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This is a question Off Topic

Are you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.

(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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hot innit

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 8:14, 191 replies, latest was 9 years ago)
Not as hot as new QOTW day!

(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 8:15, Reply)
not as hot as yesterday mind

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 8:15, Reply)
HEAT!
"Hot innit?" Says popular board member Paul Meatsnake "It must be the second hottest day of the year! I remember in 1994 when my imaginary friend Waxy melted due to the extreme hot! He was sitting on my lap at the time so it looked like I'd spurted thick hot jets of waxy piss all over myself! Only to me though, he was imaginary, remember? God, you really can't follow a story can you? JUST FORGET IT"

Share with us us your stories about temperature!
(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 8:20, Reply)
Internet bellend Bonzo says
"I once worked as a thermometer by painting a grid on my inner thigh and tracing the dangle of my ballsack. I marked 30 degrees c with a smiley face near my knee"
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 8:23, Reply)
Totes random!
Aren't things random? How random! Wasps are, like, *sooooooo* random! What's the point of them? Eh? A car made of cheese! Trousers that smell like hate! Imagine that with the electrical mind box in your head!

Share your stories of being a try hard alternative comedy wanker.
(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 9:08, Reply)
y

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 8:35, Reply)
Dunno haven't looked at the temperature yet

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 8:38, Reply)
how about now?

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 8:40, Reply)
I'm a busy man and can't spare time to look at thermometers right now
I'll have to take your word for it
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 8:48, Reply)
have you looked yet?

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 8:54, Reply)
Look, if it means that much to you I'll have a look later.
Ok?
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 9:04, Reply)
Do it now.

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 9:08, Reply)
Oh ffs hang on a minute then

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 9:09, Reply)
It's been more than a minute

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 9:11, Reply)
It's been 7 minutes now, you're taking this piss m8

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 9:16, Reply)
I told you I'm a busy man!
Right, I've had a look at the thermometer in the warehouse - the one at the far end because it's a bit cooler down there and closer to the temperature in my office - and it appears to be around 25-26°C.
I suppose you could assess this as 'hot innit', but it depends on what you are comparing it with. Yesterday it was hotter than this, so relatively speaking it is 'a bit cooler innit'.
Happy now?
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 9:34, Reply)
too hot; didn't read

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 9:35, Reply)
Oh right, this has all been some elaborate ruse building up to this 'punchline' has it?
I suppose I shouldn't give the satisfaction, but this is the last time I shall visit that end of the building and read the thermometer.
So long and thanks for all the laughs.
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 9:37, Reply)
Might put the lawn sprinkler on and run about in my y-fronts.

(Go Man River everybody loves anal, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 8:52, Reply)
So, it'd be considered a bit odd if I did that when it wasn't hot ?
Just askin' like. No agenda. Nope.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 9:01, Reply)
Yes, wear your own y-fronts.

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 9:03, Reply)
As amusing as they are to jump through on a hot day,
I'd ban lawn sprinklers.
(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 9:05, Reply)
But....
...that'd mean just running about on the lawn in my y fronts. I'm sure that's not really the done thing.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 9:07, Reply)
That'd become compulsory.

(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 9:13, Reply)
I see
So, this would be an attempt to revive the ailing British Y front manufacturing industry. Can't see a flaw in your logic there. Nice one.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 9:19, Reply)
Y-fronts have the most comedic potential of all men's undergarments.

(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 9:51, Reply)
I fear this is a ruse to remove British genes from the human race
If a man in Y fronts is humorous, the female will laugh,thereby making the man less likely to successfully engage in coitus. Thereby the amount of genetically British babies will be lower so eventually Britishness will die out!
You traitor!!
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:12, Reply)
All glory to the caliphate.

(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 11:02, Reply)
dunno to all
cheers!
(I helped save b3ta! GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 9:03, Reply)
Classic

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 9:03, Reply)
I don't know where he gets his ideas from

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 9:04, Reply)
yer

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 9:12, Reply)
alright

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 9:12, Reply)
yer

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 9:35, Reply)
Excellent lightning storms last night and death hailstones about 3 miles from where I live
Warm as fuck this morning despite Carole Scutlind saying otherwise
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 9:45, Reply)
When I have a barbecue all my guests sit around with plastic bags under their chairs
It's so people don't steal the beer they've brought. There's always some wanker that turns up without having brought any and expects to be able to scavenge off everybody else. It's so annoying when it happens because everybody else has to leave one hand on their placky bag to make sure no gypo gets in there.

Tell me your stories about the awful people that don't know how to behave at parties.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 9:48, Reply)
Just charge people 5 quid to get in. Problem solved.

(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 9:49, Reply)
Do they bring their own chairs?

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 9:49, Reply)
I expect them too when I have a bbq

(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 9:57, Reply)
1) If you're sitting, bring chairs (I also accept direct debit, haha). It costs a lot for me to put this on. £5 per person, please.

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 9:58, Reply)
3) Please don't bring along any chairs unless I've asked you to. I threw an Ottoman at the last guy to do this.

(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:04, Reply)
If you break any of the chairs, you're out. If you sit anywhere other than a on a chair, you're going to get your face rubbed in it, then thrown out. Now that I've got those out of the way, who is looking forward to a good day?

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:06, Reply)


(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:06, Reply)
^ disappointing nostalgia

(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:13, Reply)
He looks like the chutney who plays Spock in the new Star Trek films

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:18, Reply)
I expect them to bring there own bbq's.

(I helped save b3ta! Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:01, Reply)
where?

(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:04, Reply)
pedant.

(I helped save b3ta! Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:06, Reply)
Encourage your guests to provide their own food, booze, seating and venue,
by not inviting anyone to your barbecues. Pay yourself £5 for each burger you consume.

I do hope all these BBQ rules are being posted to Top Tips.
(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:12, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=GOp1UgX8KTE
(I helped save b3ta! drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 9:49, Reply)
It was so hot last night that I slept on the living room couch rather than go upstairs to the bedroom.
Currently sitting in the office with the blinds down and the windows open full in a token attempt to get some ventilation.
(I helped save b3ta! .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 9:54, Reply)
I still don't feel well.

(I helped save b3ta! Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 9:54, Reply)
how about now?

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:03, Reply)
Nope.
It's like I've attempted to deepthroat a cactus.
(I helped save b3ta! Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:05, Reply)
sexy as fuck

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:07, Reply)
Ed Fannybaws

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 9:55, Reply)
new shoe's?

(I helped save b3ta! drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:06, Reply)
No, old shoes
White Nike Cortez '72s
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:07, Reply)
YESSSSS
b3ta.com/links/1318237
(I helped save b3ta! drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:07, Reply)
people at work keep finishing their emails with a 'j', finally found out what that means

(I helped save b3ta! drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:07, Reply)
this^

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:08, Reply)
What does it mean?

(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:08, Reply)
It puts a fucking smiley on the email

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:10, Reply)
yeah i knew that already really

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:11, Reply)
good

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:11, Reply)
yeah i know

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:12, Reply)
I didn't know that.

(Go Man River everybody loves anal, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:12, Reply)
Call yourself some sort of computer guy eh?

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:12, Reply)
I don't really like computers.

(Go Man River everybody loves anal, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:14, Reply)
Really? They speak very 01101000 01101001 01100111 01101000 01101100 01111001 of you!

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:15, Reply)
Excellent work

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:16, Reply)
Really?
My computer says he's 01100001 00100000 01100011 01110101 01101110 01110100
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:20, Reply)
Bit harsh

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:20, Reply)
What can I say
My computer has 01100001 01101110 00100000 01100001 01110100 01110100 01101001 01110100 01110101 01100100 01100101 00100000 01110000 01110010 01101111 01100010 01101100 01100101 01101101
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:21, Reply)
01101000 01100101 00100111

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:21, Reply)
01101100 01101111 01101100

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:21, Reply)
we did

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:13, Reply)
What client?

(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:15, Reply)
Chrome & Gmail

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:16, Reply)
Ah good, won't see that shit here then

(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:18, Reply)
THIS FRIDAY AT GALAXY NIGHT CLUB! LIVE!
featuring MC Fandangle

8 till L8!!!

NO JEANS NO TRAINERS

NASA
ROAR
(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:19, Reply)
I'm guessing you're not the sort of prick that uses smileys in emails.

(I helped save b3ta! Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:15, Reply)
I just put the key messages in glittery text and sign off with an animated gif

(Go Man River everybody loves anal, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:19, Reply)
I've had plenty of emails from yanks in oil companies and the like with glittery/fridge magnet font/comic sans signatures

(I helped save b3ta! Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:22, Reply)
You work with morons.

(Go Man River everybody loves anal, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:22, Reply)
I have my name in a font that looks like fancy handwriting in my email sig, so it looks as though I have actually signed it
Cheers
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:24, Reply)
I removed my name from my email sig so people aren't sure who they're communicating with in case they phone to complain so I can blame someone else

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:27, Reply)
You bummer.

(Go Man River everybody loves anal, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:29, Reply)
I also include an insincere 'kind regards' in my sig, to save me the bother of typing it

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:35, Reply)
My regards are never kind.

(Go Man River everybody loves anal, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:36, Reply)
Are they ever best?

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:37, Reply)
Does that mean that anyone called James or Joanne can't put their name at the end of an email?

(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:14, Reply)
what does it mean?

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:09, Reply)
It puts a fucking smiley on the email

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:10, Reply)
yeah i knew that already really

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:10, Reply)
good

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:11, Reply)
yeah i know

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:12, Reply)
What does it mean?

(I helped save b3ta! drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:09, Reply)
It puts a fucking smiley on the email

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:10, Reply)
yeah i knew that already really

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:11, Reply)
good

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:12, Reply)
yeah i know

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:12, Reply)
Jew? Joke? Jawannanything from the shop?

(Go Man River everybody loves anal, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:10, Reply)
It puts a fucking lotion on the skin

(I helped save b3ta! drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:12, Reply)
No, old shoes.
Blue Adidas VL Court Suede
(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:08, Reply)

01111001 01100101 01100001 01101000 00100000 01101001 00100000 01101011 01101110 01100101 01110111 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100001 01110100 00100000 01100001 01101100 01110010 01100101 01100001 01100100 01111001 00100000 01110010 01100101 01100001 01101100 01101100 01111001
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:24, Reply)
01100111 01101111 01101111 01100100

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:25, Reply)
THE HEAT IN THE DAY MEANS NOTHING TO THE NIGHT HAWK, FOR HE IS COOL
I might watch Lady Hawke
(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:07, Reply)
queer

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:10, Reply)
I've got nothing against 'them' I just don't see why he has to rub it in our faces all the time

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:12, Reply)
It's alright for you, you're tall. My head is at his crotch height so I'm easy pickings.

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:13, Reply)
Shite hawk MORE LIKE

(Go Man River everybody loves anal, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:12, Reply)
<s>hudson

(I helped save b3ta! drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:16, Reply)
Is it wrong that I liked that film?

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:17, Reply)
no, it's a classic in its awfulness
although I keep thinking of the woman villain as tracy emin
(I helped save b3ta! drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:20, Reply)
tracy emin y/n?

(I helped save b3ta! Slippery Mick &#8207;, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:22, Reply)
N
ever
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:23, Reply)
I'd prolly have let her gob me off under the pier when she was younger.

(Go Man River everybody loves anal, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:28, Reply)
I think they are the same person

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:22, Reply)
yeah ... enjoying stuff isn't cool
you have to be cynical and snide about everything
(Go Man River everybody loves anal, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:22, Reply)
I just cannae dee it cap'n
AH DUNT HIV THA POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOR
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:23, Reply)
alright sporterz

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:37, Reply)
I am, yes
Though I'm supposed to be going for a run tonight
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:39, Reply)
I've done something unpleasant to my right hamstring.
Can you have a look at it? Maybe give it a rub?
(Go Man River everybody loves anal, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:42, Reply)
Hamstrings are in the groin, right?

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:45, Reply)
Yeah yeah. Between the bollocks and the bumhole.

(Go Man River everybody loves anal, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:46, Reply)
The Hamstring to Grimsby

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:46, Reply)

COOL ASLEEP
(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:16, Reply)
23

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:35, Reply)
Deloltion's the reason nobody can be arsed to post any more, duh.

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:37, Reply)
Yes, that'll be it.

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:37, Reply)
NEW THREAD

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 10:39, Reply)

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