paying for it.
Fuck no, and I'll tell you why:

I've known several people who've worked as prostitutes, both male and female, and both 'vanilla' sex and S&M. And every one of them tells anecdotes about their clients.

Oh well, all right then. A certain former Premier of New South Wales would pay to have a lady do number twos, wipe it on him, and say 'the Devil made me do it'. Readers will presumably be unsurprised to learn that he was from the conservative side of politics. Although I don't think he was particularly religious, so at least he wasn't that hypocritical. Just a normal guy who liked having done to him what he liked to do to the poor.

Also, I saw a health information social workery type magazine aimed at prostitutes, and it contained a couple of humourous side commentsm the humour of which which based on the assumption that all prostitutes hate all clients (eg it had tips on how to appear eager 'while you're hating him inside' etc).

And here's something from Vice magazine:
"Second-wave feminists like Andrea Dworkin and Catherine MacKinnon made up this cruel stereotype that everyone in the sex industry got fucked by their dad. What do they know about it? Shit, that's not fair. I mean, I got fucked by my dad, and every single woman I've met in the industry (stripping, prostitution, internet, phone sex…everything) got fucked by her dad, but…oh shit, wait. It is true. I guess that's why we can lie underneath someone who has no business being on top of us and not give a shit. Statistics on incest are hard to gauge, but when you look at the number of women in the industry today and consider the fact that they ALL got fucked by their dad, it kind of makes your stomach turn."
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Thu 19 Jan 2006, 13:41, Reply)

Not in the monetary sense.

(Oops....did I say that out loud cos I really bloody want to., Thu 19 Jan 2006, 13:38, Reply)

Not me, and not really funny.
One of my brother's friends who was a strict Christian was going out with a girl who was also a strict Christian. Strict to the point of 'No sex before marriage'. Anyway, said Christian bloke is getting a bit frustrated with all this, and one day gets the urge to find himself a prostitute. He's only 16, by the way, if I haven't mentioned that.

So he finds himself a nice prostitude and does his virginal deed. Apparently he was physically sick afterwards, so perhaps sex just isn't his bag.

Anyway, he's filled with guilt and remorse. He considers telling his girlfriend, but he knows that everything will be over. So he does the most stupid thing ever - he decides to tell his girlfriend's parents. Strict Christian parents at that.

You'd have thought that they'd have been mad with rage. But no. They told their daughter about it and between them they resolved the issues. Fucking Christian forgiveness. If I so much as look at another girl I'm in the dog-house for a week, yet this girl gets to sleep with whores and still keep his biatch. No justice.*

*unless he got AIDS.
(gmo, Thu 19 Jan 2006, 13:37, Reply)

lols nubs
nope never had to, i get mine for free.....

that reminds em i gotta go to the local CVS again, gotta stock up
(EvilHippie, Thu 19 Jan 2006, 13:36, Reply)

Bugger
I don't mean I paid for a bugger, that was free. I was referring to the fact that I really wish I could pass this story off as my own, but I'm just too damn honest.

www.playgroundlaw.com/cgi-bin/browse.pl?sid=5405
( Gleeballs is mostly made out of chocolate and hate., Thu 19 Jan 2006, 13:33, Reply)

No
But I am quite poor, so if anyone wants to earn themselves a story to post then its 20p a go.

No refunds.
( Gleeballs is mostly made out of chocolate and hate., Thu 19 Jan 2006, 13:30, Reply)

yes
Well in not in money but in emotional torture & torment


*shudders*....she was fat, i'm talking harpoon fat. thank god for beer numbing the memory!
(Xyphious : Sinkin' Gin since '85, Thu 19 Jan 2006, 13:29, Reply)

Of course
It cost thirty pounds, I gave her a fifty pound note, which reminds me, can you ask your Mum to give me my twenty pounds back.

p.s.
she was rubbish ... your Dad was better ... and cheaper ... and didn't cry ... much.
(I'M JACK MEADOWS, Thu 19 Jan 2006, 13:18, Reply)

amsterdam, of course
first time, stag do. i was actually the only one who visited a lady, the others were more interested in beer. they should have gone to blackpool instead. anyway, gobjob for twenty quid. real cutie, real dutch. second time, stag do. much better this time, many others did the same, but not the same lady of course. i plumped for a really lovely lass dressed as a secretary. turns out shes british, but didn't mind. she kept offering golden shower, i said no, i'll just take your arse thanks love. good job for 50 quid. so yes, i have paid for sex, but don't we pay for sex in one way or another anyway?!
(Jazz Bloke Music has charms to soothe the savage breast, Thu 19 Jan 2006, 13:10, Reply)

Well, I Suppose Yes...
A few years ago a bunch of Mancs and me, the token Geordie went over to Amsterdam for a mates Stag Night. We had a cracking weekend but the funniest bit was our last night.

On our final evening there we all headed for a nice pub I knew that was just on the edge of the Red Light District. While we were having a few beers, somebody took up a collection to get Johnny, the groom, a whore for his final night of freedom. Well we raised about a hundred quid and one of the lads, a known fanny-rat, scuttled off into the darkness to find the best-looking whore he could find. After about an hour he came back and announced he'd found a cracker and we then all tried to persuade the groom to go and do his duty.

Well Johnny was adamant. He was getting married the next week to the girl of his dreams and there was no way he was going with a lady of the night. And he didn't care that we'd already paid her.

"Hold on" said Paddy another of the mob. "You mean we've already paid?"

"Yup" says Fanny Rat. "She's waiting in a room just round the corner"

"Well" says Paddy "If we've already paid I suppose that I better go and shag her - it'd be a pity to waste the money"

So Paddy and Fanny Rat headed off into the night.

"Hold on" says Chris "I put in some of that money so I want to at least watch!"

And with that, we all looked at each other and trooped off after Paddy. We found Fanny Rat waiting outside a door to one of the prostitutes working rooms. Chris marches up and knocks on the door. BANG-BANG-BANG.

After few moments, the door opened and a slightly dishevelled, partially dressed girl opened the door.

"Yes?" she says.

"Hi" says Chris "You've got our mate in there and as we paid for you, we want to watch."

"Fuck off" says prostitute and slams the door in his face.

"So what do we do now?" says Chris "She won't let us watch!"

"Well we could give him immoral support" says someone at the back and with that a chant started by 20 pissed up blokes:

"Paddy! Paddy! Paddy!"

As we were shouting encouragement to Paddy, a bunch of about 40 Geordies turned up.

"What's going on?" says one of them

"Oh - our mates in there with a whore and we're just giving him some encouragement" I said.

"Marvellous!" says Geordie "We'll help you"

And with that the 40 Geordies joined the Manc contingent and this mighy roar split the skies.

"PAA-DDY - PAA-DDY - PAA-DDY"

After a few minutes of this enormous sound the door flew open and tart was stood in the doorway, stark naked and tits heaving.

"Can you keep the bloody noise down please" she yelled. "Paddy's trying to concentrate"

Cue 60 blokes collapsing in hysterics.

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Thu 19 Jan 2006, 13:10, Reply)

(Female) Toms in the northwest...
...or at least those that trade at street level, are amongst the most repulsive women I've ever seen - even if I was still straight I'd expect them to pay me, and pay big at that.

One more memorable exchange with them involved a couple of munters dressed like Gypsy Rose fucking Lee, one like a tethered weather balloon and one skinnier than I'd thought was possible, loitering outside the gay village in Manchester. How they expected to pick up any trade there is beyond me, especially looking as horrific as they did, but hey, each to thier own. As me and a few (gay) mates were leaving the village they approached us with 'Looking for some fun boys?', to which one of my mates replied, 'I dunno, have you got a cock?'. They sneered and sauntered off, but to be honest I wouldn't have been surprised if both of them had. I'd seen prettier dog turds than these two. Ah, now I think of it, perhaps that was thier unique selling point for attracting trade from the village - 'no cock, but I look like a man in drag anyway so let's play'. {shudders}

As for rent boys, I've never met any and realised it. Besides, if I'm ever at the point where I need to pay for it on this side of the fence, I may as well hang up my dick for good :)
(thatblokeoverthere not quite as much an arsehole as I thought, Thu 19 Jan 2006, 13:10, Reply)

No


NEXT!
*Ding*
(Foo_Kinnell all the cut will be absorbed by it been a dog, Thu 19 Jan 2006, 13:08, Reply)

I bought her dinner first
that count?

edit: Seems I'm the first person to not be a complete fucking emo...
( Reid got it going on like Donkey Kong, Thu 19 Jan 2006, 13:08, Reply)

Not me but...
At uni, in my house in third year, I strolled downstairs one morning. A few of my housemates had been out on what they fondly described as a "large one" and I was to discover that two of them, not 3 hours previous, had spit roasted a lady of the night over the coffee table in the front room

The same coffee table upon which rested the bowl of weetabix I was eating from

'king animals.

*Lifts up rock and returns underneath it*
(Maker of Dreams, Thu 19 Jan 2006, 13:05, Reply)

Nope
Should i be proud?
( Scrambled Edd www.eddsworld.co.uk, Thu 19 Jan 2006, 13:00, Reply)

I've tried and I've tried....
But most girls take offense when you offer them cash for sexual favours.
(Maltjik, Thu 19 Jan 2006, 12:58, Reply)

Sure did!
Rohypnol is expensive!

;-)
( betpet is the fun in dysfunctional, Thu 19 Jan 2006, 12:56, Reply)

I still am
sex with psycho, pop goes the condom, pregnancy, birth, split up, child maintenance costs.

Love my son to pieces though.
( betpet is the fun in dysfunctional, Thu 19 Jan 2006, 12:54, Reply)

.
never in terms of actual cash money directly transfered to someone for actual sexing.

i have paid for it with the following things though:

self-respect
dignity
guilt
lies
the respect of my peers
various combinations of booze & drugs

y'know. the usual. the interesting thing is, i reckon a lot of the people here will get a bit squiffy about using a he or she whore - but are quite comfortable plying someone with booze till they know not what they do? on a scale of moral equivalence which is worse? getting someone pissed & sticking it in or paying someone who gives their sober consent to stick it in?

having said that, i reckon it would just be weird...
(Lord of the Pies, Thu 19 Jan 2006, 12:53, Reply)

That i have.
Oi remember during the foot and mouth epidemic, my whole flock died.
Oi was so lonely Oi had to buy a couple of ewes at the farmers' market for three hundred pounds each! Daylight robbery! And Oi'm sure they'd been round the block once or twice already, 'cos Jethro caught some right nasty nobrot off one of them.
( 100% Cock Raw like carrots., Thu 19 Jan 2006, 12:51, Reply)

Aye
£40 for a soapy tit wank.

Got a receipt and everything
( The Lurker Plenty One, Thu 19 Jan 2006, 12:48, Reply)

Well it depends
If you call paying for drinks costing near £40 to get her into to bed sexual payment......plenty of times ;)

Going down hooker lane though for some plumpy fun? No Spank you

Chops
(Chopsy Am Always looking For Another Job, Thu 19 Jan 2006, 12:42, Reply)

Not sure
Do chat lines count?
(yiddo, Thu 19 Jan 2006, 12:36, Reply)

Nope





Not much scope this week for funny answers
( Moonraker isn't the droid you were looking for, Thu 19 Jan 2006, 12:34, Reply)

Nope.
I'd like to though, but now I have proper fella, I can't
( Banana, Thu 19 Jan 2006, 12:33, Reply)

Not really
Only with emotional blackmail, like every other bloke. I just thought I'd be the first to say.

Right, now thats over I'm back to Lurking
(Darwinism, Thu 19 Jan 2006, 12:30, Reply)

No, but I paid a lot of money on some booze
to get a girl drunk once.

P.s. It worked.
( Mr Gear the gay-maker, Thu 19 Jan 2006, 12:29, Reply)

sex is like Mp3
I'll never pay for either.
( GTA, Thu 19 Jan 2006, 12:26, Reply)

everyone pays for it one way or the other

( gravytrain, Thu 19 Jan 2006, 12:25, Reply)