Today, I smell like battery acid
What do you smell like?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 13:08, 71 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I smell of shower gel and autism and internet lies.
What's not to love?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 24 Sep 2009, 13:10, Reply)

That depends on the shower gel
I'm guessing you're something of a Dove user?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 13:12, Reply)

Nope
it's some manly smelling Addidas thing that was cheap in Asda.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 24 Sep 2009, 13:14, Reply)

But your skin is so lovely and soft
do you use mild green fairy liquid on your moobs?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 13:15, Reply)

No
Just a pumice stone and unicorn tears.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 24 Sep 2009, 13:18, Reply)

Where do you get your unicorns?

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 13:24, Reply)

Halfords

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 24 Sep 2009, 13:25, Reply)

Pffft
and if you get an in-corn CD player there, will they fit it for free?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 13:26, Reply)

Don't be silly
Unicorns are posessed with hooves rather than opposable thumbs and are therefore likely to make a complete bodge of fitting any electrical appliances.

Plus their horns would have a tendency to smash through the windscreen if they even attempt the fitting anyway.

And they can't get overalls to fit either. So your comment above is meaningless. MEANINGLESS, I TELL YOU!
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 24 Sep 2009, 13:32, Reply)

You've got the wrong end of the stick
I was asking whether the Halfords employees would fit a CD player to your unicorn.

Have some more porridge oats, granddad.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 13:33, Reply)

Oh
I thought you'd just spelt unicorn wrong...
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 24 Sep 2009, 13:37, Reply)

I NEVER spell ANYTHING wrong
I am the God of all spelling
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 13:42, Reply)

Sainsburys basic cheese puffs
mint, and teatree
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 13:14, Reply)

Ha Ha
vipros smells like a puff.

*points*
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 24 Sep 2009, 13:15, Reply)

Worse still, it's a cheese puff
he's some kind of homosexual Brie
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 13:16, Reply)

bloody northerners
I knew I should have said wotsit. but then you would've called me a penis
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 13:20, Reply)

No I wouldn't
I'd have said that you were the dangly bits on a chicken, just like they did on the old 'long wotsits' advert
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 13:22, Reply)

Desperation.
I reek of it.
( girlinthehole, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 13:15, Reply)

That's what turns me on the most about you

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 13:16, Reply)

You're weird.
But lovely.
( girlinthehole, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 13:19, Reply)

That's what friends are for
*Jungle Books*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 13:23, Reply)

I smell of:
Original Source Mint shower gel covering a faint whiff of stale semen and self-hatred.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 13:32, Reply)

A bit like me then.
Minus the semen.
( girlinthehole, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 13:33, Reply)

Minus the semen?
I question that ;)
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 13:39, Reply)

I haven't been near any semen for months now : (
Unless you count that tramp that brushed past me the other day.
( girlinthehole, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 13:45, Reply)

Want me to send you some?

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 13:49, Reply)

I'm tempted.

( girlinthehole, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 13:54, Reply)

I'll just come in this envelope
*huunnnnggh*

What's your address?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 13:54, Reply)

No thanks.
I shall hold on to the modicum of self-respect I have now until some other guy comes along to rid me of it.
( girlinthehole, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 13:57, Reply)

Awww...
You can have my one and only online hug for that

*hug*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 13:58, Reply)

Aww, self respect, the last defence of monkeysex's potential victim.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 14:15, Reply)

Sexiest answer so far^
I love the way the mint shower gel makes your balls tingle when I'm licking them
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 13:34, Reply)

They always tingle when you're around
Like Spiderman anticipating a brutal prison rape.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 13:37, Reply)

Haha!

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 13:44, Reply)

how many of us have used mint source shower gel this morning?
seems like a few
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 13:44, Reply)

Not me, I used Imperial Leather For Men
but I do love the old tingly balls
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 13:44, Reply)

I always do
And their shaving gel as well. Leaves me with a tingly head on a crisp autumn morning.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 13:55, Reply)

I've used the shaving gel before
it's good stuff.

I always use the shower gel too. nothing else hits the spot.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 14:00, Reply)

Lovely, lovely, lovely opiats.
nyomy nyom nyom, tastiez.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 13:35, Reply)

This evening I will smell of essential oils.
And if my massuese informs me in her softly spoken tones whilst laying her hands on my head she could tell I need healing this week then I will punch her on the nose.
( girlinthehole, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 13:39, Reply)

I'm imagining a scene from Tushy Massage now

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 13:40, Reply)

I'm imagining hot lesbian sensual massage
with BGB and a petite brunette masseur fisting each other vigorously
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 13:43, Reply)

petite chunky
( girlinthehole, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 13:46, Reply)

You've ruined it now
could you change 'chunky' to 'womanly' for me please?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 13:48, Reply)

I'm happy with chunky

(Bazongaloid, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 13:49, Reply)

That's no way to speak about Mrs Al!

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 13:51, Reply)

now that's good comedy

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 13:53, Reply)

good awful

If there's an obvious joke, expect that I'll always be the one to get in there first
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 13:55, Reply)

Are you saying my fiancee is funny?

(Bazongaloid, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 13:55, Reply)

are you saying she's not?
not sure she'd be pleased to hear that
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 13:59, Reply)

Officelols.

( girlinthehole, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 13:54, Reply)

you're back on my naughty list now
you were so close to being forgiven there, but you just threw it all away.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 14:02, Reply)

I'll worm my way back into your affections.
I always do : )
( girlinthehole, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 14:37, Reply)

Will I ever be coming off your naughty list?
Am I even on it?

Or am I on the 'meh' list?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 14:56, Reply)

I'm zestfully clean

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 13:42, Reply)

Do you wash yourself with Cif?

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 13:44, Reply)

naw, I don't like the way it smells

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 13:46, Reply)

Then how do you get so zestful?
Do you wash yourself with limes?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 13:48, Reply)

I wish I could wash with limes....I LOVE LIME
www.youtube.com/watch?v=s5iqpb6L7pY&feature=player_embedded
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 13:54, Reply)

Oh now I get it
I've never heard of the stuff
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 13:55, Reply)

I don't actually do that, by the way
and it's only today that I'm zestfully clean, tomorrow will probably be Moroccan Exotic Oil Infusions by Caress
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 13:59, Reply)

You're such a girl

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 13:59, Reply)

I actually enjoy using men's body wash
it smells AWESOME
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 14:01, Reply)

Sweat. Lots of it. All over.
My son won't help me shower due to the hobnob wrapper incident (see above).
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 24 Sep 2009, 14:01, Reply)

Wait a sec, WHAT?
Your SON help you shower?

=/
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 14:25, Reply)

Why else would you have children?
Other than to have somebody with you in the shower, picking out your dangleberries with their teeth
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 15:00, Reply)

decore shampoo and conditioner and The Body Shop's strawberry body butter.
need to buy more body butter soon - almost out!
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 24 Sep 2009, 14:11, Reply)

Oh Noes!
I prefer the satsuma one myself, but the problem with body butter in general is that if you stick it on before you go out you end up being all sweaty. You can only really use it before you go to bed.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 14:13, Reply)

why not be a man and use real butter?
fucking pansy
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 14:23, Reply)

Why use butter?
Bacon fat is much better.
(stimpy, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 14:43, Reply)

Today, I am mostly smelling of green tea and disinfectant
Damned hypochondriac manager squirting antibacterial gel at everything.
(stimpy, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 14:44, Reply)