Sorry, that thread doesn't give much chance for a laugh
The other night I ended up watching one of those stupid "Comedy Countdown" programs, in which they named the "50 Funniest Films Ever", or some shit like that.

I was thoroughly pissed off to see not 1, but 2 fucking Ben Stiller films in the top 20 (Something About Mary & Meet The Parents)! The cunt isn't funny, never has been, relies on making people cringe. Fucking hate the guy.

So, who do you hate, that other people seem to like?

Alt Q (Mainly for Monty): Who do you like that other people hate?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 8:41, 188 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Your mum.
I don't hate anyone. It sucks the energy right out of you and makes you age quicker.
( girlinthehole, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 8:45, Reply)

r mum
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 8:46, Reply)

So, what's your opinion on Russell Brand?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 8:48, Reply)

He's alright.

( girlinthehole, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 8:52, Reply)

Damned by faint praise there.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 8:52, Reply)

I thought Zoolander was pretty funny

(Spitz, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 8:52, Reply)

Me too
the "male models at the gas station" rather set the tone.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 9:17, Reply)

oh yeah I hate Frankie Boyle
he tries too hard to be offensive. I admit on Mock The Week he has had his sharp moments but I hate the smug look on his face when he gets a laugh. And his stand up is just a collection of everything he said on Mock The Week.
(Spitz, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 8:53, Reply)

Same as Russell Howard on the stand up bit
But he always seems really happy to make others laugh, so I don't tend to hate him as much
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 8:54, Reply)

I can't decide if I like Russell Howard
sometimes he's really funny but sometimes his anecdotes are just stupid and he kind of looks like he has downs sometimes.
(Spitz, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 8:57, Reply)

he's from Bristol

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 9:01, Reply)

He's quite good live
I saw him at a teeny tiny venue doing warm up for his Edinburgh show, and he was actually really lovely and friendly when I met him.
(berk, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 9:14, Reply)

your second point is correct definitely
also, he steals from sickipedia
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 8:55, Reply)

he does a weird twitchy thing as well when he finishes a joke, he twitches his glasses back up his nose

(Spitz, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 8:57, Reply)

Your second statement
is pretty much true of every stand up on every panel show, they all look for ways to crowbar in their material...
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 8:55, Reply)

that's true
I've seen Russell Howard tell the same story on two different shows and his own standup.
(Spitz, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 8:56, Reply)

I liked both those films.
He was very good in Extras and Mystery Men as well.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 9:01, Reply)

I cannot fucking abide
Lee Evans. Although I grant you that Mousetrap was quite amusing.
(berk, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 9:13, Reply)

With you there.
Sweaty bastard.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 9:48, Reply)

He's made me laugh once.
That's it.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:04, Reply)

Did he die?

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:10, Reply)

hope so

( DarkSon a time and date will follow this username on, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:13, Reply)

Sadly not
It was one moment of good timing by him, with his "Lee Evans Jazz Trio"
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:26, Reply)

Ricky Gervais
Cunt
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 9:15, Reply)

Not a good example
Everybody hates Ricky Fucking Gervais.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 9:18, Reply)

Point conceeded
Someone must like him though, otherwise he wouldnt be on TV. ruined an idiot abroad with his fucking smug grin and shite laugh
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 9:23, Reply)

I think he is liked by the business because he produces profits.
One day he will be sussed and shown for what he is.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 9:46, Reply)

I hate Lab and his stupid face

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 9:15, Reply)

Don't be mean.
Lab's face isn't stupid, it's just different.
( wanderlust, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 9:17, Reply)

Steve Coogan.
Another cunt who relies on making you cringe.
And he isn't really funny.
See The Trip for example.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 23 Nov 2010, 9:16, Reply)

The second series of Partridge is a masterpiece.
The man is a total cunt* and he is nowhere near as funny as he thinks he is (also his desecration of one of my favourite boyhood books, 'Around the World in 80 Days' alone merits maiming), but those few episodes are untrammelled genius.

*I have this on the authority of his own brother
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 9:33, Reply)

I think Armando Innucci deserves a lot of the credit.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:02, Reply)

He certainly does, as does Sean Lock, if I recall.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:12, Reply)

^ Couldn't agree more
I can't help but think Coogan has spent most of his time riding on the coat-tails of Ianucci and Chris Morris.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:14, Reply)

I don't agree, I think he is a very good comic actor.
The fact he didn't write everything doesn't take away from that.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:19, Reply)

Sorry, I thought you were just referring to his writing.
I've no qualms about him as an actor, I just think most of the best stuff he's starred in benefitted an awful lot from Ianucci or Morris' writing.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:26, Reply)

Russel Brand
I've seen his standup, and tv spots, and so far, I've yet to hear even one c-grade joke. Yet to some people, he's the new comedy messiah.
( DarkSon a time and date will follow this username on, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 9:18, Reply)

Mouthy cockney twat
Unfunny and has topped it by fucking Katy Perry
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 9:24, Reply)

Worse - he's Essex.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 9:31, Reply)

If you said "he's fucking Essex"
that would have been 8% funnier.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 9:46, Reply)

Even so
still funnier than brand
( DarkSon a time and date will follow this username on, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 9:49, Reply)

Isn't everyone?

( Tedium Alduce me to interlow myself., Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:16, Reply)

That redhead with the big assets from Mad Men
I don't actually find her terribly pretty from the neck up.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 9:20, Reply)

She has a neck?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 9:27, Reply)

Your loss...

(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:15, Reply)

there are plenty of pretty curvy ladies out there
my extensive investigation of the internet has comfirmed this.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 11:20, Reply)

This question - and the alt - could occupy my whole morning.
I don't know where to start.

But as an opening gambit for the alt, I'm going with 'The Nazis'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 9:28, Reply)

卍卍卍 Top Reich post of the day 卐卐卐
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 9:35, Reply)

Good morning to you, young master Lyon.
EDIT nifty graphics there, would they work in my sig?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 9:38, Reply)

Pip Pip Montgomery
Edit: they should do
Edit 2 : no :(((
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 9:40, Reply)

Just tried it as well. Gu-tted.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 9:57, Reply)

Main q
Zombies. Everyone on the internet loves them, but apart from in a Haitian or West African voodoo context they're fucking bent and I find the constant nombie references excruciating.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 9:30, Reply)

Aw man! Don't diss the zombies.

( girlinthehole, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 9:37, Reply)

Nommy, nommy Nombies.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 9:41, Reply)

My sig is from episode 4 of The Walking Dead.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 9:41, Reply)

I watched episode 1 last night
it is excellent

I still don't understand why they chose Andrew Lincoln though. He is good, but why get an English bloke to play a Southern Sheriffs deputy?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 9:49, Reply)

He's really good in it,
he's got a few FUCK YEAH moments in the next few episodes.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 9:52, Reply)

I was impressed with the effects
and the gore

I look forward to seeing the next episode later
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 9:54, Reply)

I wasn't that impressed with the first episode
but each one has got better and better.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 9:56, Reply)

good stuff
the first one set the scene quite nicely
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 9:57, Reply)

Is it because
1) he's a fucking cunt* and therefore perfect for a shitty nombie programme or
2) every self-consciously 'cult' or lolwaki American show from CSI and The Wire to House etc now HAS BY US LAW to have an English actor playing an American in it?

Fucking shit cunt bollocks wankers.

*Teachers? This fucking Life? Grade A cunt.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 9:53, Reply)

Shut up Monty
your pathological hatred of almost everything is becoming tiresome.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 9:55, Reply)

I hate you.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 9:56, Reply)

good

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 9:57, Reply)

Now you can go and bum 'Egg' and his nombie pals all night long

In an act of super-irony, my brother gave me a DVD on Sunday - he'd been given two of them for his birthday. 'Dead Snow' - a fucking zombie film.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 9:59, Reply)

It's got Nazis in it fool.

( girlinthehole, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:00, Reply)

I know that. There's one on the cover.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:04, Reply)

Then watch and enjoy.
Pretend they aren't zombies, but just very ugly nazis.
( girlinthehole, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:06, Reply)

It's got Nazis in.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:00, Reply)

they aren't conventional zombies in that
they are Nazis for a start, and are trying to get their gold back. They are intelligent and stuff, unlike normal zombies.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:00, Reply)

Teachers was fucking superb

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:02, Reply)

You are fucking shitting me.
It was AWFUL. They even released a CD of the shitty soundtrack, like when Jamie Oliver did the same with his compilation of dairrhoea like Toploader. Appalling.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:04, Reply)

The theme was done by Belle & Sebastian, and is one of my favourite tunes to listen to on my way to work
I enjoyed Teachers, it made a change from every single series based in schools being a load of angst filled bollocks.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:09, Reply)

*coughs*grangehill*coughs*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:11, Reply)

Load of bollocks
It might have been new and good once upon a time, but in the mid 90s (when I was watching it), they were so determined to court controversy it was simply shit.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:23, Reply)

"dairrhoea" sounds like the result of eating too much triangular "cheese".

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:20, Reply)

Haha

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:23, Reply)

Pukka triangular 'cheese' drizzled with a cheeky glug of the old olive oil?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:26, Reply)

You must love this Virgin campaign then
www.virgintrains.co.uk/assets/pdf/travel-trade/unzipped.pdf
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 9:41, Reply)

He loves all Virgin Campaigns
I think the last one was to get Edmund laid. Ah well, better luck next time.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 9:42, Reply)

Town centre drinking
Overcrowded, hordes of nasty drunken thick young men, public urination, drunken thick women sobbing in the gutter...
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 9:43, Reply)

Is that for the Alt Q or the main question?

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 9:44, Reply)

Main question
I hate it, but most people must love it.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 9:46, Reply)

When I go out into towns, I'll usually stick to one or two pubs, so we're not caught in the unwashed masses too often

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 9:44, Reply)

I hate big town centre bars that are rammed full of people
impossible to get to the bar, impossible to hear anything, impossible to actually stand with the people you are with, people constantly pushing past...what's the attraction?
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 9:51, Reply)

The attraction is that in a large group of inebriated, low intelligent fuckwads...
...the odds of getting laid are higher. And if that fails you are guaranteed a fight to release the frustration.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 9:54, Reply)

Ah! that's the secret.

( girlinthehole, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:00, Reply)

I find the whole experience horrific
and whenever I do it, there's always someone in the group that does it every week and they're constantly pushing you to drink up as we have to push our way out of the current over-rammed bar into the next identical over-rammed bar. Just like they did last week, just like they will do next week...
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:01, Reply)

That's the upside to living here
If one place is busy, everywhere else will be dead.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:03, Reply)

Ant 'n' Dec.
They sound mentally ill.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 9:51, Reply)

The Jews

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:02, Reply)

I like the Jews.
*sings*

You got to pick a pocket or two.
( girlinthehole, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:03, Reply)

I couldn't think of anything I hated

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:04, Reply)

IIIII'm rrrreviewing the situation
Can a fella be a villain all his life?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:05, Reply)

I completed new vegas last night
I'll give the buggy piece of crap a break now (after 3 weeks)
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:04, Reply)

Fair play I've put it down now too
Glitches ruin it
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:05, Reply)

The next big thing for me will be "RDR - Undead Nightmare" on disc
my mate already has it as DLC
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:07, Reply)

I finally completed Fallout 3 the other day
Bit too linear for a sandbox game I found
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:07, Reply)

The secret to FO3 is to do as many side missions as possible
if you just follow the main story arc you complete it too quickly
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:08, Reply)

do as many side missions as possible not waste your time with such bollocks in the first place
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:10, Reply)

Just say no

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:13, Reply)

I thought that, but when I went looking for the side quests, there was up to 20 minutes between seeing enemies
Also, in the entire game, I only faced one Deathclaw, and killed it without it hurting me, was a thorough disappointment.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:13, Reply)

The death claws in new vegas seem a lot harder
there's a quarry full of the bastards
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:14, Reply)

Aye, my mate told me
Said he found it whilst quite drunk, and has since avoided the place like the plague.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:25, Reply)

The quarry is for pussies
Find dead wind cavern
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:28, Reply)

Alt: I genuinely cannot understand
why ‘Time Bandits’ is not in most people’s top five entertaining films. I appreciate that the appeal of ‘Performance’ is bound to be limited – it’s fucking insane, but for a light-hearted family film in the same bracket as, say, Back to the Future, why isn’t Time Bandits a well-loved favourite.

It’s got loads of top-class cameos in it, it looks lavish…I am non-plussed.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:03, Reply)

It's not very funny if you're sober.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:05, Reply)

Dwarves are ALWAYS funny, sober or not.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:07, Reply)

my friend is obsessed with dwaffs
she can spot one at a five hundred feet radius, i swear.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:08, Reply)

My brother is.
I saw one on Saturday in a pub, and thought she was out of earshot whilst making an off-colour dwarf porn joke to HimJim. She was right behind me.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:09, Reply)

i think we all need to hear this joke

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:10, Reply)

It was more of a monologue than an actual gag.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:14, Reply)

It was no where near as measured as Lusty's joke in Horseguards
*still laughing thinking about it*
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:24, Reply)

pizzaslicelulz.

( wanderlust, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:31, Reply)

How are you feeling?
Saturday was fun, must do it again when you're not feeling tender.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:41, Reply)

That was hysterical.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:43, Reply)

The Four Sprung Dwarf Technique?

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:18, Reply)

*facedesks*

(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:19, Reply)

*guilty click*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:20, Reply)

I now envision Himjim saying in a slow and measured Irish accent
"Those people, Monty, are far away. That woman...is very small."
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:19, Reply)

I saw a dwarf couple go out on a date
I couldn't stop laughing.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:13, Reply)

I dated a dwarf girl.
I was nuts over her.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:18, Reply)

*texts brother*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:20, Reply)

I would have followed them round all night
trying to film them.

According to my brother there's 'a famous dwarf' called Rusty somethingorother in a village near where he lives - he once drove me there in the hope of seeing him outside the pub. No sighting, sadly.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:19, Reply)

'Famous dwarf' Kenny Baker
lives a couple of miles away from my parents. I met him in Morrissons once when I was about 6 - he was a cunt.
(berk, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:23, Reply)

Apart from Herve Villechaise he's probably the most famous dwarf EVER.
I'm impressed.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:42, Reply)

David Rappaport - he's another famous one.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:49, Reply)

And Lampito

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:54, Reply)

Careful - or she'll punch you in the cock.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:56, Reply)

He's the connoisseur's choice.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:56, Reply)

The thinking man's midget?

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:56, Reply)

My little brother's ginger horse-porn obsessed mate's uncle
is none other than the legendary Warwick Davis.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:59, Reply)

fairly normal stuff in macc, no?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:20, Reply)

This was in Glasgow sadly

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:21, Reply)

I saw that the other day
It wasn't bad, but it seemed to rely on being strange, rather than good storytelling towards the end.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:06, Reply)

well this will give you a laugh at my clumsy expense
i am totally going to get fired after nearly nailing one of the senior partners in the forehead with a pair of socks. he had to duck to miss it. he did NOT see the funny side. argh.

in a nutshell, i have one of those massive handbags. it is necessarily huge because i am currently carrying around the following: jeans/socks for walking home as nobody can be doing with walking 6 miles in a fitted skirt and hold-up stockings; book; second book in case i finish the first; noel's dvd boxset for posting back to him; wallet; mobile; blackberry; ipod; camera; half a tonne of girly shit like chanel lipglosses. you get the picture.

so last night, i took home a complex AGA/Deed of Guarantee because i needed a cold towel to read it. partner came into my office to discuss it this morning. i couldn't find it, then remembered it was stuffed in my handbag. i tried to pull it out, but it was wedged under something. i pulled a bit harder. he looked at my disorganisation in disgust. i pulled really hard, the document flew out... and so did my socks, which headed for his face like some sort of heat seeking missile. i nearly died, he looked like thunder, and i am now just waiting for the p45 in the internal.

mind you, it could have been worse given some of the shit i have in there, i must console myself with this.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:05, Reply)

Haha, superb.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:06, Reply)

Hahaha!
Tell him they were clean socks.
( girlinthehole, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:08, Reply)

they were pink cashmere ones.
99.99999% of my socks are black and dull, but no, i had to smack him with the garish ones. argh.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:09, Reply)

*tries not to laugh*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:08, Reply)

it's ok
you might as well laugh. my trainee is killing himself. he thinks i can't see him sniggering silently, but he has just earned himself a lot of photocopying.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:10, Reply)

Two of the most heavily militarised countries in the world will be at war within a week.
/context
(PsychoChomp, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:11, Reply)

Those kooky Koreans, at it all over again

(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:16, Reply)

Oh hai Hans Brix!
it's funny because we're all gonna die
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:16, Reply)

Give me the heads up when it is appropriate to panic and loot PC World.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:19, Reply)

You won't need computers where you're going...
Basingstoke
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:23, Reply)

At least we can get a new series of
M*A*S*H out of it all.
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:19, Reply)

In this weeks episode, Hawkeyes antics annoy the other surgeons
until they all die of radiation poisoning.

Did I mention that we're all gonna die?
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:21, Reply)

Oh the humanity
wisecracks will save the day
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:25, Reply)

good point
is it better to be stuck in a bunker with someone who makes wisecracks and makes you laugh, or would you feel much more like killing and eating them after a couple of days of relentless cheerfulness?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:26, Reply)

I'll keep our spirits up with all my recent winning QOTW answers...
shit
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:29, Reply)

past glories should buy you a couple of extra weeks
but i wouldn't worry too much, most people* aren't going to be too willing to put an accountant in their mouths anyway.

* does not include me, as lawyers are some rungs below accountants anyway
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:33, Reply)

I doubt i'll be let into the bunker
i'll say that i'm a self sufficient market gardener, and i'll prove it by turning up with a chicken under my arm and a fist full of runner-beans.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:43, Reply)

chicken large marrow
runner beans plums

I'm not sure why I did that. Soz.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 23 Nov 2010, 11:14, Reply)

either way its win win
Funny stories or yummy dinner with no regrets.
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:34, Reply)

speaking of "context", the point of the thread was to laugh at something
you are even wider of this mark than i was.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:19, Reply)

He sucks the joy right out of this place.

( girlinthehole, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:22, Reply)

*points to groin*
I wish you'd suck the joy right out of THIS place.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:33, Reply)

this is very childish monty, i am disappointed in you
and in no way sulking that you didn't say it to me.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:36, Reply)

But you didn't post the feed-line, dearest.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:37, Reply)

that is no excuse, no, none whatsoever. the correct answer was this:
"i wish rachelswipe would suck the joy out of THIS place".

do i have to write everything for everyone??

actually, that would be a good thread. write a post in the style of someone else, and we all have to guess who it is.

[posts vile picture of scary rabbit fisting wild-eyed clown]
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:41, Reply)

We had one of those a while ago
It ended up being an outlet for Chompy's latent schizophrenia.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:44, Reply)

what schizophrenia?
you mean he posted a link from the bbc AND a link from sky?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:50, Reply)

An 'impressions thread'?
Could turn nasty.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:44, Reply)

*shags sister*

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:50, Reply)

i like this
well done
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:51, Reply)

Bra-vo!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:55, Reply)

Hey!

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 23 Nov 2010, 11:15, Reply)

Oh fuck you.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:45, Reply)

if i said "yes" to that
you'd be on the first london train out of congleton and we both know it!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:50, Reply)

Nah
I'd make you wait.

In other words, I can't afford the train until Friday!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:54, Reply)

I hope the rest of the world just leaves them to it
However, what are the chances of America missing a scrap like this?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:24, Reply)

what have i missed in the news?
whose toys are being thrown out of which pram this time then?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:25, Reply)

North Korea fired about 200 shells at the South
The South scrambled some jets. They're all going to blow the shit out of each other at some point.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:26, Reply)

oh i see
they won't actually do anything about it, not even that pouffyhaired psycho is that psychotic, surely.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:28, Reply)

Crow is NOT psychotic, OK?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:29, Reply)

i've not met him yet
but knowing my luck/effect on men, he will be once i have done.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:32, Reply)

Don't worry
At worst, he'll just flap around like a flid with his chest on fire.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:35, Reply)

Hahaha wonderful mental image there

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:37, Reply)

Bestil thy mockery
Why, with my training I know all too well how to create a nuclear bomb and bring about the end of days with an apocalyptic atomic explosion.



(That is, if by 'nuclear bomb,' you mean 'right old scene,' and by 'atomic explosion,' you mean 'hissy fit'...)
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:42, Reply)

I wouldn't bet against it

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:30, Reply)

Grandad's buried. I played a blinder with the eulogy.
The church, cemetery AND wake venue were all freezing so now I'm off work ill, physically and mentally.
I'm glad nobody will be dying for a while, and I'm getting married in outer-space to avoid my family. djtp's family are welcome, but they'll have to pay for their own shuttle.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:21, Reply)

*sadface*
JeffAids?
( girlinthehole, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:24, Reply)

More like a mere touch of JeffHepatitis

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:25, Reply)

Jeffatitis.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:29, Reply)

That's the one!
Hiya Mont
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:29, Reply)

Wotcha Rootz
Sorry things aren't good for you today, old chum.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:31, Reply)

Thank you most kindly. It'll pass.
Was your weekend good? Did you see your favourite ladies?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:34, Reply)

Didn't see Len as she was in Brizzle at a wedding
>SADFACE<

This weekend I will though, with my brother in tow. Cannot wait.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:36, Reply)

I'm glad your family are getting to enjoy her company too

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:44, Reply)

As am I.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:54, Reply)

Sorry for your troubles.
I hope they do make it to your wedding. Your anecdotes involving your family are hilarious.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:35, Reply)

They are hilarious, but I really, really can't take the strain.

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:44, Reply)

I hate waking up late oh for fuck's sake I actually really like this lecture.
This is more what than who, I guess. In that vein I like IKEA and London buses.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 10:40, Reply)