Reply)

^ Manchester

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 21 Jul 2014, 12:02, Reply)

Mancunians are like trainee scousers.
I'm going out for a bit, so won't be explaining the logic, despite it being accurate.
( Muns, Mon 21 Jul 2014, 12:06, Reply)

accurate irredeemably offensive
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 21 Jul 2014, 12:20, Reply)

But in a sexy way.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 21 Jul 2014, 12:23, Reply)

Accurate.

You have two major football teams, the biggest of the two wear red shirts, the smaller wear blue. You're becoming obsessed with drugs and dance music, your biggest musical group is a direct clone of Liverpools, your accents have become so ridiculous you're becoming caricatures of yourselves and only Liverpudlians and Mancunians feel that it's acceptable to shit in a public place if the public toilets are busy.
( Muns, Mon 21 Jul 2014, 13:21, Reply)

it's 1995
my time machine worked!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 21 Jul 2014, 13:23, Reply)

LAWL
Nice shellsuit!
( Muns, Mon 21 Jul 2014, 13:45, Reply)

thanks
it's made from real southerners' skins
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 21 Jul 2014, 13:49, Reply)

I have breached public houses licensing terms on multiple occasions.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 21 Jul 2014, 11:59, Reply)

I like ginger/red heads natural or dyed... They give me the bongle
Alt: well both as they are technically Ukrainians but identify and are armed by the Russians. Arbitrary borders are a fine idea until you start to go along national or religious identity.

Alt Alt coffee cigarettes and resentment
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Mon 21 Jul 2014, 12:07, Reply)

Now you need to follow this up with a cock gaz

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 21 Jul 2014, 12:08, Reply)

Ok check your inbox rusty...

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Mon 21 Jul 2014, 12:11, Reply)

I don't think it is supposed to look like that

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 21 Jul 2014, 12:17, Reply)

Really
I thought everyone had those colour bands
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Mon 21 Jul 2014, 12:21, Reply)

Only if you significant other wears cheap lipsticks

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 21 Jul 2014, 12:40, Reply)

Hello sailor.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 21 Jul 2014, 12:30, Reply)

If you have boobs you are on

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Mon 21 Jul 2014, 13:40, Reply)

Clive Anderson is using a portable compact disc player with headphones today, it was attached to his belt.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 21 Jul 2014, 12:39, Reply)

bit nineties

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 21 Jul 2014, 12:40, Reply)

Bit shit
They were not portable at all. I had to perch mine in the top of my backpack to get it to run
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Jul 2014, 12:41, Reply)

Want to know what else is a bit shit? Jaysums vest.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 21 Jul 2014, 12:43, Reply)

*checks*
*agrees*
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Jul 2014, 12:45, Reply)

You shouldn't have checked, you should have inVESTigated!!! GEDDIT???!!!

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 21 Jul 2014, 12:53, Reply)

POTD

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 21 Jul 2014, 12:53, Reply)

lol

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Jul 2014, 12:54, Reply)

Ew what a fatty

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 21 Jul 2014, 12:49, Reply)

Yowser!

( Kroney, Mon 21 Jul 2014, 13:00, Reply)

i liked my mini disc player
i had one in the car too. much better than cd.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 21 Jul 2014, 12:43, Reply)

I loved my Minidisc player
Flogged it on eBay only last year I think
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Jul 2014, 12:46, Reply)

still got mine
makes top quality recordings, too.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 21 Jul 2014, 12:46, Reply)

I used to walk to university with mine stuffed down the front of my trousers.
It made my stomach sweaty, skipped every time I stepped off a kerb and occasionally fell into my trousers and burned my cock.
( Kroney, Mon 21 Jul 2014, 12:49, Reply)

Silly Kroney
Hamster is not CD player
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Jul 2014, 12:51, Reply)

I'm being harassed by a recruiter that wants me to work in the Netherlands.

( Kroney, Mon 21 Jul 2014, 12:51, Reply)

in the on his lands regions
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 21 Jul 2014, 12:53, Reply)

Its a long Utrecht there and back each day
I'd love to live in Holland though - great country
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Jul 2014, 12:54, Reply)

Over 150 jobs have become available in Holland over the last week.
Lots of people have popped their clogs.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 21 Jul 2014, 12:59, Reply)

oof

( Kroney, Mon 21 Jul 2014, 13:00, Reply)

which industry?
I know you do IT in recruitment.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 21 Jul 2014, 13:31, Reply)

MAKE MILLIONS!
www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-28018981
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 21 Jul 2014, 12:50, Reply)