you've made me think of panto-porn now, really wish you hadn't
jack-off and the beanstalk
sin-derella
snow white and the 7 dwarfs (needs no adjustment)
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:06, 2 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

that's just wrong.
why are you ruining my childhood fairytales?
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:08, Reply)

hey
i'm not the one who cast pamela anderson in it!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:09, Reply)

It is really wrong isn't it

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:10, Reply)

*sads*

(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:10, Reply)

Well they used to cast Jim Davidson, which is considerably worse I'd say.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:11, Reply)

i remember seeing mr t in a panto
and les dawson. and bernard bresslaw. and michael barrymore.

les was a bit of a legend, he kept ad-libbing and had the rest of the cast in stitches.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:12, Reply)

I saw Mr T
and Bradley Walsh
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:14, Reply)

I have never been to a pantomime.
They sound fucking ghastly.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:17, Reply)

They are
My worst/best was an Easter panto (I didn't know such a thing existed) 'starring' Kavana (of I can Make You Feel Good and Grease is the Word fame) and some drunken scouse girl off Big Brother.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:21, Reply)

I am genuinely shaking my head in disgust.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:21, Reply)

they are, but....
e would love it when she gets to be about 4, she really would!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:23, Reply)

Her relatives in the Kentish peasantry can take her.
Fuck that shit.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:28, Reply)

"fuck that nasty shit"
is one of my favourite, if less ladylike, expressions.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:36, Reply)

I've helped to organise one
My then-gf wrote a script, which while it wasn't incredible, wasn't bad at all, but seriously suffered from a lack of laughs. Over a few months, we managed to make it funnier bit by bit, but still not incredible. She ran what was happening on stage with the actors, I made sure that backstage wasn't a calamity, that the stage hands knew when to be on and off the stage, and also helped set up the lighting and microphones, etc. I was also the one who'd bollock people if they didn't do things properly, the useless fucks.

That panto stressed me to hell, but by christ it was good fun. When it came to opening day, it turned out they'd suprised me with a part in the play, I got to play 'Peter Pan's Shadow' (and the bastards wouldn't even let me black up). I had to wear a black t shirt, black shorts, and tights on every open part of my body. I was not pleased.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:38, Reply)

Pussy in Boots
'Dick' Whittington etc etc


Widow Wankey (starring that foul old granny whose grandchild is in that pop contest)
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:09, Reply)

i am disgusted with myself
i missed the obvious ones!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:11, Reply)

Oh my God we went to see Dick Whittington when I was a kid
and my Nana sees the aging Manchester DJ playing him, and says without an ounce of comic intent "Well that is the wrinkliest auld Dick I've ever seen."
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:12, Reply)

hahahahaha
it's like my grandma solemnly admiring my mother's gorgeous tits. at the bird feeder.

she also said, as we drove past a cat on holiday when i was about 13, "oh i do miss my beautiful ginger pussy."

i miss her!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:16, Reply)

pffffft
She sounds ace your gran does!
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:18, Reply)

bless her, she was utterly oblivious
although some of her other vocab was more embarrassing/racist.

whereas my dad's mum was brilliant. when she turned 80, dad asked her if she wanted a party. she looked thoughtful, and then asked if she could have the money to go on holiday with her mate instead.

and she did. the pair of them had 3 weeks in tunisia!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:25, Reply)

My grandmother
once woke up in the middle of the night whilst staying at my parents' one Christmas, to find my my brother at the foot of the bed getting his cock out.

He was half asleep and blind drunk and had taken a wrong turning on the way to the lavatory. If she hadn't woken up he'd have pissed all over her.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:20, Reply)

my brother me
his my
he I
had taken a wrong turning on the way to the lavatory wanted a wank
he I
pissed wanked
(Bazongaloid, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:22, Reply)

oh, ally pally
so much effort, for so little reward.

(i've known men like this before)
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:26, Reply)

Except the men you know would have shat on their grandmother instead.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:29, Reply)

i wish this were not so true

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:36, Reply)

We don't.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:38, Reply)

I could say the same about all your recent facebook photos
I settled down, cock in hand, for a good perve, and they were completely insufficient for the purpose!
(Bazongaloid, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:30, Reply)

are you calling me fugly?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:36, Reply)

Not at all
I like your latest profile pic, I'm just saying there were a lot of photos to go through, and none of them contained your tits, or even any cleavage.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:41, Reply)

And the obligatory 'for the gays'
Peter Pansy.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:13, Reply)

Paeder Pan, surely?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:14, Reply)

Gays aren't necessarily paedos too, Monty.
Stop Daily Mailing.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:16, Reply)

They fucking are.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:17, Reply)

Oops, my mistake.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:18, Reply)

Silly Davros

(Bazongaloid, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:20, Reply)

Alright Troopals?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:21, Reply)

So-So
Took me 5.5 hours to drive home last night, didn't get back until after 1am and my knee really hurts. I'm having an MRI scan on it.

Motorhead were ace on saturday weren't they. Though that said, I was supremely drunk and can't really remember the set that well.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:24, Reply)

Took me 3 hours to drive 18 miles home from work.
I was mightily pissed off by the time I got in.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:26, Reply)

I hope you had a nice beer and a motorboat of your wifes boobs
to cheer yourself up.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:33, Reply)

I didn't even get that :(

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:35, Reply)

Oh sadface.

(Bazongaloid, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:40, Reply)

I NOES, RITE?

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:42, Reply)

Unlucky, mon.
Motorhead were of course superb - and the set was the same one as you always get, don't worry.

I am partially guessing here - I was out of my tiny mind.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:30, Reply)

Phew, I was worried I might have missed something

(Bazongaloid, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:32, Reply)

Jesus
I've just remembered Michael fucking Monroe mincing onstage for Born to Raise Hell at the end: what a bender. I actually thought it was a woman for most of the song.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:39, Reply)

I was wondering who that was
I started a mini mosh pit with some bikers at the back during that song. At least, I think I did, I may have just thrown myself at a group of leather clad men and got bounced around a bit for my trouble.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:40, Reply)

Bet you wished you were seeing Squeeze at the Phil instead.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:45, Reply)

IN FUCKING GREAT SEATS, MAN!

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:46, Reply)

"Third one in"

(Cave Duck, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:42, Reply)

I am a monumentally colossal fuckknuckle and no mistake, al.
Fancy me getting that wrong.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:25, Reply)