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This is a question Off Topic

Are you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.

(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Thursday Home Sweet Home


Socialise, procrastinate, confess, insult, seduce, advertise: Come and post on HSH.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 7:54, 314 replies, latest was 16 years ago)
I'm alright thanks
rancidflaps. How're you?
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 8:47, Reply)
Quiet this morning
Hello spaznuts. I'm awesome.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 8:50, Reply)
Morning all...
Still feeling pissed off. No3l's right. I do need to get laid- but I'm not trying that in Wakefield. All the lasses are either too young, taken or just plain scary.
(I helped save b3ta! jim_bob can herd cats., Thu 12 Mar 2009, 8:53, Reply)
pb
On a serious note - not that I wasn't serious in my previous advice - get yourself out for a walk in the countryside. Do it a couple of times a week, a mile here, a few miles there, and you'll clear your head and sleep better, giving you a better outlook.

Also, lots of sex will have a similar effect, although usually with more residue.

Edit: I'm always uncomfortable around men of the cloth. Anyone who supports and claims to be close to a mythical creature is scary in my book *

* contains religous opinion - ooer
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 8:55, Reply)
Damn my Necrotic Eyes
Morning folk. Are we all good this morning?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 9:01, Reply)
Hmmm...
Walking. If only I had the time- currently spending all my spare time decorating.
(I helped save b3ta! jim_bob can herd cats., Thu 12 Mar 2009, 9:01, Reply)
Fuck the decorating!
What's more important - the new architrave or your mental wellbeing?

Priorities, man!
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 9:05, Reply)
PB
Probably fumes then?
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 9:06, Reply)
PB
Man the fuck up.

That's the reason you're down. Us blokes aren't meant to be doing stuff like decorating and choosing paint colours.
(mr bollox I love Mr. K best of all the kaoltards, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 9:08, Reply)
Also
You'd have to free up some time away from decorating to get laid, so you could do so for walking. Call it a mental health break.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 9:09, Reply)
Morningyou rancid pieces of meat
How are we all?
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 9:11, Reply)
Morning all
How is everyone this fine day?
(username1, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 9:16, Reply)
Morning
I'm hoping for a better day than yesterday. It was shit.

Bloody wedding party venue had it booked in on the wrong fucking day!!!

Sorted now though.

work was incredibly shit as well. Grumbles.

Fucks off again
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 12 Mar 2009, 9:24, Reply)
Today is a good day
As today is the day the puns DIE!!

This weeks questions: Skin, what do you do with yours?
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 9:27, Reply)
If the price is right, maybe Al
Hmm debating if I want to go see an exhibition match at Wimbledon
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 9:27, Reply)
The puns
will go on until bloody midnight, mark my words...
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 12 Mar 2009, 9:29, Reply)
Pah, Theiving Bastards
I've just checked to see where my old works graphics tablet was, it's not anywhere some bastard has nicked the stuff I wanted to pinch!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 9:29, Reply)
Ning al, DG, user, TGB
I may actually have a day packed full of work! Admittedly it's reviewing other peoples' documentation which is desperately tedious, but it's got to be done. Also I have some documentation of my own to write - only slightly less tedious and harder to boot.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 9:31, Reply)
I have a cigarette I'll rent to you

You might say it's a tab-let!


*removes own heart*
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 9:31, Reply)
I really hope
the QOTW changes soon. I cant take much more of this one, I'm in danger of having to do some work!

Edit: Morning Light, sounds thrilling... I do bits of technical editing/proofing as a sort of secondary job, I find it very tedious but it pays pretty well.
(username1, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 9:31, Reply)
I have a full day of work ahead of me
but there are Comic Relief things going on in the office all day and I can't concentrate.

I may take some work home and get some peace.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 12 Mar 2009, 9:32, Reply)
Mornin' to you all.
Thursday eh?
This week has gone quick.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 9:33, Reply)
Has it Kaol?
Tell me you jest...
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 12 Mar 2009, 9:33, Reply)
I a bit little hate Comic Relief...
Does that make me a bad person?

I prefer not to be chocked into giving by sheer BBC brainwashing.
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 9:34, Reply)
Urgh, it's Comic Relief tomorrow isn't it?
Anyone trying to make me dress up or paint my face or anything even slightly similar, WILL be stabbed.
(username1, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 9:34, Reply)
I swear if one more person says "man the fuck up" to me
I'm going to put them in hospital. Probably through creative use of a pineapple.
(I helped save b3ta! jim_bob can herd cats., Thu 12 Mar 2009, 9:35, Reply)
.
man the fuck up
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 9:36, Reply)
Hmmm...
Mr. DG, I'm not joking, for me this one has flown by.
And I've pretty much been in the office all week. Odd.

I get to go a bit early tomorrow, which is all good too.

EDIT: Oh Naked Ape... I'd run or clench if I was you.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 9:37, Reply)
Fan the muck up!
Net some guts!
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 9:38, Reply)
*goatses*

Fill me!
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 9:39, Reply)
Hmm
I don't mind Comic Relief, but there's a bloody Wii competition going on in the meeting room behind me. And I really need to get these projects finished this week.

I'll be working at the weekend at this rate.

This week (from Monday) hasn't gone too slowly I guess. However, it seems like years since last Thursday...
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 12 Mar 2009, 9:39, Reply)
Cheers for that Ape
Lovely mental image.
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 9:40, Reply)
Yeah, bit early maybe.
What kind of Wii competition, length, height, volume or creative ability?
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 9:42, Reply)
Tennis
apparently.

So i have the digitally rendered 'thok' of a tennis ball going on behind me.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 12 Mar 2009, 9:43, Reply)
Well if your big fat head got up there
then a pineapple should be no problem
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 9:43, Reply)
We have customers coming in tomorrow
So the various activities - fancy dress, punch a manager - have been postponed. Yay!
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 9:45, Reply)
Comic relief?
*shrugs*

I wonder how much of the money actually gets to the kids, after all of those moron z-list "celebrities" have taken their cut.

I mean, I'm sure a lot of 'em do it for free.

But, also, from a purely biological viewpoint, don't we have too many people already?
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 9:46, Reply)
Sod comic relief I need bowl relief

and there is a bloody cleaner in the loo.

Damn you black coffee!
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 9:46, Reply)
@Kaol

yeah supporting people with charity goes against natural selection and weakens the entire human race in the long term.
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 9:48, Reply)
Exactly.
By the same token, anyone with any kind of illness should be shot.
Or neutered and used as a slave.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 9:50, Reply)
Morning, fuckholes
I'm going to a friend's house for RND, to drink gin and hurl obscenities at the Z-Listers.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 9:53, Reply)
Ooh
I'm watching laser eye surgery on How It's Made. It's freaking me out!

How come blood and guts and gore and childbirth don't bother me, but someone cutting flaps of tissue on someone's eye gives me the shivers?
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 9:54, Reply)
Peanut allergies!
THat's God's way of telling you to fuck off.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 9:54, Reply)
Because people get funny about eyes
Which is why a lot of people choose glasses over contacts.

*sticks finger in eye*
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 9:56, Reply)
I just look about 12 without glasses.
*frowns*
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 9:56, Reply)
I know...
Why do you make me wear the ginger wig though?
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 9:58, Reply)
Don't get me wrong yeah.
I aint a food racist or nuffink, but that marmite is fucking wrong.

Urgh and now I have a rather sexy disturbing mental image. Thank you al and Kaol.
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 9:59, Reply)
Ape
That made me claw my own eyes out!

Sorry I'm hopping about all over the place today seeing what redundant equipment we have lying about for stealing.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 9:59, Reply)
So, 3 pineapples so far...
Unfortunately due to the credit crunch I'll probably have to use aubergines instead.
(I helped save b3ta! jim_bob can herd cats., Thu 12 Mar 2009, 9:59, Reply)
Food racism
Some food is plainly superior to others though, and therefore cucumbers and mushrooms should be made to give up their bus seats to potatoes and carrots.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 10:00, Reply)
Pineapples
are one food I can't tolerate.

Fucking pointy, spiky foul smelling bastards.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 12 Mar 2009, 10:00, Reply)
Copper pipes and wires

rippy rippy
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 10:02, Reply)
Ape
That's a plan, hadn't thought of that.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 10:04, Reply)
I dislike both pineapples and grapefruit

and yet I love Lilt, the power of sugar and cabonation!
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 10:04, Reply)
Grapefruit
Is worst of all the fruit.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 10:05, Reply)
Grapefruit isn't a fruit it's a vegetable

fact.
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 10:06, Reply)
Grapefruit rocks
I love drinking pints of grapefruit juice.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 10:07, Reply)
Bollocks to you, Ape!
It's a citrus fruit, same as lemons.
Damn your lies!

EDIT: Lab, that's just sick.
There are two proper uses for grapefruits.

1) The juice makes a handy replacement for battery acid.

2) Cut a fresh grapefruit in half, and you can use it to stub your cigarettes out in.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 10:08, Reply)
So they're not a fruit
and they's far removed from grapes. It's a ninja veg, surely?

Edit: doh
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 10:09, Reply)
Lies eh?

That's what they want you to think!

*squints and looks around*
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 10:10, Reply)
No3L
I was just reading this morning about how threats to the eye are one of the deepest fears we have across all cultures.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 10:10, Reply)
There is nothing right with mushrooms
I mean they're kept in the dark and feed on shite. Much like your average Maccy D's employee to be honest.

Other wrong foods include cauliflower, broccoli and sprouts.

Bleuch.
(I helped save b3ta! jim_bob can herd cats., Thu 12 Mar 2009, 10:11, Reply)
I love Christopher Reeve
best of all the vegetables.
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 10:12, Reply)
Hahahaha!
Comment of the week, congratulations!
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 10:13, Reply)
Threats to the eye?
I must point you towards this, then:
b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post385426
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 10:12, Reply)
Makes sense I suppose
Most humans would be screwed without sight. It's perfectly natural to be fearful of that.
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 10:17, Reply)
Kaol
I'm hoping Black get mauled a bit, not to death like, just a light mauling.

A bit like a badger would do.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 10:22, Reply)
Google for eye scream trope
And tvtropes has lots of eye gouging examples.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 10:22, Reply)
Er...
Go read it then, Dok!
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 10:23, Reply)
But they
are strangely irresistable
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 10:27, Reply)
Like crack.

(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 10:28, Reply)
morning all
today I shall be mostly avoiding work, and making people look crazy Hi Kaol... through post deletion
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 10:28, Reply)
Whatever, you won't go making me look crazy this time.
I'm perfectly capable of doing that on my own.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 10:29, Reply)
Splendid
He did get a light mauling like a badger would give!

And yes, they are strangely irresistable, but somehow I manage it!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 10:31, Reply)
Having an eye destroyed
Isn't exactly a "light mauling"...
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 10:33, Reply)
are you sure?
making people look crazy is my specialty
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 10:33, Reply)
Ning cretins.

(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 10:34, Reply)
By Jingo, Albert,
I believe you're right.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 10:35, Reply)
Could have been worse
you can function fine with only one eye.

I clss loosing an eye as a light mauling, whole limbs on the other hand is a heavy mauling.

Being cornered by a sex starved nymphomaniac is heavy petting though.

Hi Drixylix
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 10:39, Reply)
al!
What's with this minge fixation you have today?
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 10:39, Reply)
Tip top, ta!
Nice to see you here.

Dok, hope you've been behaving yourself.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 10:39, Reply)
Spam purse

best euphamism ever.
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 10:46, Reply)
Yup
But then again who doesn't love a bit of flange
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 10:46, Reply)
100.
Er...

Spooooooonman!
*rocks out*
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 10:46, Reply)
Kaol your love of Spoonman can get tiring

However I'm willing to fork-give you if your willing to fork-get about it.
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 10:50, Reply)
Cocktrough
Is my favourite.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 10:50, Reply)
Er...
QOTW is that way... *points*
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 10:51, Reply)
Ape
Nice Mystery Men reference.

I love a bit of mimsy, just not going to tell you what bit!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 10:52, Reply)
Mystery Men - best Super Hero Movie ever

Fact.
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 10:52, Reply)
Yes
Yes it is, Batman comes a close second though.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 10:53, Reply)
Mystery Men?
Never seen it :\
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 10:53, Reply)
You should do Kaol
It's funny, and it has Eddie Izzard in it.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 10:55, Reply)
Mystery Men
Is quite funny, yes.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 10:55, Reply)
Download it tonight

Even Ben Stiller is good!

Does anyone elese think that The Bowler is kind of cute?
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 10:56, Reply)
Ben Stiller?
*avoids*
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 10:56, Reply)
Fuck you
and your stupid spoonman singing Kaol!! I'd only just got that ut my head :(
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 10:57, Reply)
Only just?
You've had it stuck there since Sunday?
Hahahaha!
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 10:58, Reply)
morning to you and all your faces
how are we today?
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 11:02, Reply)
Kaol
It's one of hi early film, before he became big headed.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 11:02, Reply)
Yeah because
my "new" phone doesn't have mooosac on it so I found myself humming it all the way back on the train
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 11:02, Reply)
Haha!
All my friends are skeletons.
They beat the rhythm with their bones.

...


SPOOOOOOOONMAAAAN!
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 11:04, Reply)
Hi Tulip
*waters*

You will be in full bloom by Easter.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 11:04, Reply)
I tend to get short parts of a song stuck on loop in my head

Really annoying, i then have to listen to the whole thing to kill it!
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 11:05, Reply)
morning dok
*towels self off*

hows all the ferrets?
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 11:08, Reply)
Pouncy
I went out to water and feed them this morning and they were jumping all over the place.

EDIT Kaol, Steal the rhythm while you can!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 11:12, Reply)
HLT
*snogs*
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 11:14, Reply)
*bounces into room and huggles everyone*
Hello my lovelies!
how are we all?
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 12 Mar 2009, 11:16, Reply)
@ al
that's a fabulous dance, darling, I didn't know you'd had lessons!

@TGB *snogs hard*

@everyone else
*huggles*

*cakes*

edit@Dok - have you been feeding them mexican jumping beans?
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 11:19, Reply)
Woo I got snogs!
In your face everyone else!

HLT I am so looking forward to fnally meeting you in April a little bit of wee came out
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 11:21, Reply)
aww poor Al
where is everyone? it's quiet tonight

If they've gone and gotten themselves lives I'm going to be annoyed!
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 12 Mar 2009, 11:25, Reply)
Al you're
not going to come all over my face to the Edinbash? Booo *throws away mirrored shoes*
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 11:25, Reply)
The Edinbash is filling me with fear.
/second thoughts
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 11:25, Reply)
life?
what is that?

I'm stuck trying to improve the World's Worts TranslationTM. So damn boring
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 11:26, Reply)
@Badger
Well, as long as you don't actually wee on me next month...

I can't wait to meet all of you too!

@al - I am very, very disappointed in you young man. I'd strategically arranged the whole event just so I got to meet you and now you've let me down. Who am I going to stalk now?
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 11:27, Reply)
Al
Wot no Edinbash?

Drixylix, no that's just you being paranoid.

Hi Vampy, I don't have naughty thought by the way!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 11:27, Reply)
I won't HLT
I've stocked up on TenaLady
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 11:28, Reply)
Who're you gonna stalk?
*shrugs*

I have no idea.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 11:28, Reply)
118?
And then stab the fuckers
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 11:29, Reply)
Dok
I am going with two mentallers and one grumpy bastard. It's going to be horrible.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 11:31, Reply)
@ Kaol
I guess I could stalk you for a bit.

*stalks*

ooh, and while I remember

just want to pimp this
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 11:31, Reply)
I once stole a small child from a holiday complex and got away with it

But that was on purpose...
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 11:33, Reply)
Not bad HLT!
*clicked*

I managed to steal a laundry basket from Matalan once, by mistake.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 11:33, Reply)
Dok
You are a terrible liar. By the way - did you make that lovely fluffeh badge for least fit b3tan for me and Psyche??

I'm all slightly tipsy. Have a hug everyone! /huggles everyone again
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 12 Mar 2009, 11:35, Reply)
@ Clenders
Aw, please come to Embra!
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 11:35, Reply)
Oh well Drixylix
It could be worse.

I suggest using drugs to knock them out, or yourself.

Tulip, nope this morning they all got raw pork.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 11:35, Reply)
I wish i was drunk

although it could make work and my lunch time gym session interesting.
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 11:36, Reply)
She IS coming to Eding-burger.
Even if I have to handcuff her to me.

EDIT: You porked your ferrets? Hahaha!
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 11:36, Reply)
how
in the name of all that is dead did you manage to steal a laundry basket?
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 11:36, Reply)
Not yet Vampy
I was kinda busy last night, but I'll get on it.

And it depends on what kind of naughty thoughts you mean?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 11:37, Reply)
@ Dok
Raw pork?

So...many...jokes...

*asplodes*

@Kaol, good, make sure you do that
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 11:37, Reply)
Er...
Laundry basket...
It was one of those ones that folds flat, into a bag with a handle.

I picked it up, went to the till with some t shirts, forgot I had the basket, paid for the other stuff and walked out.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 11:39, Reply)
aha
I mean *all* kinds of naughty thoughts.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 12 Mar 2009, 11:39, Reply)
I accidentally stole
12 toilet rolls from Asda as they were hanging on the back of my trolley. Then I "accidentally" did it again. Twice.
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 11:40, Reply)
Tulip
I'll come to Edinburgh for you :)
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 11:41, Reply)
I had a naughty thought once
I made it sit on the naughty step to think about what it had done, but it just sat there wanking over the cat withpout a shred of remorse.

Thoughts today, they're out of control I tell thee.
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 11:41, Reply)
Tulip
It wasn't mine, I hasten to add.

Vampy, does thoughts of killing people and feeding them to my animals count as naughty?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 11:41, Reply)
Hmmm
I didn't mean "what have you accidentally stolen", I meant, "what have you done and got away with" and then because I'm so lame and law-abiding I put the stealing-croissants-from-Morrisons thing as an example.

I expect stories of international drug robbery and shagging from you lot.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 11:42, Reply)
It's
they're. Ape. But I'll let you off for the cat wanking imagery
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 11:43, Reply)
@ Clenders
YAY!!!!

*does a happy dance*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 11:43, Reply)
it does if you find it arousing.
oh my god I need a less filthy mind.
I revolt myself sometimes.

/trudges off and reluctantly pulls out homework.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 12 Mar 2009, 11:43, Reply)
A thousand apologies for poor grammer

I'm flitting between you lot and my yearly review.
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 11:44, Reply)
Oh fuck...
There are lots of things I can't post in that case, Tulip :\
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 11:44, Reply)
Ape
It's GRAMMAR.

It dosn't arouse me Vampy it just makes me very smiley.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 11:45, Reply)
Oh Ape
You just got corrected by DOK!! Burn, burn baby burn
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 11:46, Reply)
oh
well that counts too.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 12 Mar 2009, 11:47, Reply)
Bollocks...

Red wine + late night + lack of attention = poor grammar and spelling.

*skulks away in shame*
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 11:47, Reply)
Ape
come back please, I need someone to take my mind off my stupid homework. :( Your lame spelling and grammar mistakes do the job nicely.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 12 Mar 2009, 11:49, Reply)
It doesn't matter.
We still love you Ape.

Now touch your god-damn toes.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 11:49, Reply)
@ Kaol
Why not?

Oh.

@Dok, I'm very glad to hear that. I didn't know they ate pork though. But then, I haven't really spent much time wondering what ferrets eat :S
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 11:49, Reply)
ah well
not so difficult then

unfortunately, I have to go out now - fucking errands.

maybe there will be a new QOTW when I return
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 11:49, Reply)
I will touch my toes

But only because I'm off to the gym to thrash myself.

*sets i-pod to angry*
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 11:50, Reply)
hahahahahah
Your naïvety makes me smile Flesh
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 11:51, Reply)
ANNOUNCEMENT
Did you see? This QOTW is getting ANOTHER week.
*groans*
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 11:51, Reply)
Ferrets eat chicks.
And cat food (I think).
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 11:52, Reply)
Noooooo!
I really hope you're joking...
(username1, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 11:53, Reply)
You lie!
It's not physically possible for the QOTW to continue for another week, it'll tip the internet into the Red where it will asplode all over our faces!
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 11:53, Reply)
For some reason
I did a little laugh, I think it's because I corrected somebody correctly.

WooHoo!

Don't feel bad about it Ape, I get it all the time.

It's not fair, I'm being told by a young slip of a lass that I can't think naughty thoughts!


EDIT Cat food is not really that good for them, but will do for short periods of time. Chicks, they love em, and large mice and rats. Almost anything they can get in their mouths really.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 11:53, Reply)
*urge to off myself.. mounting*
Get rid of that GODAWFUL qotw nowwwwwwwww. Surely one week is long enough?

What do they want it to swell so much that it bursts and squirts filthy pun riddled jizz over all of us?
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 12 Mar 2009, 11:54, Reply)
If it does
I am going to maul everyone.

When are we getting the "Tell us your exciting stories about sellotape" QOTW?
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 11:55, Reply)
They've done fortnightly ones a couple of times now.
But not this time.
As far as I know.
Just wanted to see who was awake out there :)
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 11:56, Reply)
Nooooooooo!
not ANOTHER week!

*cries*

Dok, I think you should think all the naughty thoughts you want.

I do.

*thinks*

*quivers*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 11:56, Reply)
I'm looking forward to Edinbash
And mocking the taxi drivers with Tulip and Boss Keloid. Incidentally, I haven't seen him here in ages. Any idea what he's up to?
(I helped save b3ta! jim_bob can herd cats., Thu 12 Mar 2009, 11:57, Reply)
You're an evil sod Clendrix.
Preying on the weak and stupid.

Nice work :D
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 11:57, Reply)
excuse me?
a "slip" of a lass? What am I going to fall between the cracks in the floorboards now am I? I'm not *quite* that small.

That's it - go to a room full of cardigans!
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 12 Mar 2009, 11:57, Reply)
@PB
He doesn't have internet at themoment, but he's fine and misses you all lots and lots and lots!
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 11:58, Reply)
*thinks naughty thoughts*
*smiles*

*goes to happy place*

Lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala

I'm gonna eat you little fishy!

I'm in my happy place, your cardigans have no power over me here Vampy. It's a Scottish saying meaning a young lady.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 11:59, Reply)
get into that room NOW dok
or else I'll get out one of kaols knives and make stabby motions at you.

1....

2....
....

3!

Okay that's it!

EDIT: oh. well that's okay then.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 12 Mar 2009, 12:01, Reply)
Hmmm...
I've just found out that I need to drive a van-load of oil, and a small Polish man to London.

Woo, roadtrip!
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 12:01, Reply)
@piston
I wouldn't mock the jock taxi drivers...
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 12:02, Reply)
When I was in Edinburgh
we had an AWESOME taxi driver who took us to some sweet pub as the one we were supposed to be going to was, according to him, a big pile o wank.

Anyone who uses the term big pile o wank is win.
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 12:05, Reply)
@Badger
Did you get his number?
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 12:10, Reply)
He did give us his number
but I wasn't the one who took it down and I don't see the girl who did any more *sads*
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 12:10, Reply)
well then
that's a big pile o wank, isn't it.

*hugs wankily*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 12:11, Reply)
Well, puns is closed...
Any bets on how shit the new one's going to be?
(username1, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 12:15, Reply)
Closed you say?
thank fuck for that.

The bloody Wii olympics is in full swing now... I may have to kill someone.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 12 Mar 2009, 12:16, Reply)
I'm looking forward to visiting Edinburgh again.
In all of my life I've only ever visited it for 2 days.

From what I can remember the centre isn't big enough to need to get taxis anyplace.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 12:17, Reply)
DG
kill me please - this homework is depressing.

I hate analysing plays.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 12 Mar 2009, 12:18, Reply)
FFS
new question is a big pile o wank.

probably literally.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 12:20, Reply)
I couldn't possibly kill you, Vampers
as my arms aren't that long.

Woo! Best of page! First time in ages...

Dok, the centre of Embra is indeed nicely spaced for getting around.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 12 Mar 2009, 12:20, Reply)
I ain't afraid of no Goats.
YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH!

*dance routines*

Hullo!
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 12:20, Reply)
Tightly
How y' doin, my man?
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 12 Mar 2009, 12:21, Reply)
heylo Devil!
how goes it in the firey underworld?
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 12 Mar 2009, 12:22, Reply)
@ al
'Yabba dabba doo...'
(username1, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 12:23, Reply)
Tightly!
*smooshes*

it's been ages!

how are you?
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 12:23, Reply)
Afternoon
How is everyone? I'm phoning people again, but I've got a whole bunch of parties coming up, which is good, as I've barely left the house in the last month! Hope everyone's doing fine... (Oh, and has anyone else seen the latest QOTW? Becuase I thought that there where a fair few women on B3TA....)
(Fredz A graveyard of hopes, a dump of ambition, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 12:23, Reply)
Seriously what the fuck
The new QOTW is shocking.

I'm just going to write some porn for it
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 12:24, Reply)
HLT
I've just texted him now. Good to know he is still alive.
(I helped save b3ta! jim_bob can herd cats., Thu 12 Mar 2009, 12:24, Reply)
Yeah. It's not that great.
I mean, I guess if they'd written "a penis" instead of "your penis" it'd add a bit more room for manouverability. But even then, 20+ pages of knob gags are going to get boring. Especialy when 50% of em are going to basicaly be "Your mum!"
(Fredz A graveyard of hopes, a dump of ambition, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 12:25, Reply)
I think I'm gonna have to write
One of my made-up pieces of disturbing fiction for it.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 12:26, Reply)
"made up"
I'd have prefered the sellotap question :(
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 12:27, Reply)
DG!
*high fives* Good ta, my bredren. How's about your bad self?

Aaaaand Tuuuu-lip! *shlomp* It has been ages! How's life in the Theatre treating you?

Also, hullo to you, VC. The fiery underworld, or Borough High Street as it's better known, is lovely. You get a much better class of smack addict down here, I tell you.

Argh! Dentist tomorrow! *afears*
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 12:29, Reply)
I think I'm going to have to write a peice of fiction for it as well
It'll be interesting to see if I can.

You might get a flash before I show everyone on the qotw too if you like.

I've given up on homework.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 12 Mar 2009, 12:30, Reply)
I may have a subway for lunch
It's BMT sub of the day day! Woooo my favourite day in alllllll the land :D
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 12:32, Reply)
Good, Tightly
Apart from having to contend with numbers that don't add up and irritating noises next door disturbing my concentration, that is.

This new questions a bit shit isn't it?
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 12 Mar 2009, 12:33, Reply)
OK, Which of you bastards
created a phonebook entry called "Your Mum" on my phone while I wasn't looking?
(bill, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 12:34, Reply)
yes yes it is
hence the fiction attempts.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 12 Mar 2009, 12:34, Reply)
Hahahaha!
Er... Bill, that was... Not me.
But I know who did it.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 12:35, Reply)
People of B3ta!
So what if the QOTW isn't that great? I have an idea:

We've got an OT board... Let's use it for its correct purpose (remember?), by running QOTDs. A thread is opened with one of those poll things with 4 options. we have half an hours voting, and then a days worth of replies. OK, there'd be no 'best ofs', but that's not (or shouldn't be) the point of QOTW anyway.

I'm happy to do this, but need to be told how to do polls.

Unless this is too much of a protest, in which case, ignore me!

EDIT: DG, hit 'em with hammers, it's the only way to make 'em sut up. Or take round a bottle of Newcy Brown and get 'em sozzled.
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 12:36, Reply)
I'm
not even gonna bother this week. I shall instead bask in the glory of getting my perm gag on the best of page.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 12 Mar 2009, 12:36, Reply)
A bit?
Tis a big pile o wank.

And it's sexist *pretends to care about shit like that*

Bill are you sure the number isn't for your mum? :p
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 12:37, Reply)
I like it Tight.
Lets get to it!
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 12 Mar 2009, 12:38, Reply)
That Perm Gag
Was rather good. I'm only ashamed I didn't see it before the 'best' page went up...
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 12:38, Reply)
Unfortunately
the noise is coming from my colleagues who are holding a Wii olympics for comic relief in the meeting room behind me...

*EDIT* ta, Tightly. Looking forward to catching up soon :)
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 12 Mar 2009, 12:39, Reply)
If I had a penis
I'd probably like it tight. No bucket vags for me
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 12:42, Reply)
Kaol: Fess up!
TGB: Nope, there is no number stored there unfortunately. Anyway, Mum is under "Mum" without the your.
(bill, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 12:42, Reply)
*was joking*
*isn't funny*
*cries*
*plays with imaginary penis*

edit: Joking about the your mum thing. Deadly serious about the vags
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 12:43, Reply)
OIC
I've bought my red nose, and that's my lot, frankly.

I support what Comic Relief *does*, but by God every dull bumwit in every office in the land decides they have to do something zany and wacky and that MUST BE STOPPED.
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 12:44, Reply)
I've not even done that
There's been stuff going on all week, and so far my contribution has been zilch. Not because I don't support the idea, it's that, well, I'm a bit skint at the moment.

Get paid tomorrow though. Yay.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 12 Mar 2009, 12:46, Reply)
Ahh, sorry Miss Badger!
I'm being slow today! Luckily I'm "working from home" this afternoon so don't have to be that on the ball.

Edit: Spelling, see told you I'm not with it today!
(bill, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 12:48, Reply)
ooh
Just in time to buy me a birthday present DG :p

*hopes for a pony*
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 12:48, Reply)
I couldn't possibly.
I don't want to incriminate poor Mr. LiC.
Er... Actually, I'm not 100% sure. Maybe it was scarpe...

It wasn't me or Mel though... *coughs*
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 12:48, Reply)
One pony
gift wrapped and on its way Badger.

Right, back to work.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 12 Mar 2009, 12:50, Reply)
Sweet
*hopes DG knows she meant 25 squid rather than an actual pony*
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 12:52, Reply)
Well, whoever it was
Thanks for the giggle.

Strangely I have no recollection of pulling my phone out at all, especially as it was disconnected at the time (Fucking O2 actually expecting to get paid!) Oh well, you live and learn!
(bill, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 12:52, Reply)
You got it out when Cackers
Was talking about doing Karaoke!
So... It's been there for a good few weeks :p
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 12:53, Reply)
Bill
It wasn't me, and I don't remember anybody playing with your phone.

Well I've managed to post and entry (fnar) for this QOTW, a real entry that is. It's going to be a week of ym jokes.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 12:55, Reply)
Ahhh!
that shows how little I use the contacts I guess, I thought it was more recent. In that case I remember handing it around now.
(bill, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 12:57, Reply)
Yeah,
It was a while ago now!

Right... Lunchtime.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 12:59, Reply)
Kaol
That sure is a nasty cough you have!

EDIT Oh fuck it, give me the hat!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 12:59, Reply)
awww Dok
sorry - I got distracted - my favourite person said Hi and I got all one track minded.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 12 Mar 2009, 13:19, Reply)
Huh. They changed with your penis to with a penis...
I feel powerful! Either that or someone else suggested it! Hmmm. I'm trying to figure out a genuine answer but I apparently either have a boring life, or no shame.
(Fredz A graveyard of hopes, a dump of ambition, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 13:19, Reply)
I've answered the QOTW
speaking truth to power, as it were.

Bloody pissed off with this QOTW and the general trend of god-awful questions when there's a load of good suggestions.

EDIT: Also, it wasn't me that ymed your phone, Bill. Sounds like a rather Clendrixy thing to do, if you ask me.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 13:21, Reply)
Vampy
You're excused.

Everybody else, bstards!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 13:30, Reply)
aww thanks dok
do I get anything for being excused?
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 12 Mar 2009, 13:39, Reply)
Chains!
How very dare you!
You're right...but it wasn't me :)
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 13:40, Reply)
I have a suspicion
that although I can't work a jesus phone to save my life, I may have been ultimately responsible.

'noon all.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 13:43, Reply)
I don't know Vampy
How about *hugs*

Yeah Chains, I know that Drixy didn't do it!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 13:45, Reply)
Hello Wookiee
*waves*

Who wants to write the conclusion to my essay?
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 13:45, Reply)
Hi Wookie
Long time no see.

No ta Drixylix, wel not unless you want it to be nothing about the essay.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 13:46, Reply)
Dok
I'm past caring.
Besides, the essay is so disjointed, it won't matter anyway.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 13:49, Reply)
So, in conclusion,
"man the fuck up".

Sorted.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 13:54, Reply)
Here you go Clendrix, essay conclusion for you:
In conclusion the above is a detailed and graphic account of the thing I've been most ashamed of doing with a penis.

Hugs and Kisses

Clendrix
(bill, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 13:54, Reply)
hey wookie
have we met? don't think we have....
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 12 Mar 2009, 13:56, Reply)
Drixylix
I think you should use Wookie's one. If they laugh great, if not they should man the fuck up!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 13:56, Reply)
Wookiee knows what my essay is about
which means his conclusion fits perfectly.

Bill, penis envy is now widely discredited, so I'm not sure I'll get marks for that :)
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 13:57, Reply)
Not sure, Vamps.
Sadly I have to do actual stuff at work these days so I don't make it on as often as I'd like.

How're you?
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 13:57, Reply)
Isn't the conclusion of an essay
Just the opening statement of the essay but in the past tense?
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 14:00, Reply)
I've gottta squash some other
bullshit observations in there too.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 14:03, Reply)
very goodly thank you!
and yourself?
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 12 Mar 2009, 14:07, Reply)
I am good thanks,
it is lunchtime and I am off to obtain 12 inches of meat.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 14:10, Reply)
wookiee
Save an inch or two for me.
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 14:12, Reply)
Wookie beat me to it :(
Damn you work!
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 14:14, Reply)
Sandwich!
And not the bready kind...
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 14:22, Reply)
why would you want 12 inches of meat?
doesn't 6 or 7 usually do the job?
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 12 Mar 2009, 14:23, Reply)
TGB
Let the wookiee win...
(mr bollox I love Mr. K best of all the kaoltards, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 14:23, Reply)
I had to get
two lots of 12"s at lunch. George got through his a lot quicker than I did. I like to savour my meat
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 14:24, Reply)
12"
Somebody is exaggerating.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 14:27, Reply)
*returns*

*brandishes tape measure*

It's all true, I tells you!

*inserts*
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 14:29, Reply)
Mine was slighty over 12"
It filled me up good and proper
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 14:31, Reply)
Mine
Was triangular, and the hypotenuse was only about 6 inches :(
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 14:35, Reply)
I love 12''
Vegie Subs that is.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 12 Mar 2009, 14:36, Reply)
It's all about the meat
Got to get a good serving of meat in you. Ideally I like to get my meat fix every day but sadly it's not always possible, and rarely do I get 12", normally a more modest couple of inches.
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 14:39, Reply)
I'm all sticky now.

*licks fingers*
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 14:41, Reply)
I had 12"
But it had been cut in half.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 14:41, Reply)
I was so sticky
I had to go to the bathroom and wash my hot dripping slit hands
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 14:44, Reply)
Chains
I bet that was sore!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 14:44, Reply)
It's probably best to think of it
as being double-teamed by two six-inchers.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 14:50, Reply)
I am a bit sticky
because i've just eaten a jammie donut without licking my lips.

can you do that?

can you?

well, can you?
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 14:53, Reply)
It probably says a lot
That all this talk of meat is actually making me quite horny. Anyone in the Warwickshire area who can bring their own 6" meat stick to dip in my special sauce?
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 14:54, Reply)
TGB
What flavour sauce? Any hint of marmite and I'll have to turn you down.

Not that I'm even remotely near Warwickshire either
(mr bollox I love Mr. K best of all the kaoltards, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 14:57, Reply)
Er...
Coventry-based.
And they deliver.
www.haigsdirect.co.uk/product_info.php?cPath=8&products_id=149&osCsid=dbe7b565d17088f13a26b6f1b76fd457
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 14:58, Reply)
erm
it's not marmitey. It's quite sweet
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 14:58, Reply)
hmm it's nearly 2 am
and I'm not tired at all....
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 12 Mar 2009, 14:59, Reply)
TGB
According to google maps I'm 17 miles away so I can be there in 10 minutes.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 15:00, Reply)
@Badger
is it marmaladey?
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 15:01, Reply)
Well I don't really like
marmalade but I like this so I'm going to say no...

Ok chains well I'm going out for a smoke then I'll meet you in the stationary cupboard
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 15:03, Reply)
Kaol
that 'variety sausage' picture at the top is grim.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 15:03, Reply)
Presumably a marmite flavour could be arranged
with the right kind of yeast infection?
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 15:03, Reply)
No!
Variety Sausage is awesome.

You've obviously been doing it wrong.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 15:05, Reply)
Possibly it is
but it looks like it belongs to some lass who needs an op.

Badger - what cupboard?
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 15:06, Reply)
Nothing a bit of oil,
A hot pan and some gravy wouldn't fix.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 15:07, Reply)
I think I'll just stick to beans from the tin.

(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 15:08, Reply)
Wookie
You just made me be sick in my mouth a little!

Bad man.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 15:08, Reply)
You sure you don't want me to heat those up or something?

(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 15:09, Reply)
Na. Don't wanna be spilling bean juice.

(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 15:10, Reply)
The one that's standing still
All our other cupbards zoom around the office
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 15:13, Reply)
*leaps into car*
*drives off at 90mph*
*tries to see past giant erection*
*crashes into tree*
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 15:13, Reply)
Badger
That's so cool, I wish I worked in an office like that!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 15:13, Reply)
Ok...
*shrugs*

Anyone got interesting plans tonight?
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 15:14, Reply)
I HAVE!
One of my gorgeous friends is having a little celebration of sorts, so I'm going to help out with that :)
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 15:15, Reply)
My night is officially over
I'm going to go to sleep - I'm suddenly wrecked and it's 2:15 in the morning.

Love you folks.
/hugs everyone to steal a bit of warmth from them.

What?! I'm cold!
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 12 Mar 2009, 15:15, Reply)
Well Kaol
I'll be eating, drawing, chatting to the GF, maybe watching some telly, feeding animals, and if I get time I may even try to sleep.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 15:16, Reply)
I'm going to play the Resident Evil 5 demo
and have a wank*, and go to bed.

And possibly drink some Rioja.

*Note: this will be after the zombie killnig, not during. That'd just be weird.
(username1, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 15:18, Reply)
Lucky me.
My evening will be spent at work, mostly, until my stupid Thursday tasks are done.

When I get home I shall do some laundry.

/action-packed
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 15:19, Reply)
I'm going to my mums for dinner
then I'm going to go home and wii fit then probably round off the night with some bedtime exercise with my lovely vibrating friend
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 15:22, Reply)
But enough of all that crap...
tell us about YOU Kaol!
What are you doing tonight?
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 15:22, Reply)
Alternatively...
we could all guess at Kaol's plans.

I think he'll be 'Brenda' and go to Asda in a blue dress and heels.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 15:25, Reply)
Er...
Not much.
Driving out to middle of nowhere.
Spending a few hours in a shed, screaming.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 15:26, Reply)
Oh!
So that's how Brenda likes it, eh?
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 15:27, Reply)
in delight
as you stick your winky through a glory hole?

you disgust me Kaol
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 15:27, Reply)
But
Who is going to be screaming Kaol?

EDIT And more to the point, why?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 15:28, Reply)
I shall be
Heating up a ready meal, getting bladdered on half price Tesco wine, playing www.conquerorgame.com/ and occasionally blathering on here.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 15:30, Reply)
I'm gonna be screaming.
It's my weekly therapy session band practice.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 15:31, Reply)
In the office
We just had a transvestite and a fat bloke dressed as a boy scout wander past jingling a bucket.
BAN THIS SICK FILTH!
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 15:42, Reply)
I think
They should Fan that Bic Sith!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 15:44, Reply)
A man wearing girly trousers just walked past.
I don't think it was for comic relief though.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 15:48, Reply)
We don't get them up here
Al we get are junkies shooting up outside the office.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 15:53, Reply)
My I-pod just shuffled onto









SPOOOOOOOOOOONMAN
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 15:53, Reply)
Damn you Ape
:(
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 15:58, Reply)
Post Spooman, I've had

Eagles of Death Metal - The boys Bad news

and

Metallica - Nothing else matters.

Good I-Pod, well done!
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 16:02, Reply)
The Herd - 2020 just came up on my phone
I don't normally like rap type songs but I like this. I think it's trip-hop.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 16:06, Reply)
I'm a spoonman. Talk to God. Transfusion. Penetration.
That spoonman song?
(username1, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 16:09, Reply)
spoooooooonman
Feel the rhythm with your hands
Steal the rhythm while you can, spoonman
Speak the rhythm on your own
Speak the rhythm all alone, spoonman
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 16:19, Reply)
So bored...

I just put a bulldog clip on my nipple to see how much it would hurt.

It hurt a lot, but the pain was strangly calming, until I saw my line manger looking at me oddly.

He now thiks I'm pervert and I have my review tomorrow!
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 16:30, Reply)
We're seeing what horses
to bet on tomorrow at Cheltnam!

I have Cock Hardy! heheheh!
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 16:33, Reply)
I had a great tip for an accumulator last year

The first horse I had fell at the first jump of the first race.

Rubbish

Some of the others did well, but I was broke.
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 16:38, Reply)
Where did everybody go eh?

Some of us are bored and need entertaining!

Dance for me B3ta!
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 16:50, Reply)
Things that have annoyed me today:

Buses
Clouds
People
Coffee
My back
My right sock
Jade Goody
Clients
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 16:56, Reply)
You dance Monkeyboy
Us badger do not dance until it gets dark
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 16:59, Reply)
Kaol sucks

(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 17:00, Reply)
'lo
Anyone still about? Or am I all on my lonesome :-P
(weekirst23 Is broken! Silly ice. Silly High heels!, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 17:07, Reply)
I'm free!


*minces*
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 17:09, Reply)
@naked
All right? Happy mincing?
(weekirst23 Is broken! Silly ice. Silly High heels!, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 17:13, Reply)
Who wouldn't be?
*twirls*
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 17:32, Reply)

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