Saturday Night
So for my first post, I'm going to announce that my girlfriend and I just broke up the other day. I'm playing a gig in Croydon tonight, so will be after drunken sympathy sex.

What's on the agenda for you guys?
(MrEyeballs, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 17:34, 101 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I'm also playing a gig
but in Exeter.

I will not be giving you drunken sympathy sex.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 17:35, Reply)

Because you're not his sister

(Bazongaloid, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 17:43, Reply)

I went to a gig last night and got hammered.
Today I have a monster hangover.

I supposed to be going out and doing it all over again this evening and if I don't go, I'll be letter people down, but I really don't fancy going.

No significant other in my life, I won't be looking for or offering sympathy sex this evening. I'm far too broken to engage in anything like that.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 17:43, Reply)

Shut up bert

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 17:44, Reply)

is it?
how can you tell?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 17:48, Reply)

It probably isn't actually Bert
It's probably batshitmentalist/workboresme/rogerthestarfish
(Bazongaloid, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 17:50, Reply)

Whatever happened to rogerthestarfish?
Was he Ed?
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 17:52, Reply)

Nah, it was Batshitmentalist

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 17:53, Reply)

Was it really?
When did that come out?
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 17:54, Reply)

Here:
b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post843308
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 17:56, Reply)

Thanks Chompy

(Bazongaloid, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 17:56, Reply)

Why THAT'S a pretty blouse!

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 18:07, Reply)

This one's my favourite
b3ta.com/questions/confess/post843307

But I also like this: b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post847606
This led to me gazzing her to prove that I never once fell for it, and then me and her having drunken abusive gaz exchanges. I've told her I'm praying for her.

EDIT, despite Al bringing this up today, watch her have a go at ME for it.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 18:07, Reply)

Awwwww I fookin love you roota
You should publish any offensive gaz she sends you.
(Bazongaloid, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 18:16, Reply)

I could publish the whole stream. I was a tit as well.
But it was ok because I was drunk and I'd only had four beers after some karaoke and I didn't drive a car home afterwards.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 18:19, Reply)

please do
you could always delete it afterwards. but it would cheer up my evening at work no end.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 18:20, Reply)

I hope before you sent her anything you made sure to punch out three guys

(Bazongaloid, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 18:22, Reply)

Haha ok, gimme a min
I always swore I'd never get involved in internet madness like this, but pah, I have 25 mins before I'm getting ready, I'd like to entertain you lot with her and my madness, and I can always disappear in my fighter jet...
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 18:31, Reply)

EEEEXCELLENT

( rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 18:33, Reply)

Is it really bad to show gazzes?
I'm almost having some morals here.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 18:40, Reply)

well yes
and it is mean of me to ask. but i am just being nosy and bored, not malicious, and you are just entertaining me.

i know, gaz it to me in my capacity as your lawyer!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 18:45, Reply)

I may need your help if she finds me and decides to throw me at the window
Or heaven forbid she drives around Liverpool looking for me after a few beers and some karaoke
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 18:48, Reply)

For now, I'm going to do the right thing
But I'm remaining a vigilant archivist. Like a less creepy and more petty Chompy.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 18:59, Reply)

+r
/pander
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 19:00, Reply)

Rarrrrr

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 19:00, Reply)

anything is possible
meanwhile detective roota, do we think the new boy is bert???
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 19:01, Reply)

My spider sense says no
But it is 'someone', I'll wager.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 19:04, Reply)

I'm going to the local pub.
Huzzah!
( girlinthehole, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 17:47, Reply)

I hope you get lucky in the toilets.

(Bazongaloid, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 17:50, Reply)

I hope your toilets get lucky.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 17:53, Reply)

The pub is renouned for having lucky toilets.

( girlinthehole, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 18:14, Reply)

Long hot bath with sweet-smelling bubbles
and the excitement of trying to work out how to turn on the heating.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 17:53, Reply)

I wish I knew how to turn on the heating,
I'm fucking FREEZING, and my piercing hurts.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 17:54, Reply)

My feet are ice.
I may have injured my back in my fall, either that, or my kidneys are playing up again. I resolve to solve this with moar lying down and drugs.

Do you ever want to see saline solution again?
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 17:55, Reply)

Poor thing
Feel better soon yeah?

Yes, in about two hours when I have to wash it again.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 18:01, Reply)

Hang on, so you have to spray warm salty liquid
over you nipples every few hours? I can't help thinking you should have asked for volunteers
(Bazongaloid, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 18:03, Reply)

I ran out of hot water yesterday half way through running the bath
luckily it was tepid, so I'm making up for it and intend to scald myself. Plenty of Lush goodies too.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 18:08, Reply)

Tepid baths are so miserable
Yes, you should come out of there smelling like a goddess, but looking like a lobster.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 18:14, Reply)

I feel like a lobster
the bruises on my knees are showing up bright purple, it's highly entertaining.

I smell of generic Lush, I forgot what was in my box and just picked one at random.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 18:26, Reply)

Bleurgh!
Your nips are gonna spew puss everywhere now. I'm sorry Applebite, but I no longer want to see your breasts.
(Bazongaloid, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 17:57, Reply)

Oi!
I shall have you know it's doing very well and there is no puss to be seen. But SADFACE anyway, not even when it's healed?
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 18:01, Reply)

Well, I suppose if you insist
but pierced nipples really don't do anything for me.
(Bazongaloid, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 18:02, Reply)

i used to have a pierced nipple
it was awesome
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 18:21, Reply)

^This.
Couldn't keep them though.
( girlinthehole, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 19:32, Reply)

I took mine out in a rage once
then it healed up :(
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 19:50, Reply)

I'm going to a dinner party
And I also went to the pub to have a pint with my dad and watch Everton draw with Fulham. I'm not bothered by that but I am bothered by my nephew's shameful sour grapes tantrum.
As an Evertonian he needs to learn to deal with failure.
EDIT 0-0 is still a draw, right?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 18:09, Reply)

Scouse dinner party = meeting at the local kebab van

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 18:21, Reply)

+ to knick the wheels

(Bazongaloid, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 18:21, Reply)

and the stereo

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 18:22, Reply)

I'll be the only scouser there.
It was so very nearly a dignified affair...
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 18:41, Reply)

i was supposed to have my dad and brother down for dinner
but my dad is ill. so i ended up staying longer at my niece's 4th birthday party than i meant to, and have thus arrived at work a LOT later than i like to be. this will be the worst saturday night ever, ever, ever. on the plus side, i am then off for most of next week, hoorah.

on the back of a 3am finish on thu night and a late late hammered finish last night, there is nothing worse than a 4 year old's birthday party. but I SAT RIGHT NEXT TO STEPHEN FRY at dinner/cocktails, which we thought was quite exciting.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 18:10, Reply)

Did you have a good natter with him?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 18:14, Reply)

nooo
he was there with friends and we were quite desperately drunk, so it would have been a Bad Thing.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 18:16, Reply)

Hope your dad's okay

(Bazongaloid, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 18:22, Reply)

thank you...
... so do i. he's never ill normally! plus since losing my mum so unexpectedly i get really really panicky if i think anything might happen to him. which drives him mad, he's about the bluffest gruffest yorkshireman you could imagine.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 18:23, Reply)

Bad news of having to work.
Did you get your niece anything pink for her birthday?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 18:35, Reply)

Getting drunk with friends
That's about it really.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 18:16, Reply)

don't really need much more eh

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 18:35, Reply)

Pub then food then bed.
Only had 7 hours sleep in the last 48
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 18:24, Reply)

What's the latest?
I am annoyed with how shit Arsenal's defence was today. Hopefully just a blip!
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 18:31, Reply)

no
arsenal are just shit.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 18:33, Reply)

Well hello Miss Swipe
What is this bullshit I see above? How's your weekend going?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 18:35, Reply)

Arsenal stopped me taking any money from the bookies today.
I hold you responsible Bob.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 18:36, Reply)

hello both
well the fact that i am at work and on here instead of having a nice hangover-cure dinner with my daddy and my brother says it all. but luckily i have you lot to cheer me up!

(*slits wrists*)
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 18:37, Reply)

Not for long.
I've just had dinner and I'm about to get ready to go out for the night.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 18:39, Reply)

straight down not across, remember.
Sorry you workaholic mentallist I am off out for poker tonight. Real game, no cheating.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 18:39, Reply)

Casino?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 18:41, Reply)

No just the good players,
Would notice me manipulating the shuffle.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 18:42, Reply)

I forgot to put a bet on so quite happy really plus chelsea lost so no drama really
Did city play?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 18:38, Reply)

Yeah.
Got a 0-0 away at Burnley. Given they've won all 4 home games and City have been poor this season, I'm more than happy with that.

I'll gloss over the fact they missed a pen, hit the woodwork 3 times and according to the stats had 27 shots on goal and claim City played well.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 18:40, Reply)

I intend to forget about football until Tuesday or Wednesday whatever day we are playing in Europe.
Right I have to be a homo and wash my hair as it smells of bonfires. I love Autumn!!!
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 18:42, Reply)

Is that you Pires?
I'd just like to accuse you and your manager of being idiotic. EVERYBODY KNEW that Almunia wasn't upto the task this season and Wenger needed to do whatever it took to get a top class keeper on board. For example I see that Athletico Madrid guy is available for £17m.

So now we get another "nearly" season from Arsenal and I have to watch fucking russian moneybags run away with the title again while Man Utd do everything in their power to persuade the refs and FA to keep them in with a chance. Yawnsome!
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 19:14, Reply)

You seem to have been sniffing the gas a bit early today
How do United manipulate the FA to keep them in with a chance?
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 19:18, Reply)

Had too much beer now to type you an update - will email you & the others at some point over the next day or so - it has started to calm down now though - these sort of things don't last long

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 20:17, Reply)

I have just had a humungous dinner of:
Aunt Bessies giant yorkshire pudding, veggie sausages, mash and peas. I'll be lucky if I get my pants on tonight, never mind get them taken off.
( girlinthehole, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 18:50, Reply)

I don't know what's on the menu tonight
But I did have a massive fish, chips and mushy peas in a pub at about 4.30. Oops.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 18:58, Reply)

I might be cock-eyed from a couple of drinks
But the way you're talking tonight makes me think you'll pull. I've been right about such things before, albeit not on a flippin' internet message board.
(Mr Big Stuff, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 19:17, Reply)

Not at the local pub.
Besides, once again let me state that I am off teh cock.
( girlinthehole, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 19:19, Reply)

Ah, very sensible
I sometimes wonder if half the reason I've ever gone to pubs is to pull random women. And of course that never happens. As I get older I'm finding solace in keeping to mine and not acting like such a (male) tart. For a while anyway.. if the drought continues much into my 30s I'm going to act like the devil's own tart.
(Mr Big Stuff, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 19:27, Reply)

You're still young.
Plenty of time to put it about : )
( girlinthehole, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 19:29, Reply)

Yay Saturday night thread
I'm behaving myself and going to be a sad loner. Getting a takeaway, gonna play some Civ5 and probably watch a film tonight.. Yawn, weekends without booze are so slow and boring....
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 19:11, Reply)

Getting stuck into a bottle of red wine
Get the feeling I should get out to the local since it's Saturday night but really don't feel like going out at all. Spent last night in the local "Working Men's Club" dancing like an aggressive orangutang to radge drum and bass, then tried to get a very, very fat girl back to mine in rather lecherous fashion, then about 50 people started a fight in the street and the police showed up. Definitely not going out, not yet anyway.

Got my wine and records and central heating right here. Sorted.
(Mr Big Stuff, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 19:15, Reply)

i want to go out and dance like a n aggresive orangutan!
shame there's never anything good round here on a saturday

well, to be fair, it may just be I'm too old to realise there is something on
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 19:19, Reply)

Ah, not as fun as it maybe sounds
The music was cool and there were a few people properly into it, but mostly the vibe was proper edgy. As soon as I walked in I said to a friend, "It's all going to kick off at some point" and sure enough it did. Kept my thick winter coat on the whole time - didn't dare take it off for fear it would be nicked.
(Mr Big Stuff, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 19:30, Reply)

Sounds like an awesome night.
I miss nights like that. Well not trying to pull a fat bird obviously.
( girlinthehole, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 19:21, Reply)

I have been up for about thirty five hours now.
I'm going to lounge around in my longjohns and then go to bed around eleven.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 19:30, Reply)

I'm watching the x factor. Mucho chavness and off keyness
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 20:34, Reply)

Let's have some Berty Boy and Batshitfishdog Fanfic.
And she was in a rage, she could only see red. She picked up the mangled carcous of the cat one last time, for one last moment, she decided that with all her might this time the window would break. This time she noticed the shadow of the man standing in the door behind her, but she didn't care, she was too far gone. With one almight scream and a yell of might, she swong her arm in an arc and the cat broke through the window pane, a million shards flecked the floor like dimonds on a crimson channel dress.

All thoughts came rushing to her, a million and one, but all she could say was "Hi", him likewise. Looking at her she was as vengfull as ever, he could remember his last encounter, he wore the scars with equal shame and pride, depending on the company.

She ran at him, beat her fists into his chest, over and over, "YOU BASTARD, YOU BASTARD", he stood there, as tall and as erect as a man made of stone. She beat him over and over until he grabbed her wrists, and she sacumed, exorsted from her previous furry. She lay into his hot sweaty chest, and their sweat from forehead to chest became one. Oh, by the way, he's topless in this, donno why.

After a moment, he saw the cat, or it may have been cats, lord knows how many, definatly ploral. Not a glass surfice in site. And he knew, there and then, that she was his. They rip their clothes off and begin the passon.

Hours later, it was ended, there was feecies everywhere, the urine indisguingashable from animal to human; male to female. He picked up his clothes, and walked out the door. "Wait, where are you going? You can't just leave me here again, not like this", so he replied to her, with a wink and a smile, "Fuck off, Sis.".
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 20:56, Reply)

feecies is going in the gonz dictionary

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 20:59, Reply)

GET-IN-THERE !

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 22:50, Reply)

the last line did make me laugh
well done, i am in such a work-strop that was quite an achievement!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 21:14, Reply)

Hah, ace !

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 22:50, Reply)

That was awesome
I was cursing Leonard Cohen for not coming in later. Your story was awesome set to a psuedo-parisian-cafe-accordian soundtrack.
(Mr Big Stuff, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 21:19, Reply)

I'm not sure who he is to tell you the truth.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 22:50, Reply)