Thread is dead
I am going to see the local panto week after next for FREE.
I wouldn't normally bother but it means I get to see my friend who has moved to Manchester, it is free, and the booze is free.
It 'stars' Pamela Anderson and Les Dennis.

What would you like to say to either of those two people that I should say if I get the chance?

Alt. Where are my snow spikes?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 9:43, 220 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Fifty quid says Dennis tries to stick it to Anderson
Possibly midway through the second half
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 9:44, Reply)

I really wouldn't put it past him

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 9:45, Reply)

"How much would your tits cost in today's money?"
And "Go on, do Mavis for old time's sake".
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 1 Dec 2010, 9:45, Reply)

I am almost certain he will do Mavis
She is the morning tea lady in the Empire Theatre
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 9:46, Reply)

Ask Pam where did it all go wrong with her career.

( girlinthehole, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 9:48, Reply)

Around about when she started having to do panto, I should think.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 1 Dec 2010, 9:49, Reply)

panto Baywatch
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 9:51, Reply)

It's a shame because she seems like a nice person albeit a bit stoopid.

( girlinthehole, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 9:53, Reply)

She was a good sport in Borat, I'll grant her that.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 1 Dec 2010, 9:54, Reply)

OH NO IT WASN'T!
THEY'RE IN FRONT OF YOU, etc.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 1 Dec 2010, 9:54, Reply)

My cousin worships her.
She puts Pam's picture up on facebook as her profile pic.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 9:52, Reply)

I have nothing to say to either of those specimens.
Alt: in the cupboard under the stairs behind that Vax that doesn't work any more but cost too much just to throw away, that you'll get fixed one day.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 9:48, Reply)

No. I suspect foul-play.
Some dirty Fife bastard has nicked them from the depot because it is very snowy up there.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 9:53, Reply)

Your relatives are more than a little peculiar, if you don't mind my saying that.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:03, Reply)

What brought that up?
They are, like, but it seemed a bit incidental.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:05, Reply)

LATE REPLY
I thought I was replying to your post above, re your cousin.

No wonder you were perplexed.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:25, Reply)

Ah I see
Yeah both sides are insane.
I really should persuade djtp to elope.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:26, Reply)

You could say I'm a big fan of your movies to pamela anderson.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 9:50, Reply)

It's funny because nobody is a fan of Barbed Wire.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 9:52, Reply)

or any of the Scary Movies.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 9:52, Reply)

you forgot borat

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:10, Reply)

it's Barb Wire
I am not a fan. Contender for worst film ever
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:09, Reply)

Hiyaaaar

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:15, Reply)

No, that goes to Kingpin.

( The Teviot Moose major 5th., Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:16, Reply)

I might tell her I have a yacht moored at the Albert Dock
See what she says
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 9:54, Reply)

Having met you I'm pretty sure she'll say
"sorry, I didn't catch that"
(PsychoChomp, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 9:56, Reply)

Bollocks

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 9:57, Reply)

:D

(PsychoChomp, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 9:58, Reply)

Ask Pamela
if she watches her porno and Les if he indeed did do Amanda Holden up the arse and made her walk funny
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 9:51, Reply)

Is that the rumour?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 9:53, Reply)

I believe so, yes

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:02, Reply)

Ew
She makes me ill and all
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:04, Reply)

Ironically, both her and Pam both seem to look like dolls

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:05, Reply)

HOW DID YOU NOT KNOW THAT AMANDA NEVER EVEN LIKED YOU!!!!!!!!!11111!!!!!!!

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 9:53, Reply)

Answer: He is completely deluded.
Most of the lads round here are.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 9:54, Reply)

I'll be honest and say that I don't miss Liverpool

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 9:58, Reply)

Are you from here or were you transient?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 9:59, Reply)

I did my training contract in Dale Street by the town hall, and migrated up to the Observatory by the tunnel entrance
The Observatory was the best as it gave the best views of police cars chasing scallies in nicked beemers.
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:02, Reply)

You were in North Liverpool territiory there
I emigrated from there to the South of the city when I went to uni.
We have a better class of smackhead/mentally unstable person/drunkard over here.
No, really.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:03, Reply)

I'm sceptical of this

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:07, Reply)

Well, the way I see it is this:
I am frightened of my own shadow usually, yet I have lived happily round here for 13 years. Near my parents' place, they threw potatoes at me.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:08, Reply)

*laughs*
I've lived in some dodgy areas of Manchester but never really felt unsafe.
( girlinthehole, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:11, Reply)

Name and shame
Nothing beats Clayton for me. Although Gorton comes a close second.
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:13, Reply)

I lived near Gorton and also a council estate near chorlton where the kids use to call me strap-on.
I'm assuming this was because I had very short hair and lived with my best mate who also had very short hair.
( girlinthehole, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:16, Reply)

'Gorton Girls know all the words to songs by Chaka Khan'
Is a memorable piece of graffiti round there. You should have been in fear of your life though. Chorlton is hardly the ghetto.
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:20, Reply)

The little bit I lived in was.
It was awful.
( girlinthehole, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:32, Reply)

:( Terrible bullying

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:11, Reply)

I no rite

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:13, Reply)

Come off it Roota, why would they waste potatoes when they could use them in a big pan of scouse.?

(Cave Duck, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:37, Reply)

you tell me, Ducky

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:53, Reply)

To be fair to Les
someone saying "yes" when you ask them to marry them is a bit of a come on.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 9:55, Reply)

Haha, it totally is

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 9:55, Reply)

i don't like her either
but typical bloke, it never entered his head that she was a billion times better-looking than him and there must be a catch - he simply went "phwoar, hot girl."
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 9:58, Reply)

I am familiar with this scenario

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 9:59, Reply)

If you genuinely feel that way, maybe you shouldn't marry the ugly sod.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:05, Reply)

Hahaha!

( girlinthehole, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:06, Reply)

I jest.
Love is blind. I genuinely find the ugly sod utterly stunning.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:06, Reply)

It clearly is.
He has a face like the scrotum of a diseased gibbon and breath like that of a dying camel.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:08, Reply)

The face bit, maybe
but his oral hygiene is impeccable.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:09, Reply)

I would.

( girlinthehole, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:09, Reply)

Thanks

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:09, Reply)

You're welcome : )

( girlinthehole, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:12, Reply)

You raise a very valid point there.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 1 Dec 2010, 9:55, Reply)

they are both tools
but that story about some of the answers people have given on "family fortunes" is enough to put les slightly above pamela. although maybe not in the way he would like.

the snow in london waited until i had to walk home and then go to/from the gym last night. as soon as i got in (frozen tit-less, as discussed late last night), it ALL DISAPPEARED.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 9:57, Reply)

It's a conspiracy.

( girlinthehole, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 9:58, Reply)

Ours has turned to ICE
This is the worst thing ever. And a Scottish person has stolen my snow spikes, so I have to shuffle like a pensioner to work.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 9:58, Reply)

oh i hate that
you are teetering along in your heels or trainers (i have nothing in between), placing each foot down flat like a twat. then you realise you aren't slipping, so you get more confident. then you forget about the ice altogether and stroll on as usual.

only to end up on your arse or doing a pelvic-wrenching split skid two mins later, to the amusement of the entire number 9 bus. i fucking hate it!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:00, Reply)

I am always vigilant
I never get cocky. Not since that time when I was 14.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:01, Reply)

Also to be fair to Les
He is about the only impressionist I can think of who sounds like himself but doing a slightly funny voice that sounds vaguely like someone you know but can't quite put your finger on...

Him, and Alistair McGowan, who not only sounds like Alistair putting on a slightly funny voice that sounds vaguely like someone you know but can't quite put your finger on, but also looks incredibly like Alistair McGowan pretending to be someone else and failing miserably because it still looks like Alistair McGowan dressed up.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:01, Reply)

They think flaring their nostrils makes them good impersonators
It's all about the fucking nostrils and the shocked expression with the pair of them.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:02, Reply)

Let's face it, Dustin Gee was miles better than Les.
In fact he still is, despite being dead for 25 years.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:04, Reply)

Goodnight goodnight goodnight goodnight

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:04, Reply)

Erm......................................................I guess so.

( girlinthehole, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:02, Reply)

when i was 19
alistair mcgowan asked me out in front of the whole of the comedy store.

i should have gone, but given the location and his fame, it did occur to me that he might have been taking the piss!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:04, Reply)

And his nostrils, rach, his nostrils.

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:06, Reply)

he was doing stand-up then though
i remember no nostrils, even though i was on the front row. that fat bloke john something also asked me to have a drink with him in the bar. it was utterly humiliating because he said to the audience "this girl on the front row in the purple shirt [it was the late 90's, ok?] is stunning, lads". and my then boyfriend oswald, who fancied himself as a bit of a comedian himself, promptly yelled out, "HE'S LYING!" and the whole room pissed themselves at my expense.

wonder why i didn't marry that one...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:09, Reply)

because he was called Oswald, and well you know it.

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:10, Reply)

well
he wasn't reeeeeally called oswald.

but it sounds a bit like it and it was just as pretentious on his parents' part, given that they were from fucking bedford!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:12, Reply)

Eustace

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:12, Reply)

not quite that bad
he was useless, though.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:23, Reply)

Rumpelstiltskin!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:25, Reply)

ha!
try "roland mathonwy"
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:26, Reply)

you've made me think of panto-porn now, really wish you hadn't
jack-off and the beanstalk
sin-derella
snow white and the 7 dwarfs (needs no adjustment)
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:06, Reply)

that's just wrong.
why are you ruining my childhood fairytales?
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:08, Reply)

hey
i'm not the one who cast pamela anderson in it!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:09, Reply)

It is really wrong isn't it

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:10, Reply)

*sads*

(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:10, Reply)

Well they used to cast Jim Davidson, which is considerably worse I'd say.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:11, Reply)

i remember seeing mr t in a panto
and les dawson. and bernard bresslaw. and michael barrymore.

les was a bit of a legend, he kept ad-libbing and had the rest of the cast in stitches.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:12, Reply)

I saw Mr T
and Bradley Walsh
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:14, Reply)

I have never been to a pantomime.
They sound fucking ghastly.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:17, Reply)

They are
My worst/best was an Easter panto (I didn't know such a thing existed) 'starring' Kavana (of I can Make You Feel Good and Grease is the Word fame) and some drunken scouse girl off Big Brother.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:21, Reply)

I am genuinely shaking my head in disgust.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:21, Reply)

they are, but....
e would love it when she gets to be about 4, she really would!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:23, Reply)

Her relatives in the Kentish peasantry can take her.
Fuck that shit.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:28, Reply)

"fuck that nasty shit"
is one of my favourite, if less ladylike, expressions.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:36, Reply)

I've helped to organise one
My then-gf wrote a script, which while it wasn't incredible, wasn't bad at all, but seriously suffered from a lack of laughs. Over a few months, we managed to make it funnier bit by bit, but still not incredible. She ran what was happening on stage with the actors, I made sure that backstage wasn't a calamity, that the stage hands knew when to be on and off the stage, and also helped set up the lighting and microphones, etc. I was also the one who'd bollock people if they didn't do things properly, the useless fucks.

That panto stressed me to hell, but by christ it was good fun. When it came to opening day, it turned out they'd suprised me with a part in the play, I got to play 'Peter Pan's Shadow' (and the bastards wouldn't even let me black up). I had to wear a black t shirt, black shorts, and tights on every open part of my body. I was not pleased.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:38, Reply)

Pussy in Boots
'Dick' Whittington etc etc


Widow Wankey (starring that foul old granny whose grandchild is in that pop contest)
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:09, Reply)

i am disgusted with myself
i missed the obvious ones!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:11, Reply)

Oh my God we went to see Dick Whittington when I was a kid
and my Nana sees the aging Manchester DJ playing him, and says without an ounce of comic intent "Well that is the wrinkliest auld Dick I've ever seen."
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:12, Reply)

hahahahaha
it's like my grandma solemnly admiring my mother's gorgeous tits. at the bird feeder.

she also said, as we drove past a cat on holiday when i was about 13, "oh i do miss my beautiful ginger pussy."

i miss her!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:16, Reply)

pffffft
She sounds ace your gran does!
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:18, Reply)

bless her, she was utterly oblivious
although some of her other vocab was more embarrassing/racist.

whereas my dad's mum was brilliant. when she turned 80, dad asked her if she wanted a party. she looked thoughtful, and then asked if she could have the money to go on holiday with her mate instead.

and she did. the pair of them had 3 weeks in tunisia!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:25, Reply)

My grandmother
once woke up in the middle of the night whilst staying at my parents' one Christmas, to find my my brother at the foot of the bed getting his cock out.

He was half asleep and blind drunk and had taken a wrong turning on the way to the lavatory. If she hadn't woken up he'd have pissed all over her.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:20, Reply)

my brother me
his my
he I
had taken a wrong turning on the way to the lavatory wanted a wank
he I
pissed wanked
(Bazongaloid, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:22, Reply)

oh, ally pally
so much effort, for so little reward.

(i've known men like this before)
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:26, Reply)

Except the men you know would have shat on their grandmother instead.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:29, Reply)

i wish this were not so true

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:36, Reply)

We don't.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:38, Reply)

I could say the same about all your recent facebook photos
I settled down, cock in hand, for a good perve, and they were completely insufficient for the purpose!
(Bazongaloid, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:30, Reply)

are you calling me fugly?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:36, Reply)

Not at all
I like your latest profile pic, I'm just saying there were a lot of photos to go through, and none of them contained your tits, or even any cleavage.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:41, Reply)

And the obligatory 'for the gays'
Peter Pansy.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:13, Reply)

Paeder Pan, surely?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:14, Reply)

Gays aren't necessarily paedos too, Monty.
Stop Daily Mailing.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:16, Reply)

They fucking are.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:17, Reply)

Oops, my mistake.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:18, Reply)

Silly Davros

(Bazongaloid, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:20, Reply)

Alright Troopals?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:21, Reply)

So-So
Took me 5.5 hours to drive home last night, didn't get back until after 1am and my knee really hurts. I'm having an MRI scan on it.

Motorhead were ace on saturday weren't they. Though that said, I was supremely drunk and can't really remember the set that well.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:24, Reply)

Took me 3 hours to drive 18 miles home from work.
I was mightily pissed off by the time I got in.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:26, Reply)

I hope you had a nice beer and a motorboat of your wifes boobs
to cheer yourself up.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:33, Reply)

I didn't even get that :(

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:35, Reply)

Oh sadface.

(Bazongaloid, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:40, Reply)

I NOES, RITE?

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:42, Reply)

Unlucky, mon.
Motorhead were of course superb - and the set was the same one as you always get, don't worry.

I am partially guessing here - I was out of my tiny mind.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:30, Reply)

Phew, I was worried I might have missed something

(Bazongaloid, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:32, Reply)

Jesus
I've just remembered Michael fucking Monroe mincing onstage for Born to Raise Hell at the end: what a bender. I actually thought it was a woman for most of the song.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:39, Reply)

I was wondering who that was
I started a mini mosh pit with some bikers at the back during that song. At least, I think I did, I may have just thrown myself at a group of leather clad men and got bounced around a bit for my trouble.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:40, Reply)

Bet you wished you were seeing Squeeze at the Phil instead.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:45, Reply)

IN FUCKING GREAT SEATS, MAN!

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:46, Reply)

"Third one in"

(Cave Duck, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:42, Reply)

I am a monumentally colossal fuckknuckle and no mistake, al.
Fancy me getting that wrong.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:25, Reply)

Morning Roots!
I'm not going to the empire one, but I get to enjoy the Panto of St Helens in the new year with a bunch of kiddywinks.
(Mrs Ballunatic counting calories, not votes., Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:19, Reply)

I like the Everyman one
because it's not too panto-like.
And g'mornin!
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:21, Reply)

It's a case of credit-crunch panto for me.
But I do like the Everyman theatre in general. I've always managed to get great seats there whenever I've gone to see something.
(Mrs Ballunatic counting calories, not votes., Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:26, Reply)

I got great seats for Squeeze at the Phil the other night.
My parents were really impressed but it was sheer flukery.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:30, Reply)

Did you get great seats for Squeeze at the Phil?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:31, Reply)

Apparently she got great seats for Squeeze at the Phil, Monty.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:32, Reply)

I heard something about that*, but I wanted to check.

*something about great seats, Squeeze and the Phil, IIRC.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:34, Reply)

I think she's lying.
I think the view was obscured by a pillar, and that it was 2 Unlimited.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:36, Reply)

Nah, it was Squeeze at the Phil - I'm almost certain.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:38, Reply)

Do you reckon her seats were any good?

(Bazongaloid, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:38, Reply)

Fucking boss, she says.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:40, Reply)

They weren't just good - they were fucking GREAT.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:40, Reply)

I went to the Phil once
and the seats were decidedly average. Mustn't have been my lucky night.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:41, Reply)

I once sang at the Phil
Fucking scary
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:50, Reply)

Me too!!!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:52, Reply)

She got the GREAT seats at the Phil?
That must have been amazing. I wonder who she was seeing there.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:42, Reply)

Jools Holland.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:43, Reply)

No no, no no no no
etc
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:39, Reply)

I hear that Roots got herself some seets for Squeeze at the Phil, and they were pretty good

(Bazongaloid, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:33, Reply)

Go drink piss out of a Manc's clog, you

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:34, Reply)

This is a great insult

(Bazongaloid, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:39, Reply)

I had to edit it because it really uses a racist word, popular with old folk in North Liverpool
ie "She's such an alky, she'd drink from a ******'s clog."
The closest I can find without being too offensive to ethnic minorities or gypsies is Manc.
Mancs are welcome to use scouser instead.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:44, Reply)

OMG SRZ?
I heard that too!
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:34, Reply)

Yeah, great seats, they were. That's what I was told.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:36, Reply)

No no no.
She nicked some great seats from the Phil, and had to squeeze out the back way so as not to get caught. That's MUCH more plausible.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:37, Reply)

I heard she squeezed Phil to get his seat
and it was pretty great*


*both the squeeze and the seat.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:38, Reply)

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:46, Reply)

"I LIKE THIS"

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:47, Reply)

me too

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:51, Reply)

Ta both!

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:53, Reply)

This is relevant because...

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 11:06, Reply)

Great seat spectre tits?

( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 12:10, Reply)

You(s) are making me laugh so much with this

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:46, Reply)

I have a weird feeling this morning.
That feeling you get when you're about to go on a date with someone new.

It's either woman's intuition or I've had too much coffee.
( girlinthehole, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:39, Reply)

I get that after drinking coffee on an empty stomach
While on a first date.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:40, Reply)

I'm hoping it's the coffee.
I'm not ready for a first date. My hair is a mess and I've no coverstick on me.
( girlinthehole, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:41, Reply)

I get that whenever someone gives my 'phil' a great squeeze.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:43, Reply)

It only works if you are in a great seat though.
Otherwise there's no effect.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:44, Reply)

I always think that any seat I'm sitting in when my Phil gets Squeezed is pretty great

(Bazongaloid, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:45, Reply)

Oh will yez fuck off!
I'm laughing in people's faces!
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:47, Reply)

Get back in your great seat and shurrup, Gary.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:49, Reply)

It was a great seat

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:51, Reply)

Was it a bit small though?
Did you have to squeeze into it?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:52, Reply)

She did indeed
and Phil couldn't even get into his it was so tight
(Bazongaloid, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:55, Reply)

I get that sometimes
I hope something boss happens
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:47, Reply)

Thank you.
I just hope I'm ready.
( girlinthehole, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:48, Reply)

BGB - Born Ready

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 11:08, Reply)

"Go on, do the run in slow motion."
Mooooorning!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:42, Reply)

Morning Man of Tights.
Get moved OK?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:43, Reply)

Damn right he did
and so did his mother
(Bazongaloid, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:44, Reply)

She didn't empty her bowels all over the chesterfield did she?
You've got to be so careful with anal sex and the older generation; I keep telling you this. They give way so easily.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:45, Reply)

You fucking deviant.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:48, Reply)

Sure did!
The new house is most good. Most. Good.

For example - it is warm! Did you get your boiler sorted?
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:48, Reply)

Yes.
Am now £150 lighter for it, though. And there's still an air lock so we have to keep bleeding all the fucking radiators until it sorts itself out. Which, frankly, is a right cunt.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:50, Reply)

SADFACE

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:51, Reply)

Indeed.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:53, Reply)

Yodelay-hee-hooo!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:48, Reply)

Nice yodel!

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:49, Reply)

Yodelling is in my genes
I want to learn
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 11:04, Reply)

I shut my finger in a car door once.
Perfect yodeling training if experience is anything to go by.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 11:17, Reply)

Eugh
Christmas can fuck right off. Christmas songs in the office already. *self-eviscerates*
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:46, Reply)

Foul.
Apart from Blue Christmas by Elvis.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:47, Reply)

Oh man some bird covered it and it's so BOSS

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:50, Reply)

What about Shaky's festive hit?

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:51, Reply)

Lipstick, Powder and Paint?
Not *very* festive, is it?
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:52, Reply)

Woah-oh Julie!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:53, Reply)

And don't forget "Shirley"
That's me muvver's name.
(Cave Duck, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:56, Reply)

Yeah, but he performed it at the Phil
and substituted 'lipstick' for 'tinsel'. It was great. As were the seats.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:54, Reply)

I can't believe anyone ever had great seats at the Phil.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:56, Reply)

No it's true.
Ask Roota.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:57, Reply)

I can vouch

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 11:04, Reply)

THEY DON'T KNOW MAN!
THEY WEREN'T THERE!
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 1 Dec 2010, 11:19, Reply)

I put Flashdance on last Christmas and did a prancey dance
The year before I did the same and got caught
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:49, Reply)

They were playing Mariah Carey's Christmas album
I didn't even know it exists.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 11:00, Reply)

Hanson's is alright
*ducks*
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 11:04, Reply)

I'm too traumatised to even swing for you
*Tommy Dorsey*
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 11:08, Reply)

I regularly have this effect on our students

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 11:10, Reply)

A few years back, was obligatory if you wanted to pretend that you had at least heard of the chattering classes,
I went to see the play Art. Les Dennis was in it.
(Cave Duck, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:47, Reply)

Was that at the Phil?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:49, Reply)

Oh my nostrils can't take this

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:49, Reply)

Oi that's MY catchphrase.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:59, Reply)

So it is!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 11:04, Reply)

No, but that was the name of the man who showed us to our GREAT SEATS.

(Cave Duck, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:53, Reply)

I'm trying to picture what Les Dennis looks like
but the search engine in my brain keeps coming up with Keith Chegwin.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:50, Reply)

Imagine a horrible whiny, needy, mentally subnormal spastic.
Got it?

That's our Les.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 10:56, Reply)

ur Les. fftopic
(PsychoChomp, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 11:02, Reply)

I'm still getting Keith Chegwin
it's difficult keeping a mental image of all the pointless non-entities in the world.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 11:04, Reply)