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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Roota's 'I have 30 mins on this quiet desk to converse with you all' thread
The other thread's too long.
I thought I'd say hi and catch up. I'm here ready to serve the public but there aren't any of them out of bed yet.

Last night I saw my lovely baby cousin, counselled his demented mother and didn't get much done at all in time for my trip Darn Sarf. Gonna see the djtp and some friends, go to a gig, AND add an extra day to my weekend. I'm exhausted, totally exhausted, but happy.

What we all doing today?
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:27, 150 replies, latest was 14 years ago)
Killing time before I get to see your boyfriend

(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:28, Reply)
I will make you suffer, whore!
And also "Good morning Halibut, how are you luv?"
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:29, Reply)
I'm lovely thanks
Have you packed a warm coat for your trip Daaan Sarf? And a thermos to drink on the train? And some sandwiches?
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:32, Reply)
Everything apart from the flask
My Scottish poppy fell off my lovely warm coat.
*SADFACE*
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:35, Reply)
Booo
On the plus side, we will drinking in a spanish bar tonight.
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:36, Reply)
Will there be tapas???

(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:50, Reply)
If you like, they do good food

(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:55, Reply)
serve the pulbic (trust)
protect the innocent
uphold the law?
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:28, Reply)
I am always vigilant, but charming.

(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:30, Reply)
indeed you are
:-)
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:31, Reply)
crush my enemies
see them driven before me
hear the lamentations of their women.
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:30, Reply)
hot water
soft toilet paper
good dentistry
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:31, Reply)
liver
fava beans
nice chianti
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:33, Reply)
smokes
road beers
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:34, Reply)
FIRE IT UP! FIRE IT UP!

(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:35, Reply)
Can you put me up for the night?

(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:37, Reply)
step away from the window

(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:42, Reply)
Mother is the name for god on the lips and hearts of all children. Morphine is bad for you

(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:49, Reply)
No onions. They make you fart big-time.

(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:49, Reply)
Abashed the Devil stood and felt how awful goodness is.

(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:50, Reply)
This is pornography!

(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:55, Reply)
I was actually going with the next line after your sig
but all the above is good.
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 11:01, Reply)
I did think after if you were
But now I feel I have to watch The Crow this weekend.
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 11:02, Reply)
me too
and Robocop
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 11:03, Reply)
Throw in one of the Indy films and I'm sold.

(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 11:07, Reply)
I'm going to go with Temple of Doom

(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 11:08, Reply)
Yeah, it's the easiest to watch
silly, but great fun.
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 11:17, Reply)
What's your name son?

(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:31, Reply)
Alright you? How's your head?

(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:31, Reply)
Still pretty painful
and I can't open my jaw fully. Was going to ask you about that actually!
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:32, Reply)
He's still a dick, but less of one. Has emailed doctors though.
I'm so sorry.
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:33, Reply)
Glad to hear he's sorting himself out.

(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:38, Reply)
What happened?

(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:36, Reply)
This is something I do not want on open board.

(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:38, Reply)
Ah, ok

(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:40, Reply)
I have a real urge to watch it now
it's been years
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:32, Reply)
I watched all three
when I bought the trilogy on DVD. 1 is amazing, 2 is alright 3 is one of the worst films ever made.
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:33, Reply)
3 really is one of the worst films ever made

(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:33, Reply)
Hellraiser 4 is worse
but only by a little bit
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:35, Reply)
Is that one Hellraiser In Space?

(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:49, Reply)
Yep
It's a low point in a fairly poor series
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:54, Reply)
And doing "Established Concept In Space" usually works so well.
See also: Andromeda, or Hercules In Space.
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 11:05, Reply)
My favourite is Jason X

(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 11:19, Reply)
Freddy vs Jason FTW
Crossover madness.
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 11:20, Reply)
I was just in the bog saying Robocop quotes to myself
When I left the cubicle one of my colleagues (who had obviously heard me) asked if I was ok.

My reply? "Clarence Boddicker, dead or alive you are coming with me!"
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:32, Reply)
Did you shoot him in the balls?

(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:33, Reply)
I can't harm an OCP Director
Secret Directive 4
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:35, Reply)
I am proof-reading a catalogue.
If my day gets any more EXCITING AND GLAMOROUS I think my penis will snap off.
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:29, Reply)
Do you sell those door-stops that look like a dog cocking its leg?

(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:30, Reply)
Sadly not.
My dear brother's 'Dragon's Den' type idea that he's been planning for about twenty years is a door knocker shaped like a baby seal, with the knocking part that looks like a club. With that and the 'Auschwitz garden gates' scheme we're plotting, our family's fortunes are sure to be restored AND THEN SOME.
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:33, Reply)
I would buy that door knocker

(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:34, Reply)
Might I suggest
When the club smacks the seal, a small soundbyte of a chorus of PETA/Greenpeace activists shouting "WHY?!!" with all their trustafarian fury blast out from a hidden speaker.
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:36, Reply)
that would be amazing

(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:39, Reply)
Other soundbytes could include:
"You MONSTER!" or a short blast of The Vengaboys 'We're going to Ibiza'.
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:41, Reply)
Or 'In Da Club' by 50 Cent

(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:43, Reply)
I was just thinking that myself
Or 'Clubbed to Death' by Rob D.
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:47, Reply)
Nightclubbing - David Essex - y'know, for night time.

(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:51, Reply)
Or anything by Seal

(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:52, Reply)
Actually, Sealclubbing by Half Man Half Biscuit.
I don't know why I didn't think of that before.
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:58, Reply)
Genius!

(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:36, Reply)
I am going back oop North.
I can't wait to see my cat.
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:31, Reply)
Going to kill the computer illiterate fucking monkey bitch who works downstairs
I'm currently being made to scan in print outs she's done, because she says she can't save them anywhere, and refuses any fucking help I offer.
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:31, Reply)
Crying like a bitch whore because no-one
has done any of my work since I've been off.
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:31, Reply)
Get cataloguing those cocks, boy!

(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:34, Reply)
I'll just out my measuring tape...

(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:36, Reply)
COUNT THE VERTEBRAE, FOR GOD'S SAKE MAN.

(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:40, Reply)
Internal heart massage is my only goal
for your hole.
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:43, Reply)
You should be glad
They'd have only done it totally arse-ways and made your job today even harder.
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:37, Reply)
Jim's job
is all about people who 'do it totally arse-ways'
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:40, Reply)
True, true...

(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:49, Reply)
Going to London in les than 2h
for an interview, and then to Brighton.

I'm going to spend the weekend in Worthing visiting Mark and friends.

There's something wrong with this office. There are dying, massive flies everywhere
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:32, Reply)
Is there something rotten somewhere?
I bet some tit has left a sandwich in their desk drawer
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:38, Reply)
It's been like this since I joined
so at least for 3 months. They are everywhere, and are very noise, as the can barely fly but keep trying and hitting desks and tales. They're really disgusting.
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:39, Reply)
something has probably died somewhere
one of my dad's bank branches once had to be evacuated because the smell got so bad. turned out to be a dead rat the size of a small cat that had got wedged under the floorboards and then died.

fucking foul!
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:44, Reply)
Agh
That sounds awful.

Nothing smells bad here, it's only the presence and noise of the big flies that I don't like.
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:57, Reply)
i feel this about some of my colleagues sometimes....

(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 11:04, Reply)
Hahaha
Poor you. At least people in my area are usually very nice.
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 11:19, Reply)
to be fair
most of my colleagues are great. it's just that i have zero patience, so if someone has a bad cough or something, i feel like stapling bits of file to their head.
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 11:21, Reply)
dying at my desk
i'm beyond hungover and i can't stop coughing which is driving everyone insane.

BUT other than that... amazing weekend at home planned and mon/tue off work, so all good. although i am a bit nervous about the dentist on tue. my dentist has retired so it's a new one, and i am worried he is going to tell me i need about 15 fillings.
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:33, Reply)
I for one envy your dentist
I would love to get paid for filling your mouth
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:34, Reply)
*head in hands*

(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:35, Reply)
It's funnier because my penis isn't anything like big enough to fill her mouth

(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:37, Reply)
I'm sure her mouth just filled up involuntarily
due to that joke.
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:37, Reply)
don't please
i am in so much pain that even the thought of gently fellating al is not enough to wake/cheer me up. the restaurant owner is a total silver fox. we were drinking champagne, but he kept bringing me vodkas on the house. every time he would wink and say "there you go darling, another greek-sized portion for you".

oh god, oh god, why am i reminding myself... and why is my office so far away from the bathrooms (usually a good feature, admittedly)
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:40, Reply)
I don't know why, but the idea of being gently fellated by a seriously hungover swipey
is even more arousing than just thinking of her normally.
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:54, Reply)
it's because you think i'd be all helpless and passive
you're not far wrong. there is nothing i wouldn't do for a diet coke right now.

the trainee must be despatched to the shop (our canteen only has cans and i prefer the glass bottles if possible)
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:56, Reply)
You are seriously high maintanence.
You make Kitty look like some kind of subservient slave.
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 11:00, Reply)
Yeah! You say it, al!

(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 11:01, Reply)
who rattled your cage?!

(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 11:05, Reply)
Nobody, that's the problem

(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 11:06, Reply)
ah
well excuse yourself, go rattle your own cage for (what, 2 mins? or aren't you doing it twice?) and then come back and make me feel better!
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 11:07, Reply)
and here was me thinking that it was the chains and skimpy outfit I currently have her wearing that did that

(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 11:02, Reply)
it's good for him
ass-kissing is an important skill to learn.

he has already learned that he must steal me diet cokes and orange clubs from every meeting he attends.
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 11:04, Reply)
<s>
Ah, fuck it.
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:38, Reply)
i have an nhs dentist and a student card for my masters
you'd get about £1.50
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:41, Reply)
My dentist fucking hates me.
I need a check-up and a scale and polish, but I need to ask can I be moved to another bloke first.
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:39, Reply)
i've never had a filling
the thought terrifies me!

erm, why/how does your dentist hate you?
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:41, Reply)
He's a cunt
It was hate as soon as he saw I'd put '0' on the "0-10, how afraid are you of the dentist?" question on my arrival questionnaire.
Then he tried to get away with not doing my scale and polish, which was a) very necessary and b) included in my fee anyway.

I think he likes his patients dumb and scared.
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:48, Reply)
they gave you an arrival questionnaire? how bizarre
he sounds like a power-hungry moron. stab him with his own drill.
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:50, Reply)
NHS dentists are supposed to do a scale and polish
but a lot try and avoid it and get you to see the hyginist seperately
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:51, Reply)
Learning why inclusion is bullshit
And off out with a lady later.
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:35, Reply)
Ooooooooh

(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:39, Reply)
thank you for your nice gaz last night
that cheered me up this morning. sorry if my reply was a little incoherent though. think i need to confiscate my laptop when drunk.
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:43, Reply)
looking busy until 4
Then gym and dinner, probably faggots again.
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:36, Reply)
I'd like to make a joke, but I just can't

(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:39, Reply)
I love faggots, me
And I have my own gravy to go with them.

/taking all the challenge out of it
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 11:01, Reply)
I've just got into work
HALF DAY TODAY WOOO, then I think I'm going to apply for a credit card and a few other bits of crap.
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:37, Reply)
I get off at 4pm

(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:39, Reply)
but when do you finish work

(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:42, Reply)
tish

(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:44, Reply)

4pm every opportunity
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:42, Reply)
Did you know there is an iPhone app for diagnosing autism?
50 questions along the line of; "Are you obsessed with numbers" and "Are you uncomfortable in social situations".
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:42, Reply)
Yeah, I've done the test 47 times and memorised all the answers
It turns out I'm not autistic.
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:47, Reply)
Ha!

(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:50, Reply)
Brilliant

(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:53, Reply)
I did the same joke on /talk
www.b3ta.com/talk/7011404
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 12:38, Reply)
Meh!
Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day. Fritter and waste the hours in an off-hand way.
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:38, Reply)
Nope, can't get it...

(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:41, Reply)
Pink Floyd, Time.

(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:45, Reply)
My comment was funny because lots of people were hurt at a Pink Floyd gig when teh seating collapsed.

(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:47, Reply)
I know.

(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:48, Reply)
*collpases large section of the seating*

(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:41, Reply)
I'm listening to 2nd Honeymoon by Deaf School.
Very quietly on my PC. It arrived just now from Amazon. I will blast it in the car when I get my lunch.

Ta for the recomendation.
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:39, Reply)
WHAT A WAY TO END IT ALL!!!
I love Deaf School.
Who recommended them?
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:41, Reply)
You did.

(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:42, Reply)
Ha!
I've pimped them so often I forget who I've told.
I thought there might be another DS fan in the house.
Was it you I waxed on about Final Act to?
Aren't they fucking ace.
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:46, Reply)
I'll give you a critical appraisal after I've heard it loud.
Right now it sounds a bit Kurt Weill, which is good.
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:49, Reply)
Clive Langer lols

(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:43, Reply)
That's a strange Coincidence.
He produced The Liberty Of Norton Folgate, which I am liking a lot at the moment.
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:51, Reply)
Ace.
A playing on B's album who then went onto produce C's debut single is my kind of autism.
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 11:00, Reply)
Giraffes are still gay.

(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 11:09, Reply)
giraffes are awesome
they are so pretty.

i love giraffes, best of all the animals. well, except penguins.
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 11:12, Reply)
They have big eyelashes
like these
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 11:22, Reply)
God, we are in a time loop.

(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 11:23, Reply)
"Let's do the time loop, again"
/crapdance
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 11:25, Reply)
*takes step to right*

(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 11:26, Reply)
FASCIST!

(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 11:29, Reply)
My eyes have gone a bit yellow
But I can still see.

I'm going to make another coffee in a minute. That is as far as my plan for the day has got.
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:53, Reply)
Does it look like you're walking through very thin custard?

(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 11:05, Reply)
No, I can see okay
But a look like I've got mild jaundice of the eyes.

It's just the eye drops from yesterday.
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 11:08, Reply)
Myyyy
eye are dim I cannot see I have not brought my specs with me
I haaaave not broooought my specs with meeeee

/cub scout flashback
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 11:08, Reply)
My legs are grey. My ears are gnarled. My eyes are old and bent.
/Gilliam
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 11:15, Reply)
Black night, black night, don't feel too bright
/Gillam
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 11:18, Reply)
Psst, n not m

(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 11:23, Reply)
Is it?
Oh, I've been getting that wrong my entire life then
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 11:25, Reply)
how many times do you actually use that word?

(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 11:27, Reply)
the word they are referring to is Gillan
so I'd suggest probably not often
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 11:29, Reply)
You'd be right on the money there.
I don't recall every saying it out loud, only saying to myself when reading things.
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 11:30, Reply)
i don't think i've ever used that word
and i have a degree in english and everyfink
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 11:32, Reply)
considering it is the surname of someone from Deep Purple
there is probably little reason why you would.
(, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 11:34, Reply)

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