Are we all feeling the Mondays OT?
I've had *such* a bad wine hangover and too much to deal with today.
Why have YOU been shit?

alt. Ive sprained my ankle running with my heft. What's the last injury you sustained?
altalt. what have you got lined up for this year? Festivals, holidays etc?
Im seeing some stand up in July, pride in August and a Cruise in October. Gay days. Oh and newcastle in May bt let's not include that
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 15:03, 148 replies, latest was 9 years ago)

Afternoon Jay.I'm not shit at all, enjoying today.
Altalt, few gigs coming up, looking forward to Patti Smith. Also a festival with the family, which I'm not, kids don't belong at festivals.
(DBT became a fruitarian on, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 15:09, Reply)

That her who sang No Mistakes? I like that song
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 15:11, Reply)

Different one Jay.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Patti_Smith
(DBT became a fruitarian on, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 15:21, Reply)

dunno
alt: dunno
alt^alt: several holidays and weekends away and loads of other cool stuff

C H E E R S
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 15:09, Reply)

Did you buy a cool suit yesterday?

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 15:11, Reply)

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 15:16, Reply)

I was wanting to talk about the controversial comments made by 2 X Factor NZ judges at the weekend
but none of you will know what they said or who they are :(
I'll keep it on twitter
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 15:12, Reply)

Be fair.
Some of us will know, it's just that none of us will care.
( Muns, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 15:23, Reply)

Lethargy and indifference.
alt: Some weird thing with my knee, fuck knows what it is though.
altalt: Aiming to work six festivals this year, hoping to see some quality acts and get paid for the pleasure, there's bound to be some shit as well though. Also got weddings to attend overseas and my son will be starting school, so heaven knows if I'll be doing owt else.
( Muns, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 15:14, Reply)

Longest day ever Jayjay
I indulged in too much food and alcohols over the weekend and I now feel like I need to give birth to a boweling ball

alt: My foot is a bit sore but I've no idea what I've dont to it. Amputation might be the way to go here.
altalt: Holiday somewhere and a few gigs in other places. Planning a theatre weekedn in London with some friends but we might wait for that till the weather is better.
( Ms Shenanigans put something interesting here later, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 15:15, Reply)

Ive had loads of issues to sort out. It's like the universe knows.
Fuck you universe.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 15:18, Reply)

What does it know Jay? C'mon, don't keep it to yourself.

( Ms Shenanigans put something interesting here later, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 15:19, Reply)

Tell us, no judgements here.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 15:22, Reply)

The universe hates you jay.
You should accept this and take your punishment.
(Baggenfrock get fucked, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 15:20, Reply)

If you go against nature, then nature will reject you.

( Muns, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 15:20, Reply)

We're planning a trip to B&Q next month, or maybe in May, depending on the weather.
My mum is taking me to Pizza Express for my birthday in July.
(Baggenfrock get fucked, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 15:18, Reply)

You know people are reading this as fact.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 15:19, Reply)

I'm reading it as a letter he forged on his kids behalf to prove to social services that his children shouldn't be taken away.

( Muns, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 15:22, Reply)

Pizza Express Switzerland
+ to get my surprise present!!!
( Ms Shenanigans put something interesting here later, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 15:21, Reply)

B and Q do discount vouchers.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 15:23, Reply)

They're remaking The Crow.
What's the fucking point?

I'm a bit hungover but it's one of them prangy hangovers rather than a physiological one.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 15:20, Reply)

I hope they cast Justin Bieber so he can follow in Brandon Lee's footsteps

( Ms Shenanigans put something interesting here later, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 15:22, Reply)

The point is for Hollywood to rid itself of an irritating actor, just like the original.

( Kroney, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 15:23, Reply)

I couldn't tell you if Brandon Lee was irritating, I think the only thing I've seen him in is The Crow.
Which is pretty wank anyway.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 15:25, Reply)

I'm going to assume he was based off the fact that they had him shot
/tinfoilhatter
( Kroney, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 15:35, Reply)

He was so irritating his employers and co-workers conspired to have him killed?
*looks over shoulder*
(Baggenfrock get fucked, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 15:38, Reply)

Well, he did look a bit emo.

( Muns, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 15:42, Reply)

The Crow was fucking shit
HTH
( Peej, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 15:31, Reply)

For money, and the first one is only enjoyed by emos.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 15:33, Reply)

I've always been more of a curmudgeon tbh.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 15:34, Reply)

I haven't, I have been excellent value.
Alt: Just to my pride, that is all.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 15:20, Reply)

Yurtfest 2015

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 15:43, Reply)

The only festival I'm planning to attend this year is held in an urban setting.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 15:44, Reply)

#SikhFest2015
n t
( Ms Shenanigans put something interesting here later, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 15:50, Reply)

It is in Birmingham, yes.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 15:54, Reply)

I have something of a whisky hangover
And actual work to do.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 15:21, Reply)

I thought cruises were just for the elderly

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 15:29, Reply)

I think northerners go on them

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 15:31, Reply)

Ugh

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 15:33, Reply)

I hope Jason has a holiday to remember aboard the Costa Concordia II

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 15:37, Reply)

this one's got drag queens

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 15:43, Reply)

This is quite a cunt thing to do.
www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-shropshire-31903327

I'm fine, I had a bout of the insomnias last night so I have a no sleep hangover. I'll live.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 15:31, Reply)

At first I thought 'lol'
But then I read it and thought 'not lol'
(Baggenfrock get fucked, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 15:34, Reply)

I love busy days like that.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 15:37, Reply)

haha

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 15:37, Reply)

lol

(Baggenfrock get fucked, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 15:39, Reply)

Cunts indeed
But I wonder what action they can take if someone posts the video online and on what grounds
( Peej, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 15:38, Reply)

I don't think posting a video of a suicide is a crime, but if the person recording it is encouraging it that might be.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 15:40, Reply)

You could probably get round any laws by replacing the soundtrack with Yakety Sax
and classing it as a parody under fair usage.
(Baggenfrock get fucked, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 15:41, Reply)

A trombone slide with a comedy fart noise at the end would do it.

( Muns, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 15:46, Reply)

I remember one night in Newcastle someone was on the tyne bridge threatening to jump.
There was a lot of concern for about and hour and a half, then it started to rain really heavily and everyone started jeering him and shouting "hurry up!"

He was coaxed down in the end.
Pussy.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 15:45, Reply)

How do you talk someone down in Newcastle?
I imagine the regular stuff like 'You've got so much to live for' or 'think of your beautiful family' are non-starters.
( Muns, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 15:47, Reply)

I think you have to try to entice them down with the promise of scratchcards, brown ale and lard butties

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 15:49, Reply)

If you don't top yourself, we'll give you a Newcastle Utd shirt signed by Alan Shearer?
That sort of bollocks?
( Muns, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 15:50, Reply)

Jane Middlemiss will present it to you.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 15:52, Reply)

Interesting transfer policy but worth a punt based on their current form

( Ms Shenanigans put something interesting here later, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 15:53, Reply)

^ has no idea what their current form is

( Ms Shenanigans put something interesting here later, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 15:53, Reply)

P60

( Muns, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 16:12, Reply)

They send Gazza in like they did with Moaty.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 15:55, Reply)

Dogs a poond a borral doon toon 'nite

( Peej, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 15:51, Reply)

and a cruise ship holiday

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 15:54, Reply)

What's this I keep hearing about you and a new suit?

( Ms Shenanigans put something interesting here later, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 15:55, Reply)

i think its probably something to do with me having a new suit ready for my court appearance.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 15:56, Reply)

COME ON TIM!

( Ms Shenanigans put something interesting here later, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 15:57, Reply)

Lets go Meatsnake lets go *clap clap*

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 15:59, Reply)

Shoot em' in the back now

( Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 16:01, Reply)

+ of the movies on a Saturday night with you

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 16:07, Reply)

You'll be fine mate, I'm sure you'll get custody of the budgies.

( Muns, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 16:00, Reply)

It's nothing to do with the yewtree 'others' investigation honest

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 16:02, Reply)

^^^

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 15:54, Reply)

What happened, were all the trains cancelled or something?

(Baggenfrock get fucked, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 15:47, Reply)

There is a mental hospital near Redruth and the patients were climbing this ladder to the roof and jumping off
So they took the ladder away. The patients then broke out and went in to Redruth and jumped off the railway bridge.

So they put the ladder back.
( Peej, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 15:50, Reply)

Thanks to The Shining I always try and read Redruth backwards
It doesn't work
( Ms Shenanigans put something interesting here later, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 15:58, Reply)

I always mix it up with Rednall.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 15:59, Reply)

TOOLS DOWN!

( Peej, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 16:00, Reply)

PUB TIME FUCK YOU

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 16:00, Reply)

Today I had an email asking me if I'm interested in a job.
They want me to drop 3k a year, travel an extra six miles a day, and increase my working hours by five a week.

I said I'm not interested, explaining the above (with slight elaborations in case they counter-offer) They can't fucking see why. Pricks.
( Muns, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 16:11, Reply)

Use the multifunction printer to scan in your fingers flicking the V's.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 16:13, Reply)

Going to do this I think.
They've just emailed me again to tell me that it's a temporary contract and they'll try and find me something longer term when it's up.

FUUUUUUCKKKKKKRIGHTOFF!
( Muns, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 16:16, Reply)

I especially like it when they demand more years experience in something than it has existed.
If I was capable of time travel I'd have bought a sports almanac and placed some bets.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 16:21, Reply)

I applied for a job that said 6 years Excel experience needed.
If you can't use excel after 6 months you're an idiot.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 16:22, Reply)

My biggest problem with excel is the ennui I feel when using it.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 16:24, Reply)

What's excel?

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 16:29, Reply)

It's what your accountant will use to calculate how fucked your finances are before recommending bankruptcy.

( Muns, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 16:30, Reply)

He's already done a powerpoint on this.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 16:33, Reply)

oof

(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 16:33, Reply)

that's like asking somebody for five years biro and pedal bin experience

(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 16:29, Reply)

What's biro?

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 16:33, Reply)

it's what bankrupt people use to sign onto the dole

(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 16:34, Reply)

I've heard of this dole. Minimum wage stuff?

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 16:36, Reply)

dunno
Think it's paid directly to William Hills
(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 16:37, Reply)

I wonder if you could have a dole lottery.
£1 off everyone on the dole, and every 2 weeks one person gets the lot minus tax.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 16:39, Reply)

Not a bad idea tbh.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 16:43, Reply)

that's a shit idea and you're an idiot
/ac
(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 16:44, Reply)

I think it could sort of work. Next time they increase the dole. Do it -£1, and then they have 26 millionaires a year.
take 10% of the winnings as "tax" and drop the cost of the dole by ~ £5million. Increase sales of Subarus, those gold plated apple watches and hot tubs.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 16:47, Reply)

Give the hopeless a little bit of hope.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 16:48, Reply)

They already willingly contribute a tenner of their dole a week to something called the national lottery.
Much the same thing.
( Muns, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 16:50, Reply)

I'm thinking it's for specifically the unemployed and someone will win it every 2 weeks.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 16:52, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post2482275
( Muns, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 16:53, Reply)

I'd imagine some welfare recipients don't do the lottery, dock it at source.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 16:55, Reply)

It's not called dole now, but 'universal credit', dunno the difference.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 16:54, Reply)

recruitment agents might actually be more useless than estate agents and mortgage brokers

(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 16:15, Reply)

Recruitment agents make estate agents look good
Estate agents are useless, lazy, self-serving, useless, lazy, uncommunicative, useless, lazy dripping welly-top cunts.
Did I mention the uselessness and laziness? Perhaps I should have.
Recruitment agents are one million percent worse.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 16:24, Reply)

At least recruitment agents take their money from the business

(PsychoChomp, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 16:28, Reply)

WHY NOT IF YOU DO I GET PAID COMMISION YOU SELFISH CUNT

(PsychoChomp, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 16:16, Reply)

You're a recruitment agent?

( Muns, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 16:18, Reply)

Nope, I was playing one for the lols.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 16:21, Reply)

oi Jase!
Stop spamming me with texts about PPI!
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 16:11, Reply)

When are you coming to visit us?

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 16:28, Reply)

I must have been spamming myself too.
I hate companies that sell your data on :(
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 16:56, Reply)

I had leftover fizzy wine for breakfast
Same answer to all the Alts
(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 16:16, Reply)

(I had wine for breakfast too)

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 16:56, Reply)

Today's great, thanks
Monday can be shit but today is the actual financial half-year of our company - I've done the year +30% so far. Life and bonuses are good. *smugs*
Alt: Two burst discs in my cervical spine.
Altalt: Holiday in France at my cousin's gite. Bit of work on the flat. Loads of live music. No gay stuff.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 16:21, Reply)

by my arithmetic you should fuck off to the beach for seven months

(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 16:22, Reply)

Wish I could
Gotta show willing, gives the little people something to aspire to
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 16:25, Reply)

why?
Semi-serious question like. Keeping in mind that I'm almost evangelically workshy.
(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 16:28, Reply)

I'm still a wage* slave
Enjoy what I do, massively interesting industry, don't have a very onerous workload. Might as well do something otherwise I'd just spend my whole day** drinking and masturbating.

*Above average but not at Rachelswipe levels. Great bonuses though
**As opposed to just 1/3 of the day
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 16:38, Reply)

What industry are you in?

(PsychoChomp, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 16:40, Reply)

3D printing
Industrial machines for engineering plastics and machines for metals.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 16:43, Reply)

printing things? how cool

(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 16:47, Reply)

Jobs don't have to be cool grumpy chops.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 16:50, Reply)

if you have to do something for thirty or more hours a week and it's not cool then you're an idiot and should commit suicide

(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 17:01, Reply)

.Yeah, we print stuff for people who don't want to buy a machine...
...However, our main thrust (fnaaar) is selling machines.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 16:54, Reply)

no no ... I'm not sure you understood
Printing Things How Cool
(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 17:00, Reply)

porn

(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 16:43, Reply)

that sounds dreadful

(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 16:42, Reply)