well this will give you a laugh at my clumsy expense
i am totally going to get fired after nearly nailing one of the senior partners in the forehead with a pair of socks. he had to duck to miss it. he did NOT see the funny side. argh.

in a nutshell, i have one of those massive handbags. it is necessarily huge because i am currently carrying around the following: jeans/socks for walking home as nobody can be doing with walking 6 miles in a fitted skirt and hold-up stockings; book; second book in case i finish the first; noel's dvd boxset for posting back to him; wallet; mobile; blackberry; ipod; camera; half a tonne of girly shit like chanel lipglosses. you get the picture.

so last night, i took home a complex AGA/Deed of Guarantee because i needed a cold towel to read it. partner came into my office to discuss it this morning. i couldn't find it, then remembered it was stuffed in my handbag. i tried to pull it out, but it was wedged under something. i pulled a bit harder. he looked at my disorganisation in disgust. i pulled really hard, the document flew out... and so did my socks, which headed for his face like some sort of heat seeking missile. i nearly died, he looked like thunder, and i am now just waiting for the p45 in the internal.

mind you, it could have been worse given some of the shit i have in there, i must console myself with this.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:05, 4 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Haha, superb.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:06, Reply)

Hahaha!
Tell him they were clean socks.
( girlinthehole, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:08, Reply)

they were pink cashmere ones.
99.99999% of my socks are black and dull, but no, i had to smack him with the garish ones. argh.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:09, Reply)

*tries not to laugh*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:08, Reply)

it's ok
you might as well laugh. my trainee is killing himself. he thinks i can't see him sniggering silently, but he has just earned himself a lot of photocopying.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:10, Reply)

Two of the most heavily militarised countries in the world will be at war within a week.
/context
(PsychoChomp, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:11, Reply)

Those kooky Koreans, at it all over again

(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:16, Reply)

Oh hai Hans Brix!
it's funny because we're all gonna die
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:16, Reply)

Give me the heads up when it is appropriate to panic and loot PC World.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:19, Reply)

You won't need computers where you're going...
Basingstoke
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:23, Reply)

At least we can get a new series of
M*A*S*H out of it all.
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:19, Reply)

In this weeks episode, Hawkeyes antics annoy the other surgeons
until they all die of radiation poisoning.

Did I mention that we're all gonna die?
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:21, Reply)

Oh the humanity
wisecracks will save the day
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:25, Reply)

good point
is it better to be stuck in a bunker with someone who makes wisecracks and makes you laugh, or would you feel much more like killing and eating them after a couple of days of relentless cheerfulness?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:26, Reply)

I'll keep our spirits up with all my recent winning QOTW answers...
shit
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:29, Reply)

past glories should buy you a couple of extra weeks
but i wouldn't worry too much, most people* aren't going to be too willing to put an accountant in their mouths anyway.

* does not include me, as lawyers are some rungs below accountants anyway
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:33, Reply)

I doubt i'll be let into the bunker
i'll say that i'm a self sufficient market gardener, and i'll prove it by turning up with a chicken under my arm and a fist full of runner-beans.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:43, Reply)

chicken large marrow
runner beans plums

I'm not sure why I did that. Soz.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 23 Nov 2010, 11:14, Reply)

either way its win win
Funny stories or yummy dinner with no regrets.
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:34, Reply)

speaking of "context", the point of the thread was to laugh at something
you are even wider of this mark than i was.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:19, Reply)

He sucks the joy right out of this place.

( girlinthehole, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:22, Reply)

*points to groin*
I wish you'd suck the joy right out of THIS place.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:33, Reply)

this is very childish monty, i am disappointed in you
and in no way sulking that you didn't say it to me.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:36, Reply)

But you didn't post the feed-line, dearest.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:37, Reply)

that is no excuse, no, none whatsoever. the correct answer was this:
"i wish rachelswipe would suck the joy out of THIS place".

do i have to write everything for everyone??

actually, that would be a good thread. write a post in the style of someone else, and we all have to guess who it is.

[posts vile picture of scary rabbit fisting wild-eyed clown]
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:41, Reply)

We had one of those a while ago
It ended up being an outlet for Chompy's latent schizophrenia.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:44, Reply)

what schizophrenia?
you mean he posted a link from the bbc AND a link from sky?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:50, Reply)

An 'impressions thread'?
Could turn nasty.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:44, Reply)

*shags sister*

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:50, Reply)

i like this
well done
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:51, Reply)

Bra-vo!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:55, Reply)

Hey!

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 23 Nov 2010, 11:15, Reply)

Oh fuck you.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:45, Reply)

if i said "yes" to that
you'd be on the first london train out of congleton and we both know it!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:50, Reply)

Nah
I'd make you wait.

In other words, I can't afford the train until Friday!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:54, Reply)

I hope the rest of the world just leaves them to it
However, what are the chances of America missing a scrap like this?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:24, Reply)

what have i missed in the news?
whose toys are being thrown out of which pram this time then?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:25, Reply)

North Korea fired about 200 shells at the South
The South scrambled some jets. They're all going to blow the shit out of each other at some point.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:26, Reply)

oh i see
they won't actually do anything about it, not even that pouffyhaired psycho is that psychotic, surely.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:28, Reply)

Crow is NOT psychotic, OK?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:29, Reply)

i've not met him yet
but knowing my luck/effect on men, he will be once i have done.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:32, Reply)

Don't worry
At worst, he'll just flap around like a flid with his chest on fire.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:35, Reply)

Hahaha wonderful mental image there

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:37, Reply)

Bestil thy mockery
Why, with my training I know all too well how to create a nuclear bomb and bring about the end of days with an apocalyptic atomic explosion.



(That is, if by 'nuclear bomb,' you mean 'right old scene,' and by 'atomic explosion,' you mean 'hissy fit'...)
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:42, Reply)

I wouldn't bet against it

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:30, Reply)