So it's the end of the world as we know it
Which five people (2 b3tan, 2 non b3tan, 1 sleb) do you choose to spend your time with before the apocalypse?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 19 May 2010, 11:03, 88 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Tourettes and Davros.
And Jeff Bridges.

Don't want anyone else.
( girlinthehole, Wed 19 May 2010, 11:05, Reply)

Hmm...
Kaol: So I could laugh as he tells me how he's totally going to survive this.
MM: So I could gaze upon her beauty one last time before we all died.
My missus: One last shag, and then one last argument as she catches me looking at MM, and fails to listen to my comments that gazing at MM is like looking at fine art, rather than a porn mag.
My mate James: To see our bromance out to the end.
The cunt who broke into my car: So I can pummel the shit out of him before I die.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 19 May 2010, 11:08, Reply)

this on the MM front sir
dunno really, going on my life over the last few years it would be spent with Palmella and her five lovely daughters
(Halfy By light alone, Wed 19 May 2010, 11:11, Reply)

Damn, Becky changed the rules
Ok, cross out my mate James (sorry dude), and replace him with Trent Reznor, so I can go all fanboy mental and thank him lots. It won't matter that it'll weird him out, we'll all be dead in a minute.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 19 May 2010, 11:14, Reply)

I don't handle large groups very well
I'll just phone everyone then go to bed
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 19 May 2010, 11:08, Reply)

This is a more complicated question than it at first appears
Because I feel the various choices might affect one another. You see, my obvious first choice for my sleb would be someone like Geike Arnaert or Joanne Shaw Taylor who I'd like to "spend my time" with, but then my non-b3tan choices might be good friends or indeed my family, and their presence might make things a bit awkward.

Or I could just not choose people I'd like to bone.

Perhaps I'm thinking too much about this...sod it,
Monty and my father in order that we can discuss the relative merits of Quintessence and Hawkwind's early work, Brian Wilson's work with the Beach Boys and so on and so forth.
My housemate to share a few final pints of ale
I suspect Lampito might be able to provide a good eulogy for the end of existence in Latin to make it sound profound (though it will probably translate to "you've a face like a donkey's fanny.")
And David Attenborough. I've heard he's a nice bloke.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 19 May 2010, 11:11, Reply)

Or you could choose
2 b3tans and 2 non-b3tans who you'd also like to bone and spend a fifth of your time with each.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 19 May 2010, 11:14, Reply)

I had the same trouble
naturally I'd want to spend my time with Mrs V, but if the choice is there, I'd also quite like to be boning this lass www.imagendelaverdad.laespadadelaverdad.com/data/media/29/bridget_regan_08.jpg

now, my mrs would be into that, but I'm not sure I'd want friends around at the same time.

b3tans would be slightly easier I guess, as Roota has already expressed desire to get it on with my mrs, so that's an obvious choice
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 19 May 2010, 11:15, Reply)

Ooo she's hot!
Bridget I mean, not Roota.

I've never met or seen Roota, she might be hot, I don't know, it doesn't really matter to me. For her sake I'll say that she's lovely. There, is that enough? Happy now?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 19 May 2010, 11:17, Reply)

Meh
She's alright I suppose.
( djtrialprice, Wed 19 May 2010, 11:18, Reply)

I am hotter than the sun

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 19 May 2010, 11:19, Reply)

Just not quite as bright, eh?

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 19 May 2010, 11:20, Reply)

haha

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 19 May 2010, 11:21, Reply)

My mistake she was more flaky than a leper colony
we're quoting The Bloodhound Gang right?
( djtrialprice, Wed 19 May 2010, 11:21, Reply)

does she have more chins than a chinese phone book?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 19 May 2010, 11:22, Reply)

You're goddamn right we are!

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 19 May 2010, 11:22, Reply)

This ditsy thing is an act
I'm actually a genius
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 19 May 2010, 11:21, Reply)

yeah Bridget is hot
she makes a dreadful tv series well worth watching. It's cleavage-tastic

actually, it has a load of tasty women in it. Several of them mostly wear skintight leather.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 19 May 2010, 11:19, Reply)

What is this show?
Call it my need to know.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 19 May 2010, 11:21, Reply)

Legend of the Seeker
it's mildly dreadful swords and sorcery type stuff, but they really know how to do casting :-)
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 19 May 2010, 11:22, Reply)

I shall find this
And watch it alone.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 19 May 2010, 11:23, Reply)

Right, so to make it easier then (as I can't be in two places at once)
You and djtp can be my b3tans, your missus and Tigger can be my non-b3tans, and Paul O'Grady can be my celeb. I reckon we'll get on.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 19 May 2010, 11:18, Reply)

that's sensible
I can choose another b3tan and two non-b3tans as well

this will be quite the party.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 19 May 2010, 11:20, Reply)

Don't let me near the weed
I'll just fall asleep with my eyes open and your missus won't get the best seeing to of her life
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 19 May 2010, 11:22, Reply)

vultus habes qualem diffissus in aestu meientis mulae cunnus habere solet
;)
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 19 May 2010, 11:19, Reply)

I have no idea what that means
But I can hazard a guess at "mulae cunnus habere".
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 19 May 2010, 11:22, Reply)

You have a face like the cunt of a mule on heat is accustomed to have, while she pisses

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 19 May 2010, 11:24, Reply)

It works better with the original line, which is "your open mouth gapes like..."
YES I JUST PLAGARISED CATULLUS. SUCK IT UP.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 19 May 2010, 11:25, Reply)

*Sucks it up*
Ewww.
*screws up face*
*face resembles micturating mule-on-heat's vagina*
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 19 May 2010, 11:30, Reply)

This, kids, is what a BA in Classics entails:
www.vroma.org/~hwalker/VRomaCatullus/097x.html

Fuck yeah.

te mentior; vultus habes qualem cornix
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 19 May 2010, 11:34, Reply)

Now this is the sort of poetry I could enjoy...

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 19 May 2010, 11:38, Reply)

The poem in my exam, I kid you not, can be summarised by:
"Look mate. I know you're fucking someone. You're tarted up and we can fucking hear your bed shaking all night. She's blatantly an ugly one if you're not telling us about her, so spill the beans and I'll take the piss by writing poems about you two and giving them to everyone"
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 19 May 2010, 11:40, Reply)

And to think people say stuff in Latin to look profound...

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 19 May 2010, 11:47, Reply)

I don't think I've ever written anything profound in latin.
My favourite profound thing in Latin is a mosaic, so says a lot while saying nothing.

Trying to decide if I want it as a tattoo.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 19 May 2010, 11:49, Reply)

I think you should
a tattoo of a mosaic would look cool
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 19 May 2010, 11:58, Reply)

It's a brilliant image
The way I see it is "We're going to die, let's get drunk and be happy"
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 19 May 2010, 11:59, Reply)

got a pic of it?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 19 May 2010, 12:01, Reply)

Hmm
Not that I've met anyone but:
Vipros: he can't take his drugs with him when he goes, so he might be good for a joint or two, and I don't fancy facing the end of the world sober.
Kitty: she makes pretty things and cake. Again, I may as well indulge if my death is imminent.
Mr berk: see above. I would require a damn good seeing to before the end of the world.
My best mate: I suspect she would enjoy the drug/sex/cake/corset orgy
sleb: I'm not really sure. Would it be wrong to have the apocalypse narrated by Morgan Freeman?
(berk, Wed 19 May 2010, 11:13, Reply)

aww yay I made it onto a list :D
I'll make you some awesome apocalypse cake.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 19 May 2010, 11:19, Reply)

mmmm
tasty apocalypse flavour. I've always wanted to see if it's possible to achieve actual death by chocolate...
(berk, Wed 19 May 2010, 11:22, Reply)

b3tans: DiT and al
Non b3tans: My buddies in the fashion industry Pierre and Adrian. sleb: Andy Bell. There's something I want to, erm, try before the world ends.
( djtrialprice, Wed 19 May 2010, 11:17, Reply)

BUMDER!

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 19 May 2010, 11:18, Reply)

Fuck off then

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 19 May 2010, 11:19, Reply)

I think I'd be too busy
doing everything I ever wanted to do without fear of reprisal.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 19 May 2010, 11:19, Reply)

thing one
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 19 May 2010, 11:20, Reply)

Rumbled :(
Seriously though, totally going to steal a supercar and do massive drugs and run over bullies in it.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 19 May 2010, 11:21, Reply)

Actually, I think you'll do the same thing
You'll be far to busy acting out the You Make Me Do This comics IRL.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 19 May 2010, 11:29, Reply)

Of course I will be!
Ahh, sweet sweet cartoon justice.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 19 May 2010, 11:33, Reply)

This would be a solemn choice.
My family of course: I'd sign one of the kids up with a B3ta account to qualify. And then for the other B3tan, which might take some explaining.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Wed 19 May 2010, 11:20, Reply)

Oi what about me?

( girlinthehole, Wed 19 May 2010, 11:23, Reply)

You're not needy enough, there are no photos of you going around on the internet (that I'm aware off) of yourself in a shower showing off your armpits.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 19 May 2010, 11:26, Reply)

Man, I fucking love armpits.
I like the way they sweet builds up and if they sometimes smell of nike shoes. When there is a bit of hair there, it adds texture, and you can put some lube between the armpits and she can play you like a character from Braveheart playing the bagpipes. Hopefully you'll both be wearing war paint too and talking in a scottish accent about freeeeeeedom and stuff like that. The trouble with arm pits though is that it can squert through them through the front, which would be a bit ...... etc, etc, etc.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 19 May 2010, 11:29, Reply)

haha I'd forgotten about that

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 19 May 2010, 11:30, Reply)

You're my sleb. Natch.

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Wed 19 May 2010, 11:27, Reply)

+sNn
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 19 May 2010, 11:49, Reply)

Hell yea -
Talk about going out with a bang - "did the earth end for you too?"
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Wed 19 May 2010, 12:20, Reply)

I couldn't choose or say....
... I wouldn't want to disapoint anyone by not putting them on my list. Who's the most likely person to go for a shag, bearing in mind that under those circamstances, I'm as likely as ever to get some, I could jump at least 3 levels above my league, maybe even 4, as long as there are no other guys.

How long do we have left before the end of the world? I don't really want anything to do with whoever I shagged afterwards, unless there was a possiblity of another shag, and if the time frame is to short for another shag, I might as well pick someone else, get as much veraity in as I can. Thing with that though is, what order do you do it? Do you go for the one you want to shag the most first, and thus guarntieing you get a shag from her, or do you risk her being the last shag out of the group and missing the opertunity? this is a very tough question.

Anyway, presuming there is just over 24 hours, which should be enough for 5 shags, I'll pick.
- Nancy From Hollyoaks
- Nataily Imbrullio
- [Not sure what b3tans, don't want to sound creepy; it would be aweful to ruin any potential real-world chances an a hypthetical question]
- [I'm not sure what a sleb]
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 19 May 2010, 11:22, Reply)

Applebite: Who needs love when there's Southern Comfort? We can drink our lives away and laugh and my crapness and her brilliance with men
Monty: He has massive drugs.
R**: Because he's great, he'd be marvelously miserable about shit and I can look at his beautiful face.
My friend Eve: We'd probably make like Bacchae and have a good giggle about old times.
Socrates: so he can reassure me concerning the immortality of the soul.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 19 May 2010, 11:23, Reply)

But what if Plato was being overly generous in his writings
And Socrates was just some drunken bum?
What if it was Plato who came up with the immortality of the soul and dualism, whilst Socrates pissed himself? You would have made the wrong choice!!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 19 May 2010, 11:28, Reply)

Socrates is a cunt. And an annoying one.
I guess Plato is a better choice, he's less annoying. And he didn't tell his wife to fuck off just before he was executed, so he could spend time gossiping with his mates.

But he was a collosal bumder, so we'll let him off.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 19 May 2010, 11:29, Reply)

They were all bumders back then
Women for kids, men for pleasure.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 19 May 2010, 11:34, Reply)

They didn't really do bumsex
it was state-supported paedophilia.

It was considered unsavory if both parters could get it up.
Bumsex was for Persians and whores.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 19 May 2010, 11:37, Reply)

Oddly we didn't go into the 'ins and outs'
During GCSE Latin or my Philosophy degree.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 19 May 2010, 11:38, Reply)

I read a book on it.
Nojokes.

In my Latin lectures we learn more vocabulary: like to bugger, to give head, cunt, arsehole, cock, etc
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 19 May 2010, 11:41, Reply)

All very useful in translating Ancient Roman copies of Viz

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 19 May 2010, 11:43, Reply)

...goats for emergencies

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 19 May 2010, 11:38, Reply)

knives for a pro?

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 19 May 2010, 11:39, Reply)

they were all pissheads
there's a song about it.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 19 May 2010, 11:35, Reply)

"Come on...come on...
Hurry up Hagnon come on...
Weeee're going down the pub...."
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 19 May 2010, 11:50, Reply)

Our old school song was a latin drinking song
trufax
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 19 May 2010, 11:51, Reply)

not the one I had in mind

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 19 May 2010, 11:57, Reply)

Do we survive the apocolypse?
Ray mears is a maybe if so.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 19 May 2010, 11:29, Reply)

Are you planning on eating him?

I suspect he would taste like pork belly
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 19 May 2010, 11:30, Reply)

FINE, no one wants me on their list I'll just sit here by myself and sulk
hmmpff
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 19 May 2010, 11:29, Reply)

Can you sulk quieter than that please?
I'm trying to enjoy my last moments on earth. Don't bring me down.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 19 May 2010, 11:34, Reply)

NO
*WAKE ME UP WHEN SEPTEMBER ENDS*
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 19 May 2010, 11:37, Reply)

I would probably choose
Vipros and Monty and my B3tans so we could watch the unfolding apocalypse though eyes full of massive drugs.

Non B3tans would be the misses, obviously and perhaps one of my close mates.

Sleb would be Gordan Ramsey as we'd probably have the nmunchies.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 19 May 2010, 11:43, Reply)

Oh you're on 'the list' alright

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 19 May 2010, 11:59, Reply)

Hmm
Spikeypickle - Makes me laugh, I'd need it at that moment
Lampito - Probably the nicest b3tan I've met IRL, hopefully that'd be a comfort
My friends Lynsey & David - Because I can think of no others I'd rather spend my final moments with.
Eliza Dushku - As long as I got to speak to her even once, my life would be complete. Getting to give her one would make the apocalypse worth it.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 19 May 2010, 11:46, Reply)

Hmm, is your mum a b3tan?

( broadsword, Wed 19 May 2010, 11:55, Reply)

the chaps from Tractor
you lot can fuck off.

We would stand there in our tie-dyed dungs, the nuclear wind caressing our onyx buttocks etc etc
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 19 May 2010, 11:56, Reply)

n r
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 19 May 2010, 12:01, Reply)

'you lot car fuck off'?
'tie-dyed durgs'?

'ruclear wind'?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 19 May 2010, 12:03, Reply)

"oryx buttocks," I was going for
Too subtle and not really funny enough for its own good. Must try harder.

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 19 May 2010, 12:04, Reply)

Who wouldn't go for oryx buttocks?

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Wed 19 May 2010, 12:23, Reply)

oryx?

(Halfy By light alone, Wed 19 May 2010, 12:04, Reply)

Take your pick, Oryx or
Monty's boys
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Wed 19 May 2010, 12:25, Reply)

the nuclear wind our (the second 'our')


(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 19 May 2010, 12:32, Reply)