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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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lovely weather today
you should all tell your bosses to pinch their pricks and then head outside for some fresh air
(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 12:51, 166 replies, latest was 10 years ago)
Well, this is bent.
Our data centre's carked it and the whole company's ringing. I almost feel a bit bad for not doing any work.
(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 13:03, Reply)
sounds like an excellent time to clock off and hit the pub

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 13:11, Reply)
It's this sort of shit that's stopping me from getting gardening leave.
Bent, bent, bent.
(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 13:13, Reply)
alright dr shambleplops

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 13:06, Reply)
bit harsh
i heard he wears specially sized pampers
(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 13:08, Reply)
alright, fod

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 13:10, Reply)
No thanks, it's freezin

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 13:12, Reply)
what the fuck kind of Geordie are you?
no wonder you had to turn bent
(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 13:12, Reply)
You've got a layer of blubber that would make a seal jell, stop being such a softie Jaysums

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 13:13, Reply)
think i'll wait until next week
82 degrees yes please none of this 2 degree shite
(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 13:13, Reply)
are you going on holiday? you haven't mentioned it

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 13:14, Reply)
+ enough
yes, yes i am.
(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 13:15, Reply)
nobody cares

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 13:16, Reply)
and?

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 13:21, Reply)
you seem convinced otherwise

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 13:22, Reply)
you sound like somebody with a shit job who'd rather read Mills and Boon in the sand.

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 13:30, Reply)
and you sound like a giant beardy spastic
whose mnnnnnnngs are somewhat muffled by his ginger and grey facial pubes.
(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 13:38, Reply)
uncanny ... are you in the same pub?
or are you stuck in an office wishing away the unpleasant hours until your holiday?
(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 13:49, Reply)
So Shambles, you like a bit of Christmas
should I get "Andy Williams The Christmas Album"

or

"The Frank Sinatra Christmas Album"

??????!!?!?!?!?!??????????!?!!!!!!?
(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 13:17, Reply)
Phil Spector A Christmas Gift For You

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 13:18, Reply)
Low - Christmas

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 13:19, Reply)
I've seen a bunch of Phil Spector albums.
He appears to have re-released the same album with multiple covers over a number of years.
(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 13:20, Reply)
Yes, that one.

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 13:22, Reply)
Just been outside.
It was cold.
(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 13:18, Reply)

ld ventry
(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 13:21, Reply)
My app is getting on really well, you can register/login/edit-your-account, upload pictures from the camera (or storage)... and it's all put in The Cloud.
I've worked out how to do Local Notifications, and am working on Push ones at the moment. Basiclly, I got the whole CRUD thing down perfect, the rest is easy.
(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 13:22, Reply)
you'll soon be a billionaire
disclaimer: you won't sin be a billionaire
(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 13:34, Reply)
crud?

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 13:39, Reply)
it's a gay Jew thing ... best not to ask

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 13:46, Reply)
My phone came with an app that does all that already.

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 14:05, Reply)
bet they have a function like
Sync to iCloud or some wacky shit like that
(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 14:07, Reply)
Quite a few apps do that, it's quite integral to the whole App Making Process.

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 14:20, Reply)
what's the apps function gonzo?

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 14:43, Reply)
I went outside once.

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 13:46, Reply)
fuck ... dude ... what's it like? I heard the lights are super bright and the WiFi is patchy

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 13:48, Reply)
Terrifying.
I cried the whole time.

The women aren't nearly as hot as in reality.
(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 13:49, Reply)
crying is deffo the way to attract hot chicks

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 13:50, Reply)
it works for mcbeef

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 13:51, Reply)
It appeals to their maternal side.
Then when they cuddle you to comfort you, you go in for the kiss.

I've got all the moves.
(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 13:52, Reply)
Ah thats where I am going wrong
I go straight for the motorboat at that point
(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 13:56, Reply)
Smooth as fuck.

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 13:57, Reply)
Once.
When you were very very young. And then a man touched you up.
(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 13:49, Reply)
I'm not sure what standard others use, but I had my first glass of port of the season last night and I bought a bottle of sloe gin earlier.
In my book it is now officially Christmas.
(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 13:50, Reply)
I love a bit of port.

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 13:51, Reply)
I kid myself that this is for Christmas, but I know that it'll be gone before then and I'll have to get another bottle.

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 13:53, Reply)
The first Christmas I spent with Mrs Vagabond's family concluded with four of us getting through six bottles of port.
It took me weeks to be able to drink it again.
(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 13:57, Reply)
it's even better* if you combine it with dirty big cigars
*worse
(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 13:58, Reply)
i can't bear the stuff
i went to a white tie do at the mayor of london's house (not his actual house, the ceremonial thing in the city that they hire out for events), and this particular livery had a thing where everyone drank port out of the same ceremonial cup... you had to link arms and pass it to the right with some kind of battle cry...

sharing with one person is WRONG and GROSS. sharing with the ENTIRE ROOM??? bowk.
(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 14:16, Reply)
you've now got cooties handed down through twelve generations of chinless Etonians
the "normal" form for passing the port allows you to keep your own glass and pass the decanter
(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 14:21, Reply)
i didn't touch it, i'm not mental
the battle cry bit was quite amusing though.
(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 14:22, Reply)
you mean you weren't allowed because you're only a girl

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 14:29, Reply)
well now i'm confused
i thought there were no girls on the internet
(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 14:31, Reply)
there are quite a few fat desperates looking to pick up speccy internet dweebs
and, on a completely unrelated note, chompy was on here the other day
(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 14:44, Reply)
For a surprise santa thing a few years back
I got someone a selection of mini ports (you know the sort of thing) but it had some nice ones in there. Dozy cunt said "ah great I will make cheeky vimto's"
(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 13:58, Reply)
i bought my secret santa gift today
always a bit awkward when you don't know the recipient
(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 14:11, Reply)
Edible knickers works for everyone.

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 14:16, Reply)
i went for this
because pizza and because i know she rides a bike.

https://www.oliverbonas.com/#/gift/bicycle-pizza-cutter-30980
(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 14:18, Reply)
soz cant click that

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 14:20, Reply)
well
it's a pizza cutter that's shaped like a bike.
(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 14:21, Reply)
pizza wheels are for wobbly flids who can't be trusted with knives

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 14:28, Reply)
i don't reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally think anyone's going to take you as a pizza expert
sorry burnie
(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 14:31, Reply)
you thick cunt

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 14:37, Reply)
lol pizza oven

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 14:38, Reply)
sorry
but great big oceans of charred black shit just don't qualify you as someone who knows what he is doing.
(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 14:38, Reply)
this hasn't ever gone well for you in the past
why would you put yourself through it again?
(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 14:42, Reply)
look dude
you call it a pizza if you like.

the rest of the world will call it a burnt misshapen blob of shit, and we'll all be happy.
(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 14:44, Reply)
yerr ... you deffo represent the rest of the world, Old Mother Bulimia

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 14:47, Reply)
it is true that nobody laughed at all when the sad little thing was posted on qotw
everybody said, mmmmmmmmmmmmmm, my, yes, what a pizza expert you must be, dr pizza.
(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 14:48, Reply)
yerr

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 14:51, Reply)
go on then, post another pic of it

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 15:01, Reply)
I have no idea what either of you are banging on about.

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 14:48, Reply)
it's dull as fuck

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 14:50, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/jobexpectation/post2279734
(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 14:52, Reply)
why are you reminding me that you're a PizzaHut pleb?

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 14:54, Reply)
a very sorry looking burnt pizza was posted on questions of our lives by dr shambolic as proof if ever proof was needed of his pizzaprowess

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 14:50, Reply)
Oh ok, I get it.
Shambles must be crying on the inside.
(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 14:52, Reply)
I'm crying on all sides.

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 14:54, Reply)
I'm sorry if you were unaware of this
but occasional minor culinary failure renders you incapable of making any judgement on anything, ever; or at least rendering your opinion invalid.
(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 14:57, Reply)
What a prick eh

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 14:59, Reply)
I'm crying from my front bottom

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 15:15, Reply)
i think he's wandered off to do some photo shopping

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 15:17, Reply)
I can't be fucking having with secret Santa.

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 14:12, Reply)
Neither can I but I get bullyed into it every year
with the same Ah but everyone else has done it wah wah wah
(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 14:20, Reply)
you pansy

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 14:28, Reply)
your point ?

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 14:32, Reply)
I'm pointing at you and going "lalala you are a pansy"

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 14:38, Reply)
I shouldnt be erect now should I?

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 14:43, Reply)
I'm lobbing salt and vinegar hula hoops over it

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 14:45, Reply)
well I wouldnt want my december bongle going to waste
only 30 days or so before I will have the energy to muster another
(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 14:58, Reply)
I do like a wintery day.
Ladypig went horseriding Saturday morning, so I took the dogs accross shotover Hill. Blazing sun, crisp cold air, lovely view over Oxford. Took a paper. Could have stayed up there all day if I'd taken a bit of grub and a flask of coffee.

It's very difficult to stay motivated to do any work. I might just hide in the van and claim poor access to site.
(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 14:22, Reply)
Are you working your notice yet, Winders?

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 14:24, Reply)
Yeah, I'm in the same boat as you.

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 14:28, Reply)
Fucking shit, innit.

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 14:34, Reply)
at least I can just sit in the van and doss with the radio on.
I can't imagine being in an environment where I'd have to pretend to be working. If it wasn't for van trackers I'd be home by now.
(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 14:37, Reply)
Van drivers the world over would still call this a days work

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 14:46, Reply)
I did a days work by about 11 I reckon. by the standards of most work men I've come across

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 14:50, Reply)
sounds about right
I was an apprentice spark years back and if you actually got on you could do a days work by lunch,
(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 14:58, Reply)
I'm mainly leaving the trade because I have a small bladder, and the amount of tea breaks is taking a strain.

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 15:06, Reply)
It's rubbish.

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 14:48, Reply)
how does she manage with riding? is her eyesight ok for that sort of thing, or does she have someone with her to help?

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 14:49, Reply)
Windy's always on top.

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 14:53, Reply)
she has ridden since very young, and only rides horses she's spent a long time with.
She sort of explained that she trusts the horse to back out if a jump is too long or too high. On a basic hack a horse isn't gonna do anything to endanger itself, and she doesn't really ride jumps anymore as it's got worse.

She was in to dressage, and if it wasn't for a tragedy with her horse and a lack of funding back then, she would have ridden for paralympic dresage.

I'm constantly impressed with how she copes considering how little she can see, also, 0 depth perception.
(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 14:53, Reply)
that makes sense because i think trust is the main thing with horses
i did a lot of riding as a kid, but fundamentally i was never going to be any better than basic competence because i never quite trusted that i wouldn't fall off and really hurt myself.

dressage is properly skilful. hopefully one day she will get to do more of it.
(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 14:59, Reply)
Horses are shit cunts

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 15:03, Reply)
my brother says this
he says they are too big for their feeble brains.
(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 15:05, Reply)
a horse is top of the list as soon as funds are available.
It makes her so happy,and she doesn't get to go nearly as often as she should.
(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 15:03, Reply)
awwww
although don't let the gay dogs anywhere near. one kick and that'd be goodnight.
(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 15:06, Reply)
they're alright around the horses, steer well clear without barking.
But for some reason the littlest one seems to have herding instincts and will chase cows all over the meadow. It's fucking hilarious.
(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 15:11, Reply)
body dysmorphia innit
my friend's miniature dachshund was almost as gay as yours, and utterly convinced it was the size of a doberman.
(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 15:13, Reply)
lol. I love a dachshund, especially the wire haired ones, look like they ought to be smoking a pipe.

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 15:14, Reply)
me too
a wire haired dachshund/rough coated jack russell cross is on my wish list one day.

there is a cream haired wirey dachsie on my street, he's absolutely awesome.
(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 15:16, Reply)
& because you used to torture the poor ponys with your weight

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 15:05, Reply)
Its all lies so she doesnt have to comment on windys silly hair

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 14:57, Reply)
I've often wondered this.

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 15:04, Reply)
It's really the only logical conclusion.

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 15:06, Reply)
probably right.

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 15:11, Reply)
also means I have to read out the subtitles. lazy bitch.

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 15:12, Reply)
as soon as you are out of the room she gets her scrimshaw kit out

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 15:18, Reply)
It always comes back to pizza on this fucking website.

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 15:08, Reply)
still better than whisky chat
or clapped out shitbox car chat
or film chat
(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 15:08, Reply)
Great idea - let's talk about music!

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 15:09, Reply)
I tried that but you weren't interested in Phil Spector's creepy rape face :(

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 15:10, Reply)
Soz, I was too busy wanking over the sexy, mad murderer

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 15:13, Reply)
^hots for dewani

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 15:14, Reply)
He's so adorbs

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 15:17, Reply)
i don't mind a bit of music chat
but we can't do it without monty
(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 15:11, Reply)
I put a new record storage unit up yesterday.
I might get back to spending ludicrous money on records again.
(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 15:13, Reply)
I endorse this plan

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 15:18, Reply)
I like film chat. it's rare a gem like that comes up.

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 15:10, Reply)
only because none of us give a shit about gay cinema.

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 15:13, Reply)
Yeah. Fucking Top Gun.
(I love Top Gun)
(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 15:13, Reply)
I once cooked dinner for Tom Cruise

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 15:16, Reply)
don't be fucking stupid.

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 15:18, Reply)
^once worked in a catering van^

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 15:18, Reply)
something like that

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 15:18, Reply)
Making Sandwiches for Tesco on the off chance an A-List Hollywood celebrity buys one doesn't constitute cooking Dinner.

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 15:24, Reply)
^once interfered with children in a catering van^

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 15:24, Reply)
I can watch things without homoerotic storylines you know.

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 15:19, Reply)
Name one

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 15:27, Reply)
yeah, like tree fu tom you thick cunt

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 15:28, Reply)
I'm off to my daughters nativity.
I'm going to film it.
(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 15:19, Reply)
Pervert.

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 15:20, Reply)
Yeah good one.
BAGGENFOCKS A PEADO

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 15:21, Reply)
It's no laughing matter.
You should be stopped.
(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 15:23, Reply)
That is what I said, yes.
Though personally I don't view it as a laughing matter. You disgust me and you can be assured that given the earliest opportunity I shall be on the phone to the police and social services you fucking degenerate.
(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 15:23, Reply)
NO FILM CHAT

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 15:20, Reply)
well this makes sense
www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2864437/Man-rescued-lions-maul-Barcelona-Zoo.html

also that poor lion, it doesn't look too happy either.
(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 15:29, Reply)
Yeh but fuck it, it's only a lion right?

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 15:37, Reply)
which is precisely why i would not want to fuck with it

(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 15:45, Reply)

not
with
(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 16:03, Reply)
'zoo keepers have insisted the lions were merely trying to play with him'
FFS, why can't anyone MTFU and say it straight these days?

"Of course they were trying to kill him, they're fucking LIONS. The stupid cunt shouldn't have been in there in the first place."
(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 15:39, Reply)
I'll tell him when I'm next in work.
I popped my head in oxfam today and found they had both Derek and Clive (Live) and Come Again. £11 well spent IMO.

I also went to a record shop where 50% of their stock was seemingly into the gap by the Thompson Twins.
(, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 15:57, Reply)

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