I am outraged.
Properly write in to the Daily Mail angry.

This morning I opened up my email to see a very very smug looking Carface holding Babycrackface

Catface, knocking up CHCB just so you won't be the smallest person in the room is an utterly cuntish thing to do.

Alt Q for the Alt Q Whores: How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:10, 147 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Badgerbadgerbadgerbadgerbadgerbadgerbadger
You can't have an Alt Q without an initial Q. That's Vipros levels of rubbish.

What did you have for breakfast? I had a cinnamon and raisin bagel, it was delish.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:11, Reply)

Well I was so angry I forgot the initial Q
I had a special K bar. But now I want a bagel. Especial one with raisins in ho ho ho
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:13, Reply)

*remembers Labs's sadface*
*joys*
( thealternativefact, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:21, Reply)

My revenge will be sweet, raisiny sweet
But gentlemanly.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:25, Reply)

B3ta demands Babycrackface pic here, now.
and try this for size
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:14, Reply)

His joy will be short-lived.
He'll be changing nappies for the the next two years, by which time she'll be taller than him.
( thealternativefact, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:17, Reply)

Ok place your bets on
him knocking up CHCB again before then
Odds are 1:3
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:19, Reply)

I hope he tries today.
And I hope she takes off the side of his face with a brick.
( thealternativefact, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:20, Reply)

ha
I hope they replace the broken side of his face with a dog face so I can sing CAAAATDOOOOOOOG at him
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:22, Reply)

And I hope that dog is a pug so that Donkey Gums bums him to death.

( thealternativefact, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:24, Reply)

I reckon she's already pregnant again

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:23, Reply)

CrackHouse and the Seven Dwarves.

( thealternativefact, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:25, Reply)

hahahahahaha

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:27, Reply)

They'll have an army soon
The most beautiful, and clumsiest army known to man.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:27, Reply)

who came up with the moniker babycrackface?
this is making me laugh.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:21, Reply)

I prefer crack-house-baby

(PsychoChomp, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:28, Reply)

I like catfaceceilidhbabe

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:29, Reply)

I'm with Roota

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:37, Reply)

Where you belong

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:48, Reply)

I prefer crackhouseceildhcatface

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:29, Reply)

CeilidhKitty my choice

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:32, Reply)

How much wood?
Is "A TGB Clunge-worth" a valid measure?
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:25, Reply)

No, it's a mathmatical concept a bit like infinity.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:31, Reply)

Did you see that BBC program about infinity a while ago?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:33, Reply)

I'ms still watching it.
WHEN DOES IT END?
( thealternativefact, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:33, Reply)

When a big white dragon flies in

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:35, Reply)

Pfft,
It never ends - in a hotel with infinate rooms that were all full you could still turn up and get a room as the very nature of infinity would mean that there are more rooms...O_o
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:35, Reply)

It was a really good program wasn't it?
I had a bit of a "Whoa!" moment when he explained that if the universe really is infinite, somewhere out there in the infinity is an earth just like ours, and an infinite amount of earths that are a bit different, or very different...out there...in the infinity...
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:43, Reply)

Bit of a headfuck really

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:45, Reply)

They also discussed something I have always wondered myself
can one infinity be larger than another infinity?

There are an infinite amount of numbers between any two numbers, so is the infinity between 1 and 3 twice as great as the infinity between 1 and 2?
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:48, Reply)

BOOOOOOBS

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:49, Reply)

*gropes for infinity*

( thealternativefact, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:50, Reply)

^^This is my idea of Heaven

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:59, Reply)

INFINITE BOOOOBS

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:51, Reply)

*MOTOR-FUCKING-BOATS*

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:56, Reply)

No but I did read a whole book about it in my youth.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:36, Reply)

was it the Neverending Story?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:37, Reply)

Haha.

( girlinthehole, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:49, Reply)

Rock and roll teenage years in MK

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:38, Reply)

PsychoChomp: Rapey 'til I Die

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:41, Reply)

I You
( thealternativefact, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:51, Reply)

Love it!

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:51, Reply)

more proof that maths jokes aren't funny.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:35, Reply)

maths my
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:36, Reply)

maths jokes aren't
/ac
( thealternativefact, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:36, Reply)

Crackhouse had her catbaby?
When did this happen? Have some slightly late congratumalations.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:31, Reply)

Jesus girl, lay off the smack

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:32, Reply)

I've been in a tent in a field on an island in the middle of the channel.
Sadly no smack involved.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:38, Reply)

Don't be Sarky
(see that?)
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:39, Reply)

like it

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:41, Reply)

Oo, clever
I like it.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:43, Reply)

She's not just a pretty face, that one

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:44, Reply)

just
(PsychoChomp, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:47, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post748586
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:50, Reply)

hahaaaar!
And so is denial of my obvious beauty
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:51, Reply)

I gazed that post last night.
How are you reading my gazes?
(PsychoChomp, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:53, Reply)

Your gazes are cold... dead...
Rapey
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:55, Reply)

I'm going to link back to this
www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post778272
(PsychoChomp, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:59, Reply)

that thread doesn't really help your cause

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 11:02, Reply)

It's totally ok to mention rape and death round here unless you're Bert

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 11:03, Reply)

It used to be frowned upon,
I got many gazes the first time I called sexface a rapist.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 11:04, Reply)

Oh really?
Ok well now it's totally ok unless you're Bert.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 11:06, Reply)

It's probably totally ok unless you're Bert
or Psychochomp
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 11:07, Reply)

DATE rapist, please.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 11:10, Reply)

I'm a stalking machine.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 11:02, Reply)

You learnt from the master.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 11:04, Reply)

haha yeah
the stalker becomes the stalkee. Mwa ha ha ha
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 11:07, Reply)

I don't get it.
The cutty sark is in Greenwich
(PsychoChomp, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:44, Reply)

That's cos you're DIM.
DIM DIM DIM
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:45, Reply)

You're an innanimate fucking object!

(PsychoChomp, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:48, Reply)

Innanimate?
She only moves inside pubs? Guess that makes sense.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:49, Reply)

Perfect sense.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:51, Reply)

inanimate

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:49, Reply)

You never have a go at gonz when he mispells stuff.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:50, Reply)

we like Gonz

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:50, Reply)

HAHA!

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:51, Reply)

How did you work that one out?

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:52, Reply)

It's a quote from In Bruge
which I watched on monday and is currently the best comeback I can think of.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:53, Reply)

Thats shit.
Be more original. Oh wait, you can't. Because you're DIM.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:55, Reply)

I like the way you tell me to be original
then use the same insult for the fifth time in 10 minutes.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:58, Reply)

At least I came up with it myself.
I can call you thick if you want.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:59, Reply)

You could always try to say something interesting instead.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 11:01, Reply)

I think this comes under
"do as I say, not as I do"
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 11:02, Reply)

I think it's interesting watching how many people insult you

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 11:03, Reply)

And you evidentally STILL haven't worked out the original joke.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 11:02, Reply)

I got it straight away.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 11:04, Reply)

TOO LATE

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 11:08, Reply)

What do you think the cutty sark was named after?

(PsychoChomp, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 11:37, Reply)

I missed it too because of tent dwelling.
And the smack of course.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:47, Reply)

Kinky sex FTW

( girlinthehole, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:49, Reply)

it wasn't the same tent
sorry to disappoint
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:51, Reply)

How was your festival?

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:51, Reply)

awesome.
I paid for it yesterday and Monday though. Tonight is my first pole for a week and I don't think I'm going to be very good. I managed extended brass monkey last week though, so yay. Also, we're working on going back from chair into brass monkey, but I don't bend that way yet.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 11:04, Reply)

brass monkey means cold?
Is this a move involving big nipples?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 11:06, Reply)

Pole moves have stupid names that look nothing like what they suggest.
Brass monkey is when you bend forward and grasp the pole as you would a spade. You then kick backwards and into upside downey-ness, grasping the pole with the back of your knee and....oh fuck it I'll find a picture.

Here: 4.bp.blogspot.com/_Ns0hBKQdbtk/SrIfuRKO6uI/AAAAAAAABCE/DLFV_6zIcrw/s400/PD09+brass+monkey.jpg
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 11:39, Reply)

Glad to hear it.
Not about the paying for it though. Extended?! fucking wow! And please explain how the chair one works, I can't picture it. I am going to pale in comparison next to you when I come back, my pole is on back order so it won't be here for a while yet.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 11:07, Reply)

You know what I'm talking about woman,
climb the pole and sit on it (fnar), then lean back until you're upside down. To do brass monkey from there you have to go back and straighten your legs so you're almost prone to the pole. Then you have to reach around the other side of the pole with your arms until you're in the position for doing brass monkey. Release one of your legs and bring it forward as though you would do crossbow and keep the other foot tucked behind the pole. Ta da!
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 11:42, Reply)

I think it's very inconsiderate to your sexiest new member* to talk about people he doesn't know.
*me
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:50, Reply)

You're not new

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:52, Reply)

Or sexy

( girlinthehole, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:53, Reply)

You should've seen me before the accident.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:56, Reply)

Haven't seen him
It's a him right?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:58, Reply)

Not new, not sexy...
but definitely a member.
( thealternativefact, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:58, Reply)

Ah i see

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 11:00, Reply)

Clendrix doesn't know what I look like,
not many people here do.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 11:02, Reply)

I'm pretty sure I do

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 11:04, Reply)

Does he look like that fella off Star Trek Next Generation with like tripe on his forehead?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 11:05, Reply)

Nah, less of a tan than him

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 11:05, Reply)

If I said Commander Wharf's head looks like a fanny, would you join me in a laugh?

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 11:06, Reply)

A well messy fanny though

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 11:08, Reply)

Yeah, no fanny I've ever seen.
Kitty, I'm worried.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 11:09, Reply)

Poor Kitty's kitty
Ruined.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 11:14, Reply)

Too many clam-slams

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 11:14, Reply)

One big mingeury.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 11:15, Reply)

AAAAHAHAHAAHA!

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 11:16, Reply)

I was quoting Family Guy
You're all rubbish.

It was SIR Patrick Stewart who said it so he's the one with a misshapen growler.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 11:47, Reply)

If a Worfs head looks like a fanny
(albeit a messy one) then what does a Worf fanny look like? Picard?
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 11:15, Reply)

I have
only one response to that.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 11:08, Reply)

Becky is still recieving counselling after accidentally seeing a corner of my face.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 11:06, Reply)

faces shouldn't have corners
I am concerned.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 11:06, Reply)

well if you've got a better suggestion for where my spines should hang off I'd like to hear it.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 11:09, Reply)

Me too...

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 11:09, Reply)

I didn't mean to...I didn't want to...I was just curious :(

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 11:07, Reply)

Women: know your limits!

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 11:11, Reply)

Men: Control your gazboxes

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 11:21, Reply)

Sometimes it just goes off without warning :(

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 11:24, Reply)

That's not the first time I've heard that. I'm usually wearing less clothes though.
I must away, a day of culture with the lady of the chickens awaits and my tube's just arrived. Mwah mwah, play nicely children
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 11:28, Reply)

My tube just arrived too :(

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 11:33, Reply)

I'm new to off topic >:(

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:56, Reply)

Oh, does that count?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 10:58, Reply)

I'd like to think so.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 11:01, Reply)

Er, hi then
Would you like a pretzel or some hummous?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 11:04, Reply)

Can I have both and decide later?

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 11:04, Reply)

Yeah
Go wild
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 11:05, Reply)

cunt

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 11:06, Reply)

Look I've already said had I known she was you mother I would never have done it,
can we please move on?
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 11:10, Reply)

cunt

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 11:11, Reply)

I wuv oo too.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 11:23, Reply)

ooh I'd like some hummous

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 11:05, Reply)

Ere y'are

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 11:08, Reply)

om nom nommous

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 11:45, Reply)

Crack House and Catface
Crack House is a cynical, embittered and intolerant female b3tan. For this, she is loved greatly.
Catface is a rather gormless male b3tan, who is regularly ridiculed and is around two feet high.
Together they have created a baby b3tan.
We're praying she takes after her mother.
( thealternativefact, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 11:01, Reply)

Why?
There's nothing wrong with being short and gormless!
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 11:02, Reply)

I was careful to separate the 'ridiculed' bit.
It would be too easy to pick on his gormlessness or heightlessness.
It would also be wasteful as there are many more wonderful things to laugh at.
( thealternativefact, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 11:06, Reply)

Oh, ok then...

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 11:11, Reply)

Like everytime he goes
oooaawwwh
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 11:15, Reply)

oooaawwwh

( Captain V, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 18:01, Reply)