Ever had cause to measure your head?
the circumference of mine is 61cm. I have a fucking big head.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 15:20, 78 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I measure other people's.
V's is 13cm.
Kaol's is 562cm if you count the ego part.
Al's is hard to measure because of all the lumps.
( thealternativefact, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 15:23, Reply)

none of those numbers surprise me

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 15:25, Reply)

They aren't lumps
they are syphillitic ulcers
(Bazongaloid, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 15:26, Reply)

I'm not a garden gnome!
:(
( Captain V, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 15:27, Reply)

Well, you will sit there playing with your rod.

( thealternativefact, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 15:29, Reply)

Next time I'm at a fancy dress party...

( Captain V, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 15:31, Reply)

CHCB has already fucked a gnome hasn't she?
I distinctly remembering reading about it
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 15:32, Reply)

I think you might be right
A threesome with Harry Potter and a garden gnome if I'm not mistaken.
( Captain V, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 15:33, Reply)

consider it a fetish

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 15:34, Reply)

Oh dear
Somebody, anybody, HELP ME!
( Captain V, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 15:35, Reply)

*dresses up as harry potter*

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 15:36, Reply)

That's NOT what I meant!

( Captain V, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 15:36, Reply)

it's what you want though
you want it hard
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 15:38, Reply)

Maybe
Definitely
( Captain V, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 15:38, Reply)

but it'll do nicely!

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 15:38, Reply)

I've made you a smurf outfit.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 15:36, Reply)

I hope this is true

( Captain V, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 15:37, Reply)

*smirks*

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 15:38, Reply)

Yeah
But it's a Smurfette one.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 15:40, Reply)

Even better

( Captain V, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 15:42, Reply)

So
Will you wear it to the next bash?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 15:42, Reply)

Shhh
Don't spoil Bill's birthday present for him!
( Captain V, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 15:43, Reply)

here ya go:
www.coolest-homemade-costumes.com/smurfette-costume-4.html

You'll probably need to scale it down a bit.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 15:45, Reply)

So paint myself blue
And get a white dress. I guess I'll need a wig too.
( Captain V, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 15:46, Reply)

*glees*
Buy it all in Sainsburys and then see if the checkout lady asks if you have plans for the evening.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 15:47, Reply)

get some ky too
and some durex extra-safe
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 15:49, Reply)

This pretty much happened Tuesday night
Cider, condoms and toothbrushes. The checkout woman asked "are you doing much tonight?". Unfortunately CHCB didn't think of saying "Yes, I'm leaving my husband" until we were walking out the door.
( Captain V, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 15:51, Reply)

that would've been awesome
puts me in mind of a time when I bumped into a colleague in the supermarket, due to the layout of the place I had in my basket:

1 very large leek
1 box condoms
1 box razor blades
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 15:53, Reply)

Brilliant
A qotw about supermarkets, or shopping incidents in general, would be much better than the shit we've had lately.
( Captain V, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 15:56, Reply)

it certainly would

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 16:06, Reply)

I would have also liked V to have used the line
cider/inside her
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 15:54, Reply)

Damn
And I won't be there to see it.

:(
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 15:50, Reply)

I tried,
But my ego's too big for my Gnome-Rescue Hat.
Sorry.
( Cawl, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 15:36, Reply)

I snogged, dropped and almost broke a real midget IRL.

( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 15:36, Reply)

Finally
Somebody that appreciates the distinction between me and midgets!
( Captain V, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 15:39, Reply)

yeah,
another midget can tell you apart. Great.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 15:41, Reply)

Oi! That's hightist innit!
I'll have you know I can reach the dizzying height of 5'2" after a visit to my chiropractor.
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 15:45, Reply)

I couldn't remember who the 3rd party was
harry potter was the obvious choice though
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 15:35, Reply)

it wasn't a real gnome though.
Not like V.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 15:37, Reply)

Can I misinterpret your question to boast online about the size of my penis?

(PsychoChomp, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 15:29, Reply)

of course you can
take the podium
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 15:30, Reply)

I'll throw the question out to the floor.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 15:43, Reply)

How can you
You're a girl.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 15:34, Reply)

I have a big head but don't know how big.
This is why you will never see me wearing a hat.
( girlinthehole, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 15:31, Reply)

Ha ha
I will now call you Biggy McBighead!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 15:32, Reply)

Pfft!
I've been called worse.
( girlinthehole, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 15:36, Reply)

I suppose you have
I know I have.

I've still got to get my head measured for a hat, so I'll know just how big it is then I suppose.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 15:38, Reply)

I think I've got a big head, but I suit hats.
Or so I'm told.

This hat was awesome. I'm a sucker for cheap things, it was only a pound.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 15:40, Reply)

You look like Eliza Doolittle : )

( girlinthehole, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 15:43, Reply)

Awww, thanks, if that's a compliment!
I'm wearing a hat at the moment because my hair's shit.

I also wore a purple trilby to my Oxford interviews.

I just bought this from ASOS. I'm not Lady Gaga. Promise. I just like bows and veils.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 15:45, Reply)

That's different...
Also, if you were the Gaga that'd be ok, she's strangely attractive. And almost certainly not a hermaphrodite...
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 17:43, Reply)

A pound eh?
Think you got ripped off.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 15:43, Reply)

*pounds al*
*rips him off*
( Captain V, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 15:44, Reply)

I have lots of items of clothing that are a pound.
Including a beautiful dress.

I got told I had a jew-face t'other day.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 15:46, Reply)

I was only kidding
it's quite a nice hat. I don't really know if you have a jew-face or not.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 15:49, Reply)

There's no such thing as a "jew face"
they can all shape shift.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 15:51, Reply)

People keep assuming I'm Jewish.
It's quite odd.

Once someone called me a "fucking Yid" and I responded by accusing them of racism rather than kicking them to the ground for thinking I supported Spurs.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 16:00, Reply)

Faygeleh

( thealternativefact, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 16:04, Reply)

Have you had a stroke?
What is it you're trying to say?

*readies phone for emergency call*
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 16:05, Reply)

Denial.
Saddest of all the defences.
( thealternativefact, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 16:07, Reply)

Haha

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 16:23, Reply)

The "jew-face" comment was in quite a nice way. Well, not malicious.
My friend told me I looked like Amy Winehouse (I wasn't wearing too much eyeliner, I don;t have tit-tattoos, I wasn't on crack, I'm not a skeleton). My Ex jokingly commented "Yeah, it's the hair, isn't it?" (I have short brown hair). Friend shook his head, said "Nah, she's got a jew-face."

:D

Being called a fucking yid isn't nice though :(
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 16:06, Reply)

In a football way.
Apparently this makes it less bad.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 16:14, Reply)

What have Jews got to do with football?
(now THAT sounds like a badtaste joke.)
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 16:14, Reply)

Both are useless if you fill 'em with Zyklon B?

( Cawl, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 16:19, Reply)

This is very amusing.

( thealternativefact, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 16:22, Reply)

You would say that,
RACIST!
( Cawl, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 16:23, Reply)

Fuck off Two-Midgets.

( thealternativefact, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 16:24, Reply)

I'm told it's a Tottenham thing.
You'd be better off asking Clendrix, she has the racist credentials Spurs fixation.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 16:19, Reply)

I am racist, jewish and proud.
( thealternativefact, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 16:21, Reply)

i know you were :)
I don't know if I have a jew-face either, but my liking for £1 dresses points to it.

(paternal grandfather. So I'm not one by birth, but it's lurking in the family tree...)
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 15:57, Reply)

I know a chap
who had such a large head as a baby that his family were genuinely worried.

He showed me a picture and looked like the fuckin Mekon!!!
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 15:45, Reply)

His poor mother...
o_O
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 15:47, Reply)

*winces*
My mate's kid was ten and a half pounds when he eventually decided to leave the confines of her womb. His head was bigger than mine.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 15:47, Reply)

I was 9 lbs 10 I think
apparently the largest baby that high wycombe hospital had seen or somesuch nonsense.

interestingly I didn't become fat until I was about 12 or 13
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 15:48, Reply)

You weren't born of woman-kind.
You crawled from the fires in the center of the earth after God cast you down.
( Cawl, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 15:50, Reply)

If this is referring to me...
I'll kill you.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 16:46, Reply)

:0)
Mekon!
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 16:54, Reply)