Ey!
I just got the wedding invitations! They're very pretty, with a lot of detail on the sunflowers, I love them!

On the no so bright side, I'm waiting for an email from my father. We talked on the phone yesterday, and he's never very chatty, but yesterday it went like this (with long pauses before any of his lines):

Dad: what's your email address?
Me: same as always: [email protected]

Dad: are you sure?
Me: yes

Dad: is it the same as always?
Me: yes, it is, you have it, you've sent me emails there

Dad: I don't remember it, how do you spell it?
Me: *spells*

Dad: sure?
Me: yes, why?

Dad: I'm going to send you an email
Me: ah

Dad: sure it's right?
Me: yes, why? what are you telling me on the email?

Dad: you'll see when you read it
Me: OK

(silence)

Me: Is it good or bad?
Dad: you'll see when you read it
Me: ok

(silence)

Dad: I'm going to send you the email
Me: ok
Dad: bye
Me: bye

So here I am, waiting for his emai... which he hasn't sent yet.

What are you waiting for this morning?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 19 Jul 2010, 10:33, 117 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

send him an email that he can reply to.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 10:36, Reply)

I did
Yesterday, I sent him an email to both his addresses saying, "hi, this is my email". But you don't know him. He's probably testing my patiente, because that's good for me.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 19 Jul 2010, 10:37, Reply)

He's probably having trouble double-clicking
old-people-on-the-internet-LOLS!!!1111
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 10:40, Reply)

I don't think so
He was using PCs before you were born, dear. He's built his own company installing, supporting and setting up PCs, networks and all those thingies for a lot of different companies. He knows a lot more about PCs than me, my brother, sister and our partners all together.

He's just trying to be misterious, I know him well.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 19 Jul 2010, 10:43, Reply)

The only thing I can think of is Friday morning currently
I'm really not looking forward to it, that's when Singapore Girl disappears for a year :-(
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 10:42, Reply)

You might get lucky
and get a farewell kiss. And you might get lucky again, win the lottery and get enough money to visit her in Singapore.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 19 Jul 2010, 10:44, Reply)

I'm half and half as to whether that'd actually be a good thing
As it's her parents who are driving us to the airport, so it might make slightly awkward conversation on the way back.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 10:47, Reply)

Maybe you can get 5 min of intimacy?

(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 19 Jul 2010, 10:52, Reply)

With her parents?
Well, I guess beggars can't be choosers...
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 11:07, Reply)

Home time.
In other news, I have had to deal with one 'Mrs Alecock' and a 'Mrs Tiplady' today. They sound like scary birds off of B3ta to me.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 10:48, Reply)

Mrs Alecock-
Crow's wet dream.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 10:51, Reply)

Yes, haha
Monty should introduce each other asap.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 19 Jul 2010, 10:53, Reply)

*sniggers*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 10:59, Reply)

Oi cocknose
you coming on Saturday?
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 11:34, Reply)

To where, mingebreath?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 12:06, Reply)

Mingebreath?
Chance'd be a fine thing.

To here.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 12:18, Reply)

COME MONTY AND MEET MEEEEEEEEEEE

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 12:32, Reply)

You're coming?
Right, I'm definitely not.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 12:33, Reply)

*cries*
WHy don't you want to meet me? You know what? Fine I 'm not going to go. I'm going to stay in Leamington and drink Pimms in my garden
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 12:35, Reply)

When I found out Pimms had gin in
it made my life.

I'm just afraid I'll get lost in your eyes vagina.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 12:35, Reply)

My vagina is an awesome place and you are totally not invited to go there ever after that

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 12:37, Reply)

:(
Fine. I'll try and kiss Wookie again.



and the quickest uninvitation EVER goes to...
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 12:46, Reply)

"Oh, it appears to have covered me in naturally cloudy wheat beer!"

(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 11:09, Reply)

Oi bumlord
you coming on Saturday?
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 11:34, Reply)

Ooh, you know I think I can make that
Sorry, had my dates mixed up, I thought it was this Saturday just gone. I shall endeavour to make an appearance.

_{And it'll be FABULOUS.}
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 11:48, Reply)

I'm quivering with anticipation.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 11:52, Reply)

I just suddenly got an image of you dressed as Tim Curry saying that
Phwoar.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 12:22, Reply)

Strange girl.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 12:23, Reply)

You noticed?
(I know the line is "shiver with antici...

...
...

...



...

...pation")
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 12:25, Reply)

Shiver, quiver,
either way I'm going to vibrate his gorgeous little body like a Rampant Rabbit that's been retro-fitted with a lop-sided electric toothbrush motor.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 12:50, Reply)

OK. I'm coming to watch this delightful event.
and I certainly will be ...coming.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 12:54, Reply)

Aw fuck it, am I going to have to find time for a full-body wax before the weekend then?

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 13:15, Reply)

That depends entirely on what you want me to do to you.

(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 13:25, Reply)

I would like you to buy me some beer.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 13:31, Reply)

Do you need to be shorn of your body hair for me to successfully buy you some beer?

(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 13:34, Reply)

Parents are crap.
End of story.

Edit - Apart from when they're helping you out : )
( girlinthehole, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 10:53, Reply)

Hahaha
Some are better than other, but the way my father likes misteries has always driven me mad.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 19 Jul 2010, 10:58, Reply)

Mine are fantastic.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 11:05, Reply)

My dad fixed my boiler, so he's alright.
I had to tell him how to put up a tent though.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 11:09, Reply)

This morning I am waiting for a telephone call
from my sons' school because they have gone on a week long camping trip with all of their year. I dropped them off earlier along with additional letters about medical problems and a bag the size of a small aircraft carrier containing all the additional crap son #2 needs to stay alive. Didn't speak to a teacher I knew as they were all running around sorting stuff out.
I'm anticipating getting a call at some point today when they realise that at least one adult on the trip is never going to sleep or relax....

Some days I bloody love being a mother.

I also cried when I dropped them off as they'll be away for a week. This is not like me - I didn't cry when they started school and they've only gone 15 miles down the road for a week!
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 11:03, Reply)

What are your sons' problems?
Will they be ok if the teacher relaxes or they need 24h attention?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 19 Jul 2010, 11:09, Reply)

Son #1 had an argument with a barbed wire fence yesterday afternoon
so we spent most of yesterday evening in A&E getting his arm glued back together - he's fine now but no swimming for a week.

The other son is harder to deal with - he's diabetic and requires four or five insulin injections every day, around 7-12 blood tests every day and has to ensure he always carries dextrose tablets and cereal bars in case of a hypo (low blood sugar) which happens pretty much without warning because the bugger keeps on growing. Often he also needs to be checked during the night because children's blood sugar levels can drop dangerously low and they don't wake up.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 11:17, Reply)

my wee sister is type 1 diabetic
mum and dad had a several page 'handling instructions' document which was printed off and stapled to passing teachers. I think the first page said 'find her sister. if she is not to be found, read the rest of the document' or something along those lines.

she's made it 26 alive and well (and, sadly, epileptic), so the care instructions obviously worked.

hope you have a lovely week child free though!
( ascorbate, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 11:28, Reply)

I really hope I enjoy the child free week
but I suspect I'll spend most of it worrying. Since his diagnosis (in March) I've become an anxious parent.
It sucks.
Glad to hear your sister is well.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 11:31, Reply)

Wow! That sounds like a lot of hard work!
I'm sure he'll enjoy 1 week with his friends and will be happy in 1 week when he comes back.

About the wire... well... kids...
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 19 Jul 2010, 11:32, Reply)

Yes, it is.
I'm sure both boys will have a fantastic time.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 11:41, Reply)

I suggest taking the chance this week to enjoy your six pack
and massive cock
( djtrialprice, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 12:42, Reply)

I shall do this
:D
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 12:58, Reply)

How is the son who managed to go face first into barbed wire?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 11:15, Reply)

He's fine!
Fortunately it's only his arm that was really injured and he looks like he fought with a leopard.
He's rather pleased with himself as he was super glued together and will have scars - chicks dig scars, apparently. :)
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 11:18, Reply)

Fuck yeah

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 11:23, Reply)

Or they'll think "very clumsy suicide attempt"
or possibly "serious emo"
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 11:54, Reply)

We said that to him yesterday at A&E in front of the nurse
She told him next time to come back without us. She also offered to give the number for Childline.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 11:55, Reply)

It's not very nice but they have to do it.
Child protection is more important than the feelings of the parents.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 11:57, Reply)

He told her he was going to call Childline the last time we made him clean his room
I was more concerned for my health then, rather than his, as his room should have a biohazard warning label.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 13:01, Reply)

Look on it as
a vigorous workout for his immune system.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 13:34, Reply)

haha

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 11:58, Reply)

Was she having a laugh?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 11:58, Reply)

Of course she was having a laugh!
The little bugger is as tall as me! He was covered in mud, still wearing biking gear and kept saying it was a bear that attacked him.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 12:59, Reply)

Haha, genius!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 13:15, Reply)

Myself, to get my arse moving and finsih packing everything away
though most of me wants to sit down and weep.
Ah well.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 11:03, Reply)

Job interview
Have you tried switching it off and on again?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 11:13, Reply)

good luck

(PsychoChomp, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 11:13, Reply)

Oi Becky,
you coming on Saturday?
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 11:54, Reply)

Also, good luck!

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 12:01, Reply)

Waiting for a call for escape route
I applied for a job with an employment agency that dealt with the long term unemployed at the very start of April, things sped along and I was phone interviewed within a few days. My hopes were high, as was the salary and I could really see myself getting into the role and becoming an energetic go-getter, pumping these dole moles full of self confidence and enthusiasm, all the while being readied for MASSIVE PROMOTIONS.

I waited, and waited and erm, am still waiting. I emailed them about 6 weeks ago to ask them what the fuck was happening and they responded by saying I had passed the phone interview and I would be contacted for a face to face interview. Still no news. Every morning I come into Mordor I check my email to see if teh fickle finger of fate and pressed submit and honoured me with a date for this seemingly ficticious interview. Obviously there is a super sized portion of irony served with this as they are meant to be a worldwide employment agency!

I am a patient guy, but I feel I will end up becoming a patient in the local quack shack if a lifeline isn't thrown to me soon. So the question is, should I mail them back and ask them WTF is going on, thereby making me look like an annoying cunt who's application has just edged nearer the bin, or should I sit here, going quietly insane?
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 11:45, Reply)

Email them
that's too long for you to wait they'll have to understand that, if you were mailing them a week after your phone interview then it would be annoying.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 11:55, Reply)

You're right
I'm just being a spineless cock
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 11:58, Reply)

Yeah, stop being that.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 12:01, Reply)

Contact them
If you passed the telephone interview then they should be in touch with you again. If not, why not? Being pushy isn't necessarily a bad thing when searching for a job.

Good luck!
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 11:57, Reply)

Email sent.
Shite posted.

Well, I may as well cover all bases.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 12:16, Reply)

Yay!

( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 13:01, Reply)

get onto them
I find the way companies fail to get back to applicants outrageous

when I applied for this job after uni I probably applied to 20 engineering companies. This one came up and was ideal so I took it. Didn't hear a single thing from any of the others until 9 months later when one other company sent me a terse letter saying "sorry, no"
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 12:04, Reply)

Set fire to their offices
or post them a poo

/ac
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 12:07, Reply)

Or poo set in fire

(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 19 Jul 2010, 12:29, Reply)

I spent 8 years working in recruitment
which sucked balls, but if it's been that long then it's probably either been filled or pulled. Just ring the agency and ask them straight out. If they are any good they will be straight with you. The other alternative is the role is dragging and your their best candidate for it so are not offering you other roles that appear in the interim. But if this were the case I would expect the consultant to be on the phone with you at least twice a week. Hope you get the news you were after, if you want any help with structuring your CV gaz me. You would be surprised at how the perception of what a good CV is differs between the public and the recruitment agency.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 12:46, Reply)

That's very kind of you,and i may well take you up on your offer
The job in question is not with an agency, it is directly with the employer, who are a sort of private sector, job centre type thing. I have never had any dealings with employment agencies to be honest, i've heard too many horror stories regarding their lack of professionalism.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 13:25, Reply)

In 8 years
I met a handful of people who weren't sewer dwellers. It's a horrible industry full of middle class kids with no real skills and uni dropouts.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:05, Reply)

To go and see Lampito and Kitty tonight.
And for mother to leave the house so I can have some piece and quiet.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 11:47, Reply)

What time are you meeting them, I'll be sure to turn my phone off.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 11:50, Reply)

PIECE AND QUIET?
oh dear
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 12:05, Reply)

Oh dear what?

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 12:10, Reply)

piece?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 12:13, Reply)

oh for fucks sake.
It's too early in the morning. I can't be bothered changing it.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 12:17, Reply)

Morning?

(PsychoChomp, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 12:18, Reply)

Shut up Chompy.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 12:20, Reply)

For me, yeah.
I'm aware it's after twelve. But I only got up an hour ago, so for me it's still morning. So shut up.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 12:23, Reply)

There's so many responses to this sort of post,
I'll go for the least offensive:
Lazy cow.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 12:27, Reply)

Yep.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 12:36, Reply)

peace

(PsychoChomp, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 12:16, Reply)

fucking hippy

(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 12:45, Reply)

At least it's not "quite"

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 12:13, Reply)

true

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 12:17, Reply)

That's the first thing I checked for.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 12:27, Reply)

so, so much fail
edumacaeshuns not wot it used to be
( djtrialprice, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 12:43, Reply)

I cannot wait for this.
(Autocomplete was "I cannot wait for the day you actually meet her", which concerned you and Chompalicious)
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 12:26, Reply)

Oh, you're meeting in Manchester and I'm not invited?
Why? Do I smell?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 19 Jul 2010, 12:27, Reply)

It's because you're forrin
and they're terrible racists
( djtrialprice, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 12:43, Reply)

:(
I can fake English accent. Well, no, but I can try be the English stereotype and just be there, looking posh and smug, drinking my 5 o'clock tea and eating biscuits, agreeing to everything while thinking that they're talking bullshit.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 19 Jul 2010, 12:47, Reply)

Ich bin ein Auslander auch
seeing as I'm a card carrying Jock. But alas, I don't need to fake my English accent.
( djtrialprice, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 12:51, Reply)

So not actually forrin,
just a denizen of the lower orders of this Sceptred Isle? Boy, stoke my pipe and have it ready for me on the verandah in five minutes.

Abe, as a foreign dignitary, just do everything I do and you'll fit in just fine. If you can practice responding to everything I say with "Well, quite," and "Oh, absolutely," in an accent worthy of Rex Harrison then nobody will notice the difference.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 12:55, Reply)

I've got very good at saying
"Well, well, well" and "Oh, I see" Will that suffice?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 19 Jul 2010, 12:58, Reply)

Useful point of etiquette
The correct response to "how do you do" is "how do you do". Nothing else is acceptable in polite circles.

Yet another way we sneaky Brits aim to out forrins.

/debretts
(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 12:59, Reply)

Or, if you're being flirtatious:
"How do you do?"
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 12:59, Reply)

Followed by a salacious twirl of the handlebar, of course ...

(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 13:07, Reply)

Yes,
And the only right answer to "Thank you" is "No, thank you"
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 19 Jul 2010, 13:03, Reply)

get it right up ye
ya soft peace ;) o' southern shite
( djtrialprice, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 13:01, Reply)

Yes, but is my pipe ready?
I shall have the quartermaster flog you if you continue to bandy about derogatory remarks in that native dialect of yours!
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 13:05, Reply)

Nah
But ma boabie is ya bent shot
( djtrialprice, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 13:10, Reply)

I got inspired
So made this. SPOILER ALERT: If you haven't seen Inception, don't click the link!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 12:15, Reply)

Uf! Almost
I'll wait a couple of days and then click it.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 19 Jul 2010, 12:27, Reply)

I've heard literally nothing about the plot of Inception
I don't have the slightest clue what the film is about. But I've heard from several friends that it's brilliant. I'm really tempted to see it as the whole thing will be one big surprise. I'm annoyed by how much trailers give away these days.
( djtrialprice, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 12:45, Reply)

I'm going on Wednesday to see it
*excites*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 12:46, Reply)

I'm going soon, but I don't know when
I saw the begining of a documentary on Saturday, and I regret it a lot, it said too much.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 19 Jul 2010, 12:48, Reply)

He's probably sending you some top quality porn or a virus because he's bored.

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 12:40, Reply)

That sounds more like you than my father
He's probably sending me a 3 pages long letter explaining the goods and bads of something I did or said.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 19 Jul 2010, 12:45, Reply)

it was me :(

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:53, Reply)