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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Read any good books, recently?
Anything is preferable to poo chat, surely?
Perhaps you've written a book - that might be interesting. If you were to write a book, what wound it be about? They say you should write what you know, so what do you know?
If you're feeling inspired, why not type a short story into the replies? But not if it's about your bowel movements - you can keep that between yourself and the porcelain, thank you.
(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 10:49, 204 replies, latest was 9 years ago)
Yeah I read Cloud Atlas, you lot wouldn't like it.
I'm working on my novel at the moment, think of it like 50 shades of grey meets the hungry caterpillar in space with zombies.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 10:50, Reply)
number9dream was better
which I realise sounds like some hipster cunt "before they were famous" bollocks
(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 10:54, Reply)
Ah! böwakawa poussé, poussé

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 10:56, Reply)
alright gonz
which reminds me that I intended to reread feersum endjin after wossisface died
(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 11:19, Reply)
I enjoyed that.
I particularly liked how the blurb on the sleeve compared it to The Matrix (presumably because the publishers didn't read beyond the first chapter).
(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 11:02, Reply)
or they thought the first third of the book was good
and the final two thirds was absolute bobbins
(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 11:20, Reply)
A Tale of Poo Cities by Charles 'Shitty' Dickens

(I helped save b3ta! Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 10:52, Reply)
Seeing as I missed the poo thread, I still haven't firmed up since sunday night.

(I helped save b3ta! Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 10:53, Reply)
Just don't go as soon as you feel the need.
Your lower intestine will keep absorbing water and you'll firm up.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 10:56, Reply)
I don't think that's an option. My arse puckered on the way to work and I stopped still like a dirty mime artist.

(I helped save b3ta! Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 10:57, Reply)
Have a bit of self control yeah

(PsychoChomp, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 10:59, Reply)
officegiggling hard at this

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 11:02, Reply)

officegiggling
(PsychoChomp, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 11:11, Reply)
Well that too

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 11:13, Reply)
The Children Act is pretty good. I'm re-reading all my DH Lawrence because I just can't get enough of that Midlands misery

(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 10:53, Reply)
Its 1989's best seller amongst 80's DJs

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 11:34, Reply)
I'm currently reading a book about Oswald Mosley and British Fascism.
I wrote a book when I was around 9 or 10. It wasn't very long and I fear I may have peaked with that.
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 10:54, Reply)
UKIP have published their manifesto, then?
^ incredibly lazy politics gag
(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 11:04, Reply)
I actually just read Rivers of London by Ben Aaronovitch, which was fun
I'm currently on Down and Dirty Pictures by Peter Biskind which is about the late eighties early nineties indie film movement. It's alright if you like that kind of stuff, which I do.
(I helped save b3ta! Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 10:54, Reply)
read some good books recently
currently reading "fried green tomatoes", which is good, before that read "billy", which still horrifies me even though i've read it before. next up will be "frog music" and "h is for hawk".

i had to write a section of one for my creative writing course. we had to read it in public, which i LOATHE. but it was almost worth it to see philip pullman laugh at my joke about a wet patch. i prefer writing drama though, it's much easier to move the characters around and keep the pace going.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 11:01, Reply)
You should write a cook book.
It'd be polarising.
(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 11:08, Reply)
"The Good Foodwrong Guide"

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 11:10, Reply)
COCK BOOK MORE LIKE!
That'd have my POLE-A-RISING!

No, wait....
(I helped save b3ta! Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 11:11, Reply)
PHWOAR!
That'd be the perfect coffee table gift for that special someone.
(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 11:18, Reply)
I'm currently read Joe Perry's autobiography
I'm hoping the "once they get properly famous" part will be entertaining

Alt:
I'd quite like to do some kind of detective type story, I think
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 11:01, Reply)

Perry's Pasquale
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 11:20, Reply)
I know a book that'll get on your nerves

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 11:26, Reply)
Ha!

(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 11:28, Reply)
the book of Dave
It's alright, except for the Mokni bits.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 11:02, Reply)
I liked the book of dave
but great apes was better
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 11:21, Reply)
Could people please refrain from praising Will Self in my thread?
Thanks.
(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 11:24, Reply)
I really enjoyed The Butt
hurrhurrhurr sounds a bit like "butt"
(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 11:27, Reply)
I really didn't enjoy anything I've read of his.
Great Apes, Tough Tough Toys for Tough Tough Boys, and How The Dead Live were all crap, and the man himself comes across as a pretentious twat on radio/TV.
(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 11:33, Reply)
What I saw of him on Question Time last week, I have to agree

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:01, Reply)
dunno if he's pretentious
it's not like being a high brow wordnerd is an affectation

He's quite probably a twat though
(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:05, Reply)
Clever people should have the humility to try to hide it if they ever appear on television.

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:09, Reply)
I don't think "highbrow" should be a get out clause for "shit".

(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 13:28, Reply)
More Joy: An Advanced Guide to Solo Sex by Harold Litten
It's very good and helping me to become a massive wanker like all of my web pals already are.
(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 11:06, Reply)
you massive wanker

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 11:07, Reply)
hahaha yeah

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 11:08, Reply)
what a massive wanker, eh pal?

(I helped save b3ta! Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 11:09, Reply)
4 real 'bill clay' ITIYRN

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 11:10, Reply)
I wonder what sort of people buy that book.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 11:14, Reply)
Men who've recently lost the use of their dominant hand?

(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 11:20, Reply)
why would you wank with your dominant hand?
how do you keep hold of the saddle?
(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 11:21, Reply)
My butler wanks on my behalf,
but I take your point (so to speak).
(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 11:30, Reply)
I hope he presents the sperm in a silver cup

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 11:33, Reply)
To be honest, I've no idea what he does with it.
I've never looked down during the act.
(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 11:36, Reply)
Inverse dog

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 11:36, Reply)
The Black Swan: Second Edition: The Impact of the Highly Improbable: With a new section: "On Robustness and Fragility
Cheers
(I helped save b3ta! $$ ✅, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 11:31, Reply)
^ reads books on ballet ^

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 11:33, Reply)
* had to read terpsichore in sneakers at uni*

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 11:34, Reply)
Yeah I hate cleaning paint brushes too, or something

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 11:36, Reply)
I quite like the film 'Sneakers'.

(I helped save b3ta! Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 11:41, Reply)
Knickers, Pickers and Shit Kickers
by J R Hartley
(I helped save b3ta! $$ ✅, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 11:36, Reply)
Fly Fisting

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 11:37, Reply)
he wrote Fly Fishing after

(I helped save b3ta! $$ ✅, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 11:37, Reply)
Fly Fishing, by J. R. Hartley
This is exactly the sort of question that should come up when I'm feeling inspired and full of mental fizz, i.e. not now when I'm dieting and feeling hungry and knackered all the time.
(I helped save b3ta! .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 11:37, Reply)
Tell us about the diet book you're following.

(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 11:39, Reply)

It's a kind of bastardised version of Weight Watchers that I've ripped off borrowed from my sister-in-law, so I get a reasonably accurate calculation of the points values for each day. I found a free version online last week but the formulae it used were total bollocks and I was fecking starving all the time.
(I helped save b3ta! .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 11:44, Reply)
the myfitnesspal app is good and free.
It's a bit american focused in terms of brands but you can add whatever you like to it.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 11:45, Reply)
Does that measure things in cups, though?
I've already had to bin several otherwise workable resources online because they insisted on using mediaeval American measurements for things.
(I helped save b3ta! .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 11:46, Reply)
It does, but you can use grams like a normal person.
It can be a pain to add shit in at first 200g of beef mince at x calories etc. but it saves everything you've manually added so if you eat the same things you just look in your history.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 11:52, Reply)
You should get the hairy bikers diet book. It's still fat cunt food but toned down a bit.

(I helped save b3ta! Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 11:46, Reply)
Looks good, actually.

(I helped save b3ta! .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 11:47, Reply)
I've not done the diet ones because I'm not a fat mess, but their curry and pie ones are exceptional.
As is their mousaka recipe.

I don't rate them on the telly though, not interested.
(I helped save b3ta! Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:09, Reply)
Monty does an impression of them, you should ask him to show you next time he's here.

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:10, Reply)
my (stick thin friend) swears by this
and the "french women don't get fat" cookbook.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:18, Reply)
Whats your calorie goal for the day?

(PsychoChomp, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 11:42, Reply)
I'm going by points rather than calories
although I'd hazard a guess at 2200, which in itself is way down from the pietastic amount I'd been eating for a little while and that had resulted in me turning into a fat bastard.
(I helped save b3ta! .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 11:45, Reply)
just eat 1100 tictacs a day. Sorted.

(I helped save b3ta! Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 11:46, Reply)
A good way of safeguarding against diet breath, I suppose.

(I helped save b3ta! .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 11:51, Reply)
You must be a big guy
I was at 1800 when I was dieting and I'm not a small guy at all. And don't worry its fine once you get over the first few days and your appetite adapts.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 11:51, Reply)
I don't know if I'm actually at 2200,
because that's about maintenance for someone of my height and musculature at a healthy weight, but I have been eating a whole load of pointless shite recently that hasn't been doing my waistline any favours.
(I helped save b3ta! .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 11:56, Reply)
This is a good subreddit.
www.reddit.com/r/loseit read the FAQ on the right side.
Then work out your BMR using this www.bmi-calculator.net/bmr-calculator/
Then -500 calories and you'll lose about a lb a week on average. Keep going until you stop losing weight and then if you're within a healthy BMI great keep it up. If you're not recalculate your BMR reduce your calories again and keep going until you're at a healthy weight.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:02, Reply)
Ta
Subbed.
(I helped save b3ta! .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:13, Reply)
Dont use a BMI as it is pretty much bollocks
just jump up and down in front of a mirror then if bits keep moving after you have stopped eat less
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:15, Reply)
^fat logic
BMI isn't very good for professional athletes and or dwarfs. It's fine for most people most of the time.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:18, Reply)
I'm neither an athlete or a dwarf, according to BMI I'm obese.
This is far from true. Utter bollocks.
(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:22, Reply)
Try my jump up and down test
it is fool proof
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:24, Reply)
there is a touch of wobbling.

(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:26, Reply)
LOL FATTY *points and throws stones*

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:28, Reply)
:(

(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:39, Reply)
Apart from the bit where it is true.
Because BMI is how it's defined. You might as well say I'm a three sided shape with 180 degree combined internal angles but I don't look like a triangle.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:27, Reply)
no you cant
the problem with BMI is that it is overly simplistic and doesn't take into account other factors.
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:31, Reply)
Like what a fat cunt you are?

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:34, Reply)
post of the day

(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:40, Reply)
Like what? Build, that's why there's a range.
It's simplicity is one of the reasons it's so useful. Everyone can work out their own with simple measurements. Body fat percentage is complicated to measure. Also if it's so useless why does the NHS and any scientific/medical research paper use it?
(PsychoChomp, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:39, Reply)
IT'S A CONSPIRACY
WAKE UP (FAT) SHEEPLE!
(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:40, Reply)
so what you're saying is that I am obese.

(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:34, Reply)
Yep, lose weight, most people should and it's good for you.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:39, Reply)
do i look obese?
flic.kr/p/rMAfio
(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:40, Reply)

obese like mick hucknall
(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:41, Reply)
I hope this is the gay clown picture.

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:41, Reply)
Aw :(

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:41, Reply)
I'm the clown on the left.
flic.kr/p/dQHGNN
(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:46, Reply)
Sexy as fuck.

(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:50, Reply)

Sexy obese
(PsychoChomp, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:55, Reply)
You look like four people man.
Your thighs look big and you're wearing baggy clothes. If you can carry it well good for you, doesn't mean you shouldn't lose weight.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:42, Reply)
I think he's the round surprised one in front of the drummer

(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:45, Reply)
I am losing weight at the minute, but the problem is, I'm not obese.
I'm a little overweight maybe, but obese is a term that implies all sorts of health problems that don't apply. It's ridiculous, over simplified and for armchair work out knobs to feel they know what they're on about. I've not met a single person at the gym or anywhere that has anything good to say about BMI
(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:45, Reply)
You could start by mowing that lawn

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:46, Reply)
narc

(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:49, Reply)
and cutting down on the doritos and guacamole, with a lager ffs

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:51, Reply)
it was a treat day.

(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:53, Reply)
my treat day is any day i get to see you

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:54, Reply)
Good keep going.
There is definitely a tier list of measuring obesity levels.
Most accurate: Body pod, costs about £30 to be measured if you can find one nearby.
Then properly calibrated calipers used by someone who knows what they're doing.
Then BMI. BMI is what it is, it's not useless it just isn't perfect.

Also bro-science from people at the gym is the worst place to get fitness advice.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:54, Reply)
I've just had a look at the nhs website calculator.
Turns out according to BMI I am actually only a bit overweight. So yeah, sorry, maybe you're right.
I know what you mean about bro science, but I go to a nice posh gym and get mostly very good advice.
(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:56, Reply)
Oh great, now I have to find another fatty to shout at.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:58, Reply)
soz.

(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:59, Reply)
How come you don't wear the corpse paint when you play any more?

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:45, Reply)
drummer does

(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:48, Reply)
Unfortunately for you at 5'11 and under 13st I am well within the BMI scale

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:24, Reply)
I know; it doesn't take account of how muscular you are.
Going by BMI alone, Arnold Schwarzenegger in his prime was a fat knacker.
(I helped save b3ta! .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:33, Reply)
christ

(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:21, Reply)
twelvety

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 11:46, Reply)
Get some fucking dignity, mate.

(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:20, Reply)
he's a parody of the new type sad Internet dweller.
All buzz words and links and positive action, but still a desperately lonely sack of wasted skin.
(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:24, Reply)
I can't tell if he's Fo Real or not

(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:24, Reply)
Is it just me, or has it all gone a bit middle-aged receptionists round here?

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 11:49, Reply)
I would like to go on record to state
that 2 men discussing diet schemes and/or books is in no way shit and/or bent
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 11:49, Reply)
There's an extensive conversation about excrement
currently going on the other channel if that's more up your street.
(I helped save b3ta! .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 11:52, Reply)
Health chat is pretty boring but it's important and needs to be read by most of the fat messes on here.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 11:53, Reply)
Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:11, Reply)
Being unsingle means youc an be as fat as you like
as the line of least resistance law means she'll probably stick with you.

Top life facts.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:12, Reply)
I am a much less fat mess than I was.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:13, Reply)
It is not just you.

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 11:51, Reply)
I've been reading Lord of the Rings to the kids for the last year. Just a few pages at bedtime.
We've just got to the bit where Viggo Mortensen leaves the guy from lost with Captain Smith out of Titanic.
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 11:52, Reply)
My eldest gave up on The Hobbit, and went back to reading David Walliams.
Much as I love Tolkien, I think he's made the right choice.
(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 11:57, Reply)
Oh Jesus I hope I never come into contact with another David Walliams book again.

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 11:59, Reply)
I think he's their generation's Roald Dahl.

(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:45, Reply)
Mmm
After reading The Lord of the Rings and enjoying it immensely, I remember cracking open The Hobbit and thinking "Were these two even written by the same bloke?"
(I helped save b3ta! .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:00, Reply)
I read the Silmarillion once
It was painful
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:02, Reply)
Present from the wife by any chance >?

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:11, Reply)
click

(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:13, Reply)
Tolkien is bollocks.
I've tried a couple of times and given up quite quickly because it's well... shit.
(I helped save b3ta! Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:05, Reply)
you should read them some Stephen R Donaldson instead
Leprosy and rape are much more entertaining than whiny dwarfs and pompous elves
(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:08, Reply)
Get him on Patrick Hamilton. It's important to let them know life is mostly bleak, shit and pointless from an early age.

(I helped save b3ta! Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:10, Reply)
Something tells me the career of a leprous rapist is a short-lived one.

(I helped save b3ta! .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:10, Reply)
dunno ... he seems to have been writing novels about him for thirty odd years

(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:17, Reply)
Wouldn't your knob just fall off after the first time?

(I helped save b3ta! .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:18, Reply)
you should read the books
but only if you're an adolescent or a bit thick

they're probably shit to an adult reader
(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:19, Reply)
How could I resist a glowing recommendation like that?

(I helped save b3ta! .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:20, Reply)
They sound ideal for me
Any tits or explosions in them?
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:20, Reply)
I don't remember
I read the first couple in the 1980s when I was supposed to be doing my English gcse
(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:22, Reply)
"O"ld levels more like

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:35, Reply)
Finally the intellectual heavyweights are wading in on this Clarkson thing.
www.ibtimes.co.uk/top-gear-row-snoop-dogg-demands-bbc-boycott-aid-jeremy-clarkson-1493190
(I helped save b3ta! Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:12, Reply)
I've not seen such a surreal gatecrash of the news since Gazza turned up to help Moaty.

(I helped save b3ta! Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:14, Reply)
Thank god, now we can get some proper debate going.

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:14, Reply)
Will Self's short fiction is better than his novels.
He clearly struggled with structure and pacing of the long form for a while.

His narrative voice is very different to how he is as a broadcaster and journalist.

The Quantity Theory of Insanity should be read by all with a passing interest in his work. He's also better writing as a moralist than a satirist.

Cheers.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:16, Reply)
Cheers.

(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:17, Reply)
I dunt like him using all long words on my telly

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:18, Reply)
intelligence equals pretension

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:22, Reply)
innit tho lol

(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:24, Reply)
what's worse: intelligent people speaking intelligently, or intelligent people talking down to the proles who don't understand?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:28, Reply)
It requires far more skill to explain a complex concept to a thick person than a clever person.

(I helped save b3ta! Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:29, Reply)
this is one of those things that people regurgitate without any consideration
it's actually bollocks

A decent physics teacher can explain thermodynamics to a fifteen year old. That doesn't in any way require more skill than working at CERN
(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:32, Reply)
It's almost as if explaining and sciencing are two different skills that can in some cases complement each other.

(I helped save b3ta! Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:39, Reply)
it's almost as if what you said was obvious bollocks but you're uncomfortable admitting this on the internet

(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:44, Reply)
I tried reading the one where chimps are clever.
I gave up on it because he seemed to be deliberately obfuscating the text for no good reason.
(I helped save b3ta! Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:19, Reply)
I think you missed the point of that one, mate

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:23, Reply)
No I didn't. The people who pride themselves for being able to slog it through is books are usually prime examples of the Dunning–Kruger effect.

(I helped save b3ta! Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:27, Reply)
wrong

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:29, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post2486687
(I helped save b3ta! Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:33, Reply)
what about the functioning adults who don't find it a slog at all?

(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:35, Reply)
define 'functioning'

(I helped save b3ta! Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:36, Reply)
able to read a literary novel in their mother tongue without it being a struggle

(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:38, Reply)
define 'novel'

(I helped save b3ta! Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:49, Reply)
Usually fictitious, sometimes with a basis in real events. Longer than a novella.

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:51, Reply)
I've read them.

(I helped save b3ta! Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:53, Reply)
have you considered having a reading age above thirteen?

(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:23, Reply)
I get cross at Dickens for that precise reason.
Fucking florid beardy fuck.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:29, Reply)
He's like Russell Brand if you subtracted the whimsical self-deprecation.

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:19, Reply)
And the sixth-form politics.
Strip it all back and in either case you're left with a prick with a thesaurus.
(I helped save b3ta! Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:21, Reply)
um, I don't think Will Self needs a thesaurus
Thickos reading his books do.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:23, Reply)
THE LOQUACITY OF THE INDIVIDUAL IS DIRECTLY PROPORTIONATE TO THEIR CEREBRAL ALACRITY SOMETHING SOMETHING CULTURALLY IMPOVERISHED LACKEYS
Alright, Brand, shut your fucking face, mate.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:24, Reply)
no disagreement from me, mate

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:29, Reply)
but there's a pretty clear difference between Brand and Self
unless you just see the big scary words and run away
(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:34, Reply)
Yes, it's the whimsical self-deprecation.
Already pointed that out, blud.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:35, Reply)
I'm getting really fed up of thick people thinking he's some kind of revolutionary.
At least Billy Bragg had some sort of goal.
(I helped save b3ta! Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:38, Reply)
Say that name three times and an angry bald dwarf will appear and vomit Patron all over your shoes.

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:39, Reply)
I'd pay good money to see Self and Brand go head to head
Brand would be thoroughly humiliated.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:43, Reply)
this i agree on.

(I helped save b3ta! Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:45, Reply)
only plebby thickos think Brand is of above average intelligence

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:50, Reply)
this i agree on

(I helped save b3ta! Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:51, Reply)
stop agreeing with me please, my bellendery is notorious

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:54, Reply)
this i agree on

(I helped save b3ta! Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:56, Reply)
+JEEEEEERAMEEEEEE!

(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 13:05, Reply)
I might write a diet book.

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:19, Reply)
108 pages of photographs of pies and chips and cake
Then the words "lol fat loser"
(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:23, Reply)
You should, the ones which sell the best are gimmicky shit that makes dieting seem like it's easier than having self control.
Also willfully misinterpret science for at least 3 chapters
(PsychoChomp, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:24, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post2486678
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:26, Reply)
Why bother, just create a webpage screaming "SOMETHING DIET PILL DOCTORS HATE THIS IS IT TOO STRONG CLICK THE LINK BEFORE IT'S BANNED"

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:27, Reply)
Lots of speed will make you skinny. It's a fact.

(I helped save b3ta! Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:29, Reply)
I knew someone whos idea of a good night was to take a bunch of speed and lift weights.
He was not fun at parties.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:29, Reply)
jesus he must have absolutely stunk

(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:34, Reply)
Timothy Dalton's looking more and more like Enoch Powell as he gets older.
Time is a cruel mistress.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 13:01, Reply)
you say that like it's a bad thing

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 13:02, Reply)

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