I can't refer to a stepladder without adding "not my real ladder", or shampoo without adding "it's not real poo"
Must be pretty childish and irritating to anyone around me, though I just can't shake off the compulsion to do it.

Also, I've never learned to whistle, knit, change a plug or drive a car, though I can drive boats.
(Porcupine, Tue 3 Feb 2015, 11:13, 10 replies)

Can't fix stuff that breaks
Can go shopping for replacements, though.
(Perv With A Dog had his eyes pecked out by scrub jays on, Tue 3 Feb 2015, 11:05, Reply)

Act like a grown up.
I still waggle my willy at the mrs when I get undressed, walk away from her with my botty on show when exiting any room in the house, laugh at farts, spend 90% of my time at home playing games or watching cartoons and convincing my son that idiotic "facts" are true. He still believes my brain is made of cauliflower and broccoli as a result of a brain transplant which took place in Africa due to me falling of a giraffe and landing on an angry crocodile.

Despite working fulltime, mortgage, bills and shit, I don't think I'll ever do being a grown up properly. Being a grown up is boring.
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Tue 3 Feb 2015, 10:11, 2 replies)

Walk
Walk through the Green channel at customs without going red.
(Suck it and Sea, Tue 3 Feb 2015, 9:54, 2 replies)

Change a duvet cover at the first attempt
Someone once showed me how to turn it inside out and then do some fancy manoeuvre.

It was like a David Copperfield trick to my simple mind.
(Galahad is out of his gourd on yellow bentines, Tue 3 Feb 2015, 9:00, 10 replies)

I still can't do the Times Crossword. Dance the tango. Play Bridge. Treat real estate as an interesting conversation topic for the whole fucking evening
At least, not all at the same time
( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Tue 3 Feb 2015, 4:41, 2 replies)

I still can't
reliably finish a sen
(The Incredible Sulk Finally remembered his password on, Tue 3 Feb 2015, 1:49, Reply)

I am still completely incapable of trying to describe what sort of haircut I want.
I will usually mumble something about wanting it 'a bit shorter but not too short' before frantically looking through my phone for a picture of me from after the last time I had it cut.
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 2 Feb 2015, 21:05, 5 replies)

Still can't...
...satisfy a priest sexually.

close the question
kthxbai
( $$ ✅, Mon 2 Feb 2015, 20:16, Reply)

Driving....
I cant be arsed anymore...
I used to do 25K+ a year.

Now working from home and company car sits collecting bird shit that some east euro cleans off infrequently when I visit the supermarket.

Whatever....
(Master_Slob UK minister for cultural appropriation., Mon 2 Feb 2015, 19:51, 2 replies)

Why are his laces done up with unequal tensions anyway?

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 2 Feb 2015, 19:19, Reply)

why does my winky go hard when I read about Albert Fish?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 2 Feb 2015, 18:12, Reply)

I can't carve meat acceptably
or spread Marmite on toast.
(i.charlius *Two Ronnies Theme*, Mon 2 Feb 2015, 17:41, Reply)

Put my coat on properly
Of course I can actually wear a coat and I can put it on unaided. I just seem to only be able to do it by simultaneously raising both of my arms up and directly out about 30% above and slightly behind what I like to call, the scarecrow position.

This often leads to bystanders being slapped with a flapping sleeve or punched as both hands simultaneously emerge at speed from rapidly receding sleeves. Low hanging ceiling lights are frequently set a-swinging

I have a responsible job where I go to important meetings and I've noticed (only recently) that this can lead to puzzled looks and the odd offence being taken.

I don't know how people can just seem to shrug their coats on.

I'm 44
(Gusofnavarone always makes a map of france from sarnies, Mon 2 Feb 2015, 15:52, 5 replies)

I'm a 34 year old grown man
who still plays with model trains.

( Squiggy Alloria makes theme parks., Mon 2 Feb 2015, 15:18, 14 replies)

I lke eggs

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Mon 2 Feb 2015, 15:11, 2 replies)

Still can't
turn a corner without hitting it with my low-lows.
(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Mon 2 Feb 2015, 15:08, 1 reply)

I still can't believe it's not butter.

(mallyjoe, Mon 2 Feb 2015, 14:53, 6 replies)

Fly.
I've never lived in a cloud, so I've never really felt the need.
It does limit holiday options, but the wife and I can get aeroplane tickets, when necessary, so we get to enjoy that exclusive "cabin culture", which really adds to the experience.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 2 Feb 2015, 14:12, Reply)

I still can't buy booze or fags without feeling a bit naughty
and half expecting to get asked for ID.

I am 33 and have greying hair. The last time I was asked for ID was in my mid-twenties. I just have a guilty nature.
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Mon 2 Feb 2015, 13:13, 21 replies)

Still can't...
...go on the internet late at night without knocking one out.
(FUXTIX Not my words, Carol, Mon 2 Feb 2015, 12:56, Reply)

Still can't...
...tell you which month comes next, without starting from January and running through them all.
(FUXTIX Not my words, Carol, Mon 2 Feb 2015, 12:54, Reply)

Still can't...
maintain an erection.
( $$ ✅, Mon 2 Feb 2015, 12:46, 2 replies)

Still can't...
..shave without missing a bit on my chin, making me look like a spaz.
(csdaveuk, Mon 2 Feb 2015, 12:43, 1 reply)

Yeah. I can't walk.
Never tried, never needed to really as I live in London. Don't care.
So YEAH.
(Baggenfrock get fucked, Mon 2 Feb 2015, 12:35, Reply)

Save money
I just seem to be completely incapable of saving any amount of decent wonga in the bank.

Every time i get close to having a decent amount in there and think to myself, "nice little rainy day fund there" either something happens and i need to dip into it or for whatever reason I find myself short a couple of months on the bounce and the whole cylce repeats.
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Mon 2 Feb 2015, 12:16, 1 reply)

Drive.
When I was 17 all my rich friends got cars for their birthdays, so I became a passenger. Moved up to London when I was 20, and have never needed to.

Mrs V has never learned either - she's been in Landan since she was 3.

It does mean that when we go on holiday, we do get a significant amount of the local flavour from using local transport, which is nice.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 2 Feb 2015, 11:51, 10 replies)

i still can't....
.... push a trolley across a supermarket car park without pushing it really hard and then riding on it in childish glee...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 2 Feb 2015, 11:02, 7 replies)

Whistle
I can't whistle a merry tune. I can't wolfwhistle. Nothing. I'd make a shit builder.
(Guy Debord cette mauvaise réputation..., Mon 2 Feb 2015, 10:22, 3 replies)