Cyclists
I just realized an odd thing, I hate cyclists.... nothing odd in this many Clarksonites no doubt feel the same. What is odd is that I own 5 bicycles, cycle pretty much everywhere and would generally be considered a cyclist.

I don't hate myself, it's all the other Lycra-clad twats. It was all triggered by this: road.cc/content/news/15632-london-cyclists-urged-complete-online-survey-risk-taking-behaviour which made me realise that not that interested in helping other cyclists, if they cannot figure out that not riding in front of big lorries is bad for their health then we are better of with them out of the gene pool.

In fact if I may rant I am not interested in more cycle lanes or any of this pro-bike bullshit, I am infavour more cyclists not riding like retards, shutting the fuck up wining (yes, of course you get killed more often, you are not in a metal box, act accordingly) learning how to maintain and ride their bike properly and generally accepting that they are nor special and unique flowers.

anyway, a question is traditional, is it not? so, how do you feel about cyclists?
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 17 Mar 2010, 15:47, 52 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm a fair-weather cyclist
And follow pretty much the same road rules as when I'm driving a car. That means stopping for red lights/zebra crossings, not riding on the pavement, and generally not being a prick.

I hate cyclists that do not follow these rules.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 17 Mar 2010, 15:51, Reply)

I couldn't eat a whole one.

( girlinthehole, Wed 17 Mar 2010, 15:52, Reply)

What if Jeff was riding a bike?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 17 Mar 2010, 15:53, Reply)

Then I'd tell him to leave her alone.
It's me he wants.
( girlinthehole, Wed 17 Mar 2010, 15:56, Reply)

He just doesn't know it yet?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 17 Mar 2010, 16:00, Reply)

For your amusement
www.b3ta.com/questions/tramps/post472049
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 17 Mar 2010, 15:52, Reply)

I want my money back.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 17 Mar 2010, 15:52, Reply)

I wasn't aware there was an entrance fee

I fear a Nigerian hustler has added a payment portal to your B3ta.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 17 Mar 2010, 15:54, Reply)

It's easy to see why drivers get annoyed with cyclists.
Conversely, it's easy to see why cyclists get thoroughly pissed off with the attitudes of a lot of drivers.

Perhaps they should put their differences aside and unite in their universal hatred of their one common enemy: pedestrians.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 17 Mar 2010, 15:56, Reply)

don't get me started on pedestrians
Car drivers can be wankers (for some reason especialy if the car's German) but they tend to know what they are doing and where they are going and not randomly jump in front of you or meander down the middle of the road and them look confused when you nearly run them down.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 17 Mar 2010, 16:00, Reply)

Cyclists are fucking wankers.
Mind you, so are car drivers and pedestrians.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 17 Mar 2010, 15:58, Reply)

Does Monty need a hug?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 17 Mar 2010, 15:59, Reply)

I need a fucking rocket launcher.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 17 Mar 2010, 16:01, Reply)

If you fuck a wanker, does it remain a wanker
or become a fucker?
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 17 Mar 2010, 16:00, Reply)

I'm all for cycling,
but I really don't know what makes them try to undertake a bus as it pulls in to a stop. I don't really want to be going to work either, but I think I'd probably just pull a sickie.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 17 Mar 2010, 15:59, Reply)

I had a cycle last week.
It was a menstrual cycle. Bwahahahahahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahahahahha!
(chb3 Read my lips. See my profile. See me talk., Wed 17 Mar 2010, 16:01, Reply)

omg
your profile is like so NSFW
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 17 Mar 2010, 16:05, Reply)

I told you I was a cunt.
What did you expect? A bowl of fruit?
(chb3 Read my lips. See my profile. See me talk., Wed 17 Mar 2010, 16:10, Reply)

I'd already clicked on this when you posted the subject line on its own.
Now you've spelled it out like a mongol I don't 'like this' any more, and I want my click back please.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 17 Mar 2010, 16:05, Reply)

Sorry I thought you said clit.
No I shall keep it and glue it on my bean.
(chb3 Read my lips. See my profile. See me talk., Wed 17 Mar 2010, 16:12, Reply)

i hate everyone that isn't me
so if i'm walking i hate drivers and cyclists (and other pedestrians)
if i'm driving i FUCKING hate cyclists and motorcyclists, hate other drivers, and am ambivalent to pedestrians unless they act like twats
and i'f i'm cycling I hate everyone, mostly for scaring me, or driving/walking like twats, but also because i HATE cycling and resent having to do it.
( mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Wed 17 Mar 2010, 16:05, Reply)

I really dislike a lot of cyclists
I walk to work and at the beginning of my walk the cyclists are fine, they're in their cycle lane, minding their own business and not offending anyone. However, once I reach the city they turn into absolute fucktards. They run red lights, especially when all the lights are red and the green walking man is flashing, that's when they choose to cycle diagonally across the junction, obliterating pedestrians as they go. That really annoys me, I have to wait ages for the green man to actually start flashing and when he does I still have to make a mad dash across the road because the stupid cyclists decide that the green WALKING man applies to them too.

They're like bullies, cars pick on them because they're weaker, so they pick on the pedestrians because we're weaker still.

I don't mind if they have to ride on the pavement occasionally because the road is particularly narrow or hazardous or whatever, but it's the fact that they still cycle at quite a speed and cut corners really closely, not caring if they plough into a pedestrian on the way, we're all expected to dive out of their way. I wouldn't walk in the road, they shouldn't cycle on the pavement.

However, on the flip side, I want to cycle to work but I'm too fucking scared because cars not only dislike you and ignore you, some of them actively go out of their way to shit you up. If I were to cycle to work, I would be fine for the first 0.8 miles, but then as soon as I reach the city and the cycle paths end, I would have three huge cross roads to try and navigate, with cars trying to mow me down. And at the final crossroads I would need to turn left and then immediately right. I have so far been unable to navigate this without a car trying to kill me by overtaking me on the corner or by completely ignoring the fact that I need to turn right and just going around me anyway. It's because of all the cyclists who run red lights and do whatever the fuck they like that cars behave like this.

So really, cyclists are the reason that everything I love is dead.

EDIT: Mictoboy pretty much covered what I wanted to say, but in like 1/27th of the words. I guess I've got my ranty hat on today.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 17 Mar 2010, 16:07, Reply)

I dislike cyclists who dress up in gay fucking lycra every time they go out
you're going to work, you're not in the tour de fucking france!

those wankers.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 17 Mar 2010, 16:10, Reply)

My old bandmates and I shared a term for such fools: 'expert'
As in 'oh dear, that twat's a right 'expert''.

You see them in the bottom rungs of the music industry all the time: people in shitty pub bands with two grand guitars and a suitcase full of gizmos.

So there you go.

Expert: someone with wholly inappropriately professional gear
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 17 Mar 2010, 16:25, Reply)

I like it
I got some graphite and teflon saddles fitted to my strat the other day, in an effort to not break so many strings.

also, you would've been proud of the freakout we had at our last band practice. I was using my old Ibanez, and got some insane tremolo action going on.

Guitar-based sci-fi B movie sound effects galore
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 17 Mar 2010, 16:27, Reply)

That sounds fantastic.
I used to break strings all the time but I don't do it so much these days - what gauge do you use use? I have 9s, I used to use 8s but occasionally I'd snap them whilst changing the fuckers.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 17 Mar 2010, 16:35, Reply)

I've gone for a hybrid of 9s for the highest 3 and 10s on the lowest 3
for extra beef when playing chords, but still nice and bendy.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 17 Mar 2010, 16:39, Reply)

Interesting (to me, anyway)

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 17 Mar 2010, 16:44, Reply)

my mate has a rickenbacker
that is strung with something like 10-32s (mine is currently 9-46)
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 17 Mar 2010, 16:48, Reply)

I'd just like to assert my masculinity
12s.

(Admittedly, largely inappropriate for anything except blues and jazz, but they do sound bloody good.)
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 17 Mar 2010, 16:44, Reply)

12s are absurd
I play lightly, and quite a lot of solos and riffs with bends in and stuff

even the other guitarist in my band only uses 11s and he may as well be hitting it with a hammer the way he plays....
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 17 Mar 2010, 16:47, Reply)

Well, I am a bassist normally
So I'm used to strings that fight back. This does mean that, with anything lighter than 11s, I end up unintentionally bending the strings trying to fit my spidery hands round the chords.

Also, just running a cheap SG copy through a little Vox amp, I was surprised how much difference it made to the sound when I first moved from 11s to 12s.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 17 Mar 2010, 16:52, Reply)

then that is acceptable
I can appreciate the bending thing, just because of what you are used to.

I've used 9s since I got my first electric guitar many years ago, and have only recently changed to this half and half gauge.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 17 Mar 2010, 16:55, Reply)

I should probably also concede
that the two-part bridge on the SG seems to relieve some of the string tension, making bending a bit easier. If I had a Strat or a Tele then I might be inclined to drop down to 11s.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 17 Mar 2010, 17:07, Reply)

I made the mistake of reading a review of a gibson firebird yesterday
and now, after deciding I want one because of how it looks, I really want one because they are apparently awesome.

I cannot afford another guitar right now, particularly not a £1200 one.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 17 Mar 2010, 17:12, Reply)

Grrrr! TOUGH GUY
Dick Dale issued an apology to his fans for going down a gauge or two because, aged about 70, he couldn't quite manage it any more.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 17 Mar 2010, 16:56, Reply)

I believe even SRV dropped down from 13s to 11s halfway through his (admittedly rather short) career
Though that was less due to his age and more a desire to have some flesh left on his fingertips after a week of gigs.

There's a gloriously grim story about him warming up backstage and realising he'd shredded his fingers to buggery. (Well, if you will reach for whole-tone bends on a Strat fitted with 13s, it's to be expected). 5 minutes 'til showtime, and pulling out "because your fingers hurt" is not a particularly rock n'roll excuse...

...so supposedly he put a dab of superglue on each knackered fingertip and pressed them firmly against his other arm. Hey presto, fresh skin!
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 17 Mar 2010, 17:02, Reply)

aah SRV
what a legend.

it's something about people with 3 initials. RJD, NPH, SRV. All awesome.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 17 Mar 2010, 17:04, Reply)

And JST is showing a lot of promise
_{(Oh dear, I'm becoming obsessed...)}
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 17 Mar 2010, 17:08, Reply)

you've lost me

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 17 Mar 2010, 17:10, Reply)

's only fair, I had to google the other two
This should answer your question. SRV reincarnated in an attractive young woman.

EDIT: Right, I'm off to pub. Have a good evening, y'all.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 17 Mar 2010, 17:15, Reply)

mmmm
very nice
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 17 Mar 2010, 17:21, Reply)

13's!
On my resonator I use 16 - 60's. But then, I am mental.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Wed 17 Mar 2010, 17:35, Reply)

Cyclists and roundabouts seem to be a suicidal combination
they dont seem to understand what to do so just plow on, which results in me coming to a screeching halt. Cunts.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 17 Mar 2010, 16:12, Reply)

recently i was out walking in the evening
on a very narrow pavement, and a cyclist was coming toward me on the pavement. he clearly saw me, and i saw him, yet he didn't get off the (again, very narrow) paveement. there were no cars on the road.

as he came past he clearly intended to make some point and ram me, so i bodychecked him and sent him sprawling to the floor. I then berated him and told him in no uncertain terms to get some lights and sort his act out.

It was a moment of pure bliss for me
( mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Wed 17 Mar 2010, 16:22, Reply)

wow
you're so manly
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 17 Mar 2010, 16:26, Reply)

i bleed molten steel

( mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Wed 17 Mar 2010, 17:47, Reply)

We need more
of this sort of thing!

I shouted* at a cyclist recently who was jumping a red light as I was crossing the road. But it didn't do any good.

*Something along the lines of "Heyyafuckinwankeritsafuckinredlightyacunt!"
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 17 Mar 2010, 16:51, Reply)

I cycle frequently
I don't use all the lycra shit, although I can't deny that the more headwinds I cycle into, the more appealing it becomes. I do stop for lights and while I sometimes ride on the pavement, it's only when I can see there are no pedestrians on it, and the road is particularly dangerous for some reason (today for example - two lines of parked cars without enough room for me to be overtaken).

As for my mindset when I'm cycling - it's generally the phrase "All drivers are cunts. CUNTS." Repeated over and over. It makes me feel better.
( Hdjejjwsjdjjf LOOK, Wed 17 Mar 2010, 16:55, Reply)

well, this is it
All drivers are cunts and you have no protection from them so ride accordingly, do not think yourself to be Lycra-Jesus and then cry when you get splatted.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 17 Mar 2010, 17:02, Reply)

best thing to do to a cyclist
is to through home economics made (cookery) fried rice out of a moving bus window.

funniest thing i saw in all my time on that bus - got him right in the face.
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Wed 17 Mar 2010, 17:21, Reply)

it took me while to parse that sentence

( mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Wed 17 Mar 2010, 17:47, Reply)