Vipros wants to put together a crack team of specialists to pull off a high-stakes, high-tech heist.
What skills could you bring to the project?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 12:23, 13 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I could bring small voice
Which I have used today to make people carry heavy stuff for me
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 12:28, Reply)

Awesome.
And you;d be great at distracting some guards maybe.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 12:31, Reply)

how do you do that small writing? I want that power.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 12:31, Reply)

You don't do it.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 12:31, Reply)

yes I do
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 12:41, Reply)

Hah, never ask her for some of her power.
It'll eat you from the inside.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 12:32, Reply)

Bobs not cool enough for small voice
and it only works as everyone has heard me do small voice IRL
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 12:33, Reply)

I've not
Liar.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 12:34, Reply)

Everyone who matters

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 12:36, Reply)

this is true
I suggest we get TGB and rubberduck to act as drivers
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 12:36, Reply)

Spot-on.
A fleet of Honda Accords with tinted windows.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 12:38, Reply)

Why do you want to make me cry so badly?

(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 12:39, Reply)

Because I'm one away from a new PB

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 12:40, Reply)

Must
Hold
back
tears...
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 12:41, Reply)

Bob
I've _no ^idea how you change the fonts. Sorry.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 12:40, Reply)

ooh now you're just showing off
^{now I am too} _{will this work?} Yes hurrah for me
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 12:41, Reply)

Yay for you!

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 12:43, Reply)

^wo_oo^oo_oo^oo_oo^oo_oo^oo_oo^oo_oo^oo_oo^oo_oo^oo_oo^o _!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 12:44, Reply)

Way too much time on your hands.
Anyone would think you'd stopped caring about work.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 12:48, Reply)

copy and paste ftw
But yeah seeing those little wiggly O's did result in GLEE of the highest order which says a lot about how dull my day is
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 12:49, Reply)

People who do this are cocks

(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 12:41, Reply)

Even people who do that just to annoy Bob?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 12:42, Reply)

Yes
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 12:43, Reply)

hahahaha

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 12:44, Reply)

^{it's jealousy} _{ignore him}
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 12:43, Reply)

don't lie to me bitch
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 12:42, Reply)

Height?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 12:28, Reply)

Muscle
and running away slowly
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 12:28, Reply)

BobbyPires
Special skill...

'Capable of evading low-speed pursuit'
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 12:33, Reply)

or just running through shit.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 12:36, Reply)

muscle fat
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 12:35, Reply)

human shield

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 12:36, Reply)

not for you two cuntrags!

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 12:42, Reply)

cooking for the others and driving everyone around at high speed

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 12:29, Reply)

Tits.
Also: gymnastics, for getting round security lasers and whatnot.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 12:29, Reply)

you're in

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 12:32, Reply)

yes!
When do you need me?
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 12:44, Reply)

I'll courier you a phone when it is time

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 12:48, Reply)

I'll be ready and waiting.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 12:48, Reply)

I was going to post that
as you are already acting as my assistant, you're in.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 12:32, Reply)

*takes minutes*

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 12:39, Reply)

So I've heard.

( girlinthehole, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 12:43, Reply)

Well done BGB *high fives*

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 12:46, Reply)

very good

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 12:49, Reply)

*curtsies demurely*

( girlinthehole, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 12:50, Reply)

:)
:(
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 12:51, Reply)

I have sharp axes and big sledge hammers.
They may come in handy.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 12:39, Reply)

it's going to be more high tech than that
we need lasers and stuff
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 12:40, Reply)

You may have to get through a door. Can I bring them with me anyway?

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 12:41, Reply)

not sure
I'll need to think about it
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 12:49, Reply)

I made a laser once.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 12:49, Reply)

How?

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 12:52, Reply)

Mirrors light source crystal,
bassically just put the pieces together for some science course I went on when I was a kid.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 12:53, Reply)

So not really then?

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 13:00, Reply)

Yeah not really,
but you know, better than you've ever done.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 13:04, Reply)

can you elaborate?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 12:52, Reply)

The less you know the safer you are.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 12:57, Reply)

how enigmatic
you're in
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 12:58, Reply)

Oooh ooh I know where to get a death ray.
Sort of.
As long as you're outside. And it's a nice day. But if so, DEATH RAY.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 13:11, Reply)

I could punch out the guards.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 12:43, Reply)

Lampers!
I MUST HAVE HIM.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 12:48, Reply)

:(
Stroke his test tubes in a sexual way and shag him in the fume cupboard.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 12:49, Reply)

I wish.
I don't think I'll push it, we do have to work together for the entire semester, should things go south (and not in the good way), it would be hideously awkward.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 12:56, Reply)

+ sleep in my bed because I'm too tired for anything other than being a massive pricktease

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 12:49, Reply)

Not seduced boy, silly.
I sincerely wish he would leave me alone.
Different one, my ultramega fit lab partner. I would NEVER be too tired for him.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 12:52, Reply)

Is he ginger, floppy haired and wears check shirts?
Does he look like he might risk snapping in a brisk wind?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 12:54, Reply)

Nope.
On all counts.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 12:55, Reply)

He's not a hipster is he?
You're alright, Applebite, but I will punch you right in the face if he is.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 12:57, Reply)

Hipster?
What does that entail?
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 12:57, Reply)

Scarf wearing pipe smoking aresholes
www.google.com/images?q=hipsters&um=1&ie=UTF-8&source=og&sa=N&hl=en&tab=wi
(PsychoChomp, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 13:00, Reply)

also known as an awful lot of my friends.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 13:05, Reply)

I live with one.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 13:08, Reply)

I know some
They are mostly awful people.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 13:12, Reply)

The guy I live with is ok. luckily.
I'm not friends with any others.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 13:13, Reply)

I know one who is incredibly hot and nice
The rest, not so much.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 13:22, Reply)

See here
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 13:00, Reply)

Er, No.
That eighth picture down of the girl in the fur coat... what the fuck.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 13:05, Reply)

accidentally spill some chemicals on him and then say
"let's get you out of those wet clothes and into a dry martini"
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 12:56, Reply)

Smooth
If stolen.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 12:56, Reply)

I love that phrase

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 12:58, Reply)

Nothing turns me on more than clumsyness
and poor scientific practice.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 12:58, Reply)

Yeah baby
Especially when we're dealing with live bacteria and potential carcinogens.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 12:59, Reply)

Maybe it would just be for the best
if you kept the chemicals in a safe area, and then just spit on his clothes.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 13:02, Reply)

Beacuse my saliva all over his arm will definitely make him want to jump in my bed.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 13:08, Reply)

*sigh*
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(PsychoChomp, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 13:12, Reply)

I love this picture too much to care about the message it's trying to get across.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 13:13, Reply)

I can climb poles.
Which means I can shimmy up lampposts or scaffolding to gain access to the building and/or safe. Should any happen to be nearby.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 12:44, Reply)

I've got a big bag of weed.
Weekdays are bad though - can we do this on a weekend?
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 12:46, Reply)

yeah, that's fine
you're in
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 12:48, Reply)

I can do computer-y stuff
And can get training in social engineering/penetration testing.
Y'know the guy in the movies who dresses smart, bluffs his way into the building, hacks a computer and is so cool he even gets the secretary to make him coffee? That's me.
Oh, I'm also a good shot with rifles, pistols and bow and arrow.
AND, if you don't hire me then I'll be the one to unravel your plans.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 12:53, Reply)

You're forgetting that you're good at saving damsels in distress.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 12:54, Reply)

True
Should the plan encounter problems, I am handy at rescuing damsels.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 12:55, Reply)

I have doubts over this bit
so cool he even gets the secretary to make him coffee.
She'll probably start talking about something bad happened to her at one point and you'll listen for HOURS and then get caught because you're still there HOURS later helping her fix her phone and putting up pictures for her
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 12:54, Reply)

That is quite likely to happen
Which is why I'd taze her.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 12:56, Reply)

Isn't this your standard practice with women?

(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 13:02, Reply)

*tazes*

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 13:03, Reply)

PoD isn't a woman, Labs.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 13:07, Reply)

You are correct
I get the sinking feeling he was just mocking me though.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 13:09, Reply)

tazing you then leaving you unsatisfied
what an arsehole
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 13:13, Reply)

I'm quite happy with Labs making no attempt to satisfy me

(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 13:13, Reply)

that bit is irrelevant
the other skills sound useful though
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 12:57, Reply)

I could bring the power of history
oops only partially posted. The power of history, breasts and getting you into the actual building. May also supply handy quippage/punnage as we get away
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 13:04, Reply)

A PhD in Computer Science,
a husband-to-be who is geekier than me, and a bunch of cryptographer friends.

And a balaclava.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 13:53, Reply)