Come on then, what are we all doing this Bank Hol?
I think I may fancy a night out tomorrow.
Got a potential suitor coming for sleepover on Sunday and that's about it.

any particular food plans?
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 14:29, 138 replies, latest was 10 years ago)

That reminds me:
must buy Easter eggs.

Food plans: lunch with the in-laws on Sunday. Not quite sure what to expect on the menu as of right now.
( .Yeti., Thu 2 Apr 2015, 14:30, Reply)

I'm going to a newish bar with some friends on Friday.
Nothing else planned.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 14:31, Reply)

seeing a friend tomorrow (we're watching "appropriate behaviour", which looks amusing, then late lunch)
cheshire on sat, my brothers are up there with kids etc. amongst other things i have bought the kids these massive disc balloon frisbee bastard offspring things, and a big container of helium. this will end well.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 14:33, Reply)

unless it rains

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 14:36, Reply)

Hello Jaysomz
Tonight - Lasagna
Friday - Sausages for breakfast, Netflix all day, Sea Bass for dinner
Saturday - Go to The North, eat pizza (Hahaha pizza!)
Sunday - Easter gargantuan meal (I'm hoping for a duck starter then pork or lamb and beer), tour of The North
Monday - Come home, kebab
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 14:36, Reply)

Oooo a tour of teh north
are you coming to see me.
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 14:40, Reply)

I farking wish m8te, can't remember what the place we're going is called but I'm sure it won't be as nice as seeing you

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 14:44, Reply)

it's called yorkshire

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 14:45, Reply)

hahahaha yeah 'yorkshire' like that's a real place

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 14:48, Reply)

Its a pudding innit ?

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 14:50, Reply)

I don't know m8te, there's NO FARKING MENU

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 14:50, Reply)

Dont trust these northerns with their no menu malarky
It will probs be some sort of boiled cow stomach
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 14:52, Reply)

I'm a little concerned as I don't want a plate of tripe and eels for my Easter meal on that most holy of days

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 14:56, Reply)

Hardly likely.
We don't let just *anyone* have delicacies like that...
(Twangy Rubber, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 15:14, Reply)

PHEW! Alright Twangers?

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 15:21, Reply)

Yeah, it's all good today.
Let me know when you're driving through, I'll do the "Royal wave" thing out of the parlour window...
(Twangy Rubber, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 15:22, Reply)

It must be for you to come forth from the shadows where you usually lurk.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 15:23, Reply)

It's safer in the darkness.
The clash of intellects on here burns the soul, I can only stand and watch in awe.
(Twangy Rubber, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 15:27, Reply)

Shame you aren't an expert in everything ever like everyone else. At least you know your place.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 15:28, Reply)

*sobs*

(Twangy Rubber, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 15:29, Reply)

Or you could just bluster and bullshit about everything, just sayin'

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 15:30, Reply)

It's all about that bass

(PsychoChomp, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 14:40, Reply)

No treble?

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 14:46, Reply)

www.staffoflifeinn.org.uk/
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 14:44, Reply)

NO FARKING MENU

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 14:46, Reply)

Thats not Yorkshire

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 15:17, Reply)

Can I come too? :)

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 14:44, Reply)

Please do, you enchanting young man.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 14:47, Reply)

Don't bring your boyfriend though as there is no disabled access

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 14:50, Reply)

s'ok, I dumped him anyway
CHINNY RECKON!
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 15:01, Reply)

Dumped him straight out of his wheelchair and into the west side of the Rochdale Canal

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 15:10, Reply)

Jason smiled as he watched the last bubble slowly rise to the surface and dissipate.
The spasticated flailing hadn't lasted for long, not nearly as long as he had imagined, and he had imagined it, over and over. It was somehow more peaceful and, in many ways, a happier event than he ever thought possible, watching him slowly sink to the murky depths.

It felt familiar.

....the child.

He remembered the child. Jason had killed a child.

And raped him.

Jason looked at the empty wheelchair.

If you want Jason to wheel himself home go to page 26

For Jason to commit suicide go to page 89
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 15:20, Reply)

:(

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 15:26, Reply)

turns to page 26

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 15:52, Reply)

If you liked choose your own adventures and have an iPad or some other apple piece of shit.
This is worth getting.
itunes.apple.com/gb/app/80-days/id892812659?mt=8
(PsychoChomp, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 16:03, Reply)

Might get wankered

( broadsword now that's fresh, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 14:38, Reply)

I get floating days and haven't booked any off yet.
Might ask the boss for monday off.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 14:48, Reply)

Promised the Doris I'd take her out this evening.
The last proper meal I had was a cooked breakfast on Sunday morning.

The thought of some fancy-dan rich food makes me want to heave.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 16:25, Reply)

just eat the bread sticks.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 16:37, Reply)

That would work, only I've yet to be told where I'm taking her yet.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 16:45, Reply)

If you're looking for breadsticks try the 1970s

(PsychoChomp, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 17:35, Reply)

take her to that lush mexican near the flat
and ask for plain nachos
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 17:09, Reply)

Sadly, lurgy has got the better of us
So dinner and theater have been cancelled. Having been looked after all week, I shall do some cooking and take on the role of 'head of looking after'.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 17:49, Reply)

so, a takeaway from the mexican??

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 18:02, Reply)

Doubt it.
They don't deliver.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 18:15, Reply)

it has 'Girls Just Want To Have Fun' on it which is, to my mind, possibly the best song of the 1980s. It's become utterly fucking timeless, I don't know a single person that doesn't like that song and if I did I wouldn't fucking trust them.
Not my words Carol, but those of Aidan Moffat describing his 13 favourite albums.

thequietus.com/articles/17564-aidan-moffat-favourite-albums-interview?page=3
( Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 17:16, Reply)

aidan moffat is a cool guy

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 17:54, Reply)

He's a bit sweary. In the national press, too. Shame on him.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 17:57, Reply)

cauldron lincolnshire sausages, yellow pepper, red onion and garlic, fried up then add chopped tomatoes and pasta, then chuck the whole rancid lot in the bin and get a takeaway

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 17:47, Reply)

a bottle of rioja, a tub of sundried tomatoes and a load of blue goats cheese

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 17:55, Reply)

^ dinner for one.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 17:57, Reply)

it's a snack innit

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 17:57, Reply)

Just have crisps like a proper man

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 17:59, Reply)

kettle chips salt and balsamic vinegar
best. crisps. in. the. world.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 18:01, Reply)

wotsits or roast beef monster munch you pompous nitwit.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 18:01, Reply)

roast beef monster munch are nice with pesto topped houmous

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 18:02, Reply)

Why do you have to ruin everything?

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 18:04, Reply)

relax
you don't have to use a fork.

although it is more hygienic.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 18:05, Reply)

You don't have to 'pimp' everything. A lot of thought, care and attention has gone into these snacks and frankly it's arrogant that you think you can improve them with all that foreign muck.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 18:06, Reply)

LOL

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 18:06, Reply)

discos

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 2 Apr 2015, 18:02, Reply)

i see your discos
and i raise you hula hoops or salt and vinegar wheat crunchies
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 18:03, Reply)

^^^
especially for that last flavour filled mouthful
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 18:07, Reply)

Oh, like a blowjob?

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 18:08, Reply)

of course.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 18:09, Reply)

Disgusting

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 18:09, Reply)

HEAR THAT SWIPE, HE HATES BLOWJOBS

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 18:35, Reply)

something about forks or psychochomp or something

(old man river possible lesbian, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 18:39, Reply)

Not doing anything with "Mrs Dozer" this weekend?

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 17:58, Reply)

yep
curling her into a semi fist and slowly wanking his lonely little spaff trumpet with her
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 18:01, Reply)

yes, we are visiting family, thanks 4 asking m8

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 18:15, Reply)

Are they still living in

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 18:21, Reply)

I'm such a fantasist!

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 18:25, Reply)

Not your family, though

( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 18:24, Reply)

well no, nearest sibling is in Glasgow and both parents are dead. What's your point?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 18:25, Reply)

As above

( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 18:31, Reply)

Pissed again, eh?
Dignity is your constant companion.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 18:32, Reply)

And remains so
I'm in York on Sunday - gaz if you and "Mrs Dozer" aren't "visiting family".
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 18:42, Reply)

not back until Sunday teatime, soz

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 18:49, Reply)

I'm driving and it'll be late Sunday afternoon when we get there

( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 18:54, Reply)

maybe then, ill Gareth you xx

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 19:03, Reply)

oh, yeah, tools down fuck you was about 3 hours ago.
I forgot.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 2 Apr 2015, 18:02, Reply)

Bit of shopping tomorrow
Mahoosive lamb dinner Saturday night, game fair on Sunday. No plans after that.
There will be no alcohol due to a course of metronidazole which finishes on Monday
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 18:05, Reply)

^ pregnant ^

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 18:06, Reply)

mouth infection from sucking cocks

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 18:37, Reply)

happy Good Friday all.
I am skinny dipping and having a lager. the hawk wind posing pouch is looking a bit saggy.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 18:28, Reply)

but I think I can carry it off!

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 18:34, Reply)

Sexy as fuck.

(old man river possible lesbian, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 18:36, Reply)

That's not skinny dipping

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 18:37, Reply)

Bless, you're giving your little seahorse a wash.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 18:37, Reply)

drowned in bleachy head

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 18:38, Reply)

It matches what's inside then

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 18:38, Reply)

the. only thing I keep inside is my love for you.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 18:44, Reply)

Haha!

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 18:44, Reply)

you sucking up to the Northern Gentry this weekend?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 18:47, Reply)

Yeah. I'm looking forward to it actually, so there.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 18:51, Reply)

if they're like swipe then no doubt.
enjoy! just askin'
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 18:56, Reply)

do they do a lager top in bongo bongo land

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 2 Apr 2015, 18:47, Reply)

um bongo top.
first Easter not in the pub game?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 18:49, Reply)

Lilt makes an excellent shandy.

(old man river possible lesbian, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 18:55, Reply)

it's the totally tropical taste wot are luv, kingeee.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 18:57, Reply)

second, still a wild excitement.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 2 Apr 2015, 19:23, Reply)

brilliant.
Love to you both.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 19:27, Reply)

I might post "sexy as fuck" on the internet.

(old man river possible lesbian, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 18:36, Reply)

^connorsir

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 18:37, Reply)

It's the big leadership debate this evening.
Fingers crossed it'll be an action packed laugh a minute.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 19:05, Reply)

Is it on the radio like last time?
I find all the bright lights on the telly get me too overexcited.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 19:10, Reply)

You've only got a black and white portable, stop moaning.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 19:14, Reply)

No, it's all of them
Like all the cows stuffed into an auction ring.

It won't be remotely meaningful.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 19:15, Reply)

Yeah, it'll probably help steer towards a hung parliament by slightly increasing the smaller parties' share of the vote

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 19:20, Reply)

I'll be voting SNP

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 19:23, Reply)

the lack of majority etc zzzzz

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 19:29, Reply)

Your man Nige should probably do alright for himself

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 19:24, Reply)

of course it won't, you spanner.
the election will be wot decides it.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 19:28, Reply)

HEADSET DOWN! FUCK YOU!
Have a good one bbz xx
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 2 Apr 2015, 19:42, Reply)