I actually almost pissed myself this morning
because as I got into town, two old ladies were shouting at each other at the bus stop and started hitting each other pretty viciously with their umbrellas. Still shouting, one biddy put her brolly up and used it as a shield and started poking the other old dear in the chest. Then the bus turned up and off they went.

Other than football, how the hell are you?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 11 Feb 2010, 9:25, 68 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Was there blood?
And gore?
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Thu 11 Feb 2010, 9:26, Reply)

There was Tena and Parma Violets.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 11 Feb 2010, 9:35, Reply)

ahah! that's hilarious
I'm fine ta lovely.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 11 Feb 2010, 9:31, Reply)

You're never too old to be a beeeatch.
I'm losing my holiday happiness. I need MOAR FUN.
( girlinthehole, Thu 11 Feb 2010, 9:32, Reply)

How was the holiday?
And what was the waiter/barman/cab driver count?
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Thu 11 Feb 2010, 9:34, Reply)

For the last time.
I DO NOT LIKE MEDITERRANEAN MEN.
( girlinthehole, Thu 11 Feb 2010, 9:36, Reply)

Me thinks she doth protest too much

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 11 Feb 2010, 9:39, Reply)

It's true.
I don't even fancy Antonio Banderas.
( girlinthehole, Thu 11 Feb 2010, 9:51, Reply)

See my answer above
Anyway, you do seem a bit ratty this morning. What would cheer you up?
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 11 Feb 2010, 9:57, Reply)

A non Mediterranean waiter/barman/cab driver.

(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Thu 11 Feb 2010, 9:59, Reply)

I did some mini cabbing many years ago.
Will that do?
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 11 Feb 2010, 10:00, Reply)

I'm surprised you need to ask.

( girlinthehole, Thu 11 Feb 2010, 9:59, Reply)

British cock?
American cock?

Or similar?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 11 Feb 2010, 10:00, Reply)

British.
American cock leaves a bitter taste.
( girlinthehole, Thu 11 Feb 2010, 10:03, Reply)

Damn Americans
They really should learn to clean out the gunk from below their foreskins!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 11 Feb 2010, 10:06, Reply)

They don't have them
As a rule they practice male genital mutilation.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 11 Feb 2010, 10:28, Reply)

Post holidays blues
Or do you have the painters in?
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 11 Feb 2010, 10:01, Reply)

Guys, guys, guys, you're doing it all wrong.
*tickles bgb under the chin*
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 11 Feb 2010, 10:05, Reply)

*giggles*
( girlinthehole, Thu 11 Feb 2010, 10:06, Reply)

MORNIN!
I'm so late for work.
My oh my, slept like a coma patient. I had trippy drreams indicating that life was going on around me.
Then I dreamt that ghosts in the bathroom were harmonising with me when I sang. They like Paul Simon and Patsy Cline.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 11 Feb 2010, 9:43, Reply)

Bloody ghosts
Coming over here, impersonating our backing singers.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 11 Feb 2010, 9:45, Reply)

They were nice ghosts

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 11 Feb 2010, 9:57, Reply)

Get the exorcist in
Ask him to bring a crucifix with him.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 11 Feb 2010, 9:46, Reply)

There's already a photo of JP2, what more do I need?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 11 Feb 2010, 9:57, Reply)

That took a moment
JP2 = the last pope.

Can you levitate off the bed, without a hoist?
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 11 Feb 2010, 10:03, Reply)

I need to change my sig, but til then...
"I'd prefer it WITH one!" *wink*
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 11 Feb 2010, 10:05, Reply)

haha!
Naughty girl.
( girlinthehole, Thu 11 Feb 2010, 10:08, Reply)

Haha you shut up
You dirty cow.
You find mediterranean men attractive.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 11 Feb 2010, 10:10, Reply)

Were your dreams "stilton powered"?
or just ordinary cheese ones?
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 11 Feb 2010, 9:48, Reply)

No cheese
Half a bottle of fizzy wine and too much onanism probably.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 11 Feb 2010, 9:59, Reply)

i've never noticed any correlation
between wanking and vivid dreams. Although I've never studied it, to be fair.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 11 Feb 2010, 10:02, Reply)

I think it is something to do with flooding the body with endorfeens or something
sorry for splelling.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 11 Feb 2010, 10:05, Reply)

I was going to say endorphins too

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 11 Feb 2010, 10:06, Reply)

But is that not more likely
to make you sleep more soundly? I know that every time I shoot my load, whether it be manually stimulated or into a suitable female orifice, I feel really sleepy.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 11 Feb 2010, 10:08, Reply)

Yeah I do, I go comatose
But in the times where I'm not in deep sleep, like when I'm trying to come round in the morning, they're well trippy.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 11 Feb 2010, 10:09, Reply)

this must be why
the guy at the next desk keeps falling asleep after a bathroom visit
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Thu 11 Feb 2010, 10:45, Reply)

This has nothing to do with dolphins
they serve another porpoise.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 11 Feb 2010, 10:12, Reply)

I seal what you did there

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 11 Feb 2010, 10:13, Reply)

Bet you had
a whale of a time, eh?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 11 Feb 2010, 10:14, Reply)

Nar...whal

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 11 Feb 2010, 10:18, Reply)

Cant beat a brolly fight
first thing in the morning.

Well, unless you're having a shag first thing in the morning. Not that I did.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 11 Feb 2010, 9:51, Reply)

With a brolly?

( girlinthehole, Thu 11 Feb 2010, 9:51, Reply)

Well, certainly not with a brolly
Not this morning anyway.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 11 Feb 2010, 9:52, Reply)

My friend insists that the things
a gentleman can use a brolly for is to hail a black cab or bash a street urchin
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 11 Feb 2010, 9:53, Reply)

Bashing street urchins?
What a fine idea. Would one be allowed to use the pointy bit on the end?

*goes off to hone pointy bit to atomically sharp tip*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 11 Feb 2010, 9:55, Reply)

I bet your friend tuts when people put sugar in tea.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 11 Feb 2010, 9:55, Reply)

My mother
long before she was my mother (i.e. before I was born, not because she suddenly became my mother in any other way), was away on holiday with her pal somewhere in England.

The landlady of the B&B they were in thought she'd welcome her Scottish guests by making them porridge for their breakfast. My mum and her friend were delighted by this until they tasted it. Because there was sugar in it. And Scots traditionally eat porridge with salt, not sugar.

The landlady was most bemused!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 11 Feb 2010, 9:59, Reply)

I bet your friend has a large collection of world cinema but doesn't actually secretly prefers die hard.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 11 Feb 2010, 9:56, Reply)

He's pretty normal in most ways,

but he does like a touck of tweed, brogues and brolly's. He is always immaculatly turned out, I look like a tramp when we go to the pub together.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 11 Feb 2010, 10:04, Reply)

Is your friend Prince Charles?

(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Thu 11 Feb 2010, 10:07, Reply)

Good Lord.
Now I like to dress well, if possible, but this guy takes the biscuit.
Seriously, tweed and brogues down the pub? Tell me you live in rural Oxfordshire.
(ConanTroutman thought we would free the vulture, Thu 11 Feb 2010, 10:13, Reply)

West and South West london

Although we were both schooled in Oxford.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 11 Feb 2010, 10:25, Reply)

I bet your friend still measures in chains, and converts things to old money.

(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Thu 11 Feb 2010, 10:00, Reply)

I bet your friend wears tweed and brogues.
Edit - haha! Knew it.
( girlinthehole, Thu 11 Feb 2010, 10:05, Reply)

To be fair I wear brogues

and would wear a tweed jacket if I could afford a decent one, I found one I loved but it was £400
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 11 Feb 2010, 10:14, Reply)

Or almost 381 guineas!

( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 11 Feb 2010, 10:17, Reply)

That's a lot of groats.

(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Thu 11 Feb 2010, 10:20, Reply)

I went out with a guy who wore tweed suits and brogues.
He was a bit strange too.
( girlinthehole, Thu 11 Feb 2010, 10:19, Reply)

If they smoked a pipe,
they were probably a 1950's lesbian.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Thu 11 Feb 2010, 10:32, Reply)

Monty, by any chance?
Sounds like his rakish MO
(The Boy Monders I have ginger bits in my beard., Thu 11 Feb 2010, 10:20, Reply)

I'm pretty good this morning, ta.
It's just after ten and I've got away with doing pretty much bugger all so far.

The brolly fight sounds hilarious...old people when they get worked up are a formidable force, to be sure.
(ConanTroutman thought we would free the vulture, Thu 11 Feb 2010, 10:08, Reply)

Thinking of old people
reminded me of something I was thinking of yesterday. I was sitting in the lab with 15 minutes to kill while an experimental run was underway, and so I was filling in my time constructively - playing solitaire on the computer. I wasn't doing very well, and it occurred to me that my gran used to play the game (with real cards, of course) and win quite frequently.

Then I remembered that she used to cheat. If she got stuck, she'd just lift a stack of cards and turn one over. Must be allowable when you get old!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 11 Feb 2010, 10:12, Reply)

My dad used to kill time playing various forms of solitaire
And he seemed to win quite often. I never until now suspected him of cheating but thinking about it, it is exactly the kind of thing he would do.
(ConanTroutman thought we would free the vulture, Thu 11 Feb 2010, 10:17, Reply)

I used to play a lot of solitaire
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_solitaire_card_games

Get a deck of cards and try some of those. It was a while ago so unfortunately I can't remember which ones are good.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 11 Feb 2010, 10:20, Reply)

Clock is good.
For some reason it seems easier, too.
(ConanTroutman thought we would free the vulture, Thu 11 Feb 2010, 10:25, Reply)

That and the standard one, spider and stack are all ok
but I found a few much more interesting and challenging ones going through that list.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 11 Feb 2010, 10:29, Reply)

Clock is pointless.
The outcome is decided the second the last card is dealt. Given that the cards are dealt in a specified order, that means that the outcome is decided as soon as you stop shuffling the cards.
(ThomsonsPier consumes, Thu 11 Feb 2010, 11:40, Reply)

I'm doing well
Got interesting stuff to do at work, no drinking to excess lately and my team is top of the league.

Ha! Can't censor me!
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 11 Feb 2010, 11:22, Reply)