Mondays
Fucking shit. So far today, I've had to clean up a dropped bowl of porridge, missed my metro to work, been out in the car park due to a fire alarm test and returned to a cold cup of coffee

Cheer me up, you lovely cunts

Alt:
Weekend good/weekend bad?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Jan 2015, 10:43, 94 replies, latest was 3 years ago)

I emptied 3 dishwashers.
Had to suffer my breakfast regime of Weetabix.

And am so bored I am riting a report that isn't due for two weeks.

Capping a weekend where I had 2 very small glasses of white wine meaning I was at work at 7.30 this morning.

SO FUCK OFF YEAH!
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 26 Jan 2015, 10:46, Reply)

:O
I spent the weekend having hot toddies to stave off a cold and it seems to have worked.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 26 Jan 2015, 10:50, Reply)

Greece is making some people nervous it seems
www.theguardian.com/public-leaders-network/2015/jan/23/nervous-super-rich-planning-escapes-davos-2015?CMP=share_btn_fb
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 26 Jan 2015, 10:47, Reply)

*flashes boobs*

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 26 Jan 2015, 10:52, Reply)

\o/

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Jan 2015, 10:57, Reply)

\ (o)
/ (o)
(Captain Give-A-Fuck #internetpals4eva, Mon 26 Jan 2015, 10:59, Reply)

I'm not quite sure what is going on here but tits

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Jan 2015, 11:05, Reply)

Hey! We have 2 budgies now! Cripes, what jolly fun!
I bought a fire alarm and a stick blender, both of which have stayed in their packaging as I've been busy chromecasting.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 26 Jan 2015, 10:54, Reply)

Does it bother you that Cranley mucked up his fucking life before you did?

( Peej, Mon 26 Jan 2015, 10:55, Reply)

lol

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 26 Jan 2015, 10:57, Reply)

Some stupid bitch walked in to my office without knocking and said "Ah! Its the man who doesn't answer his phone"
I responded with "I've turned it down because I am incredibly busy and do not want to be disturbed" She then went off on some xfactor type sob story to which I told her to log her request with IT where it belongs. I reiterated that I have an 11am Deadline and must concentrate, she moped off saying she would be back at 11. GRRRR
( Peej, Mon 26 Jan 2015, 10:54, Reply)

Cunt her in the fuck.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 26 Jan 2015, 11:02, Reply)

^^^^
Just had to re-educate one of our customers who thinks allowing 5 mins between logging an issue and complaining that nothing has been done about it is OK. On their DEMO system
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Jan 2015, 11:04, Reply)

I Hope re-education involved a kick up the arse.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 26 Jan 2015, 11:05, Reply)

A virtual slap was administered

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Jan 2015, 11:07, Reply)

Tell them if they do it again, they automatically go to the back of the queue.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 26 Jan 2015, 11:09, Reply)

I am no mood for this sort of shit today.
bitches be needing stitches.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 26 Jan 2015, 11:06, Reply)

^^^^
I have sportsrage
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Jan 2015, 11:07, Reply)

She hasn't appeared at my door yet. I'm going to get some coffee and hope I miss her

( Peej, Mon 26 Jan 2015, 11:08, Reply)

Our phone system has fucked up again
We have an out of hours number and I'm on OOH this week. Phone up this morning to change the voicemail to get people to ring my mobile, check it has recorded and go to take kids to school. Site rings up, gets last week's voicemail and rings that number instead.

Boss now going mental
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Jan 2015, 11:18, Reply)

Part timer, Jay is 'oooooh' every day

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 26 Jan 2015, 11:20, Reply)

"Remember, Basil - there's always someone in the world worse off than you."
"Really? We'll I'd like to meet him - I could do with a laugh ... "
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 26 Jan 2015, 10:57, Reply)

good weekend ta
I had haggis and whisky!!!!
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 26 Jan 2015, 10:58, Reply)

Only had haggis once
It were reet nice
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Jan 2015, 10:59, Reply)

Haggis is fucking rank.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 26 Jan 2015, 11:01, Reply)

I quite liked it
I had it at a proper Burns night thingy
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Jan 2015, 11:03, Reply)

No. Taxi is rank.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 26 Jan 2015, 11:03, Reply)

Yeah, I fucking hate Danny De Vito

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Jan 2015, 11:05, Reply)

midget fucking midget cunt.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 26 Jan 2015, 11:05, Reply)

Yes yes but enough about Cranley, what do you think about Danny De Vito?

( Peej, Mon 26 Jan 2015, 11:08, Reply)

Terrible bullying of ranker Joe

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 26 Jan 2015, 11:06, Reply)

i don't know who that is. soz.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 26 Jan 2015, 11:07, Reply)

Shabba or (rank)ing Roger.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 26 Jan 2015, 11:06, Reply)

Wasn't there a chocolate biscuit called taxi back in the day?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 26 Jan 2015, 11:07, Reply)

Yes, there was
It appears to be like a Blue Riband
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Jan 2015, 11:08, Reply)

yes.
You can have one in 5,4,3,2,1.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 26 Jan 2015, 11:08, Reply)

TREEEEEEE-O

( Peej, Mon 26 Jan 2015, 11:09, Reply)

Jesus, that advert was annoying.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 26 Jan 2015, 11:13, Reply)

too loud.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 26 Jan 2015, 11:32, Reply)

My bosses, bosses, boss bought me in a haggis on Friday as he remembered I said I liked it
Its nice to get a large bonus for a job well done.
( Peej, Mon 26 Jan 2015, 11:06, Reply)

that's a shit present
did you throw it back in his face?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 26 Jan 2015, 11:21, Reply)

No, I ate it.
It was delicious. I'm am not common enough to throw back a gift. My nephew said to me the other day that he was selling his unwanted christmas presents. I told him he didn't deserve to have grandparents that bought him gifts if he was just going to say "Its not good enough" What a little cunt.
( Peej, Mon 26 Jan 2015, 11:28, Reply)

some people don't even buy me gifts so I don't even get the chance to sell them. fucking out of order.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 26 Jan 2015, 11:43, Reply)

Im just about to have my first coffee.
My eyes aren't working yet, nor is my brain.

alt. Good. was well mortal on Saturday. Far too many cocktails.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 26 Jan 2015, 11:09, Reply)

Obvious strikethrough is obvious.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 26 Jan 2015, 11:10, Reply)

You mean...
just about to have my first coffee.
My eyes aren't working yet, nor is my brain.

alt. Good. was well mortal on Saturday. Far too many cocktails. I'm a massive gayer who sucks more cocks than swipey

Right?
( Peej, Mon 26 Jan 2015, 11:12, Reply)

Customer of the day
Kevin Glew
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Jan 2015, 11:16, Reply)

Old skool customer of the day
Keith Glue
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 26 Jan 2015, 11:19, Reply)

*gluefives*
*gets hands stuck together*
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Jan 2015, 11:19, Reply)

U-hu!

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 26 Jan 2015, 11:20, Reply)

eeee poxy joke

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Jan 2015, 11:20, Reply)

The jamrag binman is always a funny little fellow, isn't he?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 26 Jan 2015, 11:22, Reply)

worst job in the cludge.
even worse than bog coon.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 26 Jan 2015, 11:35, Reply)

alright FRIENDS

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 26 Jan 2015, 11:27, Reply)

YAAFI

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 26 Jan 2015, 11:31, Reply)

I reckon you can sleep easy pal, I'm pretty sure that nobody, male or female, has ever had a wank about psychochomp

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 26 Jan 2015, 11:47, Reply)

Thanks for your kind words at this difficult and upsetting time

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 26 Jan 2015, 11:48, Reply)

I just hope you're bearing up

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 26 Jan 2015, 11:49, Reply)

I suppose I shouldn't give him the satisfaction, but this is the last time I will ever visit this site. So long B3ta, thanks for the laughs.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 26 Jan 2015, 11:50, Reply)

DON'T GO!

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 26 Jan 2015, 12:03, Reply)

Sorry mate, these constant jibes about my real life are getting me down, I'm off 5eva and will only come back when i'm pissed to show all the h8rs how not angry I am at people on an insignificant website.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 26 Jan 2015, 12:06, Reply)

goodbye FRIEND

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 26 Jan 2015, 12:10, Reply)

CUNT

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 26 Jan 2015, 12:16, Reply)

i'd imagine he struggles to do it for himself

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 26 Jan 2015, 12:05, Reply)

Dozer related chuckle of the day:

www.thefishsociety.co.uk/shop/skate-nobs-and-bits.html
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 26 Jan 2015, 11:39, Reply)

now look here, this fresh bullying is a step too far

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 26 Jan 2015, 11:46, Reply)

dozer smells of fish

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 26 Jan 2015, 11:50, Reply)

this is the first one i clicked on
www.thefishsociety.co.uk/suprafish/bombay-duck/bombay-duck.html

apparently its real name is "bummalo". lol.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 26 Jan 2015, 11:52, Reply)

Skill

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 26 Jan 2015, 11:54, Reply)

so far so dull.
The guy I'm working with seems a little less miserable today, although it's clear he hates his girlfriend and his life. I asked him what he did over the weekend and he just said "nkthing" and carried on.

Alt: very good, yoga was actually alright, the spiritual bit was utter bollocks but the stretching and strength work might actually be good for me. Saw an old pub of mine off as it closed on Saturday with some friends, big brunch Sunday and loads of movies and cake.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 26 Jan 2015, 12:02, Reply)

if you look at the bodies of people who do a lot of yoga
it speaks for itself. but i also get irritated by the spiritual stuff. it would be nice to be one of those people who can just shut their brains down and really get into it, but...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 26 Jan 2015, 12:04, Reply)

I just ignored all her prattling, to be fair she wasn't as bad as I'd feared.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 26 Jan 2015, 12:05, Reply)

I'm eating a Chorley Cake and contemplating a nap.

(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 26 Jan 2015, 12:10, Reply)

Never fear ape is here!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 26 Jan 2015, 12:28, Reply)

How's the online dildo business going?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 26 Jan 2015, 12:28, Reply)

Up and down

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Jan 2015, 12:29, Reply)

I think they went bust :(

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 26 Jan 2015, 12:36, Reply)

FUCK OFF YOU FAT GINGER CUNT

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 26 Jan 2015, 12:28, Reply)

I ent ginger
except in certain light conditions in my beard
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 26 Jan 2015, 12:37, Reply)

Me too :'{(

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 26 Jan 2015, 12:38, Reply)

Your children are doomed

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 26 Jan 2015, 12:39, Reply)

eww ginger kids

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 26 Jan 2015, 12:40, Reply)

I thought you were a pure-blood?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 26 Jan 2015, 12:41, Reply)

It's just a suggestion of colour...

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 26 Jan 2015, 12:45, Reply)

oh you are so busted

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 26 Jan 2015, 12:47, Reply)

alright, Noel Edmonds

(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 26 Jan 2015, 12:53, Reply)

YOUN A GOOSE

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Jan 2015, 12:29, Reply)

GROUP WANKER !!

(Mr Udagawa, Mon 26 Jan 2015, 12:36, Reply)

lol

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 26 Jan 2015, 12:36, Reply)

Carrot cakes quite nice innit.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 26 Jan 2015, 12:33, Reply)

I prefer a flan.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 26 Jan 2015, 12:36, Reply)

Really?

(PsychoChomp, Mon 26 Jan 2015, 12:37, Reply)

You can also make parsnip cake FACTBOMB

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 26 Jan 2015, 12:38, Reply)

N
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