Had our very own sausagegate here :((
We had a barbecue here yesterday, for a birthday, she supplied all her own noms, she's just been round to collect uncooked stuff, and a box of sausages has disappeared :O Sausages too, not fucking chipolatas. Thieving twats. When did you last commit or indulge in petty pilfering?
(DBT became a fruitarian on, Sun 24 Aug 2014, 13:48, 135 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

Last night.
I stole some sausages from a pub.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 24 Aug 2014, 14:53, Reply)

You do realise you should have supplied the food
And charged a premium for it.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 24 Aug 2014, 14:54, Reply)

Barmaid here, was a favour.
We did the buffet for the other do.
(DBT became a fruitarian on, Sun 24 Aug 2014, 15:38, Reply)

she went back for any uncooked food?
I would have just let you have it.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Sun 24 Aug 2014, 16:10, Reply)

Alright jay. Apparently it was a large box of sausages, she ordered ridiculous amounts of meat, and very few breads. Silly bint.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Sun 24 Aug 2014, 16:11, Reply)

Usually etiquette is
If it's a house you leave it to the host. If it's a pub you share it with the regulars. IMO, anyway.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Sun 24 Aug 2014, 16:25, Reply)

Yeah, I'd go with that.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Sun 24 Aug 2014, 16:28, Reply)

awright Gormo

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sun 24 Aug 2014, 16:29, Reply)

I saw Jeremy Beadles grave today #ybf #yolo

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sun 24 Aug 2014, 17:15, Reply)

did you see it first hand?

(katie hopkins telling it where its at, Sun 24 Aug 2014, 17:19, Reply)

Strangely, the inscription is all in shorthand.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sun 24 Aug 2014, 17:21, Reply)

i think he may have had a small hand in that

(katie hopkins telling it where its at, Sun 24 Aug 2014, 17:25, Reply)

I stole the hearts of a generation

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 24 Aug 2014, 17:34, Reply)

delicious

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 24 Aug 2014, 17:34, Reply)

You didn't get mine.
I lost it to a starship trooper.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 24 Aug 2014, 17:56, Reply)

Mine's in San Fransico
Near Tony Bennetts'.

I hope they weren't damaged in that earthquake but it was pretty careless of us to leave them there.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sun 24 Aug 2014, 18:03, Reply)

I didn't say it was your generation

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 24 Aug 2014, 18:11, Reply)

I stole the hats of a generation
I'm not allowed within 200 yards of any more British Legion parades now but if you want a peaked cap with braiding, I'm yer man.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sun 24 Aug 2014, 18:01, Reply)

you are brimming over with them

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 24 Aug 2014, 18:12, Reply)

I've got a hat full and no mistake. Of hats.

( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sun 24 Aug 2014, 18:14, Reply)

I'm bored.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 24 Aug 2014, 18:07, Reply)

Me too.
What shall we do?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sun 24 Aug 2014, 18:11, Reply)

I don't feel well.
So I'm going to snooze on the sofa and hope I'm back to fill fitness tomorrow.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 24 Aug 2014, 18:14, Reply)

I too am feeling shit.
Hence, no quiz tonight. Plus, I've got to start work early in the morning. Ugh.



I'm still bored though.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sun 24 Aug 2014, 18:17, Reply)

Long time no speak b3th
Work? Thought you sold shite on ebay for a living?
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sun 24 Aug 2014, 18:27, Reply)

Yeah, now I sell drugs.

Thought about you the other weekend. You alright?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sun 24 Aug 2014, 18:30, Reply)

Thanks
Met my old Ma a couple of days before too which was a bit strange but cathartic.

Dealer, eh? Lucrative, but not good on the CV if you want to move on. Unless you're going for Senior Dealer.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sun 24 Aug 2014, 18:35, Reply)

I'm almost at the end of my Dispenser's course
Unfortunately, as I work for one of those stupid 'treat everyone equally' supermarkets, this won't mean a pay rise of any kind.
Still, the people I work with are awesome, and nobody minds if I say 'cunt'.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sun 24 Aug 2014, 18:36, Reply)

Good
There are lots of ways of growling "cunt" under your breath - it's a very guttural word anyway.

You'll not mind, I hope, but last time I remember you on here you were a bit nihilistic, shall we say.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sun 24 Aug 2014, 18:41, Reply)

People, as I have long postulated, are 'fucking shit'.
This is why it breaks my heart that I'm so good at customer service.
/kilospoons
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sun 24 Aug 2014, 18:44, Reply)

Define "people"
Accept that there are "people" and "people".
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sun 24 Aug 2014, 18:48, Reply)

People: anyone who isn't me.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sun 24 Aug 2014, 18:49, Reply)

I would never - could never - be anything but civil, pleasant and polite to anyone in a customer facing role
Am I a minority then?
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sun 24 Aug 2014, 19:02, Reply)

No, not at all.
I'm completely civil, if not downright *charming* to my customers.

Even when they're clearly cunts.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sun 24 Aug 2014, 19:03, Reply)

I meant when I'm dealing with them as the customer.

( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sun 24 Aug 2014, 19:07, Reply)

customer service is when you really do need a knife

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 24 Aug 2014, 18:56, Reply)

No - the only occasion that I regretted not having a stabby knife was when I met Geoffrey Boycott
I'd have got an OBE for that.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sun 24 Aug 2014, 19:05, Reply)

I don't understand why my hangover won't go away.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 24 Aug 2014, 18:50, Reply)

When did you stopdrinking and get to sleep?

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Sun 24 Aug 2014, 18:52, Reply)

I dunno.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 24 Aug 2014, 18:57, Reply)

because it loves you, you heartless bastard

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 24 Aug 2014, 18:55, Reply)

Alright b3thy boo.
Having a nice bank hollibob?
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 24 Aug 2014, 18:58, Reply)

I think you need to check your hangover again.
It may be delirium.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sun 24 Aug 2014, 19:02, Reply)

I'm struggling. Really struggling.
I better apologise to cavo
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 24 Aug 2014, 19:08, Reply)

Sorry cavesy, how are you?

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 24 Aug 2014, 19:08, Reply)

I'm very well with pet rodents....
Oh, hang on....
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sun 24 Aug 2014, 19:10, Reply)

Hello TD
I might die.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 24 Aug 2014, 19:18, Reply)

You won't fucking die you oaf
I drink heavily and have somehow become a PROMINENT LOCAL BUSINESSMAN. That's what it says in the local rag anyway.

Before you go to bed - too late for that now - pint of orange juice.

Morning - fruit, another pint of orange and a bar of dark chocolate - fast sugar rush.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sun 24 Aug 2014, 19:25, Reply)

Alright Cranley

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Sun 24 Aug 2014, 19:26, Reply)

Costed me £105 for a quote
Tax deductible - describe it as advertising.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sun 24 Aug 2014, 19:37, Reply)

This relies on me being sober enough to get orange juice from the fridge.
Instead what I seem to have done is attempt to make toast and fall asleep at the top of the stairs in nothing but my socks and sunglasses. That are broke..
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 24 Aug 2014, 19:30, Reply)

That's a snag. I just do it automatically now
Sunglasses are another matter.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sun 24 Aug 2014, 19:35, Reply)

Maybe I'll try next time.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 24 Aug 2014, 19:36, Reply)

Those little plastic pots of fruit in the supermarket
Usually near the entrance.

They are your friend too.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sun 24 Aug 2014, 19:43, Reply)

hey, Tangles

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 24 Aug 2014, 19:41, Reply)

tangles TD
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 24 Aug 2014, 19:41, Reply)

TD B3th
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 24 Aug 2014, 19:42, Reply)

Are we not all one?
And jointed? If not, why not?
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sun 24 Aug 2014, 19:45, Reply)

like when power rangers all join up together to destroy the baddy?

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 24 Aug 2014, 19:48, Reply)

Mighty Morphing Power Rangers?
No, not like that.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sun 24 Aug 2014, 19:50, Reply)

Maybe the Mighty Morphine Power Rangers
In which fucked up junkies set out to solve crimes but end up outside the rehab centre, vibrating to a tune we'll never hear.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sun 24 Aug 2014, 19:56, Reply)

Why are you not drinking again?
It's 7pm you giant pansy.
(Baggenfrock get fucked, Sun 24 Aug 2014, 19:17, Reply)

I've just opened a bottle of Heineken, see if that helps.
Might go get a kebab.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 24 Aug 2014, 19:19, Reply)

Food, beer, joint, then fall asleep on the sofa

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Sun 24 Aug 2014, 19:22, Reply)

No smoke. :(

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 24 Aug 2014, 19:30, Reply)

Bad planning there

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Sun 24 Aug 2014, 19:31, Reply)

Can you drive down here and give me some of yours.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 24 Aug 2014, 19:35, Reply)

I would but I've had a couple of beers and my programme is on

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Sun 24 Aug 2014, 20:02, Reply)

I feel a bit better now.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 24 Aug 2014, 20:07, Reply)

Good lad, y'all stopped vomiting now?

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Sun 24 Aug 2014, 20:26, Reply)

Yeap.
A quiet night in with the telly is just what we both need.

Plenty of juice and water and bland food.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 24 Aug 2014, 20:32, Reply)

Not up to port and doner, cheese, chip trays yet? Seriously, just keep hydrated, toast and cereal.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Sun 24 Aug 2014, 20:36, Reply)

Hopefully back on form for cricket tomorrow.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 24 Aug 2014, 20:42, Reply)