i hit a squirrel once
i wasn't speeding, i was driving my beetle, which only moved at about 40mph.

i actually cried like a girl.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 15:27, 3 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Don't tell poppet.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 15:29, Reply)

it's your bed she's been sleeping in
so it's not me who needs to avoid distressing pillowtalk!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 15:34, Reply)

Woah. Step back.
I hope this isn't going to get all rapey.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 15:35, Reply)

it's not rape if you push back
or something like that
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 15:37, Reply)

it's not rape
if you're charming and witty
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 16:03, Reply)

i think you have just answered his question about noel then!

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 16:06, Reply)

what's this about pillowtalk then?

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 15:36, Reply)

She stayed in MK Sunday night
Now she's staying with Noel. WHY DOESNT HE GET ACCUSED OF RAPE?!?!?!?!
(PsychoChomp, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 15:37, Reply)

did you not read this thing after the last bash?
seems like every woman who was there wants to get in noel's pants. noel and monty, that is.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 15:40, Reply)

AHEM.
The list comprised of three male b3tans, and I was one of them!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 15:41, Reply)

That's a nasty cough you've got there, Lab.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 15:43, Reply)

Sounds like an AIDS cough to me.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 15:49, Reply)

It's funny because that was a nickname of mine at school

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 15:51, Reply)

Sorry to hear that, 'AIDS cough'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 15:56, Reply)

much as it pains me to admit it
this is actually true. the most shaggable male OT list, i am reliably informed by multiples sources, is indeed labs, monty and noel (in no particular order, but preferably all 3 so that a proper comparite can be carried out)
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 15:49, Reply)

How three men can look so different and yet be so handsome and charming is amazing.

( girlinthehole, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 15:51, Reply)

maybe it's because the competition was so poor?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 15:54, Reply)

Hahaha!

( girlinthehole, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 15:56, Reply)

Thanks.
Thanks a lot.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 15:57, Reply)

Don't go taking this glorious moment away from me
I'm basking right now.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 15:57, Reply)

you're a gigantic shark?

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 16:00, Reply)

*wrestles*

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 16:01, Reply)

The Vortex! NOOOOO!

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 16:02, Reply)

POTD

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 16:02, Reply)

I feel like a gigantic shark right now
*prouds*
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 16:01, Reply)

I'd be a bit careful basking round there - Greenpeace might roll you back into the sea
It's funny because you're a CHINNY CUNT.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 16:02, Reply)

ENTER NEW CHALLANGER

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 16:10, Reply)

Is that some secret and disturbing balloted comparison of every b3tan male
or are you just including the ones you've met?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 15:53, Reply)

She's got a "hit list"

(PsychoChomp, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 15:55, Reply)

+ s
*L7s*

fucking hell, they were dire.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 16:04, Reply)

You are correct.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 16:10, Reply)

She's only met Monty.
But I can confirm this. There are a few others but these three seem to be universaly admired around these parts.
( girlinthehole, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 15:56, Reply)

i haven't actually met any of the b3ta boys
except pjm, who is lovely, but that was years ago.

i am purely going on very reliable first hand sources and gossip.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 15:56, Reply)

excellent, I'm safe then.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 15:58, Reply)

Labs paid us all £10 to say it.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 15:58, Reply)

I felt sorry for Noel and Monty

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 16:00, Reply)

Why? We didn't have to pay anyone.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 16:03, Reply)

"Give two vaguely alright guys a compliment, they'll feel less depressed for an hour"
"Pay just a tenner per b3tan lady, and these two better-than-average male b3tans will be complimented with enough regularity to enable them to function in regular society."
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 16:06, Reply)

I don't think anyone thinks that Monty functions in regular society.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 16:10, Reply)

My mother does.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 16:13, Reply)

very quick
i love it.

/note, speed does not always impress me
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 16:09, Reply)

I'm going to start dying random pubs gray so I can also get in on the list too.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 16:22, Reply)

you wish
their milkshakes bring all the girls to the yard.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 16:03, Reply)

And they're all like "woah, actually, I'm lactose-intolerant"

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 16:04, Reply)

Did you read the literally hundreds of posts saying I'm very charming and witty?

(PsychoChomp, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 15:42, Reply)

All by you

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 15:46, Reply)

That was the joke
and thus proving my wit.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 15:51, Reply)

But no charm!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 15:53, Reply)

but you wrote them yourself
and we all know you like to get in your own pants

[it's funny because i am calling you a wanker]
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 15:46, Reply)

yeah we're worried about Noel

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 15:42, Reply)

Monty is old
Noel is quite tasty though
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 15:43, Reply)

he's not as old as me :(

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 15:49, Reply)

Yeah thanks for that.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 15:50, Reply)

Doesn't he have like a wife'n'kid though?
GET-IN-THERE, BEST-BY-DEFAULT.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 16:12, Reply)

I don't think Monty is that old.
I just get the impression he has crammed quite a lot into his time on this planet*.

*Mostly massive drugs so he can mentally leave this planet.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 16:15, Reply)

You know the answer to that.
It's mostly because he's not a massive rapey rapist.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 15:42, Reply)

I ran over a squirrel once.
I like to think it was a squirrel suicide though, he looked at my car and threw himself under the tyres.

There was nothing I could do.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 15:31, Reply)

I've hit a bunny and a pheasant
both were very traumatic experiences. My sister hit a squirrel on the motorway, she was gutted. She also hit a sheep once, which totalled the car.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 15:31, Reply)

So was the squirrel.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 15:32, Reply)

this distresses me greatly
if i hit a bird, i'd be devastated. my brother hit a robin once, even he was a bit traumatised by that.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 15:35, Reply)

I've accounted for a pheasant before, while going at about 60 on a dual carriageway.

Stupid thing ran out a hundred yards in front of me, and got to the central reservation quite safely ... and then turned and ran straight back at me! It was wet (hence why only 60), so I'm afraid you've made your own choice there, pal.

(Rachel, you'd better stop reading now.)

Not as bad as night-time on a late Spring day driving back to the folks who live a little out in the sticks. I came around a bend fairly quick - open road, good visibility and conditions, lowish banks either side of the road in between two fields. I saw a shadow in the middle of the road, which proceeded to rotate its graceful feathered head, revealing a couple of beautiful big round eyes. About 250 milliseconds before I hit it.

What sort of an owl sits in the middle of the road, for the love of Og? *severe sadface* It did take me quite a while to calm down after that one.
(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 15:45, Reply)

omg
with one masterful thrust you have plundered my IGNORE virginity...

/cries
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 15:47, Reply)

my friend has told me several times about the occasion when her dad hit a family of ducks
WITH 6 DUCKLINGS. I hate the story so she keeps retelling it.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 15:51, Reply)

i would never ever recover if this happened to me
we once saw a half squashed duck writhing around, my mother and i were devastated, so my brother spent the next 3 weeks doing impressions of it, the little bastard.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 16:05, Reply)

my dad ran over a bunny once and its head clunked something underneath the car
so he stopped and got out and put it out of its misery, which was nice. As nice as finishing off the job you started of murdering a bunny can be.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 16:10, Reply)

You should always confirm the kill
And then kill it's family, so nobody can come take revenge.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 16:13, Reply)

For someone who makes a living out of fucking over people
you've got a really bizarre level of concern for other animals.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 16:11, Reply)

people suck
and nobody pays me to fuck over animals!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 16:16, Reply)

top answer, there.
But what about shit animals? I mean, there are some pretty crap animals out there, is it OK to kill them?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 16:19, Reply)

Seeing as how in my experience
the cost of the car is directly proportional to the number of cute fluffy animals wishing to throw themselves in front of it, then I'm amazed you haven't hit more.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 15:51, Reply)

there aren't many cute fluffy animals
in london
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 16:05, Reply)

Nonsense
I used to live round the corner from these guys:

www.thegetstuffed.co.uk/
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 16:07, Reply)

I can't resist linking this here.
Reckon the beer might have been a bit minging though.
www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-north-east-orkney-shetland-10725024
(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 16:13, Reply)

You may be right, I'd still like a bottle or two though

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 16:18, Reply)