I have no question
just say something interesting

or make some shit up

/anarchy
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 20:36, 127 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

something interesting
*makes some shit up*
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 20:39, Reply)

nice shit

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 20:40, Reply)

Why thank you
I do try.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 20:41, Reply)

When you get exited about the prospect of having a night out with your parents then it's time to give up.

( girlinthehole, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 20:41, Reply)

what the hell!
don't say that's happened to you
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 20:42, Reply)

Saturday. Tapas then pub with sister and parents.
I'm quite looking forward to it.
( girlinthehole, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 20:45, Reply)

weird

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 20:46, Reply)

I know.
But I am getting a tattoo Saturday too. Rock and roll!!!!!
( girlinthehole, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 20:47, Reply)

woah!
tapas and tattoos. That's what they'll call your rock bio-pic
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 20:48, Reply)

That would be awesome!
Blousie as herself and Jeff Bridges as..... Fuck it, just shoehorn him in on any pretence!
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 20:51, Reply)

Hehe!

( girlinthehole, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:01, Reply)

Sounds good to me
I like socialising with my folks, it doesn't happen often enough.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 20:46, Reply)

it's perfectly acceptable to be excited about going out with your parents, especially when going to the titty bar

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 20:44, Reply)

I look forward to going walking with my parents.
I'd not really known them properly since I left home at 18, despite only living a mile away because my dad has "issues". Now we go walking most weekends and it's been great getting to know them and spending time with them again, even if occasionally I feel like a little boy again.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:03, Reply)

Awwww!
It's just that my step-dad talks shop and winds my mum up when he's had a drink. But it should be fun nontheless.
( girlinthehole, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:08, Reply)

I'm totally going to get drunk tonight
it is thursday after all
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 20:41, Reply)

thursday = thirstday

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 20:42, Reply)

haha these are total lies
I'm not going to get drunk tonight!

I didn't even finish the one beer I had last night. It made me feel ill.
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 20:43, Reply)

tomorrow is drunk night for me
lost in some sand dunes, dressed as an egyptian alchemist swigging something foul looking and declaring the greatness of a vengeful goddess
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 20:46, Reply)

will you be wearing a toga and headdress?

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 20:48, Reply)

Headdress
but no toga
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 20:49, Reply)

*raises an eyebrow*
naked??
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:03, Reply)

um...imagine that
well, imagine that I'm not minging too, then you won't vomit

but no, I have many clothes as I think it will be proper cold
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:04, Reply)

WHAT SORT OF GODDESS DOES NOT WEAR A TOGA
sheesh
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:10, Reply)

I'm not the goddess
I'm the goddess worshiper with a bottle of vodka.
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:12, Reply)

are you some sort of hippie or something?
but really, what are you banging on about? I don't know anyone that worships goddesses
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:20, Reply)

larp
i.e. none of it's real except the vodka and the geeks

edit: and the cold
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:26, Reply)

oh wow
what will you be doing?
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:32, Reply)

uh
well, we're off to visit the city of the dead (for some reason I didn't listen to) so I'll probably be fighting demons and zombies all weekend. Maybe a little codebreaking/problem solving, some terrible egyptian accents, a lot of giggling and some booxe
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:36, Reply)

fun!

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:43, Reply)

You know when seabirds do that thing where they fly really really low, close to the surface of the water?
There's no reason for them to do that other than it looks really fucking cool.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 20:42, Reply)

this I can believe
There was this one guy who started a business, it was a dating site for sea birds.

he got a couple of good shags but then it took a tern for the worst
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 20:44, Reply)

I think I used that site
all I got was a blurry photo of some boobies.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 20:51, Reply)

haha
i don't want to imagine you huffing and puffin over those pictures
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:02, Reply)

I might dig them out later
light a few candles, stick on some Barry White and albatross-ing myself off in no time.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:16, Reply)

I had no idea that the sister Bert nonced up was 9 or something like that
I'm somewhat concerned that he'll be playing host at his daughters 'slumber parties'
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 20:46, Reply)

He's a rather peculiar man.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 20:48, Reply)

He's certainly put the graft in, and is the bookies hot favourite
for mentalist b3tan award 2010
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 20:50, Reply)

This place is A LOT less mental than it used to be.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 20:52, Reply)

I'm all for the mental headwrongs with their tantrums and breakdowns
Internet tea and hugglewuggles doesn't cut it
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 20:57, Reply)

^ this ^

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 20:59, Reply)

I like a hugglewuggle now and then .......
mixed up with the odd insult.
( girlinthehole, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:04, Reply)

cunt!
*hugs*
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:05, Reply)

+ bullying
Don't forget the bullying
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:08, Reply)

I don't get bullied.
I'm well ard.
( girlinthehole, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:09, Reply)

I meant on the boards in general
I find the terrible bullying hilarious.
Credit where credit is due, Piston Broke marches ever on.
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:12, Reply)

I do admire his tenacity.

( girlinthehole, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:15, Reply)

But not his comedy
Or his incredible lack of social skills
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:20, Reply)

was his comedy as bad as everybody says?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:21, Reply)

Witness!
www.jamescartercomedy.com/
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:23, Reply)

To extemporise for a moment
This is a world of the badly adjusted.

Those who are so badly adjusted that they fail to understand their shortcomings are the ones who get bullied.

In other words, we're shite but not THAT shite...
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:22, Reply)

This place is nowhere near less mental than it used to be.
It's getting progressively more and more mental as the post count reaches 1,000,000, whereby we'll all explode and form a singularity of cliquey memes, incest, name-calling and no cake.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:25, Reply)

it does seem that there are no new people
just sock puppets of previous mentals who spectacularly flounced but are inexorably drawn back to the grey and lighter grey message boards
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:28, Reply)

There's a few new faces here compared to a few months back when I was posting regularly.
Admittedly fewer mentals, but I think many of the regulars are more than making up for that.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:29, Reply)

im not mental!

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:44, Reply)

You think?
I only hang out on QOTW and OT, and anecdotally, I would say that the mentalism quotient is lower than it was in about 2008. It's just that in line with the Quantity Theory as it is currently understood, there are larger concentrations of the total MQ in small areas of the B3ta society as a whole, notably, most recently, Bert and his incestuous, bile-filled explosion of rage and the multi-account bearing, multi-award winning, WBM.

Don't let highly visible, high concentrations of the MQ deceive you Noel.

There is, in my view, a lower general MQ lately.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:29, Reply)

I don't read QOTW any more, just the best-ofs when it's a good question.
In 2008 and much of 2009 OT didn't have the sharp edge it has now. Maybe we're talking about different things, but one blow-out, flounce or recurrence of old puppets every month or so makes it fun, for sure.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:32, Reply)

We need fresh blood to keep us on our toes.

( girlinthehole, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:38, Reply)

We need another flounce. To be cruel for a moment... who do you think we could push?

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:41, Reply)

I may blow some kind of "fuse" the day before the bash.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:42, Reply)

Bobbypires fo sho!

( girlinthehole, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:43, Reply)

what about Cumshot?

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:44, Reply)

Haha, he's shown signs of cracking this past day or so.
Poor cunt, he's right 'n all.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:44, Reply)

Bobby's sound.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:46, Reply)

Indeed.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:46, Reply)

To my dismay
I've realised by checking my own profile that I've been wandering aimlessly about on here for just short of six years.

That's a lot of potential for spouting shite. Luckily for you I'm a very slow typist.

The MQ - as defined by Plumdozer - is not a constant. At the moment there is a trend towards sociable evening threads for which I'm grateful.

There is, however, always scope for another nutter and that's a challenge I'm equal to.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:44, Reply)

The MQ, my dear man, owes a debt to Mr Will Self and his Quantity Theory of Insanity.
I have merely applied it to B3ta OT.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:45, Reply)

If you are in any "celebrity death pool" league
Will Self is worth an outside shot, because sure as shit he's going to try and top himself one fine day, just because he thinks he's better than death.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:49, Reply)

Nobody will ever join me in a celebrity dead pool.
People have always said it's in poor taste.

The fuckers.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:51, Reply)

I was in one a lot of years ago.
The pot was up to £75 and I wiped it out with Mother Teresa.

Mother Teresa - you made me very happy the day you died and I'm very sorry but I sinned (a lot) and got ratarsed and took my mates to the old DV8 lapdancing place under the arches in Leeds.

But we said a prayer for you. Honest, like.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 22:00, Reply)

I've been here 7 1/2 years
used to be a regular on /board before /talk even existed. At least then I had the excuse that I got practise with photoshop
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:50, Reply)

Blimey!
So you have. I thought I had the rights to the flat cap and slippers but they're rightfully yours.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:55, Reply)

I was a 4rthur regular before that went pop, too
man, that was a loooong time ago.

oh god! I just realised. I remember when QOTW was just a thread on /board. Is that the equivalent of "...when all this was fields"?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 22:00, Reply)

Pretty much so
I see your oldster, and raise you an image from 2002 of Kitty No-Hands, which I've still got somewhere under a long forgotten log-in.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 22:06, Reply)

when things on the internet are old
you know you are living in the future
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 22:14, Reply)

That's probably good then
Most of the time I feel like I'm 26, but tonight I'm feeling every single one of my 42 years on this earth.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 22:36, Reply)

I am jolly bored
But here's something I don't have to make up:-

www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/1387555/Elephant-meant-to-kill-zoo-keeper.html

I know the dead elephant-keepers brother.

Admittedly this happened eight years ago but not many people can state without hesistation that they know the brother of a man who was squished to death by an elephant.

Can YOU?
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 20:54, Reply)

No I can not
Did the Daily Mail report this as 'Zookeeper murdered by Burmese immigrant'?
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 20:58, Reply)

Quite possibly
Deport these evil pachyderms - a scourge on our society. Or similar.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:03, Reply)

Grief tourist

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 20:59, Reply)

I clutch it to my breast
As the closest brush to fame I'll ever have.

And it's very very tenuous.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:00, Reply)

More importantly who got the compensation, and has it been pissed up the wall yet ?

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:02, Reply)

If there was any
Steve (brother of elephant-induced terminal injury man) would probably have spent it on a bike. A push-bike.

I know him, he's amusing in small doses but he ain't a bosom-buddy. Just a crazy cyclin' guy who's brother was stomped by an elephant.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:08, Reply)

There's a small bottle of 12-year old Glenfiddich single malt in the corner of the room that's looking incredibly tempting.
Trouble is, I can't stand scotch.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:04, Reply)

I have a 26 year old single malt someone bought me as a wedding present
I like that the next person I went out after the divorce with was 26, too
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:06, Reply)

No Noel.
You're just feeling down. It won't help. Big hugs promised from lots of women at the bash : )
( girlinthehole, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:06, Reply)

Ahh I know.
Today, grey cloud. Tomorrow, sunshine!
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:14, Reply)

I'm just the same.
I'm a veritable emotional seesaw.
( girlinthehole, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:16, Reply)

Yeah, work shit and home shit and general shit piling up.
I'll get some of it out of the way tomorrow and things'll start looking better.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:17, Reply)

You can have a hug from me too
Clearly not the same, but every little helps :)
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:21, Reply)

Yes!

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:23, Reply)

:D

( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:23, Reply)

mtfu you two

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:45, Reply)

Stop it badger.
It's turning me on.
( girlinthehole, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:45, Reply)

Ahhh, there it is.
Tough love.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:46, Reply)

heehee you guys are getting mega hugs at the bash

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:48, Reply)

Don't turn to a 12-year old for comfort!
That's where it all went wrong for Bert.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:17, Reply)

Pffft!

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:18, Reply)

Ha!

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:44, Reply)

I had cider with my lunch today
Which made the whole afternoon seem a bit up. Now I'm attempting to do clever and helpful things for Kitty, and they're messing with my head. More cider?
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:18, Reply)

i could totally go for a nice cider about now
but I think I have to wait for the weekend. The problem with cider, though is it makes you wee more. Weeing when camping is inconvenient
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:20, Reply)

Well I have the advantage of not being away camping

(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:22, Reply)

i think you have made
a wise choice. Houses are great
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:25, Reply)

i just got told
By a gay friend that I have a fantastic figure, great tits but a mediocre face. Does that make me a butterface?
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:25, Reply)

Damn those straight talking gays

(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:30, Reply)

if it's mediocre rather than awful
I'd go with margarineface

edit: can I point out that this is on the evidence of this guy as I have not seen your face and thus this was not meant as some kind of insult. I just reread the post and realised it sounded bitchy
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:30, Reply)

no!
what a cunt
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:31, Reply)

I think your face is perfectly serviceable.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:34, Reply)

WTF!
He's no friend gay or otherwise. You're a bonny lass.
( girlinthehole, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:35, Reply)

You have a good face. I wouldn't worry, he thinks penises are attractive!

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:38, Reply)

Today
I had my IUS replaced. It hurt A LOT. I am now drinking wine and watching Mr The Empress play Ass Creed 2.

This useless information was brought to you by The Empress, (current) Queen of Pain.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:36, Reply)

Ass Creed 2, the successful sequel to Ass Creed: Backdoor Ninjas.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:38, Reply)

My doc tried to get me to change to one of those.
After reading up on the internet I say fuck that shit. I'll take my chances with the pill. Not that I have to worry about that now.
( girlinthehole, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:40, Reply)

so it IUS one of those mad things
that hovers under your skin waiting to intercept spunk? I like to imagine it involves nanobots with nanoguns
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:45, Reply)

I think I'm getting confused with an IUD.

( girlinthehole, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:46, Reply)

Nope, you're right.
IUD is the coil made of copper, IUS is the plastic version full of spunk-rejection hormones.

Total fuckers to have inserted, but then again it lasts 5 years, so I think it's worth the half hour of hideous pain and few subsequent hours of discomfort.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:49, Reply)

anything that avoids the awkward scrabble to try and find condoms

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:52, Reply)

Basically, yes.
No remembering to take pills, and no expense (free on the NHS)
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:56, Reply)

I'm very good at remembering to take the pill so I'd rather not go through the pain.
Plus now my eggs will be all manky and shriveled.
( girlinthehole, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:53, Reply)

No way
Some women's bodies (ie mine and three of my friends') reject them violently, and the hours of pain and profuse bleeding go on until you have the fucker taken out.
Be careful.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 22:01, Reply)

This is my second
(first taken out, second whipped straight in).
It hurt like bejeezus, but it's ok now. I'm also self-medicating with lots of wine, so feeling a lot better than I did 5 hours ago...
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 22:13, Reply)

I think I'm getting confused with an IED.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:49, Reply)

An improvised explosive device?
Now that does sound painful
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:53, Reply)

It would guarantee no pregnancy EVAR
Also: no womb, legs or pulse. But no baby is definitely the most important part.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:55, Reply)

Anal sex is the best form of contraception

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:45, Reply)

Nope.
The best form of contraception is an asparin, held between the knees.*


*Unashamedly nicked from the Reduced Shakespeare Company.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:46, Reply)

In other news... I am really enjoying a good shouty rant at Traffic Cops on BBC1. These rozzers are a bunch of overly officious self important CUNTS

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 21:49, Reply)