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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Double cheese and onion
Thanks for asking.

What is it you'd like to say to somebody, but refrain because you would look petty?
(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 12:44, 134 replies, latest was 15 years ago)
I read that as pretty and got confused.

(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 12:45, Reply)
Like "You really annoy me, but I've not told you so far because I'm too damn hot when I get cross!"

(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 12:47, Reply)
if you were a stereotypical librarian I would try and make a hot cross bun joke here
but you're not so I won't.
(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:18, Reply)
When I got my job here my dad looked my hairstyle up and down and said
"Nope... you'll never get it in a bun."
(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:19, Reply)
"Yes, I am starting the diet NEXT WEEK
Have you considered one, fatty?"

Woman I work with being a knob.
(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 12:45, Reply)
Cornflakes and toast with honey.

(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 12:46, Reply)
Honey my arse

(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:13, Reply)
honey isn't a verb

(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:17, Reply)
but butter is?
SHAZAM
(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:18, Reply)
I will post this from the post down there, as it is more relevant.
A girl had written on my friend, who's at the University of Oxford, that she was "COMING OXFORD ON SATURDAYYYY". The one who wrote it is herself at Cambridge. University of. Doing English fucking Literature.

WHAT THE FUCK YOU UTTER SPASTIC. WHERE THE FUCK IS THE TO? IS IT REALLY THAT HARD? IT'S NOT FUNNY TO DELIBERATELY TALK LIKE AN IDIOT. OR COOL. FUCK OFF.
I may or may not have personal grievances with this girl
(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 12:46, Reply)
As for food, nothing. I'm not hungry at the moment. Will take a chocolate bar for when I lose my mind in lectures.

(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 12:47, Reply)
I'm starving but lunch is not until 1pm
and the sandwich is mocking me from my bag.
(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 12:49, Reply)
I'm still in bed. Need a shower, but I can have one AND get into college for before 2pm.

(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 12:52, Reply)
Smelly bum

(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:14, Reply)
I have more of a problem with all of the Y action.

(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 12:50, Reply)
She puts them in really odd places. She thinks she's really cool. She deserves to be beaten to death with a brick.

(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 12:51, Reply)
"what do you mean you think you've broken up with your boyfriend? Why don't you check that first then you can pop up on MSN and ask me stupid questions"

(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 12:50, Reply)
Claire Rayner's not dead while you're alive

(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 12:50, Reply)
Hey I didn't actually say it.

(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 12:53, Reply)
Do you think Rayner had been made an angel?
If so, what do you imagine her 'wings' look like?
(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 12:56, Reply)
Bluuuurgh

(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 12:57, Reply)
What sort of noise is that?
Are you about to play 'Mallet's Mallet'?
(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 12:59, Reply)
*waggles chin*

(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:14, Reply)
?

(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:24, Reply)
WACaday plaster

(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:31, Reply)
"remember how you used to laugh at me when we were kids because I was fat? and now look at your wide ass! haha soz, you're my cousin, I still love you even if you're fat"

(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 12:51, Reply)
How are you feeling today?

(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 12:54, Reply)
snotty
how are you feeling?
(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 12:55, Reply)
A bit better than yesterday, but still shit.

(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 12:57, Reply)
*huggleywuggleywoowoos*

(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 12:59, Reply)
^ The BEST of all the woo-woos!
(But you might catch JeffAIDS if you get too close.
(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:01, Reply)
aww jeffypooh
*snuggleywugglybuggyinaruggytighthuggywuvvywoowoos*
(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:02, Reply)
Cheers!

(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:08, Reply)
sorry, I think the cold medicine is kicking in
*dozes*
(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:10, Reply)
What have you taken for your sniffle?

(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:12, Reply)
tylenol cold and sinus

(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:18, Reply)
I've got a hot lemon and honey drink.
The problem is, because I've not left the house this week, I'm out of fresh lemons, so I'm using Jef lemon.

I'm not convinced by the healing properties of Jif lemon.
(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:25, Reply)
anytime I have a drink like that it makes me throat hurt worse
I stick with warm tea or cold water
but I had some OJ this morning
(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:28, Reply)
Hello Legless.

(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:18, Reply)
hahaha

(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:24, Reply)
I never tire of posting that in reply.

(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:27, Reply)
Alright, Slimer?

(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:17, Reply)
Roasted red pepper hummus

(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 12:53, Reply)
Scotch Broth with insane chilli sauce to pep it up a bit
and two slices of bread.

"Argh, stop with the bullshit bingo words in meetings and think about what you are saying then we will be done in about 1/10th of the time it normally takes!"
(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:03, Reply)
Chip butty.
"But I bought the vinegar last time"
(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:08, Reply)
Some sort of bento box thing, it's actually well nice.
Rice, pickles, prawns, chicken, tofu, some sauce that is s0o0o0o0o0o lush.

OH GOD I LOVE FARRINGDON
(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:09, Reply)
Gonz are you attending on Sunday?

(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:12, Reply)
Oh shit, I forgot to reply !
It sounds awesome but I'm gonna have to skip, my Ma' wants me to do a bunch of stuff for her that I can't really bail on.
(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:17, Reply)
No prob. Another time.

(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:17, Reply)
Oh dauym, it's all finished now, tasted so awesome, but wasn't nearly enough, I'm still starving, I could eat 3 of these boxes.

(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:17, Reply)
"I don't care if you want to apologise, it's too late and would not make any difference. The sooner you die the better IMO even though it will devastate my dad. Oh and I hope you have shit birthday today"
That was cathartic.
(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:12, Reply)
POTD!
Go on!!
(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:13, Reply)
I agree
although dad needs a slap for even daring to be devastated when that old cunt shrivels off the coil.
(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:15, Reply)
He adores her. 38 years of marriage.

(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:18, Reply)
he should be able to smell the badness on her.
She's manipulated him with her pretend frailty I'll wager.
(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:20, Reply)
Love is blind apparently. However in this case it is also deaf and has no sense of taste.

(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:27, Reply)
Indeed mate

(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:31, Reply)
I'm holding out til I have tea at three.
"I've done the washing up twice this week already. And I keep the bathroom clean. For the love of god, please hoover the stairs like you said you would."
(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:13, Reply)
Tea at three. How quaint. Have you got fresh doillies?

(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:14, Reply)
No, as in my dinner.

(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:15, Reply)
Bah! You could just indulge me.
I'm thinking that you'll be dressed like Helena Bonham-Carter in A Room With A View and will be looking disdainfully at anyone who puts milk in the cup first.

Is that not how your life is?
(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:20, Reply)
She eats cereal from the box while sat on the floor.

(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:22, Reply)
whats wrong with that.

(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:29, Reply)
Not enough doillies apparently.

(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:32, Reply)
This is so untrue
I sit on the bed.
(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:38, Reply)
Until you fall off because you're a spastic.

(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:44, Reply)
Hey, that's only happened once.

(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:46, Reply)
+today

(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:47, Reply)
I let my beginners pick the song that I'm going to write their routine to.
They picked Cheryl Cole. It's pretty catchy.
(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:20, Reply)
so is aids, doesn't make it good.

(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:22, Reply)
Fail.

(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:38, Reply)
and cucumber sandwiches.
not sammiches as this is vulgar talk
(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:16, Reply)
I need a Cuppa !
I need a cuppa'tea by three,
And it's gotta be strong, it's gotta be sweet, and on the side a couple of Rich Teas.
I NEED A CUPPA !
I need a cuppa 'till the afternoon lul comes, and it's gotta be strong, it's gotta be sweet, and on the side a couple of Rich Teas.
(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:25, Reply)
This is probably the most awesome thing that I've written that is only awesome in my head and doens't make sense to anyone else.
Right, fag and back to work, toodles all yo' noodles.
(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:32, Reply)
I'll agree that it's ace, IF after singing it, you pretend to get on a Mad Max style bike and vroom off to wherever the beverage making facilities are in your place of work.
Otherwise, no deal.
(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:35, Reply)
I prefered your fake gaz box post.

(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:38, Reply)
Is it a Bonnie Tyler B-side?

(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:39, Reply)
"no I don't want to go to the bank in the rain any more than you want to go to the bank in the rain
and the reason it only takes me 20 mins is because I don't fucking WADDLE"
(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:15, Reply)
Oh, that just reminded me
Of this woman who is complaining to the Council (which is paying her for a house and school for her 4 children) because the buses to go to school are arranged in a way that means it takes her 4h in the morning and 4 in the eve to take the kids to school.

Then someone replied today that if she walked the round way, she'd have it done in less than 2h and would probably get fit (she's very fat)

I laughed a lot. Then felt bad for it. Then I laughed a lot again.
(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:49, Reply)
Hum hum, hey hey!
Got along without you before I met you
Gonna get along without you now
Gonna find me somebody twice as cute
Cause you didn't love me anyhow
(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:19, Reply)
Twice it would seem.

(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:19, Reply)
My song for that vibe is Yes by McAlmont & Butler
"So, you want to know me now..."
(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:21, Reply)
Thanks for that Roots.
*wanders off singing*
"I feel well enough to tell you what you can do with what you got..."
(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:28, Reply)
You're welcome

(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:30, Reply)
I was convinced that David McAlmont was going to become a massive superstar when that song was released.

(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:31, Reply)
Me too

(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:32, Reply)
Have you heard 'The Glare'?
His album with Michael Nyman? Excellent stuff.
(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:37, Reply)
I heard one song, all like atmospheric and scarey if it's the same one

(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:40, Reply)
Too black for the whites
...and too gay for the blacks.
A hard sell for any A & R dept.
(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:34, Reply)
He does have a cracking voice.
Shame he didn't take off.
(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:36, Reply)
Not bad
but still sounds unhappy and a bit desperate. I think the best would just find that somebody twice as cute and show him off.
(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:43, Reply)
I'll get a picture off the internet of a male model and pretend he's my boyfriend.

(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:51, Reply)
That's the way forward
You can even make a 12" action figure with his face, and take pictures of him in different locations, as if it was the two of you on holidays (you're taking the pictures all the time, you see?) and put nice comments on them "Andrew is such a sweetheart. Here he bought me an ice cream and called my his Princess"
(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:53, Reply)
Hahaha!
I like the way you think.
(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:54, Reply)
"You said you wanted someone to take the initiative on overhauling X"
"But after I spent hours formulating a plan, and met with IT to discuss what was possible, you decide to just go ahead and do a slap-dash job yourself. I have never felt more undermined in my time working here.

Also, quit coming to me with questions when I'd emailed you twice about the matter weeks ago. And when an employee sends you a professional email with questions about upcoming positions/promotions, at least take the time to read it even if you don't immediately reply, because I get a notification if you just delete it without opening..."
(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:24, Reply)
Is that your boss?
He sounds ace. I'm going to stop complaining about mine now.
(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:40, Reply)
Yes
Although he's now the boss of a different department, thankfully.
(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:41, Reply)
Is the new boss any better?

(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:42, Reply)
Seems so
But he's only been in the position a week or two.
(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:43, Reply)
So he could just be testing the field
Give him a chance, he might be nice.
(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:44, Reply)
No one cares how much money you earn, or which influential person you are doing jobs for now
you are, and will always be, a jug eared farmers son with no personality and an inferiority complex.
(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:24, Reply)
Nicely done.

(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:26, Reply)
I'm tired of answering the same question again and again
please, let me be, I just want to go home.

It's not directed to you, but at my colleague at work.
(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:38, Reply)
'I know you live in America
and you have a full and hectic work life even though you’re 67, but you only have one granddaughter and at the least a card for her 2nd birthday might have been nice.

PS you stupid fucking cunt – you’ve fucked up my inheritance and now I have to work for a living. You utter, utter spastic.'
(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:39, Reply)
There, there, Monty
I remember when I was a kid and my parents always said to me "Don't rely too much on friends, they come and go, but family will always be there for you." I know feel like going to them and showing how wrong they were with a hard, cold, simple "I told you"
(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:41, Reply)
Personally I think it's been the making of you.
You might have turned out to be a right cunt.
(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:42, Reply)
Hahahaha!
Excellent job there.
(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:44, Reply)
Do I need to go 'round his and tell him about himself?

(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:45, Reply)
I reckon.

(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:47, Reply)
well I will! tell him about himself!
and stuff!
(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:53, Reply)
where is the line between petty and bitter?
Some of these seem to cross it!

Personally mine is more vitriolic than petty so i'll wait for the "people who should die in a fire" question
(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:48, Reply)
Bitter's allowed I guess

(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:59, Reply)
I don't care how important you think you are
or how high up you are in whatever company is currently paying for your middle-aged wife's nailcare. When you are out here, in the street or in a queue for the fucking supermarket tills with me, you are no better than anybody else; don't act surprised when I finally lose my temper and headbutt you because you happen to be the person who decided to push in front of me, get in my way or cut me up with your fucking trolley when I was right at the end of my tether with all of your self-important ilk.

/accident waiting to happen blog.
(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:48, Reply)
That's why sometimes it's better
to go to Aldi. In some ocassions I prefer chavs than super smug business types.
(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:51, Reply)
am I a chav if I shop at aldi?

(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:54, Reply)
Only if you buy from the discount bin.

(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:57, Reply)
pfft I thought the entire place was discount

(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:59, Reply)
It is.
I was joking that only the chavs would look for a discount bin in a discount shop.
(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 14:01, Reply)
I know, dunno why I wrote that when I got the joke in the first place
this cold is making me dumber than usual :(
(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 14:02, Reply)
I shop in Aldi
and I'm not a chav.
(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:59, Reply)
you're not!

(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 14:02, Reply)
There we are
You're not either. You're just a clever middle class shopper.
(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 14:03, Reply)
no, I actually am a chav
but it's what's considered "normal" here
(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 14:05, Reply)
Hahaha
I don't think I've seen any picture of you with pink pijama bottoms and golden chains, pushing a buggy with 4 kids. You don't count as a chav.
(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 14:07, Reply)
I don't have a baby, no, but that's typically what I wear when I'm chillin
I wear jeans to work because I have to and I wear skanky clothes when I'm out at a club
(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 14:10, Reply)
Whereas I go to Aldi because, in there, I AM the smug business type.
*Pushes past Aberracion to get to the eastern european fake Mars bars.*
(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 13:55, Reply)
Ey, ey, ey
Carefull there. F*cking English.
(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 14:00, Reply)
Lot's of non-chavs i know go to Aldi and even Lidl because their continental meets and cheeses are fresh and good quality.
And not because they're cheap.
(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 14:01, Reply)
Oh, well
I shouldn't have started the joke. I do shop in Aldi because I can't find the things I like in normal supermarkets. The frozen section is fantastic, and you can find fish that is whole, not breaded or marinated. Ice creams are from another world.
(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 14:04, Reply)
I swear to god
if you sniff and swallow whilst we are kissing just ONE MORE FUCKING TIME then it is over. OVER. Also, your personal hygiene sometimes really fucking sucks and you do a number of small but highly irritating things with your body. Stop them, please.
(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 14:02, Reply)
EW!

(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 14:05, Reply)
It's not like a proper snort and swallow
but I can tell he's doing it and it makes me want to vomit. Strong words have been had but he still does it, I'm not entirely sure he realises...
(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 14:10, Reply)
Oh, oh, oh
That reminded me of an ex who ate tons of chorizo and alcoholic drinks, and everytime he tried to kiss me, he'd burp with his chorizo breath. I almost puked.

I broke up with him soon.
(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 14:06, Reply)
I have never had anyone burp in my mouth
if I did, I think I'd fucking punch them, dump them and vomit on them, in no particular order.
(, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 14:11, Reply)

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