my work is going apeshit over ducks at the moment
there are several nesting just outside my office, and the stupid ducklings keep on falling through grating into the underground carpark. I spent a good 30 minutes yesterday helping rescue 2 of the stupid birds (it beats working...). Today I arrived in the office to find a box in the corner of the room that kept on cheeping. One colleague had rescued a duckling and was keeping it in a box for no obvious reason. I've liberated it now and it's been reunited with a mother duck. I've just heard that the RSPCA have been contacted to help deal with the duck crisis. Am I being cruel in wanting to shout 'man the FUCK up people, they are only ducks!'?

In other (and much cuter) news, baby decided to get into the world cup spirit yesterday by making his own vuvuzela with a cardboard tube. If anyone is even remotely interested, I can provide a link to a video of him doing just that.

What exciting stuff is happening in your workplace today?
( ascorbate, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 10:30, 52 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

ducks are both awesome and evil
you should watch out
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 10:33, Reply)

I love ducks
when I lived on a farm the babies always used to fall into the cattle grid at the end of the drive, I was forever having to rescue them. Hedgehogs used to fall in there too, and no gardening gloves are strong enough to withstand hog prickles.

EDIT: the exciting thing happening in my workplace today is that the office shuts at 2pm :D This makes me a very happy kitty.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 10:35, Reply)

my sister sat on a hedgehog
2 layers of clothing are also not enough to withstand hog prickles :D
( ascorbate, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 10:37, Reply)

I bet the hedgehog didn't fare much better either.
I once stood on a headless vole that the cat had left in the lounge. All its innards squirted out all over the place, it was minging.

More delighful tales from when I lived on a farm.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 10:44, Reply)

she was only 4
and stood up pretty damned fast - I don't think the hedghog was harmed, just a little shocked!
I worked on a farm for a while, so have plenty of delightful tales. Like the cow that exploded when the farmer couldn't afford the get it carted off for cremation. Just left it in the corner of a field. The smell was alarming.
( ascorbate, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 10:51, Reply)

oh that's rank. I remember once when a sheep died
and it was raining really hard so the farmer couldn't get his trailer down into the gulley to collect it so its stomach swelled up and my dog kept bouncing on it, I was waiting for it to explode all over her.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 11:01, Reply)

There's a hedgehog who trundles by my flat some times
Brave little fella, robbed the neighbour's cat's food from the bowl.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 10:43, Reply)

We used to have a shrew that lived in the fireplace
Dad named him Rambo because he used to run around the lounge when the cats were alseep in front of the fire.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 10:46, Reply)

we had a cat called Dinner for Two
because the 2 dogs would dribble the moment they set eyes on him. We only had him for 2 weeks before we rehomed him with someone who didn't have two ravenous hounds.
( ascorbate, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 10:47, Reply)

That is funny.

( girlinthehole, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 10:48, Reply)

Was that First Blood or Rambo V?
Rambo stays at home in front of the fire.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 10:49, Reply)

It was First Blood style, one of the cats pissed him off so he destroyed the whole living room.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 11:01, Reply)

They will grow up and savage you then take your wallet
If they're Mallards that is...
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 10:37, Reply)

That is the O'Mallards from Croxteth.
Just say you are a friend of Terry and you will be OK.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 11:17, Reply)

A customer who owed us £83,000 has gone into administration
Not good at all
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 10:41, Reply)

Set the Mallards on them.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 10:47, Reply)

Pure...

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 10:47, Reply)

i'm lying in bed listening to Flo Rida
your argument is invalid.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 10:46, Reply)

Flo Rider gets me angry.
He's not no talent of his own so every other track has a "feat". I fucking hate it when music artist spend half the time saying their own name. All he (and that BoB person (and that Akorn person (and that Jason Dulroolourourooo person))) talk about is themselves, and how they've made it and all that. The music is unispired and insipid, and they've all this year realised they're so talentless that they're not even bothering to do stuff by themselves any more.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 11:06, Reply)

what about Flava Flav?
He says his own name all the time and he's a legend.

A completely retarded legend.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 11:08, Reply)

Yes, but Flava Flav on his own is fucking awful
for evidence see Track 4 of It takes a Nation of Millions to Hold Us Back.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 11:13, Reply)

I've never actually listened to his music
I'm basing it all on "Flava of Love", where all these daft bints competed to be his girlfriend. I think he banged them all. Legend. The winner had the biggest ass I've ever seen, it was so huge.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 11:15, Reply)

Donno who that is.
Has his entire career, the one he talks about like he's made it for the last 30 years, made entirely on being used in a soundtrack in a really bad film that was made on the basis of "Right, it's the summer, we need a film that'll appeal to young adults. Ok then, we've got a cute guy, a geeky guy and a strange one. Vegas, yup, vegas, that'll do well. Oh, we need a sensible guy who'll spack out at his misses so everyone can be like 'tooooold'. We need a single to go with it, it'll be silly not cashing in on that.", rather than starting with a movie script.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 11:14, Reply)

erm
probably
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 11:19, Reply)

I've got the dogs with me today.
We're going for a walk in the park at lunchtime.
( girlinthehole, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 10:47, Reply)

dogs in the office?
I had my smallest cat in here yesterday - it fell asleep on my keyboard while I was on the phone
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 10:51, Reply)

Family business.
Parent's dogs.
( girlinthehole, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 10:52, Reply)

Will you be sniffing any.....
Oh forget it.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 10:52, Reply)

aaw
wish I could have a dog in the office. ducklings, whilst cute, are not nearly as lovely as dogs.
( ascorbate, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 11:07, Reply)

this is not true
dogs are slobbery and noisy and smelly and demanding.

Ducks are cute and quacky and their babies are soooo cute and they're just awesome.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 11:09, Reply)

Dogs are like kids.
Lovely to borrow and play with and even better to give back.
( girlinthehole, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 11:11, Reply)

oh no
much much better if it's your own. Borrowing a child would just annoy me - I'd be wondering why they were such an irritating little shit, why they kept whining, what the fuck is wrong NOW? etc etc. With my own, I know what's wrong (he's just an irritating little shit sometimes, there is no special reason, except bad parenting, obviously), and I have free rein to drug him with calpol when he gets up at 3.30am for the 10th fucking night in a row. (vitamin c gnashes teeth)
( ascorbate, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 11:13, Reply)

Calpol is ace - although even the sugar free stuff sends my two kids loopy.
( HSDriver was probably still at work on, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 11:24, Reply)

my other half is dead against it
but if it was up to me, baby'd get a spoonful everytime he woke up in the night. mrvitC finally relented at 5.30am, after 2 hours of whinging. result was a baby who went straight back to sleep and slept for 2 hours. Whilst we had to get up at 6.30 and get ready for work.
( ascorbate, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 11:27, Reply)

You should eat them in panacakes with Hoi Sin sauce

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 10:55, Reply)

Mmmm - crispy.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 11:20, Reply)

I've no idea whats happening in my workplace
might pop in after the football, if I'm not too pissed
( broadsword, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 11:03, Reply)

I've got meetings all afternoon
thank god. so will be avoiding the tedium that is this football shite.

/disclaimer: I'm Scottish.
( ascorbate, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 11:08, Reply)

Scottish?
'That is no excuse for not getting behind England' - The Mail.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 11:14, Reply)

getting behind them
and kicking them/stabbing them in the back?
( ascorbate, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 11:14, Reply)

If it is Ashley Cole...
...you would need something else in hand.
(if rumours are true about his love of bumdering.)
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 11:18, Reply)

I'm a fat bird
doubt he'd be interested.
( ascorbate, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 11:22, Reply)

Butch up, turn around - maybe he will give you one?

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 11:26, Reply)

indeed
there is no way in hell I'll be getting behind those clowns. I don't hate them, but they are, as a football nation, even smugger than Vipros
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 11:19, Reply)

Not any more.
Reality is giving a massive bitch-slap.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 11:20, Reply)

doesn't reality do that every time they play?
I mean, honestly, why do they think they are so bloody good, when all the evidence is to the contrary?
( ascorbate, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 11:22, Reply)

Because the tabloids say so....
...therefore it is true.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 11:28, Reply)

Cunts are cunting about like cunts.

(Cave Duck, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 11:18, Reply)

Is that you going about your daily business?

(Bazongaloid, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 11:19, Reply)

Not Much
Just about to start work.

However, I have already been bombarded with requests to swap shifts so that the 99% of the blokes I work with who care about some sort of football match can finish early or be on their break when it starts.

Also - no ducks, but I did hit two pheasants yesterday. They make a very loud bang and lots of mess at 140mph.
( HSDriver was probably still at work on, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 11:18, Reply)

a tasty mess?
are you complying with any of your colleagues' requests?
( ascorbate, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 11:23, Reply)

Ducks, shmucks.
Did we hear how Porkinator got on with the driving test?
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Wed 23 Jun 2010, 11:42, Reply)