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Are you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.

(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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TRAINCANS!

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 15:54, 255 replies, latest was 11 years ago)
I actually have the evening to myself and some beers. Might get drunk and watch telly.

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 15:56, Reply)
Why not do some online high end gaming.

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:03, Reply)
I might play some offline gaming galciv 3
but I'm in the middle of a khan academy course at the moment so want to finish that which I can do while watching Telly.
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:05, Reply)
No idea what any of that means.
Apart from the watching telly bit.
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:06, Reply)
Khan academy is a free online course place.
It's the best I've found for skipping the shit you already know if that makes any sense. So you progress quickly.
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:10, Reply)
Online course so you can become
Citizen Khan

#megalolzsitcom
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:12, Reply)
Gal civ 3 is a space based 4x game
Expand
Explore
Exploit
Exterminate.
bit like Civilisation
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:12, Reply)
Sounds like a bent computer game for Australian lager drinkers.
With added benderness.
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:13, Reply)
You wouldn't be saying that if my dregin carrier fleet was attacking your economic starbases in real life.

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:14, Reply)
I wouldn't know until I got home from the pub.
Like a proper person.
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:17, Reply)
I attacked YM's Starbase last night

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:49, Reply)
wouldn't you be better off doing some recognised, industry standard qualifications?

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:15, Reply)
He already has a degree in FOD.

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:18, Reply)
but it's a 2.2 so is useless

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:33, Reply)
Porkpie

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:48, Reply)
All right, Popeye's here! get your hands on your heads, get off the bar, and get on the wall!

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:58, Reply)
you always have the evening to yourself, you lonely spinster

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:12, Reply)
So jelly.

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:17, Reply)
my kids are running naked around the garden trying to pop giant bubbles with their farts
none of your intendos and gayboys are going to match that
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:21, Reply)
trainspunk!

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:05, Reply)
Is a can in order before going to this burlesque theatre thingy tonight?
y/n
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:06, Reply)
y

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:07, Reply)
thx
I've still got time to finish the cleaning and get the beers in.
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:08, Reply)
pleasure

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:12, Reply)
99.7% of "burlesque" is shit

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:13, Reply)
I'm not really sure what to expect from tonight yet.
I was told it had "elements of burlesque", which could mean anything.
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:16, Reply)
bad comedy, worse café singing, and a couple of ropey birds will jangle their unloved fleshpendants at you

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:19, Reply)
if you're lucky

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:19, Reply)
In other words,
an evening of quality entertainment lies ahead.

You had me worried for a moment there.
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:20, Reply)
There'll be a prick in a top hat with a waxed moustache.

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:30, Reply)
Chip face cans! TDFU

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:07, Reply)
Chip faces drink cans of Rio

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:08, Reply)
Cans of Rio are for special occasions only, you know that.

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:17, Reply)
Like having a size 11 New Balance branded chip face.

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:19, Reply)
I wouldn't know :(

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:29, Reply)
Sad times.

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:30, Reply)
Too much soda will give you windypops.

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:19, Reply)
Happy Birthday Pac-Man
35 today.
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:24, Reply)
not even in my top 10 gayming icons.

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:30, Reply)
Spack-man more like!!!
#casual
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:33, Reply)
bit racist m8
I think you have to say Asian man nowadays
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:36, Reply)
Preferred Q-Bert.

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:47, Reply)
silly question but may I have cans without a train.

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:34, Reply)
Is it payday? Do you have a chip face?

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:35, Reply)
NO

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:36, Reply)
set of cunts

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:57, Reply)
Mrs Hats is out with work friends this evening
So it'll be putting the kids to bed...
then wanking myself into a stupor!
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:34, Reply)
please remember to leave the kids bedroom prior to the last act

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:37, Reply)
My house, my rules

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:37, Reply)
ok then remember to use a wet wipe so any DNA is destroyed

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:46, Reply)
gotcha
*finger guns*
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:47, Reply)

g n b m
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:51, Reply)
I'm out of my depth here

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:02, Reply)
Poor Muns

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:03, Reply)

Starting at home, Vanessa traveled uphill to the toy store for 20 minutes at just 9 mph. She then traveled back home along the same path downhill at a speed of 18 mph.

What is her average speed for the entire trip from home to the toy store and back?
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:35, Reply)
I hope the answer is 200 so you can delete this.

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:36, Reply)
Why is Vanessa hanging about a toy shop?
Is she some kind of frightful paedo?
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:36, Reply)
She could work there or be a mother.
That's not important.
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:44, Reply)
she is probs one of those CosPlay birds
she will have been having a lego fitting
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:47, Reply)
In the Emvee sense?

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:48, Reply)
TTJ

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:50, Reply)
Sorry. Must have missd that.

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:51, Reply)
I went for subtle
I shouldn't do subtle
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:53, Reply)
Not while I'm doing thick

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:55, Reply)
Vanessa left you about the bins with cold pizza and a frightfully dull evening

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:40, Reply)
High End TRAINCANZ!

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:41, Reply)
Basically you work out the distance.
20mins is 1/3rd on an hour so it's 3 miles
she goes twice as fast on the way back so 10mins
so she goes 6 miles in 30 mins, 12mph is her average speed.
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:45, Reply)
basically, you get a life and stop wondering about GCSE maths

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:46, Reply)
That's more year 5 stuff now mate.

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:48, Reply)
I have Gin, Whiskey, Sloe Gin and Vermouth. My wine rack is also fully stocked with red wine.
I'm not drinking tonight *SADFACE*
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:47, Reply)
You're still the best one here though so you've always got that mate

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:52, Reply)
why is psychochomp doing GCSE maths?

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:52, Reply)
because he's a massive greasy prickhole?

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:53, Reply)
sounds about right.
How's the sunburn. I seem to have got the stench of shit out of my hair after 2 showers.
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:55, Reply)
false alarm
a lager shandy has sorted everything out
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:57, Reply)

lager hand
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:59, Reply)
I've got grubby grubby fingers
I don't want to get them even grubbier
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:00, Reply)
lager shandy? I thought you said you weren't a big fucking girly woofter gay pants.
Stunned and his lager tops are nearly unforgivable, I think you've gone too far.
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:59, Reply)
I'm quite partial to daytime shandies when I'm doing manual labour
I sometimes have lager and lime if I'm feeling a bit cheeky
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:04, Reply)
I probably shouldn't admit this, but I'm partial to a Rose spritzer on a hot day after some hard work.

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:21, Reply)
alright stunned poster

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:01, Reply)
stfu cunt, windy pig did this already

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:01, Reply)
you're like a slow loris, but slower. and uglier. and shorter. and you live in a flat not a tree.

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:03, Reply)
+ half

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:04, Reply)
i could live in a house, since i own one of them too, could you afford that?

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:04, Reply)
I already own a house.

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:05, Reply)
I bet you have a mortgage

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:05, Reply)
oh, right, yeah, I own 67 ish percent of a house. soz mate.

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:10, Reply)
gutted I win again, better luck next time looser

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:13, Reply)
you win this time, but next time height, or head size or taste in shirts comes up,
I'll have the upper hand then
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:15, Reply)
Apology accepted

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:22, Reply)
coz A level is too advanced for him ?

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:55, Reply)
he might get there.

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:56, Reply)
Already got a B at A level maths thankyouverymuch

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:58, Reply)
lolthicko

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:59, Reply)
because I don't know or care?

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:56, Reply)
you're the reason I drink.

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:57, Reply)
because I drink too and you want to be like me, I know

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:57, Reply)
I'm the reason I drink.

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:59, Reply)
I did maths up to a-level and it never taught me nuffin' I'd rather be quicker at arithmetic so I could score darts quicker.

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:56, Reply)
I'm pretty sure all those style of maths problems do is try and push children to learn critical thinking,
getting the answer is only half the point.
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:58, Reply)
Yeah. It's quite weird though because whilst the syllabus encourages critical thinking a lot of teachers certainly didn't.

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:58, Reply)
I know a few guys and gals my age that seem to have got in to teaching.
They are not critical thinkers. If I'm honest, I'm not sure they're any sort of thinker.
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:01, Reply)
Yes, some people I know are as well. With the exception of one they're not either.
One of my mates missuses is a primary teacher which means she bollocks him like a naughty child when he's dicking about... "you're making me cross".
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:04, Reply)
ha, yeah, our singer is a primary school teacher, and a good one as far as I can tell,
we were all pissed up and giving him some stick, and he turned all teacher on us "will you please calm down, and stop messing around, or I will get angry"
only Made it worse.
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:07, Reply)
It's better than the other way round.
Can you imagine the grief if they told a class full of eight year olds to fucking pack it in, you unfunny bunch of cunts?
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:14, Reply)
proper lol.

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:15, Reply)
I thought quite critically of a lot of my teachers.
Especially the one who was shagging all the sixth form girls.
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:02, Reply)
needs something to talk about with his new bird?

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:56, Reply)
is his new bird a pre-pubescent girl?

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:58, Reply)
I am suggesting that he is a big ol wrongun
he is Gadding it about all over the place
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:00, Reply)
I think most kids doing GCSEs are 'pubescent'
In fact, quite a few of them round here seem to be 'right slags'.
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:00, Reply)
not in your day right, grandma

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:02, Reply)
See above.

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:03, Reply)
Are you exempt because they were 'o-levels' back then?

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:05, Reply)
I'm not that old.
I did GCSEs, mate.
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:06, Reply)
She didn't see Jurassic park at the cinema because she was too young.

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:06, Reply)
I'm actually doing a course on financial and capital markets
but you get tested on rate changes, statistics and data sets to see if you're up for it.
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:58, Reply)
fuck your life

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:59, Reply)
learning deserves mockery

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:59, Reply)
you've got a century of life at most
there are some things it's really not worth learning
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:02, Reply)
You should never stop learning.
There's always something more to know.
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:03, Reply)
there's a million interesting things to learn
and he's chosen a shitdull thing instead
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:04, Reply)
That's your opinion.
It might be fascinating to some people.
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:05, Reply)
It's no pier chat.

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:06, Reply)
Nothing beats pier chat.

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:11, Reply)
Not even going to the pier?

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:13, Reply)
and we call those people "fucking idiots"

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:06, Reply)
Looking back I kind-of regret choosing subjects I already knew at university for my non 'core' modules so I could sleep through the lectures.
I might have learned something.
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:06, Reply)
I'm glad I dropped out, it never suited me and I managed to do all right learning on the job.
Although, I would like to do a few qualifications now, just stuff that's interesting to me.
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:08, Reply)
It wasn't so much that. For the first couple of years (four year degrees in Scotland) only a third of the credits were computer science.
You could tell what I was interesting as my CS stuff was graded 2:1 / 1st levels and my non-cs stuff was scraping a pass.

I wasn't forced to go to university but it was heavily encouraged by various people; whilst the downsides of manual work or engineering were regularly mentioned nobody once mentioned the crippling ennui and petty bullshit you can experience in office work and it's something i'm seriously not very happy about.
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:14, Reply)
Although by the time I finished university i just wanted to work as I was fed up of the false responsibility.

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:15, Reply)
u OK babez?

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:17, Reply)
No I'm a fucking curmudgeon.

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:18, Reply)
First year of Scottish uni is more or less the second year of A Levels.
Coming from an English school into a Scottish uni, I went straight into second year. In a way, I would have enjoyed an extra year learning something from scratch.
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:16, Reply)
I went to a Scottish uni for this reason; my a-level grades were a bit shit.
My options were alright Scottish uni or ex-poly.
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:19, Reply)
I was basically told if I wanted it paid for, it had to be a Scottish one.
Saying that, I loved living in Glasgow, and I'd go back any time.
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:21, Reply)
RGU?

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:21, Reply)
Where's that one? Dundee? Aberdeen?
Ah. Aberdeen it is.
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:22, Reply)
Aberdeen.

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:22, Reply)
k

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:28, Reply)
yeah, I think I dodged a bullet staying out of the office environment,
But don't underestimate the petty bullshit that can filter through a workshop or site, or even catering work like I did before.
The only advantage to not being tied to a desk or computer is you can just walk away from those people, which is much harder if the people are sat across the table from you.
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:17, Reply)
I regret not choosing subjects and institutions on the basis of M:F ratios.

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:14, Reply)
my mate switched from some sort of engineering to dentistry for this exact reason

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:16, Reply)
my sister did a masters in forensic science, and out of 30 people on her course, there was one guy.
The only time I ever saw him, he looked very pleased with himself.
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:19, Reply)
particularly the term they studied semen stains

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:33, Reply)
I love captain pugwash!

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:34, Reply)
why does that involve convoluted gsce style maths problems that serve little to no purpose except to gauge if you can Google a simple equation?

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:01, Reply)
That's rate change maths, same principles for increasing yeilds on a diamond mine or share price than mph.
Variable change over time.
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:04, Reply)
rate change maths is called "calculus" and doesn't involve hypothetical train speeds and trivial arithmetic

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:06, Reply)
this is my thought

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:07, Reply)
Yes it does
another important part of maths is logic
If the "set" calculus contains all mathematical study of change, does it contain hypothetical train speeds which vary over time?
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:13, Reply)
no wonder you believe all that conspiracy SciFi bollocks
you're thick as fuck
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:14, Reply)
look, he does his.maths stuff, he gets a funny online qualification, no one in any work environment cares, but it makes him feel better.
It's like when I tell the apprentice he's done a good job when what I mean is "thank you for not fucking anything up like normal" I know what I mean, the other guys in the workshop know what I mean, but he gets to feel like he's done good.
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:20, Reply)
It's like when I have a shit and give myself a round of applause

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:20, Reply)
This is why you should just send the apprentice down the burger van while the adults do the proper work.

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:22, Reply)
he is very very good at the coffee and bacon sandwich run on a Friday now.

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:23, Reply)
There you go. I'm sure there's a big pot of screws you can have him sort out as well.

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:23, Reply)
I feel a bit sorry for him at times,
But most of the time, I'm angry at him for leaving half my tools lying in various plant rooms.
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:26, Reply)
I know the feeling. One of our grads is quite competent but is still in uni mode where he's trying/thinks he's the smartest kid in class.
Although he can do shit boring jobs quicker than I can because he'll actually do them rather than avoid them.
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:30, Reply)
always give the hardest job, to the laziest man, he'll find the easiest way to do it

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:32, Reply)
\o/

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:33, Reply)
I think you should print it out and hang it above your desk.
If you can be bothered.
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:34, Reply)
My desk is a metaphor for that slogan as it is.

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:46, Reply)
You don't have to be clinically insane to work here
but it helps
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:47, Reply)
Can't have things like that. It would indicate a glimpse of humanity.

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:54, Reply)
Logic's more of a philosophical construct.
They just strip the handwaviness out of it for maths and science.
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:17, Reply)
Do you think if Meatsnake got two pairs of size five and a half
New Balance trainers it would compensate for the lack of size elevens?

Come on Vorderman, I need to know.
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:05, Reply)
I'd need four legs m8, according to the laydeez I only have three

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:07, Reply)

SHITMOD EDIT: oh yeah I love them big.
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:08, Reply)
that's bigger than I expected

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:09, Reply)
leave it.
Let mcchinacunt get it
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:09, Reply)
The Isle of lol man river

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:11, Reply)
Hahahahahaha!

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:12, Reply)
Lend one to Stunned.

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:11, Reply)
but is it recognised by employers

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:19, Reply)
it's a shame this thread is going to get deleted soon,
It's distinctly "not bad"
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:23, Reply)
The better the thread, the bigger the lol.

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:24, Reply)
I know, I know

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:24, Reply)
Yeah, that's cos I'm here.

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:24, Reply)
probably is yeah.

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:25, Reply)
200

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:25, Reply)
And more!

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:26, Reply)
can you, in good conscience delete this much top quality chomp abuse?

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:27, Reply)
It deserves to be kept for posterity
so people can lol at it forever.
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:27, Reply)

Only people over 18 can drink in public, except in areas of towns where Designated Public Place Orders (DPPOs) (1) are in place. DPPOs give police officers special powers to order a person to stop drinking alcohol in public and confiscate it from them. Even outside of these areas, the police can take away alcohol or move on under 18s if they have been drinking. The police can also fine or arrest under 18s drinking in public places (2).
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:34, Reply)
The police can legally make a move on inebriated 17 year old girls, you heard it here first

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:34, Reply)
trains are an odd one for licensing law.
I'd go in to it, but I really really can't be bothered. Google it.
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:35, Reply)
Don't really fancy having 'drunk children on the train' in my search history tbh

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:40, Reply)
good call

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:40, Reply)
Train sippy cups.

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:45, Reply)
nutbush sippy limits

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:48, Reply)
port, trains, heineken, cans

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:46, Reply)
BAM-ALAM

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:52, Reply)

imgs.xkcd.com/comics/teenage_mutant_ninja_turtles.png
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:55, Reply)
Might fuck off down the pub.

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:50, Reply)
working in an industry overwhelmingly concerned with investment yields and whatnot I can confirm that the toytown online 'qualification' that chompy is doing is meaningless as well as useless

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:50, Reply)
yields of the nephilim

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:51, Reply)
Public (listing) Enemy

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:54, Reply)
I think we all knew that.

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:55, Reply)
Just speaking as a professional

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:56, Reply)
TD;FY

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:59, Reply)

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