Itching for revenge.
This made me laugh lots.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 13 May 2010, 12:50, 64 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

When she found out her husband had been carrying on
my aunty Mary put itching powder in his boxies.
My mum and dad saw him in a pub and he was standing at the bar twitching about.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 13 May 2010, 12:53, Reply)

I think it's disgusting
I hope it's a joke.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 13 May 2010, 12:53, Reply)

I'm glad I've never been in a relationship with someone quite that mental.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 13 May 2010, 12:54, Reply)

You're still young.

( girlinthehole, Thu 13 May 2010, 12:58, Reply)

On a serious note,
I'd consider doing somebody for assault if they did that to me.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 13 May 2010, 12:54, Reply)

Me too
I hope they get closed down soon.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 13 May 2010, 12:55, Reply)

I think you could actually do someone for assault
That dude who was HIV positive and slept with lots of women got done for GBH or something didn't he?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 13 May 2010, 12:56, Reply)

We've had a case here that involved that
Shocking.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 13 May 2010, 12:57, Reply)

Just debated this with a colleague
Would crabs, in this respect, be considered a weapon?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 13 May 2010, 12:56, Reply)

Biological warfare

( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 13 May 2010, 12:56, Reply)

Hahah
Exactly
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 13 May 2010, 12:57, Reply)

I think it's analogous to setting your dog on someone
Maybe?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 13 May 2010, 12:58, Reply)

Well...
if knowingly giving someone HIV (a very small virus) is an offence, and setting your dog on them is also a crime, then giving someone crabs, which are of intermediate size, should also be punishable under law.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 13 May 2010, 13:00, Reply)

Oh yes, I completely agree, it's a crime
Just wondering under what category (GBH, ABH etc)
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 13 May 2010, 13:02, Reply)

ma-lice aforethought.
Sorry.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Thu 13 May 2010, 13:04, Reply)

Malice?
Who the fuck is malice?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 13 May 2010, 13:05, Reply)

I meant to say malice aforeskin.

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Thu 13 May 2010, 13:06, Reply)

Ah, I get it
Sorry. My abysmal attempt at song-based humour now seems totally irrelevant.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 13 May 2010, 13:08, Reply)

but what was that whooshing sound I heard?
Is there a song/group called Malice?
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Thu 13 May 2010, 13:10, Reply)

Living next door to Alice

( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 13 May 2010, 13:11, Reply)

Kerlunk.
Time for my nap.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Thu 13 May 2010, 13:12, Reply)

the size is irrelevent. It's the intent to harm.

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Thu 13 May 2010, 13:02, Reply)

Yeah
Or just walloping someone with your fist.
Crabs is/are an ailment. If deliberately inflicted, surely that's assault.
*stops having an affair just in case*
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 13 May 2010, 13:02, Reply)

Probably best you do that
Although Jesus is a meek man, I've heard his Dad's got a mean streak a mile wide.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 13 May 2010, 13:03, Reply)

Oh that's ok
It's his dad I was having a ding-dong with.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 13 May 2010, 13:04, Reply)

FILTH

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 13 May 2010, 13:06, Reply)

My ex's mum once asked me in all seriousness
if my mum was 'having a ding-dong' with someone.
I like the fact that a ding-dong can be either a fight OR a carry-on.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 13 May 2010, 13:09, Reply)

But of course
he is actually his own dad, according to the story.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 13 May 2010, 13:04, Reply)

Nah
One has grey hair and a bigger beard.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 13 May 2010, 13:11, Reply)

If you're omnipotent though
you can be two (or three if you count the holy ghost) people at the same time. God is maybe taking advantage of quantum mechanics.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 13 May 2010, 13:13, Reply)

And it also means he's onto me...

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 13 May 2010, 13:14, Reply)

Wouldn't worry about it
He'll forgive you. And its better that he's omnipotent than impotent.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 13 May 2010, 13:16, Reply)

Praise the Lord

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 13 May 2010, 13:16, Reply)

- and pass the lubrication.

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Thu 13 May 2010, 13:22, Reply)

*anoints*

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 13 May 2010, 13:26, Reply)

*genuflects*

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Thu 13 May 2010, 17:06, Reply)

beard

...
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 13 May 2010, 13:21, Reply)

Staff
I had a staff when I was St Jude. I used it to smite people.
Now I use it to open the kitchen window.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 13 May 2010, 13:25, Reply)

if it's your ex, how do you intend to get them to them?
I don't think they've thought this through very well
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 13 May 2010, 13:08, Reply)

I think the plan is to put them in first
And then break up, with no sex in the middle.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 13 May 2010, 13:09, Reply)

Imagine if they wanted break up sex
"Get the fuck away I just gave you crabs!
I mean..." :S
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 13 May 2010, 13:10, Reply)

how'd you even get them in there without suspicion?
then you'd have to wash all your sheets, etc

seems like way too much trouble to even bother
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 13 May 2010, 13:13, Reply)

Never having had crabs
I don't know much about them. Can they still survive if the pubic area is shaved? If not then the revenge method won't even work if one's ex has a depilated fanny.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 13 May 2010, 13:25, Reply)

I read that as delapidated fanny.

( girlinthehole, Thu 13 May 2010, 13:27, Reply)

this

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 13 May 2010, 13:28, Reply)

I'm saying nowt.

( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 13 May 2010, 13:36, Reply)

I've never either so I can't answer your question....however
tinyurl.com/2wmvazt
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 13 May 2010, 13:29, Reply)

Oh, that's clever!
*likes*

Yes I know it's probably been around for ages but that's the first time I've seen it
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 13 May 2010, 13:46, Reply)

Seeing as that's probably a biological attack,
I'd assume some fairly nasty things could happen to you via our delightful new anti-terror laws.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 13 May 2010, 13:11, Reply)

Orange boilersuit before you could say "Brook Advisory Service"

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 13 May 2010, 13:11, Reply)

I think the best form of revenge is to forget about them and be happy : )
After a short period of daydreaming about how you're going to ruin their life for making you feel like shit.
( girlinthehole, Thu 13 May 2010, 13:11, Reply)

Best way to ruin their lives is to be obviously, obliviously happy yourself.

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Thu 13 May 2010, 13:14, Reply)

this
I hate everyone that's happy
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 13 May 2010, 13:16, Reply)

Ah though but,
Infect yourself and pass it on, denying all knowledge of deliberateness? Blame rebound sex?
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 13 May 2010, 13:13, Reply)

Why would you give yourself crabs?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 13 May 2010, 13:15, Reply)

I was going to ask you the same question

(Bazongaloid, Thu 13 May 2010, 13:33, Reply)

Ah yes, but I didn't do it on purpose

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 13 May 2010, 13:34, Reply)

so you can give them to someone else duh

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 13 May 2010, 13:33, Reply)

If you're desperate to pretend you're not a virgin.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 13 May 2010, 13:34, Reply)

a tactic you've employed before?

(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Thu 13 May 2010, 13:38, Reply)

I'm going to get some of those and infect myself so my mates think that I've managed to get some nookie recently.
Knowing my luck though, the day after I infect myself, I'll meet the girl of my dreams.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 13 May 2010, 13:38, Reply)

Haha!

( girlinthehole, Thu 13 May 2010, 13:39, Reply)

There's another flaw in your plans, Gonz
You're going to have to let your mates examine your genitalia at close quarters before they realise. Unless you just go around scratching your crotch, of course. In which case you could just pretend to have crabs, and circumvent all of the problems associated with actually having them.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 13 May 2010, 13:45, Reply)

Wouldn't that be mint revenge!
Scratch and howk at the crotch and tell your victim you have something horrid.
Then they will get the tests done for no good reason!
Money saved and the dish served cold. Magic!
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 13 May 2010, 14:12, Reply)