Heard this from a friend last night.
I'm convinced this can't possibly be true, but they swore that it is so I thought I'd share. Feel free to call bullshit.

This guy they knew had dropped acid at this family festival thing in the Scottish Borders and was convinced there was goblins running about the place. After a few hours his mate noticed he'd vanished. He had a look around the place but he was nowhere to be seen. An hour or so later he got a phone call from his mate, still off his tits but back at home. He whispered down the phone, "I've caught a goblin!" His mate obviously asked him what the fuck he was on about. He said again, "I've caught a goblin. He's locked in the pantry!"
His mate heads round to his, the guy opens the door, eyes virtually spinning in their sockets, and leads him through to the kitchen, opening the pantry door.
There sat a young boy with Downs' Syndrome eating a biscuit.
He's now doing a stretch for kidnap.

I say bullshit, but I laughed my arse off when my mate told me it.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:01, 78 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

This urban legend is so old that it has osteoporosis

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:07, Reply)

See also:
Every qotw that someone has been able to shoehorn this story into, forever.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:07, Reply)

My finger so not on the pulse.
Ah well.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:08, Reply)

Never mind, it's quite a funny story the first dozen or so times.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:09, Reply)

Yeah
if you're a virgin
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:09, Reply)

Yeah.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:12, Reply)

which you are

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:14, Reply)

Yeah, I'm with you buddy.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:19, Reply)

Good.
Because I'm the only one you're ever likely to be with
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:20, Reply)

Yeah.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:21, Reply)

because you're a virgin

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:22, Reply)

I know.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:25, Reply)

there's no shame in it
you are missing out, though
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:25, Reply)

Yes.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:35, Reply)

You might like it if you tried it
I know there probably aren't very many girls out there willing to boff you, but B3tans aren't very choosy
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:36, Reply)

This is good advice.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:43, Reply)

and I'm sure Sexface
would help you out
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:44, Reply)

I will look forward to it.
Happy candle day.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:46, Reply)

Thanks

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:46, Reply)

you're probably not a virgin
you look like you've had loads of cock
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:48, Reply)

it was the small sign
saying 'had loads of cock' that tipped you off wasn't it?
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:49, Reply)

Nah, it was the big sign
on the side of your truck.

And all the dried spunk in your beard.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 15:04, Reply)

damn right
just don't tell my wife. Please
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 15:05, Reply)

Wait, how is that even an insult?
If I said "You had loads of pussy", that wouldn't really be an insult, or at least, I wouldn't take it as one.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 15:10, Reply)

Definitely bullshit
In my experience there are no lengths to which mates will not go in swearing a story is true, if getting someone to believe it will be funny enough
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:09, Reply)

'There sat a young boy with Downs' Syndrome eating a biscuit,
wearing headphones, with a steaming mug of tea next to him. They'd run out of ice cream, you see...'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:13, Reply)

and then he got his head stuck in the bottle bank and was raped.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:15, Reply)

by a kung-fu drug dealer

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:16, Reply)

"needless to say I had the last laugh"

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:15, Reply)

that was your first mistake.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:16, Reply)

'Let's call him 'Downs' Syndrome boy'
for that is his name'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:16, Reply)

SH is back on /qotw
charming as ever.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:20, Reply)

Oh what joy.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:21, Reply)

Apologies for length

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:25, Reply)

The goblin was run over by a black belt in karate
driving a Honda Accord.

Cheers.

Finn
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:29, Reply)

Aw crap. I was hoping he had died.
Painfully.
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 15:30, Reply)

Chap I was with last night was relating a tale of ending up in a psychedelic bubble having dropped liquid acid into his eyeball
I'm all in favour of massive drugs but I think I'd stop short of that. See also: ecstacy up the arsehole
( broadsword, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:17, Reply)

I was once so high I took a sip out of a bottle of liquid acid.
Not big, not clever.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:20, Reply)

Bet it was fun though

( broadsword, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:23, Reply)

Instant mega trip!
I tried it once and ended up laughing my arse off locked in some Scotish bastard's pantry, and eating all his jammy dodgers.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:41, Reply)

I once took the favorite drug of equines and spent eight hours walking around my house complaining that it wasn't big enough.

( girlinthehole, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:54, Reply)

mm
I love their cereal bars
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:56, Reply)

this is why I don't do drugs, mon
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:17, Reply)

He looks like the kind of chap to rip out a still beating heart

( broadsword, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:18, Reply)

That's also why I don't cage fight.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:19, Reply)

I went to an MMA event once
it was crap, only people that got bloody were these two fat flabby blokes
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:27, Reply)

Is it also why you don't do cage matches?
Edit: grumble grumble, second, grumble.
( Labmonkey last thought about having another coffee on, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:19, Reply)

AWESOME

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:20, Reply)

This is why I don't get my haircut at that chap's barber's

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:21, Reply)

I believe that in this context
the appropriate usage would be "hair cut", rather than all one word
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:24, Reply)

shut your face, sir

( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:30, Reply)

Oh come on
How many chances am I likely to get to correct Monty's grammar before I die?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:43, Reply)

If he hears you already did you might die before sunset.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:48, Reply)

or just before dawn
Monty stalks his prey through the night, following just behind, ducking into the shadows if he wonders if he has been caught.
But he does not worry.
The wind snaps his cloak as he enters Darth Foxtrots garden. He is silent as he watches Darth sleep. He gently strokes Darth's hair.
He whispers in his ear, "You are mine for eternity," before kissing his neck, sliding his slick cock into Darths arse, and sealing their fate with the bite from his razor sharp vampire teeth.
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 15:08, Reply)

You missed out
he whispered "awooga" and patted Darth on the mangina

Also, you've thought about this way too much. Points for effort though.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 15:18, Reply)

You don't know what I think about!

( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 15:35, Reply)

Sex and cake?

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 15:39, Reply)

Just sex mostly

( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 15:42, Reply)

That is repulsive.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 15:21, Reply)

That Nutella
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 15:31, Reply)

Big deal
That's old news. Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, 1985. Not even the best of the Indy movies. Motherfucker needs some more contemporary references
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:23, Reply)

How do you get "into"
someones chest with your bare hands?
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:31, Reply)

he sliced it open

( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:32, Reply)

That's what I get for not reading things

( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:32, Reply)

WITH HIS FINGERS!
he's got magic sword hands!
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:34, Reply)

Feasible

( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:36, Reply)

Punch hard enough and you'll eventually get some ribs poking out.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:33, Reply)

Yeah', ^ This.
The trick is to keep on punching until two ribs poke out and breaks the skin, you can then grab them and pull them appart, tearing the skin. From the whole, you can make it bigger and bigger, until you can fit both hands in the chest cavity and rip out the still beating heart.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:35, Reply)

Meanwhile the victim is going
"Ooooooooowwwwwwww!!!!"

"MUUUUUMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!"
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:36, Reply)

christ sake
if I had a willy I'd fuck that hole so hard his heart will be crawling out of his mouth just to get away from my thundering member
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:39, Reply)

If I had a vagina...
...I'd call you.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:43, Reply)

Cor

( broadsword, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:46, Reply)

POTD

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 15:09, Reply)

that's when you apply
the barbecue sauce
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:36, Reply)

Holy fucking shit !

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:34, Reply)

This is true
happens all the time. I've had a few mates tell me this one and I've heard it on qotw too so it's not that far-fetched.
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:30, Reply)

Nah', heard that one a few times, with the verient being a downs kid taking a midget hostage.
Sorry mate, I hope you don't mind.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:31, Reply)

Yes we've established its lies
My stepdad did throw water over his mum when he was 15 and on acid. He thought she was on fire.
( Peej, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:46, Reply)