Playing Age of Empires 2 last night
Me and a computer ally against my flatmate and his computer ally. I'm bloody well cool, eh?
Anyway, about halfway through, my ally Louis XVI decides he's had enough and just resigns out of the blue, leaving me to get battered. It would appear even virtual people don't get on with me.

When's the last time you've been fucked over by a machine?
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:28, 53 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I beat the machine the other day
I got a Snickers from a vending machine and somehow it gave me two of them!

60p Winner.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:29, Reply)

hurrah, I got an extra $10 a few weeks ago from the self checkout at the grocery store

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:32, Reply)

I accidentally stole chewing gum
thanks to a self service machine
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:34, Reply)

I donno what the law here is, but I *think* they've agreed to the transaction and therefore it's valid.
0o0o0o0oh, there must be a scam there by doing it on a bigger scale.

'swipe, if you're about, is it true that "If you go to into a shop for 3 mars bars at 50p each, and they charge you £1 for the total, that the third marsbar that they didn't charge you is still yours" ?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:38, Reply)

nah I didn't scan it
it fell inside a plastic bag with a pepper in it from the fruit and veg section
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:39, Reply)

Aye, but if it was a person on the till who did the same thing, the transaction would be valid (I think), therefore it's not your fault (maybe) and there would be a scam there to get free stuff like that (probably).

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:41, Reply)

How is the dog?
Does she have any weird cravings at the moment?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:38, Reply)

She's not going to want cock any time soon Jeff, back off.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:39, Reply)

You are
Joel Monaghan AICMFP.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:45, Reply)

hahahaha
Do you want cash or a cheque?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:49, Reply)

Isn't that a real 'non-story'?
It is not as though he did lob one up the shit-zu?
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:51, Reply)

My cold is much worse than your flu ever was.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:47, Reply)

Rubbish.
I was rotten.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:49, Reply)

My throat hurts and I'm having trouble drinking this coffeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

(PsychoChomp, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:50, Reply)

Look you're both fine compared to that dead cat cj was banging on about
so shut up.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:52, Reply)

That cat is arguably in no pain right now
Can't say the same for the other two pussies.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:10, Reply)

OMFG
the other dog shit in the dining room last night and SHE ATE IT
*cries*
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:49, Reply)

Urrugh.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:50, Reply)

This is your scat porn innit.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:54, Reply)

You're so turned on right now

( Kroney, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:54, Reply)

yeah
not happy
gotta go get her some pills to keep her from doing that
she ate cat shit once
tore her stomach up hard core
yay diarrhea
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:57, Reply)

Dogs eating shit
can often be a sign that they aren't getting enough nutrients from the diet they are on. Might be worth trying to supplement it with something?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:15, Reply)

i aint been i don't think.
i'm sitting in this afternoon, watching russia today and waiting for the bt infinity guy to turn up and infinitise my internets.
( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:30, Reply)

Sybian, my arse.

(Cave Duck, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:34, Reply)

Gah, one day I'll read before responding.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:38, Reply)

Bodcard machine fucked up
and put twenty three pounds on instead of three pounds. I was happy till they cancelled the transaction
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:34, Reply)

It was probably glandular.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:36, Reply)

I wouldn't be happy about that
I am amused at a friend though. They turned to me and said 'oh you've lost weight. Just thought I'd mention it because apparantly girls like that.'
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:37, Reply)

It's a good way to stop an argument before it starts.
That and, "you're looking very tanned".
(PsychoChomp, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:39, Reply)

No arguments in the offing
and she's female
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:41, Reply)

Have you had your hair cut? It looks very nice.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:41, Reply)

the poor men i have to work with
put my hair appointments in their diaries so they remember to tell me it looks nice. my lovely boss even emails me if he is on holiday to say "your hair looks great, rswipe".

well-trained!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:10, Reply)

Haha nice!
I have once said to a female friend "Ok, so you're looking at me like I should have noticed something, so your hair looks lovely and you are definitely looking thinner. We cool?"
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:40, Reply)

I dislike being expected to do this
because my girlfriend NEVER says "oh hey, you got a new gear gaiter fitted. it looks LOADS better than that tatty old one". Or "I can tell you spent ages tucking those cables in around the motherboard, look how tidy it all is!"

Snakes with tits.
( Kroney, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:48, Reply)

KHITC, definitely.

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:50, Reply)

Three minutes is all the time
I can spend trying to work these things out before my brain hurts. Answer, please.
( Kroney, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:53, Reply)

kick her in the cunt

(PsychoChomp, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:59, Reply)

My Sybian made a right bloody mess of my arsehole last night.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:37, Reply)

Symbian.
I was updating the IMAP settings on my N82 and it douplicated all my contacts.

/geeky joke.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:39, Reply)

Frenchman
in running away shocker.
( Kroney, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:46, Reply)

Daily at the mo, fallout new vegas is glitchy as hell.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:47, Reply)

oyster card
i can't renew the bitch online because apparently i have registered it already even though i haven't. because i so often get taxis/walk i then forget about it and it is inevitably 8.30am rush hour on a monday morning when i then end up being booted out of the swingy things and stuck at the very back of the top-up queue. and the first thing it says when i touch it is "you have an unregistered oyster card"... ffs.

anyway, the fucked over bit comes because as i put £50 on there yesterday, the machine went black and died. so my card got debited but no £50 on my oystercard. i then had to Q for another 15 mins at the counter and am trusting them to refund me. thieving gits.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:08, Reply)

If only there was a way to register your oyster card.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:09, Reply)

there is no way to register MY oyster card
because every time i try, it says "this card is already registered to another email account". NO IT ISN'T OTHERWISE I WOULD BE TOPPING UP ONLINE.

i keep meaning to turn it in for a new one which i can then register, but life's too short.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:12, Reply)

Are you the victim of online oyster card fraud?
(Not that I can really see what the point of that would be...)
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:15, Reply)

Well, I had that Florence Welch all over me the other night...
CrapSexLiePun aside, about 15 minutes of my life are wasted each morning as I wait for my work computer to get its fucking act together.

Completely unrelated note, but need to vent: the band I was considering quitting have just driven the nail into their own coffin - I've just found out they want to play a Libertines cover at their next gig.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:22, Reply)