The exclaimation "your baby is beautiful!"
which I find weird because a) she isn't, she just looks like an average baby (and like her father at that) and b) oh yeah - use that surprised tone to suggest that a couple of Internets rejects managed to combine their genes in a reasonably non-hideous manner.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 9 Jul 2010, 9:18, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

My mum said I looked like Max Branning from Eastenders when I was born
I said "You'd previously told me I was beautiful!"
and she said "It took a few months. At first you were bit like a shrimp and looked like you had Down's."
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 9 Jul 2010, 9:23, Reply)

And did you have Down's?

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Fri 9 Jul 2010, 9:25, Reply)

No
I had a wide-bridged nose and slightly puffy eyelids. FOR ABOUT A WEEK.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 9 Jul 2010, 9:27, Reply)

I looked Chinese when I was a baby.
Everyone used to make jokes to my mum about having a Chinese milkman.
( girlinthehole, Fri 9 Jul 2010, 9:49, Reply)

Hmm
Least you didn't look as bad as me!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 9 Jul 2010, 9:52, Reply)

Try and imagine them all squinting into the sun - that's my family pictures.

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Fri 9 Jul 2010, 9:58, Reply)

If you're the youngest one, you look like Kuato.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 9 Jul 2010, 9:59, Reply)

Yep, am the youngest

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 9 Jul 2010, 10:00, Reply)

Kuato Rosie Catface
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 9 Jul 2010, 10:02, Reply)

It's the innocence that's beautiful.
And stop trying to get the femB3tans broody.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Fri 9 Jul 2010, 9:23, Reply)

no force on earth could do that

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 9 Jul 2010, 10:18, Reply)

Yeah, not possible.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 9 Jul 2010, 10:35, Reply)

people don't get that
the more I see of children the less I like them.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 9 Jul 2010, 10:47, Reply)

I haven't seen any photos
but I'm going to assume that anything which has escaped from your clunge would most likely resemble Danny DeVito
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 9 Jul 2010, 9:25, Reply)

Small, bald, wrinkly and weeping.
A little like your cock in those pictures, Bert m'dear.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 9 Jul 2010, 9:42, Reply)

Pfffft
*crosses fingers for some cot death*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 9 Jul 2010, 9:49, Reply)

Does your Auntie Sandra have kids btw?

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 9 Jul 2010, 9:51, Reply)

She has two
But she's never claimed to be a strong independent woman who had no interest in making babies
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 9 Jul 2010, 9:56, Reply)

All the honeys making money
throw your hands up at me
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 9 Jul 2010, 10:00, Reply)

ah now, I never said I had no interest in making babies,
I just clearly stated how much I dislike other people's children. And other people, come to that.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 9 Jul 2010, 10:10, Reply)

Aw, man
now I have no reason to hate you. Captain V is still a bit of a dick though
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 9 Jul 2010, 10:18, Reply)

Is that some kind of euphemism?

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 9 Jul 2010, 9:51, Reply)

Crossed the line again Bert. I suppose you'll learn one day.

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Fri 9 Jul 2010, 9:51, Reply)

I'm just doing what I do

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 9 Jul 2010, 10:00, Reply)

being lame?

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 9 Jul 2010, 10:18, Reply)

I'm extraordinarily gifted in that respect, Jewnose

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 9 Jul 2010, 10:20, Reply)

I'd watch anyone who said that
sounds like nonces
(PsychoChomp, Fri 9 Jul 2010, 9:27, Reply)

But what kind of bread did you have?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 9 Jul 2010, 9:30, Reply)

crusty French bread.
It was so good. Fillet steak, 20 seconds each side, thinly sliced. Spinach leaves, butter, fried onion. Oh man.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 9 Jul 2010, 9:42, Reply)

Hows your scar?
I cut my hand on the bread knife on saturday so I know how you feel.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 9 Jul 2010, 9:45, Reply)

do you want some of my diclofenac?
I can't see my scar. It's somewhere under the bump of my contracting uterus and along the minge-line. I require a series of small mirrors.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 9 Jul 2010, 9:50, Reply)

Nah, I'm being a brave little soldier.
Just take a photo with your phone and then look at it then accidentally send it to everyone in your phonebook.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 9 Jul 2010, 9:52, Reply)

Blimey, you're lucky.
Mrs V had a ripply line from belly button to curlies.
Of course, it's faded away completely now and there's absolutely no sign of it left*

*May not be entirely true
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Fri 9 Jul 2010, 9:55, Reply)

I was supposed to have the classical vertical incision
but they saw a gap and went for it and wahey, no blood transfusion either. It was really cool, I enjoyed it. We had our own choice of music on and the whole team of about 10 people were female except for the scrub nurse.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 9 Jul 2010, 10:13, Reply)

that's excellent news
minimal damage and blood loss is always good!

congrats :-)
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 9 Jul 2010, 10:15, Reply)

I got a scar that runs from around my belly button to the top of my groin.
Because I've put on weight since the operation, the belly has expanded, but not where the scar is, because scar tishue can't expand like normal skin.

Anyway, it looks like I've got a bum and bumhole on my front.

God, I'm so sexy, I was walking down the road the other day, and someone yelled out "Oi ! Sexy !" I turned around and pointed to myself and made a 'huh? you talking to me' jesture, and they yelled out "I don't see any other sexy people walking along... anyway, have a nice day, bye".
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 9 Jul 2010, 10:00, Reply)

NEEDS MOAR MUSTARD

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 9 Jul 2010, 9:49, Reply)

Dijon, deffo, or maybe creamed horseraddish, oh I just don't know, I wouldn't want to ruin this.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 9 Jul 2010, 9:55, Reply)

Oh man, that sounds awesome !
If I had a sandwich of that magnatude, I think I could quite sucessfully say that would be one of the best days of my life.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 9 Jul 2010, 9:54, Reply)