you put it where?
In Singapore a bunch of us out on the town. One Irish guy hooked up with a "proffesional girl" and we spent the whole night telling him it was a bloke...... well he ended up telling us all to f*ck off as we were only jealous!!

Next morning he comes down to breakfast complaining that the f*cking whore had left early and nicked all his money, we then told him that that wasn't his only problem as she was a he.... his reply "oh that explains why she wanted it up there" much laughter ensued
(bigdogs, Fri 20 Jan 2006, 4:14, Reply)

well, I still am paying for it
Met this girl in a club at the end of last year, who, and I'll be honest now, was a bit of a charity case, and seeing as though I was beer goggled up at the time, I figured I'd go along with it and see where it ended up. Well, it ended up her coming to my place for a night of uncomfortable sex and bantry. I awoke the next morning to find this creature spreadeagled in my bed, and without a moments pause, gathered my clothes and woke her up, with her under the impression that I had a meeting to get to. That'll be the end of that, I thought.
A week later, said monster arrives in the same club again, only this time with a gaggle of equally horrifying entities. She latched onto my arm and exclaimed for the whole club to hear, "This Is My BOYFRIEND" at which time I shook her off and explained my feelings (one nighter, won't be happening again). Later in the night one of her friends rolls up to me, sits down, and proceeds in telling me that my monster is in fact 100% certifiable, and has been living in a psych ward for the best part of 5 years.
Now it seems that I have gained myself a stalker out of this whole thing, and my mates are always sure to remind me that yes, I am a dragon slayer.
Now if that's not an excuse to lay off of alcohol, I don't know what is
( Dazz - In Your Base, Killing Your Dudes since, Fri 20 Jan 2006, 3:48, Reply)

My Mate
Ah Excellent Question, This happened about 2 weeks ago.

We were all on holiday in the lovely tenerife, enjoying the holiday pubs and the slight warmth in the winter that the rife provides when it comes to the third night.

One of my mates, namely John cause I want his name publicized, lol decided he was a bit frisky and wanted to nob some bird, no matter who it was.

So all night he was trying it on with no luck until he gives up and thinks, rite fuck, im going to a brothel.

So gets into this fawlty towers type brothel and asks for the finest bird you have ever seen and proceeds to do the buisness in only what can be described as 3rd world bedroom.

He comes out and says whats the damage, apparently he had racked up a 250 Euro bill, which he wasnt to happy about considering he only took 300 euros on holiday (Note : I have no idea what the prossie had done for a 250 euro bill, prolly some anal and rimjob, lol) so pretty pissed off he punches the bouncer and runs away with one of my mates.

Now John didnt get caught but one of my other mates did, so they dragged him by the scruff of the neck to a cashpoint and made him pay, and while James was in the middle of putting his card in, he said "oh fuck why's she coming back out here" out loud and the bouncers looked away (being the thickhead blocks they are) and he pegged it with the bouncers eventually giving up while he hid in a bush, so my mate got a 250 euro prossie free.

Bouncers for Brothels - 0
John - 1

I rate him for sure, I had to spend £400 on my bird for christmas and all she did was complain.

Length and Girth, Lol, well shes like a bucket now, so you figure it out.
(loopadoop loves toilets, Fri 20 Jan 2006, 1:14, Reply)

That sounds like a very bad deal...
...what with all the rest you give up.

My rule is that I only date the currently- medicated or the recently-released. Saves time and drama.
(Lister, Fri 20 Jan 2006, 0:58, Reply)

Only in the sense that everyone else drank my (crate of) beer
while I was busy
(0800221155 Coldseal windows, Fri 20 Jan 2006, 0:49, Reply)

Does "nearly" count for this post
A friend and I had been drinking since early and decided that the best way to round the evening off was to call one of the ads in the local paper and ask for a "party booking" (ie more than one of you) When she turned up our supposed "sexy, busty blonde" had turned into Pat Butcher. The sight of that turning up saying "Right, who wants noshing off then, or do I have to do both of you at once?" is enough to make any man lose wood. We had to pretend she had the wrong address and that we hadn't phoned the agency at all.

Apologies for length (bad QOTW to say that in I guess)
( Lord Gnome, Fri 20 Jan 2006, 0:20, Reply)

Yes,
I pray for it every night.
([sic] You're ad here?, Fri 20 Jan 2006, 0:11, Reply)

I paid for a condom once.
Still haven't gotten around to using it though.
(riedacher_bertram, Fri 20 Jan 2006, 0:09, Reply)

Well...
Can't say I've ever paid for sex, in any way. But I've got worms. Little uninvited arse-dwelling parasitical bastards.


Not related to the question, I just wanted to share.
( Detrius521, Thu 19 Jan 2006, 23:27, Reply)

Yeah
I was crap.

wait what
(FiftyFour, Thu 19 Jan 2006, 22:35, Reply)

No, but someone else paid for me once.
My 25th birthday, on a sandwich year doing work experience as a programmer/dogsbody in Geneva.

Somehow I fell in with a bunch of hard-drinking, hard-smoking, sex-obsessed, laddish lads as drinking buddies. I was a shy, quiet computer geek, I was completely out of my depth, but they were among the few english speakers I knew.

They had taken me out on the town for my birthday - all the usual haunts - and the drink was pretty free flowing. Then one of them announced it was time for my "birthday present" to much sniggering from the others.

So, they led me through town to some unknown area near to the train station, and into a flat, where they handed me over to a woman (friendly, not unattractive, quite a nice body) and gave here a few notes.

I twigged what was going on by then, but was rather mellow, so I went with the flow.

She led me up to a comfortable looking room - quite clean - and started undressing while I sat on the bed. She then undressed me. After a bit of touching and fondling, on went the condom, and we got on with it.

It was ok, quite enjoyable, but not really very sexy and rather business-like.
( Craymen, Thu 19 Jan 2006, 21:07, Reply)

not me personally...
but hey, you gotta do what you gotta do..
(You Love It, Thu 19 Jan 2006, 20:50, Reply)

Now it's time for the dirtiest story here...
(I can't believe I'm sharing this)

SO... cue back to 2000, just after my break-up with the ex Mrs. I was lonely, randy as all get out and a bit curious. Here's what happened and the sordid tale of the most dirty night of my life.

It started out innocently enough, I was just looking online out of curiousity sake and I came across a "swingers" party that was taking place that very evening in a local neighborhood. So I called.. yes, yes I did.. and I made an apointment. Single Gents were to bring a bottle of wine and $80.

Did I go?? Unfortunately.. YES. When time came to go I debated and debated until saying "fuck all" and went. It was an interesting few hours to say the least. BUT, the tale doesn't end there.. no...

It doesn't end there at all.

After doing my thing a few times with various ladies, I had not managed to complete by the end of the evening (around 1am). Apparently I wasn't the ONLY frustrated guy there so this one man co-ordinated a few of us together (quite the rag-tag group, I assure you) and boasted that he knew of a woman who would be up to this sort of thing (for a price) and that he would arrange it, if we wanted to go along...

I did...

AND paid an additional $160 for what was actually pretty good. I shall never do it again, and I have been tested for everything under the sun... LUCKILY I am clean. WORST part though was being stranded by the fellow who organized the outing. At 7 in the morning, I took the train back to my car (50 miles away).

/super scoopzilla whore rampage.
( Scoopzilla http://www.slapwatch.com now get to fuck, Thu 19 Jan 2006, 20:49, Reply)

Just checking
Does peanut butter count?
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Thu 19 Jan 2006, 20:29, Reply)

Kinda.
A girl I have known for years, and used to go out with several years ago now works as a street prostitute.
She is a really nice girl, not into drugs or anything, she just likes the money, and "doesnt mind being fucked as long as its nothing wierd" as she puts it.
She works a few evenings a week and makes a minimum of £200 a night, which is more than I earned at my last job.

As for the topic? yeah, I shag her quite regularly although she has never charged me "for old times sake".
(dave likes cheese, Thu 19 Jan 2006, 20:25, Reply)

Dunno but about dinner...
But I did buy myself a rather snazzy pair of gloves.....
(Quantum Sheep was going to type something clever here...but...oh, Thu 19 Jan 2006, 19:57, Reply)

Jungle Love
I was an apprentice on an oil tanker, we were loading crude oil in Dumai, Sumatra Indonesia.

The chief engineer gave me the day off, to 'Get Laid'. One of the assistant engineers took me to a village in the jungle, just outside the oil terminal, it was made up of nothing but bordellos. They serviced the oil terminal workers and the sailors from the tankers. We rode there in a pedicab, there was a long line of them at the oil terminal gate, we just jumped into one. We must have chosen one that was not at the front of the queue, because one of the other pedicab drivers became very upset and started yelling and tried to pull me out of the pedicab. A police/security man pulled him off of me and held him with a machete at his throat, while we rode away.

There were about fifty bordellos in the village. Each was of the same design. The front part was a large screened in area with a bar and tables. There was a corridor down the center of the building with six rooms on either side. A door in the back lead to an outside shower and toilet. They all had a large number painted on the front.

Each house had a specialty, oral, anal, girls of different races, I was told that there was even a transvestite bar, though I didn't see it. The assistant engineer had a favorite girl in a house that had girls from the Philippines, so we went there. We had warm beer and he talked with his girl, she introduced me to another girl, who was really very pretty. He paid the Madam for both of our girls and his girl took him to the back. I followed with my girl. It looked like the girl lived in the room that she took me to, there were many personal items there.

We had sex, I wore a condom, it was good. The girl and I showered out back and we went back to the bar and met up with the assistant engineer and his girl. We drank and danced there for a few hours, the girls stayed with us the entire time.

I didn't pay for it, so I don't know how much it cost, but it WAS sex with a professional.
(Dneprdave, Thu 19 Jan 2006, 19:54, Reply)

almost
ive paid for hugs. i like hugs. seriously i would pay 10p for a hug (i once pre-bought five at once).
(hamstrungbarber chris, 1990, united kingdom, Thu 19 Jan 2006, 19:48, Reply)

Does...
paying for the rohypnol count?
(wonderbrawl was pronounced dead on, Thu 19 Jan 2006, 19:38, Reply)

stag night in the dam
not me, but my mate (how dodgy does that sound?) was getting married a few years ago and the best man organised a weekend in Amsterdam.
Now the Groom before he settled down was a manslag and his wife to be was worried about him going to Amsterdam and coming back with at best a dose, So made him promise that he wouldnt sleep with a hooker while he was away.
TRue to his word he didnt but he did pay for his mate to fuck the biggest nastiest old woman we could fing and tehn sat and watched.
The rest of us were sat outside laughing at the shouts of "go on George, go on George fuck her properly"
(Barry Chuckle has gone out in the thong to feed the pigeons, Thu 19 Jan 2006, 19:25, Reply)

No, i haven't
But when i was fourteen, me and my friend (aqquaintence) asked every chick in our school how much we had to pay to let us spit roast her

Hilarity ensued
(Abusive Eskimo - My post is here, at the bottom, Thu 19 Jan 2006, 19:19, Reply)

hehe.

(USER No: 21515...FUCK YOU TO FUCK YOU FU see profile for limited time offer., Thu 19 Jan 2006, 19:18, Reply)

pay ?
well, I guess this will be a common comment BUT:

my EX cost me a f'kin fortune in drugs & alcohol. and food, rent, clothes etc. in fact everything for about 5 years, the tart. and she wasn't even that a good shag. I mustabin as menkal as she was (and still is, apparently)

pay for sex ? NEVER and to any man or woman who does: raise your game !

everything from straight sex to bumsex to weegames to err (better stop)is available free, just add love, respect and lubricants !

YAY US !
(sham-il-eer-tak-tak noes better but still can't give a fuck at, Thu 19 Jan 2006, 19:15, Reply)

Flayed?
Not into the ol' whips and chains meself but, each to their own as I like to say




What?
(Quantum Sheep was going to type something clever here...but...oh, Thu 19 Jan 2006, 19:08, Reply)

smoking
i had a girlfriend once. she was lovely. pert in all the right places. except her lungs. she was as asthmatic as they come. she would regularly ruin my nights out by saying "bert i'm starting to get a tight chest again". i would lovingly potter off outside into the cold night to stand with her as she gulped and gasped away at the most phallic looking inhalers you have ever seen. oh yes and i had a reasonably heavy diet of both jazz and normal cigarrettes at the time.

the two didnt go together overly well. i was forced to make a pact with her that i would give up all forms of inhalational pleasure. in return i got a blowjob a week without complaint and without asking. not once for the rest of the 2 and a half years did i let her forget the deal.

i was a happy man

and i continued to smoke everytime i left her flat. she lived a long way away. it my dirty little secret. i should feel ashamed but i dont
( bertisfantastic bert is a sleepy bear, Thu 19 Jan 2006, 19:00, Reply)

Actually
according to almost all economic laws, you always pay for your sex, as there is no such thing as a free soup.. You either paid for that already, or are about to pay in the near future..
If you don't get my point, then use a quick reminder - how much did you pay for that last 'romantic dinner for two' you had??
(Gtancx, Thu 19 Jan 2006, 18:57, Reply)

No
and I never fucking got it.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 19 Jan 2006, 18:55, Reply)

When I was a nipper
I used to get the terms 'Protestant' and 'prostitute' mixed up.

I have never paid for it, and I still go to church.
(Pachey, Thu 19 Jan 2006, 18:53, Reply)