Alright there Baldmonkey Club.
Popular B3tan JMG here once more for you to break down in cyber-tears at.
What's going on with the good ship tell-tales?

Inform me of /QOTW advances. I promise I'll try my best not to make fun of any of you.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Thu 22 Apr 2010, 14:30, 60 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

*yawn*
Nothing to see here. Move along.....
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 22 Apr 2010, 14:33, Reply)

So, no advances.
Yet more depression on QOTW.
:(
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Thu 22 Apr 2010, 14:35, Reply)

JMG REPEATS HIMSELF.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 22 Apr 2010, 14:39, Reply)

I do hate it when he does that
Is he being insufferable since the Toon got promoted?
(Bazongaloid, Thu 22 Apr 2010, 14:43, Reply)

I was on the pitch and everything.
You'd have shit yourself out of bitterness.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Thu 22 Apr 2010, 14:45, Reply)

Did you take your shirt off
and wobble your belly at the cameras?
(Bazongaloid, Thu 22 Apr 2010, 14:46, Reply)

The players ran to me.
I'm that important.
You were probably at home huffing and puffing over some kind of internet debate, unaware of the success of the Geordie nation.
You should empty your house of Stotties and never return to Tyneside as a result of this.

:(
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Thu 22 Apr 2010, 14:49, Reply)

I was outside crying, screaming the lords prayer and masturbating over Arsenal's inability to defend.

(Bazongaloid, Thu 22 Apr 2010, 14:54, Reply)

Why the hell would you care about Arsenal?
Ohhhhhhh internet...
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Thu 22 Apr 2010, 14:56, Reply)

Because he's only technically a Geordie.
And has lived in southern climes all of his life, so has adapted their ways. Wears a coat in winter and everything, the shandy drinking puff.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 22 Apr 2010, 14:58, Reply)

Terrible soul selling.
:(
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Thu 22 Apr 2010, 14:59, Reply)

I blame the parents

(Bazongaloid, Thu 22 Apr 2010, 15:00, Reply)

Yes.
Your father sold his sperm to a Brighton based tramp hag. Nine months later, you came along and she had to give you away to a wandering family of cavaliers as she realised that you'd never fit in with her lifestyle because of your oddly beardy face.

The rest, as they say, is history.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 22 Apr 2010, 15:03, Reply)

But what a history

(Bazongaloid, Thu 22 Apr 2010, 15:04, Reply)

Tru Dat.
And I am very much looking forward to October and drinking ale in your company.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 22 Apr 2010, 15:12, Reply)

I have never
never often

drunk shandy.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 22 Apr 2010, 14:59, Reply)

we're not all puffs down south
as I was saying the other day to my girlfriend Gary
( djtrialprice, Thu 22 Apr 2010, 15:12, Reply)

Ah, Gary.
How is the little feller? Not seen him around these parts today.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 22 Apr 2010, 15:14, Reply)

She's fine enough
I'm keeping her busy ;)
( djtrialprice, Thu 22 Apr 2010, 15:15, Reply)

*Nods*

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 22 Apr 2010, 15:19, Reply)

Did you not see those new photos from NASA?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 22 Apr 2010, 14:49, Reply)

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Thu 22 Apr 2010, 14:52, Reply)

Have you got any new "I blame JMG" pics
I haven't been on /talk for a good while.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 22 Apr 2010, 14:54, Reply)

I don't make them these days, other people do.
:(

Blaming JMG again.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Thu 22 Apr 2010, 14:55, Reply)

JMG repeats himself, and is insufferable since we got promotion.
It's enough to make the internet stomp it's fist and cry.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Thu 22 Apr 2010, 14:55, Reply)

You can't see him if you look directly at him.
Try looking out of the corner of your eye.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 22 Apr 2010, 14:36, Reply)

There is a new person who likes to post meaningful song lyrics
but he's gone now, probably ran out of blood.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 22 Apr 2010, 14:38, Reply)

Man, those Ian Dury lyrics spoke to me, they really spoke to me.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 22 Apr 2010, 14:39, Reply)

If Noel were a Premier League footballer, he'd be Jimmy Dullard
Which Premier League footballer would other B3TA posters be?
(Cave Duck, Thu 22 Apr 2010, 14:42, Reply)

I think Cave Duck would be Sol Campbell
because he's a useless cunt.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 22 Apr 2010, 14:44, Reply)

ha ha ha
darth Foxtrot would be Graham Le Saux because he's gay
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 22 Apr 2010, 14:48, Reply)

althegeordie would be Ilie Dumitrescu
Well passed it now and at even at his best, a one trick pony.
(Cave Duck, Thu 22 Apr 2010, 14:50, Reply)

Awwww man, your cutting satire has totally brought me down a peg or two
I'm going to listen to the earthy humour of Ian Dury to cheer myself up.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 22 Apr 2010, 14:53, Reply)

You couldn't think of anything original then?

(Cave Duck, Thu 22 Apr 2010, 14:56, Reply)

No, could you?

(Bazongaloid, Thu 22 Apr 2010, 14:57, Reply)

Davros' Granddad
would be Darren Bent 'cos he can only score in the North East.
( djtrialprice, Thu 22 Apr 2010, 14:57, Reply)

I never scored in the North East
I never scored in the North East
I scored in Cardiff once, in Brighton once or twice, and then Australia.

FUCK YOU DJTRIALPRICE, FUCK YOU RIGHT IN THE ASS
(Bazongaloid, Thu 22 Apr 2010, 14:58, Reply)

To be honest
I'd come up with a Darren Bent joke about only being able to score in the North East (the foulest curse ever to be bestowed upon a mortal) and had to pin it on someone.

OH YOU'D LOVE THAT WOULDN'T YOU, YOU BIG BRIGHTON BASED SHIRTER!
( djtrialprice, Thu 22 Apr 2010, 15:10, Reply)

DG totally scored in the North East
He scored with a hot Lay-Dee. And then married her.

YOU'D LOVE IT EVEN MORE YOU BIG FAKE ENGLISH SKIRT WEARER
(Bazongaloid, Thu 22 Apr 2010, 15:12, Reply)

^
Edited accordingly

THE LAST TIME I WORE MY "SKIRT" AT A WEDDING IN ENGLAND I TOTALLY SCORED WITH A HOT SCOTTISH GIRL
( djtrialprice, Thu 22 Apr 2010, 15:14, Reply)

Now my reply looks really silly

(Bazongaloid, Thu 22 Apr 2010, 15:14, Reply)

I'll Edit it.

(Bazongaloid, Thu 22 Apr 2010, 15:15, Reply)

So will I

( djtrialprice, Thu 22 Apr 2010, 15:18, Reply)

This is true.
I have scored with several hot laydees in the North East prior to that. One of whom married me, decided she couldn't cope with my all- round awesomeness and buggered off. Then promply gave herself brain cancer when she realised the horrible mistake she had made and decided she couldn't live without me. that last bit may not be strictly true
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 22 Apr 2010, 15:16, Reply)

It would be cooler if it were true
That would be the worst super power ever though.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 22 Apr 2010, 15:21, Reply)

The Sun
tells me that Sol Campbell is the second fastest player in the Premiership.

Relevance to thread = 0
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Thu 22 Apr 2010, 15:00, Reply)

Is that speed at which he can deflect a perfect cross nowhere near the opponents goal?

(Bazongaloid, Thu 22 Apr 2010, 15:02, Reply)

Possibly
the speed in which he travels from the Emirates stadium to a homosexual club in Soho on a Saturday night..
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Thu 22 Apr 2010, 15:04, Reply)

I imagine he is pretty fast at that.
This just reinforces my comparison with Cave Duck.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 22 Apr 2010, 15:07, Reply)

Listen, chin up fella, it's not so bad, at the end of the day, you've got people who love you, think of them if you won't think of yourself.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 22 Apr 2010, 14:53, Reply)

You couldn't think.

(Cave Duck, Thu 22 Apr 2010, 14:57, Reply)

Awww bless, you're like a little troll
who isn't very good at trolling. I'm not sure if you're actually trying to be a troll, or if you're just a very dull person who doesn't get this website.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 22 Apr 2010, 14:59, Reply)

It's good to have 5 min break
And find this.

Officelol
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 22 Apr 2010, 15:02, Reply)

The queen likes officelols too.

(Bazongaloid, Thu 22 Apr 2010, 15:04, Reply)

I'm not sure
She doesn't look like they type of person who laughs.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 22 Apr 2010, 15:47, Reply)

She actually says the word "Lol"
THAT'S how much of a cunt she is.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 22 Apr 2010, 15:52, Reply)

And phillip says "I'm LoLling like a coon"
'cause he's such a racist.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 22 Apr 2010, 15:52, Reply)

You see?
I would have never known that if you hadn't told me. Thank you. I'm learning so much here.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 22 Apr 2010, 15:57, Reply)

that wouldn't surprise me one bit

(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Thu 22 Apr 2010, 16:02, Reply)

I think this could be your best ever post.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 22 Apr 2010, 17:19, Reply)