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rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)

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Rate your last blowjob

(

sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 8 Jun 2009, 15:22, 78 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I had suggested to my other half that when she wakes in the morning at the weekend
rather than whinging that she is awake and not letting me sleep that if she wants me to wake up then she should fellate me.

She did yesterday. it was fucking brilliant
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 8 Jun 2009, 15:25, Reply)

I'm now imaging the bit in southpark when Saddam and the devil have sex
And I'm not implying for a minute that your mrs looks like Saddam Hussein, it's just that you look a bit like the devil.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 8 Jun 2009, 15:32, Reply)

heh
she doesn't look like saddam.
thought I'd set your mind at ease.

nor does she always want to fuck me from behind
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 8 Jun 2009, 15:35, Reply)

There is no better way to wake up
Or indeed to wake someone up...
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Mon 8 Jun 2009, 15:41, Reply)

I've yet to experience that one
but by hand is good enough for now
(

sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 8 Jun 2009, 15:56, Reply)

*sigh*
Those were the days :(
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Mon 8 Jun 2009, 15:38, Reply)

You should never have got those ribs put back in

(

Captain V, Mon 8 Jun 2009, 15:38, Reply)

I know,
now you don't even love me. New low?
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Mon 8 Jun 2009, 15:44, Reply)

I don't love men
Never have.

*flounces off*
(

Captain V, Mon 8 Jun 2009, 15:49, Reply)

I never was
a man ;-)
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Mon 8 Jun 2009, 15:53, Reply)

You're missing an option
"It was shite"
(

Captain V, Mon 8 Jun 2009, 15:38, Reply)

Q. Describe your worst blowjob ever.
A. Fucking Brilliant!
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 8 Jun 2009, 15:41, Reply)

*is jealous*

(

Captain V, Mon 8 Jun 2009, 15:42, Reply)

It's a bit like pizza in that respect.

(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Mon 8 Jun 2009, 15:42, Reply)

:( Not had one since before she was pregnant
baby is 16 months old now :( so thats ummm 2 years?

*cries*
(

Peej, Mon 8 Jun 2009, 15:44, Reply)

That's a long time without pizza.
*Glums for you*
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 8 Jun 2009, 15:50, Reply)

6 months and nothing.
The last person to get anywhere near my knickers was the guy who did my tattoo.

I'm officially shit at being 18.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 8 Jun 2009, 15:44, Reply)

*waits for flurry of creepy responses*

(

Cawl, Mon 8 Jun 2009, 15:45, Reply)

*rubs thighs*
That got rid of those crumbs. I really am a messy eater!
(

Captain V, Mon 8 Jun 2009, 15:46, Reply)

Along with another kind of flurry ;)
Something resembling rancid birdshit.
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 8 Jun 2009, 15:47, Reply)

What can I say,
I plant seeds.
They rot.
Then animals shit on them.
Then other animals roll in it.
(

Cawl, Mon 8 Jun 2009, 15:48, Reply)

You're just gifted that way.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 8 Jun 2009, 15:50, Reply)

Mwnerrr
Come hither little girl!
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Mon 8 Jun 2009, 15:48, Reply)

Eeep!
*runs and hides*
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 8 Jun 2009, 15:50, Reply)

What ARE you doing?
Come out of there now and stop wibbling. And you - leave her alone, you should know better. Bloody kids.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 8 Jun 2009, 15:53, Reply)

But, but, but
DaaaaaAaaaAAAaaAAAAd!

:(
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Mon 8 Jun 2009, 15:54, Reply)

Is it safe?
Ner ner ner *pulls tongue*
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 8 Jun 2009, 15:58, Reply)

Thats not a tongue...

(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Mon 8 Jun 2009, 16:01, Reply)

Heh Heh Heh
*Rubs hands creepily*
Get your own, son. She's my dolly now.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 8 Jun 2009, 15:58, Reply)

It's ok,
most people are :-)
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Mon 8 Jun 2009, 15:46, Reply)

Go to uni
get drunk
(PsychoChomp, Mon 8 Jun 2009, 15:53, Reply)

Is that what you did?

(

Cawl, Mon 8 Jun 2009, 15:56, Reply)

She got fingered behind some bins outside the Union bar.
She thinks nobody saw, but...ROLL VIDEO!
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 8 Jun 2009, 16:06, Reply)

You should run
self-esteem classes.
(Land of Green Ginger It's dreamy weather, Mon 8 Jun 2009, 15:56, Reply)

How to value yourself.
By Chomp
(PsychoChomp, Mon 8 Jun 2009, 16:22, Reply)

~~value yourself~~ get laid
(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 8 Jun 2009, 16:26, Reply)

lesson 1
lower your standards.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 8 Jun 2009, 16:28, Reply)

I really think my standards are too high
It probably should be "has a pulse"

Ah well.
(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 8 Jun 2009, 16:30, Reply)

Lesson 2:
Men are idiots, use this to your advantage.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 8 Jun 2009, 16:32, Reply)

I think you're speaking from experience ^_^
Have the men messed you around too, honey?
(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 8 Jun 2009, 16:37, Reply)

I am speaking from experience
but it's my own stupidity that I'm talking about.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 8 Jun 2009, 16:49, Reply)

September can't come soon enough.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 8 Jun 2009, 15:56, Reply)

She said that to me too
*sigh*
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Mon 8 Jun 2009, 15:58, Reply)

I must admit I did a lot better when someone told me I had to suck instead of blow.

(

girlinthehole, Mon 8 Jun 2009, 15:58, Reply)

Was that done
in a pitched voice with strong tones of anguish?

Quick question: do you reckon it would be possible for balls to actually inflate?
(Land of Green Ginger It's dreamy weather, Mon 8 Jun 2009, 16:01, Reply)

Hehe, that's a very funny mental picture
How close were you when you were blowing on it?
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Mon 8 Jun 2009, 16:02, Reply)

About 6 feet away.

I was joking.
(

girlinthehole, Mon 8 Jun 2009, 16:05, Reply)

Needs a 9/10 option
For when you trigger her gag reflex and stomach acid is forced under pressure down your japs eye.

Not that that happened or anything.
(

The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 8 Jun 2009, 16:00, Reply)

:\
Did that really happen?
(

Cawl, Mon 8 Jun 2009, 16:02, Reply)

By mutual agreement
I can never tell.
(

The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 8 Jun 2009, 16:07, Reply)

So that's a yes.
Damn, bad luck.
(

Cawl, Mon 8 Jun 2009, 16:07, Reply)

I'm going to
go make a cup of tea so I can spit it onto my keyboard.
(

sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 8 Jun 2009, 16:02, Reply)

Ow ow ow
I'm so glad I don't have a penis.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 8 Jun 2009, 16:04, Reply)

There's all types of surgery
that could sort that out.
(

gareth_alien will be human again at, Mon 8 Jun 2009, 16:58, Reply)

Is it possible
to learn how to suppress the gag reflex?
(

sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 8 Jun 2009, 16:11, Reply)

Are you asking
for tips on your fellatio technique?
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Mon 8 Jun 2009, 16:20, Reply)

Take your left hand
Spread it out flat, four fingers together, thumb perpendicular.
Turn it so the thumb is pointing up (like a thumbs up but with the fingers out)
put the thumb in the palm of your hand
Clench the fingers around it.

It works for me!
(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 8 Jun 2009, 16:25, Reply)

So...
You punch yourself?
Where abouts?
(

Cawl, Mon 8 Jun 2009, 16:29, Reply)

She's saying she likes being fisted
Thumb tucked in for fisting, on the outside for punching.
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 8 Jun 2009, 16:33, Reply)

I, thankfully, have never been fisted.
That hole is for going OUT, not IN.

I CAN fit most of my fist in my mouth though.
And doesn't having your thumb inside the fist when punching break it?
(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 8 Jun 2009, 16:35, Reply)

Indeed, thumb inside while punching = broken thumb
But fisting doesn't necessarily only mean anal.

Unless you were implying that nothing goes in either front or back bottom.
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 8 Jun 2009, 16:37, Reply)

o_O
Let me reiterate.

I AM NEVER letting anyone fist me.
Anywhere.
Fists are BIG!
(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 8 Jun 2009, 16:39, Reply)

Jeremy Beadle's wasn't...

(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 8 Jun 2009, 16:41, Reply)

Hahahaha!
+10 internet points
(

Cawl, Mon 8 Jun 2009, 16:42, Reply)

Jeremy Beadle doesn't fulfil my single criteria.
Otherwise, yeah, he could fist me.
(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 8 Jun 2009, 17:17, Reply)

Erm
...isn't he dead?
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Mon 8 Jun 2009, 17:50, Reply)

See subject line
and lurk moar
(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 8 Jun 2009, 18:05, Reply)

Mine are
I could've been a hand-double for Boris Karloff
(

sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 8 Jun 2009, 18:11, Reply)

I posted this
because I'd not had one since last year and then I get 4 since Sat afternoon. I'm beginning to think she's had a G-spot grafted onto the roof of her mouth.
(

sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 8 Jun 2009, 16:08, Reply)

So, you posted because you wanted to brag?
Cheers.

No, really, cheers.
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 8 Jun 2009, 16:11, Reply)

Damn right
It's ok though, I though you were being sarcastic at first
(

sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 8 Jun 2009, 16:13, Reply)

In all seriousness, congratulations!
I'd rather find a hot girly who doesn't object to my oral administrations.
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 8 Jun 2009, 16:14, Reply)

So I guess you're gonna have to
take back your Top Tip on spotting fake amateur porn now you're with a wannabe amateur porn star ;-)
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Mon 8 Jun 2009, 16:25, Reply)

I have an LG Viewty
which can record video at 120fps. I keep forgetting to record a slo-mo facial, but I manage it at some point.
(

sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 8 Jun 2009, 18:14, Reply)

Maybe some girls just like it?

(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 8 Jun 2009, 16:31, Reply)

She's kept it close to her chest then
we've been together 19 years
(

sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 8 Jun 2009, 18:12, Reply)

Ha ha
she's been cheating on you.
(Spleep Shit, or get off the internet., Tue 9 Jun 2009, 8:14, Reply)

Getting to 7 months with no action
At this point in time I'd settle for just a cuddle, let alone a BJ + other fun things.

*Fails at being 21*
(Ghost Atreides enjoying incontestable health benefits on, Mon 8 Jun 2009, 18:28, Reply)

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