News thread, snooze thread
I was floored by a particularly unpleasant cold this weekend. If full-blown 'flu measures 5.0 on the Sichter Scale, then this cold must have been in the early 4s. I was sweating, nauseous, shivering, dizzy the whole lot. Damn that dirty DogFucker for passing it on. Luckily, though, I have a truly magnificent immune system and yesterday I was back on my feet, slightly snotty but otherwise fine.

What are you feeling incredibly smug about?

Alt: If you're Vipros, I don't have all day so what *aren't* you feeling incredibly smug about?
( Kroney, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 16:09, 98 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I feel smug about infecting people on the Internet with the JeffAIDS.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 16:10, Reply)

It was a remarkable achievement
but it's not going to stop me destroying you, one day.

*plots*
( Kroney, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 16:13, Reply)

I feel like I've won the lottery.
That's making me pretty fucking smug.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 16:11, Reply)

Have you moved in, then?

( Kroney, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 16:13, Reply)

Not yet, but working on it.
It's starting to sink in, and I'm fucking chuffed.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 16:42, Reply)

my hair is not looking as good as usual today
also, much as it pains me to say it, I kind of miss Kitty a bit
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 16:13, Reply)

It's been a bit quiet on here without that spastic.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 16:15, Reply)

Where's she gone?
I must have missed the grand reveal whilst I was near death the other day.
( Kroney, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 16:17, Reply)

Something to do with work,
don't know if we can talk about it. They may be watching... ... *looks round*
(PsychoChomp, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 16:19, Reply)

Maybe threads will start to go missing again

( Kroney, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 16:20, Reply)

it has
less frantic and mental
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 16:17, Reply)

and less amusing

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 16:19, Reply)

yeah
I've got no one to slag you all off with via gaz either....
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 16:26, Reply)

Still got three more laak members
they're basically the same.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 16:33, Reply)

good point!

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 16:34, Reply)

nor me.......
mind you, we do gaz each other, but we don't slag anyone else off.

maybe we should start.

how about that vipros, he's a real- oh.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 16:37, Reply)

*narrows eyes*
I'm watching you swipey
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 16:41, Reply)

it's ok, you're only human
*swishy hair*
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 16:47, Reply)

Right, that's it, I hope you get the runs so bad you shit out your own womb.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 16:50, Reply)

ignoring basic human biology FTW!

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 16:58, Reply)

I ain't ignoring Nuffink Mate
She'd be straining so hard all her bowels would fall out of her ring piece and they'd snag her womb on the way out.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 17:03, Reply)

that is utterly gross
well done
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 17:11, Reply)

I miss her tooooooo
lets have a love up on kitty
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 16:16, Reply)

I look pretty awesome today in my boots and jeans and sweater and hat.
And I slept fucking great, got up way early and was to work on time.
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 16:15, Reply)

I'm not exactly smug, but life's going pretty well at the moment
who could ask for more?



ME!
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 16:18, Reply)

what more would you ask for?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 16:19, Reply)

a zillion pounds and a dinosaur

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 16:20, Reply)

If you had a Godzilla
You'd almost have both your zillion pounds and a dinosaur.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 16:22, Reply)

Do you remember the cartoon series?
"Up in the sky, 20 storeys high...GODZILLA, GODZILLA...and Godsuki"

What a sack of shit
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 16:27, Reply)

have you heard Blue Oyster Cult's song Godzilla?
"Oh no! There goes Tokyo, go go Godzilla!"
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 16:28, Reply)

I have not
I would not win in a "Name more than 1 BOC song" competition
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 16:30, Reply)

Ditto
Although I would ace the "Name a BOC song with 'Reaper' in the title" quiz.
( Kroney, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 16:30, Reply)

They've actually done a few pretty good songs
Astronomy being the best (although there are two versions, the later of which is a bit shit)

The other couple I like are called Flaming Telepaths and Veteran of the Psychic Wars
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 16:32, Reply)

I'm beyond help
but thanks for trying.
( Kroney, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 16:39, Reply)

That's a tricky one, can I phone a friend?
"Hello, old lady from Titanic...YOU SUCK"

Totally worth it.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 16:32, Reply)

Apparently
Kate Winslet lies on a door and doesn't let Di Caprio get on it with her. He then gets hypothermia and dies.

What a bitch.
( Kroney, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 16:42, Reply)

Best part of the film!
"Jack, i'll never forget you" at which point she snaps his frozen fingers and pretty boy sinks.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 16:46, Reply)

She wouldn't have had to
if she'd shuffled her big, round arse over a few inches.

I'd have pushed her off.
( Kroney, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 16:48, Reply)

Thing is, who was more likely to survive the cold antarctic waters?
Skinny-ribs Dicaprio or the fat chick from Reading?
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 16:51, Reply)

no it's better than that!
it's "i'll never let go jack". before she does exactly that. i think i was the only person in the cinema to be laughing silently into my popcorn. oh and there is also the bit when kathy bates says to leo (back in the day when he was still fit and did not look like the bastard offspring of norman lamont and a sprout) "i bet you're a good man to have around in a sticky spot".

of course the end was somewhat delayed for us when 4 gargantuan black blokes started beating 7 bells out of each other on the row behind, this also took a great deal of the romance out of it.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 16:49, Reply)

Ha, that's right! "I'll never let go..." Fantastic
I think I would have rather watched the fight than the film
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 16:53, Reply)

funnily enough
that's exactly how my then boyfriend felt too. he was seriously unimpressed when one of the girls and i bought the video for each other as a valentine's day treat and it was played to death over the next 2 years.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 16:56, Reply)

I was dragged to see it by my then girlfriend
She had that sodding Celine Dion song as well, she played it ALL THE TIME. Normally I remember lyrics but I get to "Every night I see you..." and my brain shuts down.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 16:59, Reply)

i hate that song
and celine dion, she even nearly put me off horses.

making you listen to that is a dumpable offence.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 17:01, Reply)

Ha! You jest but it definitely counted against her

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 17:07, Reply)

no, really
i jest not!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 17:11, Reply)

Wow, 4 black guys getting all physical in your back row
You must have been creaming yourself.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 16:54, Reply)

i'm not you, al!

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 17:01, Reply)

And you will have to live with the dissapointment of knowing that you missed the chance
to have the next best option of boning me until your sore.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 17:04, Reply)

i am really confused
so if i had been you, yourself, or a monolith of a muscly black man, i would have had that option??

this does not put you in a favourable light with the lay-deez.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 17:11, Reply)

I liked the slightly amended cover version
Don't Fear The Raper by Psychochomp & The Rohypnol Rags.
(Cave Duck, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 16:34, Reply)

I seem to remember being a fan of the cartoon series when I was a kid.
But it was no Battle of the Planets. That's for sure.

EDIT: www.youtube.com/watch?v=oTItRfN-LO8 It looks complete dogs-eggs.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 16:37, Reply)

It was certainly no "Ulysses 31"

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 16:43, Reply)

Ulysses had the BEST of all the theme tunes.
It pisses all over that Dogtanian or even the Poddington Peas.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 16:47, Reply)

My mate has it on DVD
good stuff
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 16:48, Reply)

i can't help with that
how about some Landlord and Tenant Act 1954 advice and a mousemat with my firm's branding on it?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 16:32, Reply)

SWEET!
and in return I can give you some branded stationery from my firm (Which consists of a yellow highlighter pen with "Accountancy Sucks" scribbled on the back)
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 16:36, Reply)

so when you said "give"
you meant "steal".

except that you accountants probably have some fancy way of writing that off, right?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 16:38, Reply)

We have our tricksy little ways
Myyyyyy preciousssss
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 16:42, Reply)

*bookmarking this evidence of affection*
although simultaneously picturing gollum, now.

meh, take it where you can get it.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 16:51, Reply)

Awww
I like the new profile photos. I'm not brave enough to stick my mug on the interweb.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 16:54, Reply)

hmmm....
brave stupid

anyway there was nothing other than dazzling skiing athleticism in the shot you sent me (not the chicken pic, although THAT would make an amazing picture)
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 16:59, Reply)

Yes, the photo from a distance where i'm wearing big shades and a wooley hat

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 17:00, Reply)

compared to me in my high heels on the snow?
skating around like a fatter older not cute bambi?

dazzling skiing athleticism.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 17:02, Reply)

I'm just as unsteady in snow wearing high heels.
i've said too much
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 17:05, Reply)

yeah.
about our wedding? we don't both get to wear dresses, mm-kay?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 17:10, Reply)

Ok, just me in a dress then...
right, must go, I need to go home and lock my bird up for the night. Byeeee
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 17:15, Reply)

My girlfriend was interested in in the possibility of becoming a magistrate and attended one day course
which was designed to give an overview of what was involved. She came away with all manner of HMCS branded bits of stationery pads, notebooks highlighters pens etc.
This puzzled me somewhat. Which other court service are they competing with, that requires them to promote themselves?
(Cave Duck, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 16:44, Reply)

They're competing with the Kangaroo Court
"What are the charges? TRUMPED UP!"
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 16:47, Reply)

Spin, spin, spin
The wheel of justice.
See how fast the bastard turns.

Judge Nutmeg.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 16:49, Reply)

god knows!
magistrates is criminal stuff though.

maybe they wanted her to be branded for life!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 17:00, Reply)

i do not, i am enormously rubbish on all fronts

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 16:19, Reply)

You're top of the popular page.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 16:24, Reply)

oh what, that was just a crap rude joke!

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 16:39, Reply)

Welcome to Off Topic.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 16:45, Reply)

Yeah, bullying other posters gets you on there.
It's pretty easy.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 16:45, Reply)

lampito seems alright like
oh what have i done!
( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 16:52, Reply)

Developed Cancer?

(Bazongaloid, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 16:56, Reply)

cancer was a metaphor for something else

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 16:57, Reply)

an erection?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 16:58, Reply)

i prefer to call it a malignant growth

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 17:04, Reply)

After this seminal offtopic thread and everything
b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post451401
(PsychoChomp, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 17:05, Reply)

That made me smile

(Bazongaloid, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 17:07, Reply)

that was touching.
a bit like Al's favourite uncle.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 17:07, Reply)

weird suggestion that i had never been on OT before
hm
( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 17:13, Reply)

Nothing really
I've spent nearly my entire paycheck already, so I've got to be very careful for the rest of the month. Cutting out booze will help.

Alt: I'm the opposite of smug that I can't go to the Pub Quiz tonight, gutted. Also, the fact that Zac Efron is going to be in the remake of Akira, and I'm not happy at all.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 16:33, Reply)

It's not really a remake of the original film
More of a reinterpretation of the original Manga. But still...how could it be be any better, so why bother?
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 16:51, Reply)

It's like "Let The Right One In" for me
Absolutely no need for a remake, it's being done for stupid Americans who don't understand that there are others countries in the world that they're not at war with.

Not you K.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 17:02, Reply)

Will have a look at anyway
out of curiosity i suppose.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 17:19, Reply)

If you had a good immune system you wouldn't have contracted the illness.

( WormuIus, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 16:34, Reply)

I hadn't been properly ill
in ages before the weekend, if that helps?

Also, I didn't get swine, avian OR Spanish 'flu.
( Kroney, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 16:41, Reply)

What about dengue fever, beri-beri and Stockholm syndrome?

(Cave Duck, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 16:49, Reply)

AND GENDER IDENTITY DISORDER

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 16:54, Reply)

how about boneitis?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 16:58, Reply)

Hurr hurr, BONE!

(Bazongaloid, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 17:00, Reply)

my only regret....is that I have.....*gasp*... BONEITIS!

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 17:02, Reply)

I got a touch of SARS
but it was only a tickle.
( Kroney, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 17:07, Reply)

In case anyone's still out there
I just heard somebody refer to an umbrella as a "bumberchute".
( Kroney, Mon 8 Nov 2010, 17:40, Reply)