Condoms
Let's talk about condoms.

I just got a text from a lady friend saying that she's back in town TONIGHT and is quite clearly gagging for some X-rated shenanigans. While suppressing my erection it suddenly struck me that I'm out of condoms and can't go on one of those anonymous web-sites to call in the re-up (*winks to fans of The Wire).

Also having just spent my last few loose £1 coin on Chips, Fried Rice and Gravy from the Great Wall, I face the prospect of breaking a tenner in my local Somerfield.

Do people buy condoms in supermarkets? Is this feasible!? Or will the 16 year old behind the counter look at me like so posh-wanking festerous pervert.

Where do you get yours?

[edit] For the record I'm in the market for XXL Titan Extreme.
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Fri 17 Apr 2009, 14:42, 26 replies, latest was 17 years ago)

Pharmacy?
Or go to Tesco, if it bothers you. Self-service tills ftw.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 17 Apr 2009, 14:53, Reply)

aka the 'pay for as much of your shopping as you can afford or deem necessary' tills. Brilliant invention!
(username1, Fri 17 Apr 2009, 14:56, Reply)

Buy 'em Loud, Buy 'em Proud!
Nothing to be ashamed of. Supermarket is fine.

Jimmy "Bill" McNulty
(bill, Fri 17 Apr 2009, 14:54, Reply)

I get mine in the supermarket
I've never understood the problem with buying condoms

I'd happily wwalk to the counter with them shouting "YES! I AM BUYING CONDOMS! I AM GOING TO GET SOME ACTION!"
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 17 Apr 2009, 14:55, Reply)

I use either Superdrug or Tesco
Superdrug has good offers usually.

Just don't smile too much when you buy them, you'll freak out the till monkeys (and yes, it's extremely funny)
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 17 Apr 2009, 14:57, Reply)

You can usually get them free from your local family planning clinic
But this is usually far more excruciating than just buying them, you'll get some middle aged hippie woman ranting on about safe sex for half an hour, although she will give you shitloads of the things.

If you're that embarrassed about buying them (can't see why) then use the a pub toilet vending machine or summat.
(username1, Fri 17 Apr 2009, 14:58, Reply)

Supermarket
Although the last place I bought some was a department store from an orange-skinned woman.

No shame in it, no matter where you get them.
(Shippy likes linebreaks and doesn't care what you think, Fri 17 Apr 2009, 15:02, Reply)

Tesco usually have them on buy one get one free
so I stock up every now and then.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 17 Apr 2009, 15:03, Reply)

Petrol stations
Stop. Fill up. Go to counter.

"That's twenty quid on number five and a packet of rubber johnnies please love".

FTW.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Fri 17 Apr 2009, 15:03, Reply)

Yes I'm embarassed!
Walking into the front desk of Somerfield...

Three.... *you know*'s please

"Er... what?"

*Winky wink wink*

I SAID - Three condoms please..

Then I get all flustered and run away with my arms flailing
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Fri 17 Apr 2009, 15:05, Reply)

Superdrug
Had a deal the other week and they were 2 for 1. So I bought 24.

"Yes yes, i'm hot and get loads of action" I said under my breath as I completed the purchase. 3 weeks later and I've used 3. One of those was a non starter cos I ripped it when opening it. At this rate I should get through them all precisely 6 weeks before they expire.
(The Archduke of South London I'm in your Girlfriend eating her organs, Fri 17 Apr 2009, 15:06, Reply)

make sure you don't buy durex extra safe though
because then the till monkey will think you are an arsebandit
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 17 Apr 2009, 15:10, Reply)

Mate
if I can buy a packet of tampons and nothing else you can buy a packet of condoms.
(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 17 Apr 2009, 15:18, Reply)

I had to go into sainsburys the other day and buy bread and always ultra
condoms are far less embarrasing. I had the worry that people thought I was a big, bread-loving, bearded tranny
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 17 Apr 2009, 15:21, Reply)

Hmm
How about - condoms, a clawhammer, a dishtowel (to wipe the hammer when I'm done), some Bleach and a plastic apron?

May raise some eyebrows...
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Fri 17 Apr 2009, 15:23, Reply)

TDW: funny though
you should do it
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 17 Apr 2009, 15:28, Reply)

Well if I can buy tampons and condoms at the same time
then I'm sure you can do it
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 17 Apr 2009, 15:37, Reply)

Or why not try for the Tesco comedy basket:

Big packet of 12 johnnies; jar of peanut butter (smooth); tub of vaseline; 3-pack of Mars Bars; cucumber and/or courgette; wet-wipes; red thong; rubber gloves.

Go to the check-out with the nicest looking operator, put on your best grin and brazen it up (or man the fuck up, if you'd rather).

Have a good weekend.
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Fri 17 Apr 2009, 16:23, Reply)

I get mine for free
All I do is go to the alley behind where I work and I usually find half a dozen lying around. Turn um inside out, a quick wash under the tap and their ready to use again.

Saves a small fortune, that does.
( SpankyHanky, Fri 17 Apr 2009, 16:34, Reply)

A PACK OF CONDOMS, PLEASE!
YES, AND MAKE IT A 12-PACK THIS TIME, PLEASE, YOUNG MAN.

YES, YOU HEARD ME, NICE, RUBBERY, RIBBED CONDOMS, PLEASE.

And...erm..._{the latest single by Jason Donovan...}
/Fry and Laurie

To be honest, surely the greasy teenage shop monkey will look upon you with envy as a man who's most likely going to be getting it on tonight?
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 17 Apr 2009, 17:11, Reply)

Buy a case of them,
carry them up on your shoulder, make eye-contact with everyone you pass, and loudly proclaim, "Why yes, I am having loads of sex. Aren't you lot getting laid these days?"
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Fri 17 Apr 2009, 20:30, Reply)

Does one
not buy them from the barbers these days?
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Fri 17 Apr 2009, 21:19, Reply)

I work in a chemist
Condoms should not be a source of amusement... but they are.

After I'd been there a few weeks I had a conversation about embarrassing purchases with my mum, and she asked me if I'd had any customers buying condoms. At that point I'd had three. I replied, yes, there were two young lads - individually, not together - who shuffled nervously around the shop, looking at every single other item on sale before surreptitiously placing a box of three (extra safe) condoms on the counter and trying to buy them without me actually noticing... Bless.
And the other was a large jolly man in his 40s who proudly threw a box of 18 on the counter with a "go me!" attitude which made me smile :)
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Sat 18 Apr 2009, 12:33, Reply)

Don't go with a mate though!
They have a tendancy to shout "What's that Will, a years worth?" as you go through the till. All the worse when you are only buying a pack of three!
(Dangerous Disco Trev Isn't my real name, Sat 18 Apr 2009, 13:39, Reply)

This reminds me of that Billy Connolly sketch
where the man with a nervous facial winky-twitch affliction type thingy kept going into the chemist, saying,

"Giz a packet of yer eh....wink-wink-gurn-wink....eh.....gurn-belm-wink...."

Every time, the poor bloke left with armfuls of condoms, when all he really wanted was a packet of aspirin.
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Sat 18 Apr 2009, 13:39, Reply)

Never buy more than a pack of three
for it is the curse of the condoms that guarantees you won't get any action at all if you buy one of those family-sized packs. FACT.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Sat 18 Apr 2009, 19:52, Reply)